Yo
This song goes out to all of you out there
You know we ve been through a lot
And I really cherish these moments
So if I cant have you
Then I don’t want anybody
You know what I mean?
:)

Hahaha thats the starting part if Wilber pans if I cant have you
Rox! :p

Yepps woke up this morning to a phone call from my sis
Apparently shes taking shinkansen now today
So shes pretty excited

Two more days and shes gonna be backkk
So soon
But I miss her
Seeing her empty room and empty bed
It’s the thought that shes gonna be back soon that keeps me happy
Shes said she helped me get a lot at the temple in japan
It’s a good lot but she said I will have to go through bitter first so I enjoy the sweet
As usual I always get this sort of lots
Hahahaha :p happiness never comes easy I guess

Was thinking about lord of the rings
You know the sad/happy love story of arwen and Aragorn?
I was like damn sad/happy cos I like them both
Theres something so fiercely strong about their love and something so tragic
Its like theres this subtle love between the two of them
That only they can decipher

Initially I really disliked eowyn
Cause she had to play the role of the third party
But I realized not long after
That I had so much in common with her
I refuse be treated like a girl
To be taken care of and protected
She had a strong will and a determined mind
And a strong sad love for Aragorn that was unrequited
Quite sadly
She loved him
Yet he loved arwen
She still loved him so much and herself so little
She was somewhat a ghost because her love for Aragorn was never meant to be
I respect her because she took a stand for those she loved and protected her loved ones in times of trouble and doom
And despite her love being unrequited
She stood strong
And her love was pure and true
:)
She is truly a woman of honour and dignity and good character

I guess its a sort of fate that the author should put her together with faramir
Who loved her so dearly
That in due time
She would love him
As he loved her
:)

But in real life
Love isnt quite as simple
And you dont always get loved back the way you love others
And its not always a happy ending for everyone
So its okay
And its alrite
:)

Haha lolx spent like maybe 3 hours? Talking to qiu han on the phone yesterday
Its was pure NOSTALGIA
I was so overwhelmed
I like told her everything going on in choir in school in class at home
She just has the natural ability of being a bottle cap opener and I happen to be a reluctant bottle
>.< miss her sooo much so much it hurts sometimes
She was pretty sad for me more sad than I was for myself
But I guess you cant really be sad when you like a person and the person is happy right? What really matters is the person and not so much of yourself any more
:)
We were talking about vacation and she was complaining that there was no holiday mood AT ALL lolx and I was telling her about the last day of school
Almost everyone ponned gp lessons except for my class
Which was full attendance cept for guo feng who had canoris musik nite
And ducro was so pleasantly surprised that for the first time he sort of let us slack around and for half of the double period we even went to comp lab to read essays online
He was complaining abt how long he had been waiting for the school term to end
Like it was a cockroach you know the type that just NEVER SEEM TO DIE OFF no matter how many times and how hard you whack it
The school term just never seemed to die off
And the way he said it was just so hilarious we couldnt stop laughing
:D lolx
And qiu han was complaining to be abt handphone sms short forms cos she couldnt understand them and I had to decipher some for her lolx
Shes still the cute blur ger that I knew 4 years ago

You know sometimes I imagine us when we re old
And we already haf grandchildren and maybe even great grandchildren
And we are looking at each other sitting on our rocking chairs
And usually its me talking and her listening
But we d all hav lost our teeth and we re just smiling at each other cos we d be friends till the end of time


Sounds silly but true
And for me
If I am eowyn
I d like to spend the rest of my life growing white with my faramir
And we d still be handing hands when we re all wrinkly and white
Hahaha what a comic effect that has lolx

If I cant have you then I dont want nobody
If I cant have you then I don’t want no one

:D

Ahhhhh sprouting nonsense again
Been wanted to go to a place to shop for prezzies for the seniors
Or at least packaging for the seniors but just havent done it yettt
Been harping on it for ages
Will go next week I think
:)
Yeahhhh

I want something special yet ordinary elaborate yet simple
How????? Hahah >.< shucks I am such the pickiest person :p
And how to get so much moneyyyyy
Will beg borrow STEALLLLL arghhhhh
Lolx shouldn’t worry abt it too much I guess
Yepps
:p

I want to watch movieeeee but dunno what
Oh yeah qiu han said sth abt going k box
yAy~~~~ k boxxxxx roxxxx
haha haben been there for ages
but shit it ll cost a BOMB nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
>.< must really eat less spend less save moreeee to last thru the hols
>.<
I really want a HUGGGGG nowww >.< miss qiu han so muchhhhh
>.< I want HUGGGGGG
Haha being childish againnnnn :p
The things I doooo
Must find some time today to mugg a little and maybe update thissss
Hahahahahahaha I want huggggggg

Lolx the rest of this stuff is pretty much nonsense and crap so if u re a guy and not in for girl crap then you may stop reading here 

When I told qiu han what was going on she was pretty sad and disappointed for me but I was quite as sad and her
Then she was discussing what qualities her future boy friends must have
I told her I didnt want a lot but what I wanted was maybe too much to ask
Ashe said she wanted a lot
Our conversation went sth like this :

Qh : he must be taller than me
Wl : DUH!
Qh : liddat duh meh? Anyway he must not drink smoke or take drugs
Wl : DUH!
Qh: liddat alsi duh meh? Anyway he must have good character
Wl: DUHHHHHHH! Hahahaha
Qh: liddat ALSO DUH??? Hahaha anyway some girls like bad boys watt
Wl : depends on what you define as a bad boy>.< hahaha lolx
Wl: he must take care of me >.< a bit sick and tired of always trying to take care of others and look out for them and be big sis actually I want to be looked after too :) and I want to be small and looked after too
Qh: …>.< I cic same for me but I guess
Wl: you know what I guess it ll be more like you look after the guy lo haha qiu han you so liddat hahaha sure you look after him one
Qh: haha lol YAR LOH sure everytime like that

How bor liao our conversation must sound to you
Hahaha but I had so much fun!!!! :D and I told her lots abt choir and class stuff

I think basically our choir lacks the kind of team spirit and will to pull together in times to trouble and need
Its like most of us are pretty weak minded and wont make an effort to hype themselves up after being scolded or told off
And when things go wrong we tend to blame others like oh you wre airy or oh your voice cracked
Rather we should not really blame each other and other sections but try to help each other and encourage each other when we re feeling down and outt
Sounds like preaching but that’s what I think anyway
>.< so rather than tell a person she s airy
Maybe give her advice on what exercise she can do to cut down on the air
Its more like to point
And helps curb the problem right?
And basically most of us lack expression and emotions
We re pretty technical and too auto pilot and robotic
Even sometimes when I sing I feel I lose my emotions and expressions not long after singing with the choir cos I don’t really feel most of us being involved
I remember the feeling when im singing
Really in the strong
I d sort of like feel a chill going down my spine cos I feel the whole of me immersed in the song and I cant help myself
That’s been a long time
Its time to find that feeling again
:)

Im hoping things will go ok and we will pull through together
Cos we ve got the spirit and we can show the spirit
Lolx rj cheer >.< wonder if u re reading this heng and bready! Class miss u so much
Yepps
I want more practices cos I want to find a way
Such that we can bond together the whole choir
As in in voice
Cos even in voice we arent really together
Arghhhhh how to do this? More practiceeeeee I want more practiceee>.<
Haha maybe cos the prospect of singing with u guys is much better than that of doing homework >.< BLEAHHHHH homework suxxx
:S
I m looking forward to germany
To knowing you guys better cos you know traveling with people means you can get to see another side of them like maybe in the mornings when the chio bus wake up and look at themselves in the mirror and realize with a horror that their hair isnt nicely in place
:P pai seh that wasnt intentional!!! Sorry joke >.< but if u imagine it its really pretty funny lolx >.<
Personally I think my hair looks the best when I ve just woken up haha but my hair sux anyway so hu cares? >.< :P warhawhawhaw

I want to say sorry to the 156 pple and the chio bus
Im sorry if I seem detached and A S at times when we re together
But really sometimes the things you guys say ahh I just cannot get myself involved and cant bring myself to join in the conversation lo sorry ~>.<~
Really sorry I ll try to be less A S next time but can please cut down on the act bimboing? You guys find it fun and stuff but I just find it plain silly so I refuse to join in AT ALL
All I can say is sorry

Oh yeah guys lets have a choir outing or sthhh
YESHHHHH
And year ones lets do sth for seniors fare well
Like sing ( duh ) and maybe do dance
YAY I love dance lets do hip hop!!!! Yayayayayay
:D cant waitttt

Im suggesting we go seoul garden to eat cos can lots of pple and haben eaten dere for ages and also cos got students offer on week day
Any objections or suggestions? Im open to anythinggg
:D

Kao I write 6 pages liaoz and arghhh now is one piece shucks I go watch liaooxxx missed haf of it already!!!!
Nooooo san jiiii I want my san jiiii

Haha till next time bye


~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~

Hey its me again.
Cant update this very soon so u guys will probably be reading this like maybe 3 days late or sth
Don’t blame me >.< I want to go online too
Its just that my dad changed the password for the dialing up online for the comp so I cant go online till I ask his what the heck the new password is
Seriously this must be a futile attempt to prevent me from going online
o_0
Anyway going online doesnt mean I don’t study what >.< what the heck

Sometimes when im on a bus my eyes tend to wander off and look at the stuff going by the window
I have wandering eyes and a thinking mind :)
Sometimes I feel like my parents build a cage for me
A nice strong sturdy cage made of cedar ( lolx ) which I just cant fly out off
Thus my freedom is very limited as compared to all those other people
My friends my classmates my seniors my juniors
For example
I cant just go out when I want to, I cant just do what I really want and really like
I cant just go where I want to go
I have to tell them in advance and get permission
May sound a little foreign to some of you but these are the normal procedures one has to go through in order to get approval to go out for my family

I guess maybe cause im a girl so my parents tend to worry more
Like last time the stay over at mich house I had to come up with a good reason to convince dad why he should let me stay over
Eventually he let me but our relations sort of worsened cause of that
And the class bbq at wei mings house too
Haiz >.< and I cant just stay out late as I like I sort of have a omni present curfew set depending on what time to reach home I deem proper and civil

All this rules and stuff comes pretty naturally and normally to me
But sometimes I will look outside the glass panel into the lush greenery and wonder what its like out there and really want to be rebellious and in obedient just for a day and go out and stay out as late as I like just for once
And enjoy the freedom that doesnt really belong to me
Not yet anyway
I understand my parents
They both came from strict families so this much freedom that im enjoying is already a big breakthrough so I should be contented
But sometimes I just wish >.<
I can wish, cant i? :) hahaha yepps
Anyway when the time comes im sure they do away with the whole cage and let me fly as and when I like
Maybe when im mature enough and no longer the brash impetuous girl I am now
:)
I remember last time after choir yz was asking me to go kbox cos him and bready and chao and ant were there
I really couldn’t go even though I had nothing on
I had to go home and be a guai gia >.< seriously

So I sort of was pretty worried that he was angry with me cos I couldn’t really tell much from his sms except that he sounded pretty upset and unhappy and impatient and not very happy that I wasn’t going to go

Mich went with wan jing though and kim went too and I heard they had a good time

We sort of fell out over that and sort of quarreled but the stuff got cleared up cos it was all a misunderstanding cos I was upset cos I thought he was upset with me
And he was worried cause he though I was upset for no reason
Hahaha in the end when I he said he wasn’t angry but really wanted me to come my heart sort of melted and my anger went away and I felt so childish and stupid >.<

Youzhirella hows the girl going? Must be good to her kz I will K you if u dun
Lolx
Its like you zhi is catching a good sheep loh
Hahaha okkie only S13 pple will understand that :P

And im really sorry I didn’t go watch movie with you guys today, ck >.<
I wanted to go
But cannot must be guai gia so next time can
So dun be angry wif me I also want to go very much ~>.<~
Haiz hope my dad leaves for china soon then can go outtt yAy~ :p
Lolx im a really BAD BAD girl but dun blame me hahaha my mom is much more lenient compared to dad mom always tries to keep one eye open one eye closed
:p thanx mom

Haha so you guys watched the day after tomorrow today :)
Hahaha lolx must give movie review and tell me what its lyke
Anyway if I went today will be so A A its like all the pple will be in pairs and I will be so extra and like light bulb so leave you guys so have fun and watch :)
Except maybe sher will be on her on >.< shucks but hs should be there rite
What abt auddie hmmm cute pink princess

Haiz green court jester slacking at home listening to songs and wanting to go out and go online very muchhhhh >.< damn sad lo

Yay now listening to misia >.< in the sky its like damn nice lo :)
She s so free spirited and her voice is so powerful and strong that it like can bring you places and see stuff you ve never seen before

As for mika her voice is low and sexy and a bit hoarse and there s this magic about her singing that I cant quite put my finger on but I must say im madly addicted to her
:)
Hahaah lalalalove song will still be the best of course
Its like a celebration of love in love itself
It feels like you re drowning in something that you re swimming in and the water flowing just never seems to end
Shucks. Im sprouting nonsense again:p

I like misa s shing star cos when she sings its its like shes singing of a love so small so insignificant yet so strong and brilliant and its shining brightly in the night sky
And its like so small and not very different
Nothing to make it stand out
But its just its simplicity and long lasting will that makes it different and special compared to all the others

You know what I mean? A small gentle love so insignificant that you forget it sometimes but when you need it it will always be there and it will last a lifetime
:)
I really should stop sprouting nonsense but I cant help it!

I wish that even if im not very outstanding I can be like a small shining star cos id like to contribute and play my part too even if im not in the lime light
I d like to be simple yet special in my own way
 I hope that when I smile at you you can see my eyes smiling at you too

Hahaaha yay

More about me
Well in life there are so many roles to play
But in a drama there are basically two roles to play
The main role or the supporting role
I find that often in life I end up playing the supporting role
Watching other act out their own story
Happy sad special exciting memorable simple
And I find I have nothing much of my own
Maybe cos of this I tend to feel for the supporting roles in shows more often than those main ones hmmm
Im thinking
When will my story play? What will my ending be? What will my story be about?
Im such a simple yet complicated character
People tend to over look the supporting role but I realize they play a huge role in stories
Hahaha so don’t underestimate me! You never know when my story will play
Till then I m still happy be be your supporting character
To help you
To cheer you up
To make you smile
Is my pleasure

U know what qiu han I think I know what you mean
Making others happy can make me happy too
:)

And I d like to say thanks to those who always try to cheer ME up and make ME smile 
The other day I was sroning during the last few min of announcements for choir
And joyce thought I was sad I guess so she patted me on my head and asked me to cheer up and not be sad
Usually if u did that id probably K you in a minute
But I thought for a while and realized how nice she was

And also ash too sometimes :p
Haha yepps at the ice cream place island creamery ck also realized I wasn’t talking much so he nudged me and asked me not to stone
Actually I was thinking and listening
If I don’t say anything it doesn’t mean im sad
It may just mean that I enjoy being with you guys and I want to listen and know more about you guys :p hahaha im not sad ALL the time you know

Yepps

Sometimes I enjoy your company so much I just don’t want the dinner to end
But as the Chinese saying goes
Tian xia wu bu san zhi yan xi
:p all good things must come to an end
But I guess some endings are beginnings in a way themselves


Haha lolx you know what I mean?

Haha shall stop here or else pple will complain abt my font again
And abt having sore eyes o_0 hu ask u guys wanna read my blog!
:p complain so much I make it private then see how u guys read! Hahaha lolx
Shall go have a good nap and dream about my future :D
Who will it be? And when will it be? I want to know.....:)



~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~

Hey me again.
>.< lolx
Been bugged by some pple (whose names I wun mention) to update so here I am


Well what I can say is that the past few days I ve been going through something vaguely like a emotional rollercoaster
You know the mad and crazy ups and the really depressing downs
This mad frenzy
But I m glad to say I ve sort of gotten off the rollercoaster and enjoyed the ride

You know sometimes you get jealous when you like someone but its not the same way back
And maybe sad
But I guess I m pretty happy that im past that
I realized liking a person should be like
You just want to watch the person from far
And see him/ her smile
And see him/ her be happy
Even if it only lasts for a small moment
Its not selfish possession nor wanting to own the person
In fact if you really like someone you d be glad if other people liked him/ her too
Cos he/ she is really such a great person

Argh im sidetracking
Listening to tao s whose heart does the heart symbolize?
Hahaha
Lovely song and it totally suits my mood now

I guess I don’t really want the person to like me back as much
If the person does it’s a added bonus of course
But I m happy just to see the person happy and im at peace with myself
Cos I sorta know the person belongs to someone else


Its such a weird feeling

Hahaha digressing!
Shucks anyway today can be described in one word
Smooth
Really really smooth
Hahaha sort of quite happy so I m pretty pleased too

Now listening to twenty two
Tao again
tao rox!!! >.< love him xia
got a sms from qiu han just now
miss her so much
so much I just want to hug her now
even though we re close friends we don’t really hugg much or sth
maybe cos we re both less expressive and not so erm
haha but what I really want to do know is give her a HUGE BIGGGG bear hugggg
I want to give you one too! Want one? Tell me I ll be glad to give you one anytime
Hahaha lolx well lessons sort of sucked today cos I knew with a sinking feeling that I din understand what the heck was going on and I am going to have to mug my holiday away which is totally impossible cos I put family friends and choir infront of studies >.<

Shall not reveal my marks for the maths test
If u want to know can ask me but I might not want to tell you
Only will say that I got low enough to meet the criteria for class lectures
Seriously im not joking I am THAT lousy and THAT slack
Shit
See ck who said that I cant make it for class lectures which is for the lousiest 3 per cent of the population >.< im GOOD LOH

>.< must mugg cannot slack liao esp for chem. And phys and econs and maths
Hey wait. That makes it EVERYTHING WAT
SHIT >.< aww manz im gonna haf to mug my life away
Booo anyway im not that sad just that I had my revelation a bit too late

But turns out I wasn’t the lowest in class
Stupid yichao got lower than me by two marks
DARN! We were betting on who would get lower and I must treat him liaoz >.< dun care its only two marks so I REFUSE! Frmph! Yichao ah he s really pretty smart actually but he s really too slack and doesn’t take anything seriously
Ponning class and not doing work and like not really studying for tests
Maybe that s why I couldn’t trust him…..

Ahhh digressing again anyway im NOT gonna treat yichao loh
NO WAY even if it’s a cup of kopi o I REFUSE haha but he s really a 100% ah beng lolx

Hmmm the results for the interview come out liaoxx and I got in
Lucky me
Erm actually all those who ran got in >.< its like o_0
Hahahah im kinda not very surprised so now its all up to the speech which I definitely suck at >.< heaven bless me and protect me and prevent me from blabbering and sprouting nonsense
Politics suck
Asking people to vote for you sucks
Im not gonna do that im gonna say if you think im the one for the post then please vote for me but if u think I suck please don’t vote for me


Choir was pretty good today
Like we had sectionals which was so totally NOT FUN but I still tried my best to look interested and pay attention
We sounded pretty good cept the bounce wasn’t there for exsuta and maybe most of our expressions were pretty stale
Was really trying to smile to keep up the spirits and the bounce but it was pretty hard with so many xian diao faces and grim looking ones
But we re good LOH hahaha

I think its really hard on the music comm. People
Seeing them like this makes me worry
And watching them having quarrels and like disagreements makes me wonder what will happen to MY BATCH next year? Will we have the same situation? I guess we will all have our fair share of problems but its really up to us up to our will and determination to pull together and get through the hard times

I know we will get there cos I know we can do it

I like choir
So I believe in it

Time passed so fast that I thought 20 min had passed when in actual fact it was 1hour I just din want it to end we should really practice more considering the state we re in >.< but dun give up and dun lose faith! JIA YOU NJ CHOIR cos I know WE WILL PULL THROUGH TOGETHER! >.<

yAy~ feel so much better
good luck to all those running and also to those 7 contenders of mine
cos I know you all are good people and we all have strengths and weaknesses
I guess its really up to the choir to decide who to choose
Hahah  whatever it is I hope we will all be happy
hAard but I hope so

ehz den was waiting around the lt for the pple to get out and eat dinner but they took so long that I wandered off to the other side
saw the angklung so I naturally searched for my dear darell
and there she was
so pretty ! in her plain white tee and colourful batik sarong
and she was smiling at me
and my heart sort of melted and I was so happy
I felt so bad cos she was like sort of asking me if I was gonna watch her performance but I said no tix >.< felt so guilty
See lah its all u guys fault sher ck sida chin yaw angela beng hee
Haha but I promise that I will go watch her next year definitely I swear

Darell miss u so much even though still see u around in school but like no chance really to talk I promise to save a day to go out wif u and wei ling haha u guys better be free too

Dinner was good cos we went to the thail restaurant which we didn’t get to eat at the last time hahaha the noodles were pretty good but I was happy I guess not really cos of the food but rather cos of the people whom I was eating with

 its like really the people who make the difference
Like last time during 1st 3 months me yz hui hui bready and heng stoned at ulu mac there and the mac was pretty much nothing special
What made it special was the fond memories I had there cos of them
Then

:)

And then we were talking about shu s prezzie which sida said wrongly and said my present instead lolx and ck was saying no prezzie needed for me

I suddenly remembered yz saying that he had trouble picking a prezzie for me durng v day cos I was such a weird person or should I say a weird girl
I was saying dun want what soft toys and girly stuff
Then flowers also dun want cos real ones will die waste money and kill lives then fake ones have no sincerity
:P
Lolx im such a picky person u should just forget abt getting me anything
But actually I d be happy wif anything as long as I really cherish u as a friend
:) it’s the thought that counts rite? I really think so

But I tend to lyke to give pple presents with special meanings like hand made cards and like maybe nice long hand written letters and hand made stuff cos I think its these stuff that have special value and make you really cherish them even if the prices of the paper is like really cheap the meaning in it is priceless
You know what I mean?

Woah I suddenly realized this is a really LONG entry 
Haha finally got to eat island creamery today the ice cream there just rocks man

Well we sort of forced jun kai to treat us but we paid him a little back :p
Haha there was cookies and cream
And another tub of caramel
Ck kept attacking the cookies and cream one
Dunno y lolx
But as I was looking at the caramel one which ck said he didn’t like and sher said tasted a bit bitter
I felt the caramel ice cream was sort of lyke me

Like the first spoon you have of it
It has this subtle omni present bitter aftertaste
But the more you eat the sweeter it gets
Except it never really gets much sweeter but rather there s a limit to its sweetness
I didn’t really like the cookies and cream one maybe cause I found the flavour too common and like maybe too sweet? I dunno its just that the caramel one tasted more rich despite being bitter and all
>.<

Im really weird now personifying ice cream
Hahahaha :p I am a weird person

Well I guess its part of being me
The bitter sweet part
Like there are mainly two moods to me
Happy
And sad
Usually im happy hyper loud friendly cheerful vibrant energetic and restless
But there are times when I feel another emotion overwhelming me
And I slowly realize that its depression and a little thinking and reflection
When I m not talking to you
When im not smiling and stuff
It doeasnt mean im stoning
I mean I rarely over stone usually theres like lots of stuff going on in my mind
So if my eyes are wondering dun blame me im thinking
And being sad is a part of me I cant and don’t really want to change
Cos if im happy too much of the time
I d take all this for granted
Sometimes should calm down and think and reflect on things and maybe make yourself a little sad even so that you will really cherish the happy moments that you have
Then in life you would have experienced both the happy and the sad

This is me
What about you?
Its getting really late and I styll haf to do my slo prosposal so I ll update this tomorrow >.< hopefully
lolx



~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~

haiyoh interview today...so xianz...
but sure very fun...i sorta like that feeling...hahaha yepps...>.<
lol
reika was saying sth abt qian jing being asked a rhetorical question by chye keong...lol in fact i like rhetorical questions >.<
like the one about the egg and the chicken
lolx...quite stupid...
today was pretty much a regular day...excpet i spent 2.50!!!1
arghhhhhhh
>.<
wasted my past few days effort ....
haiz...but i told mmyself today slack a bit and eat as i like lah cos got pe later and interview also so cannot go hungry...lolx

interview...i dun mind...
speeches...i dun really like...
but politics? thats what i really DETEST...yucks...lol anyway wondering whether to go out and eat today...cos mom not cooking...and i want to go out and eat wif the choir pple...but dunno lahz...lots pple not staying back today even if got dinner will be the same old few pple...>.<

i go choir stall and see if open...then go slack slack...byez :D

~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~

Yesterday I returned home in a really serious state of depression and sadness
But shant dwell on what happened yesterday except for the fact that I saw a person I hadn’t seen in a long time
Had it been me in sec 3
I would have been so happy and excited and elated
But im in jc1 now and things have changed so much
All I can saw that I had never wanted to see that person again not after what happened in the past
Now seeing the person brought back sad and happy memories
And foolish ones too
Haha but I can look back and laugh now cos its all behind me
But seeing the person made me really scared and vulnerable and afraid for some reason
And really really sad
It was as though my past had come back to haunt me

But I dealt with it pretty well

Anyway besides the person I also had a pleasant surprise that brightened my day
I saw hui chiang! Miss her so much
She seemed so at ease and so pretty so mature
And so happy
Heard she s doing really well in hc
We talked a while then she walked off to find her friends
Seeing her after so long brought a influx of happy secondary school memories
Qiu ping qiu han me and hui chiang
Hahaz
And I felt like
Just for a while
I felt my nose sort of sniffle a little
I felt the weight of tears in my eyes
As I hugged her it was as if I was hugging a part of myself that had been lost and hidden away for so long
And now it was back

And maybe also because I was feeling down and I needed a hug badly
Did I tell you I love hugs? Lol
It was almost as if she knew exactly when to hug me
But of course she didnt we hadn’t talked in months
But maybe its something call xin1 ling2 gan3 ying4


The ug sort of saved my day

Hahaha lol

Do I come across to you as a fragile person? Cos I really am not
A least I think im not I hope
But its like so many people care about me and yesterday they were like are you ok? And stuff was it so obvious? Haha maybe I have all my emotions written over my face
Scary
Which means I cant hide anything
That means you get hurt more easily

Haiz
Hahaha lol all this serious stuff is weighing me down
But hiding wont solve problems of course
I should face the music as I always tell myself to
Yepps

I d like to say sorry to those who I taoed and avoided yesterday
I really didn’t mean it
I hope I didn’t hurt you cos I sure hurt myself
Anyway thanks to those who stood by and tried to cheer me up
Haha

And sorry if I seemed A S yesterday when I didn’t want to take photos with Thomas and the alts and beng hee and sida
Sorry but I just really didn’t feel like
Cos you gusy all seemed so happy but I wasn’t happy and I hate taking photos when im not happy cos I think the whole point of taking photos in the first place is to take it in the instant when you re happy and smiling so that this happy blissful moment will last forever

I mean u wont be happy forever but the in the photo u will always be happy and xing4 fu2

Haiz what to write now? Oh yeah I was having a talk with beng hee today at bytz
I didn’t know it was called bytz I tot it was bytes all along
Anyway haha we were talking about stuff like maths and how much he liked and loved maths and how much I hated and sucked at it
Hahaha seriously im not a science and maths person
But don’t ask me why im in science stream
Probably because I cant do lit history either
My geog was pretty okay though
Hahahahaa yepps and about studying psychology I think I have to venture overseas
But that will be in the future now I have to study whats necessary to have a firm grip onto my future

Oh yeah Thomas
Who gave you the stupid idea that I like Eugene erm as in better than a friend?
Manz its like the 10000000 I ve repeated myself and you still tease me about it and its getting on my nerves
I like someone else stupid ! but im not telling who…this blog is TOO open..lolx
Besides im too young for anything more than friends I think
yeah
but let me stress that I like Eugene as a good friend and nothing else

why is it that there are always rumours abt me liking other pple?
How come no one ever says that some other people like me? Am I that unlikeable? >.<
Awwwww manz
Haiyoh

On the topic of talking in bytz this afternoon
Well I like dealing with things that cant be seen
But can be felt
Like people
Their character their mindsets their thinking
Their emotions
I want to know more
I want to know what you re thinking
I want to know what you re feeling
So subtle
Sometimes so strong
Its like all around us
Hahaha that why I want to learn psychology

I dun like maths
I don’t see the beauty in the proving of root two is a irrational number
But maybe you re correct beng hee
I d like to know how u think also and why you find maths beautiful and amazing
Its really intriguing


My sis is leaving on a holiday trip to japan today
Haha asked her to get something from the temple there for me
Dun tell you what! Lolx
Anyway the feeling of being taoed is really horrible so I swear that to my best possible ability I will try not to tao others
Sorry ck >.<

I want to go on a holiday too but u know I always feel homesick when im abroad but yearn to travel overseas when im at home? Im full of conflicting and contradicting thoughts and paradoxes

Haha
I go eat liao hungry xia
Btw big achievement today
I spent 0 cents and dollars! Hahahah


~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~

stupid...i just wrote so much and the stupid comp went mad and cleared it all

anyway what i want to say is yesterday im sorry
and if u want to know mroe you can always ask me but i might not neccessarily teel you depending on whether i trust you or not and also that sorry to tjose i indirectly tortured yesterday by torturing myself..

ps when you re online and if u wan to talk to me then you start cos i wont take initiative anymore..its tiring and upsetting and also you never know when you ll catch someone in a bda mood so i rather not risk it

and ck the books not with me should be with hs or sher i dunno you passed it to them rite so u should noe better than me

you guys wiull have to settle for this post ...at least im writing sth
yesterday i was so depressed and sad and mad that i had the notion of giving this up...

anyway thanks to thos ip pple and some pple like sida who tried to help cheer me up :)

and of coiurse to lalalalovesong which kept me going even when i wanted to break down and cry yesterday

im okay now..except i screwed my prac...but heck

now i shall go to class and sleep..eating is a more vague and faraway notion to me...

haiz

ZZZzz

~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~

I awoke this morning to a lovely sunny Sunday
And I was so pleasantly surprised

Ao many unexprected surprises that I had encounter since I joined njc
So many troubles and barriers in my way
But I had passed them all
So far
So good
:p
What more can I ask for?
I hope for more
Something special
But I think im not the right age yet
Im not mature and understanding enough yet
Maybe when the time comes
It will happen

Till then I ll remain the person I am now

Yesterday I was supposed to mug
But I ended up slacking and watching long vacation vcd again
Lol
No matter how many times I watch the show
No matter how how many times I listen to lalalalovesong
Im still madly in love with it
Sena and minami s love is so pure and true
Even if there is no strong passion
There is a gentle subtle happiness that will bless them as long as they are together


Anyway also talked to qiu han yesterday
Talking to her made me a little sad
And VERY HAPPY!
Miss you lots! And I promise to try to go out during the june hols okkie?>.<
Scary man
The sort of power she has
Its like she didn’t even prompt me or anything
And I told her everything
Abt what happened in school in choir at home
My feelings my schoolwork my friends
She just has this ability to make me pour out all my happiness and troubles to her
I wish that
One day
I can be like her too
Cause I wish to be the one you approach when you have something on your mind
Even if its just a small matter

We talked about so many things
And I realised with a shock that we d been on the phone for almost 3hours!
:P hahaz hu carez? Its these times that you really wish the prson was right next to you
Not on the other side of the phone >.<
But I can always drop a visit I guess
She doesn’t stay too far from me
Only that I stay on the outskirts of bishan nearer to toa payoh
And she stays in central bishan !!!!
:D

Everyone is asleep as I am typing
So funn!!! Lol
I rmemeber when I was small
I loved waking up the first during Chinese new year morning
Just so I could walk around the house and eat goodies and wake everyone up first!

I d almost forgotten what it feels like

What abt you?>.<
La lalala la
Opps sorry still listening to la la la love song
Yay going out later! Sho funn!!!
Yepps

Haiz im finding it hard to be in contact with a side of me that is still relatively new to me
My feminine side
Okay dun laugh please ok?>.< not funny
I had this sudden impulse this chinese new year
I went out and brought 3 new skirts
Btu there they are sitting in a corner of my wardrobe collecting dust
>.< I dunno when it’s appropriate to wear them

Cos my mom had been nagging at me saying that I couldn’t dress sloppily like this forever
And even qiu han told me to buy clothes that I could wear in the future
She said you cant go out with your jc friends wearing Bermudas and t shirts
Why not>.<
Even though I ve not worn Bermudas for a long time
Bermudas and sandals are my comfort clothes
Im in relaxed mode when im wearing them
So if I go out with you wearing Bermudas and sandals you should be very honoured
But then again
Shes right
Why is it guys like girls to wear skirts? Do all guys like girlyl girls who wear skirts and girly tops and dangly earrings like the altos? I mean no offence but most of them are indeed like that
Girly altos, as Thomas would put it
Haiz

Sometimes I wish I were a guy
Its really easier co sim so much like one already!
Character wise and the way I treat people and do things
Except maybe most guys are quite as sensitive and thinking as I am
>.<

Is looks really everything? Im thinking about it again
Or maybe its not looks but rather packaging? >.< I really ditto!
Frmph
La la la la la love song
Opps :p
Haha I had a weird dream
Lol dun tell you what happened in the dream!it was a pretty happy dream
Only it cant be real >.<

Haiz

Im being childish
Im being unreasonable
But I wish for more
Cause even though I feel loved by so many
There seems to be a empty part in my life
I cant find the piece to fill it up
And til the time I do
I will remain handicapped
I dun have the ability
Not yet
But I wish
I hope
It will be sometime soon
Maybe I should be contented
Maybe I should be happy
But im not
Have you felt it before?
A gentle subtle loneliness that often visits
And leaves emptiness behind
Even though I have lots of love
Eveb though I have lots of people who care about me
There is something missing
Something I cant quite put my finger on
And I feel it coming
Is it really approaching?
Or maybe it’s a false hope
But I wish
I hope
Its coming to me

You know what its like?
To want to love but yet be so afraid
To want to be strong but yet be so vulnerable and weak
To want to share but fear the pain of losing
To want to give but fear no returns
To want to talk but yet fear to speak
To want to cheer up others but not know what to do
To want to do something but end up doing nothing


Do you know what I mean?



Haha
Must be the song >.<
Im not that sad
Not really anyway >.<

Im riding on a train which will lead me to my destination
It’s a long and tiring journey
And I wish someone will ride with me
Will tha be you?
Anyway even though I know I wont reach my destination anytime soon
I ll still look through the window and gaze at the wonderful beautiful things around me
Even if some of them do not belong to me
Even if they were not meant to be



What about you?


~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~

tee
forgot to add that qiu han is calling today! miss her so much...
hey, im not les lah, stupid,>.< im 100% straight!
lol
happy :)
~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~

today started off on a pretty happy note
got up and ate breakfast...really very yummy!
aniwaex then the tough stuff began
was slacking when my dad asked me abt digicAM
cos my sis going overseas on mon and she decided to bring one digicam and one normal film cam ...so i had to save all the pics had i had in my memory card so she can delete and use the space inside it

hehx

problem was, i didnt know how to do it
i am a computer idiot
:X

heyz anyway we got through the whole long process and we sort of cleaned up the computer table which was in a dirty mess...

and my dad gave me a cd player!

yay

:)

haha now can listen everyday on the way to school..

anyway i ve been thinking so much abt stuff nowadays i dun really know what i want and im getting mixed up myself...sometimes its just better to follow your gut cos its always correcttt

:)

haiz anyway i better go mugg soon...so many tut to do...going out tomorrow! yay lol...>.<

~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~

Yummy
Eating muesli bar now >.< feeling so shuang
=P
Heheheh anywaex now shall continue where I left off at the previous entry which I typed when I was in bytes…
Subsequently I went to the choir stall after bytes was closed down for usage by it club members only and I was like wondering if I should go in but I just followed impulse and went in
Lol chin yaw sher steph jia en hs and ck was there along with joyce and sida and hua cheng who was clearing up the messes in the stall>.< lol
Then angela and shaun came to join us

After crapping and stoning a while we left for choir and I started choir on a tired but happy note 

We sounded pretty good today but maybe cos we were in stupid lt 2 again lol
Cheat my feelings >.< anyway I was really feeling quite good cos I could tell that almost everyone was giving their best effort to make things go smoothly so that we would sound and look good
Lol havent practised my expressions for so long
Probably a little stilff
Only when is comes to the happy and sad part I d be expert at it
Ash and qian jing and the seniors said something about going out for dinner and I was really happy buti only had 2 in my pocket
Btw that reminds me that I only spent 50 cent today! Big achievement! I nearly died during gp but when I saved that stupid pandan bao for the last lesson to eat while mr heng was not looking it was well worth the wait
Every single bite
Lol
Anyway these few days been sleeping during break and lunchtime
Haiz getting insufficient sleep xia
Becoming panda liao I meet the size and eye criteria
Lol

But couldn’t go wif them
Aww manz qian jing and ash said sth abt going to eat waffles then other yummy stuff and I was like woah yummy but no money and ck was like I dun mind macs and I was like, MAC? NO WAY haha and I happened to be sitting behind him so he covered up his ears and was like ARGHH I know you dun like macs, lol
-_-

Anyway went for the band concert so couldn’t go eat with them
Went with Thomas and shu and mich and rui xia
All the way they were talking about cheerleading stuff and alto stuff which I was clueless abt so I just kept quiet and looked around for interesting stuff
Thomas probably thought I was trying to be A S but I really wasn’t
I mean I dun even noe so what to say? Just listen loh
He tried to include me in the conversation a few times but he failed pretty miserably but it was ok and it was pretty nice and considerate of him
The altos din find anything weird so they continued talking and I just listened

The taxi ride was the worst
I was like stoning with the driver in the front seat
And they were like talking and talking in the back seat

Just when I was feeling left out and sad and regretting why I had even gone in the first place
I got an sms
From qiu han :D
She said she hadn’t talked to me for ages and missed me and promised to call this weekend
 it really cheered me up ~>.<~

Anyway the concert was pretty good and I like the solo parts in the last piece they played
Pretty well done
Lol and it was worth going and being alone ( not physically) cos I got to see you zhi dance! Lol so funny! Hahaha

And anyway I think I dun make a good band concert audience
I mean I dun really appreciate the music as much as I d like to and I kept looking out for their facial expressions but there were like erm none?
I know its different from choir but im a choir person so I would naturally be a choir audience
=D

Saw bready in his rj uniform >.< looked so muggg
And saw ming feng too haha new hair cut before going bacj to camp
Lol

And we went home
On the mrt ride I was feeling the same sort of feeling as the feeling I felt when I was travelling there
Luckily rui xia was there to talk to me cos Thomas was talking to keefe and mich and hui hui were talking together as usual
Sometimesi think I take rui xia for granted
Maybe too much
Anyway she got off and I stood by myself and stoned
Hui hui smiled at me and asked if I was ok or sth
And I sort of squeezed a smile back at her and mumbled sth back
Haiz

You know what?
I know this sounds childish but I want to be able to smile at you like I really mean it and be angry when I really mean
I dun want to put on a smiley face all the time cos I dun smile at just anyone
If I smile at you it menas you mean something to me and I want to smile at you so ypu know it
I dun like the feeling of having to fake sth
It really wrenches my gut

And how can I put into words my feelings? Well Thomas its not that I dun want to talk to you and the altos its just that I dunno what to say because most of the time they are acting bimbo and being girly and talking abt alto stuff which I really ditto and well I dunno what to say to you also cos everytime you try to start up a conversation I feel like it’s the prelude to a quarrel

Haiz and I just cant click with some pple so I ll just keep quiet

You know what? If u think im quiet then u really dunno me cos those pple who realy do know me will say that I am loud brash and hyper
And I always got so much to say and so much is always running through my mind


About feelings
You know that kind of feeling you get when you feel like you re not happy when someone is smiling at you but also smiling at someone else?
Its like jealousy but in a much gentler and subtle form
And its such a weird foreign feeling
i haven’t felt like this for a long time
this strong feeling to want to possess something or someone so that you can have it/ or that person for your very own
and how much the persons mood will affect your own
its pretty amazing really
and I remember the last time I had this feeling was in secondary school when I though my best friend was about to make someone else her best friend
this sounds stupid but I was pretty sad
but anyway this always come in full circle

I ve learnt to share and my friends have too
About this feeling I cant really tell it really special and its making me look at things twice

Anyway
I may be smiling to 10000000 people
I may be befriending 300000 people

But only some people get my real smiles
The kind that you see me enjoying
The kind that comes naturally from my heart
The kind that really means it
The kind that happens when you see my eyes smiling at you too
Cos I really cant hide this feeling inside



All my special smiles I save them for you
All my warm gazes I save them for you

Hahaz you should know what I mean 

Cos I really mean it
And it makes me happy just to be with you
Even if there is no talk even if there s no jokes
I ll still be smiling
Smiling comes so naturally when I m with you!

Harhaw wonder how was the food at dam centre
Yummy must go next time and yeah going out on Sunday
So im happy!

I hope you are too!

Lolx and I was thinking abt a question, if you could be a flower what would you be?

I d like to be a elegant and white pure classy lily
Id like to be a bright cheery sunflower
I d like to be the most special bird of paradise

But most of all I d like to be a four leaf clover
Cos I hope that even on your worst ost unlucky day
When you find me gently swaying in the wild grass
I will bring good luck and happiness to you






~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~

today was pretty okay...except i woke up in the middle of the night at 11 30 pm to find that the stupid fan had switched off by itself, which i tot was superbly amazing..>.<

and just incase any of u are wondering, HUH? what abt the air con,
well i m not as hao3 ming4 as any of you guys, dun haf the priviledge of having air con in my room...

yesh yesh, its not that my parents are broke, they wanted to get air con for us, but the connector thing pckge we wanted was applicable cos me and my sis room too far from my parents room...>.< anyway its a luxury, after so many years of living without air con, i d be okay without it, i guess...
and thats why even though you guys complain abt the air con in lt being too strong, i shut up and squeeze out every bit of marginal utility i can get from it...even if im freezing...

absence makes the heart grow fonder i guess...:)

anyway too much air con makes u too dependent on it...and also too much is bad for skin, which is why my skin is in an ok state...lol

:p will stop convincing myself that air con is BADDDD

lolx...

well today started off on a bad mood cos of last night
actually it was the swicth that was spoilt, not the fan...>.< so after much failed attempts to fix things i grouchily woke up and asked my mom to help...once shes started helpinh she started grumbling too...stupid fan...lol me and my mom are alike in so many ways...

anyway i got back into bed later in a bad mood, and i sort of threw my temper at my mom..>.< sorry mom! really din mean it, i ve got such a bad temper...>.<
aww manz...i feel like i ve been taking some people for granted sometimes...
especially my family and my friends...
haiz, will cherish u guys more, k?...

:)

thanks for tolerating with me :)

anyway i think coming to jc has really been a turning point in my life...
no, my grades havent been up to standard
btu serriously what matters to me is not those stupid red and black marks on paper..
its how many people i can befriend and love and care about...

love to me has been such a blur and unclear concept...
all the way up to secondary school, even

my family is the good old very gu3 ban3 old fashoined family...
my family tends to not express their feelings so openly...
and we dun really show our affection much either..
in fact the only time i remember my dad saying he loved me was when i made a grave mistake and he was scolding me and i was crying ...
i was really sad cos i felt like this revelation came so late and i hadnt realised it for so long...

love is something many people are afraid of
i used to be one of them..>.<
now , if you re feeling sad , and u want a hug, i wish that i can be the one to hug you and say lame jokes to cheer you up
:)

because like what i ve said before, i ve got so much to give, so many people to loove

:)

so never doubt yourslef, never doubt your feelings, and always follow your gut!
:D mine is super accurate!

lol...



~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~

today i was in a sluggish mood the whole time
the day started off with me and joyce taking the same bus as sharon phua and ducro

wasnt that bad anyway
but it was really quite funny cos crow was infront and sp was at the back

we unanimously agreed that crow is better than sp
so we went up and greeted him and quickly left for the gate

and then i went for morning singing session and ended up soaked in sweat as usual

haiz

basically lessons sucked, still haben gotten back the maths test paper yet
sorta happy but i know this is just prolonging the agony
:(
wanted to save money so i slept in class during break time and lunch
but still ended up spending 2.30 when i went down to the canteen with kim they all to dicuss pw...>.< aww manz

pe was okay, ran 3 rounds fer warm up...i was running real fast in front cos i wanted to finish the run and end the pain fast and i felt left out cus the cheerleading pple were all toking and cheering and singing cheerleading stuff and i din noe any of it...>.<

during chem like i realised the whole class probably only me and fan is responding to mdm lau...sad cos shes such a passionate teacher and she s got so much to give and we ve got so much to learn and get from her

anyway this sluggish mode went all the way to choir...
during choir it was worse...and plus the air con, all i wanted to do was sleep...and i suddenly felt so sad and somber for some reason which i will not state

this blog is getting too public...haiz but heck i shall continue

singing was ok
and going home with 156 pple and some seniors was fun...but i was really there...
felt so guitly abt leaving mich in school to search for her wallet by herself...worse still the 156 pple some din even noe she wasnt there until zhang and shaun got off...>.<

no problem?...see thomas, this is the problem

should have stayed back
after all she s my classmate and friend
but was feeling really tired and din wanna stay behind
luckily messaged her and she said she was glad none of us stayed cos later she found it in her bag...>.< lol
blur queen lah she

sad

cos there s so many things i wanna do
but things are just not within my grasp
just outta reach
outta control
>.<

i wanna cheer people up
but i m not even happy myself
i wanna do something to make myself happy
but i m just not happy
i want you to smile like you mean it scold like you mean it and comfort me when you mean it
but sometimes im forced to smile when i dun feel like
i wanna do something meaningful
but i find that i can do it
i wanna be the person i wanna be
but its really tiring
i wanna talk to qiu han on the phone, i really miss her
but shes got test this week, gotta muggg
i wanna hang out wif darell and weiling, miss them so much
but we re all busy and haf our own schedules
i wanna be a good junior
but more often than not, i suck
i wanna be so much
but i think i am worth so little
i wanna make people smile
but i find it hard smiling myself
i wanna be a good friend
but i fail so miserably at it
i wanna be a good daughter
but i such a bad temper and i just dun listen at times
i wanna be a good sister
but im such a unreasonable person
i wanna be a good student
but im so slack at times
i wanna make a difference or at least be a part of the difference
but i m pretty clueless abt how to change pple s lives, and worse still, i cant even change my own life for the better, how to help others?

i have so many things to do
so many smiles to smile
so much time to spend
so much love to give
so many people to care about
so much frenship to share

:)

im okay
cos it be a new morning when i wake up tomorrow and i can assure u i will be smiling when u find me balled up in one side of the stairs at the lt during choir, the favourite spot i love to sit at

:D




~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~

Im starting to think im becoming a nocturnal animal
>.<
Aniwaex
Was feeling haf sleepy
But woke up and came online
-_-
Yepps

Speaking what ash let me see today
She has this card like thing and asked pple to close their eyes and point
My box read : stop blaming others
Or sth liddat
Quite tru…im liddat…>.< tend to blame pple when things go wrong, even though I blame myself too
Yepp so I think its really good advice…
And thinking abt the entry I wrote earlier today
I guess life is okay

Aniwae, do u guys keep getting weird pple hu u dun even noe sending u weird stuff with captions like : important
Which have attachments?...must be viruses…so predictable…xianz…got so many to delete
:X

It makes me feel happy to know so many people care about me and dun want me to be depressed…I guess the image I potray when im in person is that im happy and cheerful or sth
Remember yan wen saying sth about me being a ‘yo!’ type of person and very yang guang, very sunny bright personality

But I get sad easily too, its just that it doesn’t surface much and I bounce back fasttt

So yepps

Anyway today suddenly came up to the topic of me being more like a leo…
I think it was reading xiao mi s file that started it…top ten reasons why u r a leo..
U can sell ice to Eskimos…(lol I doubt I can)
U can complain loudly ( SURE! )
U like to lead ( yesh I admit )
The rest I forgot
Lolx
but I met the criteria for almost all…except im born on the first day of virgo, not iborn as a leo…
qiu han said sth about me being both like a virgo and leo…
she said if u noe me well u can tell that from the outside I act like leo..but I sorta think like a virgo…
like im sensitive and get hurt easily…and im a perfectionist…Lol
but like a leo I bounce back quickly and im loud and frank and outspoken


And about being hyper…
Actually its pretty zun dat im a solitary rose..cos even when im surrounded by pple laughing, having fun, and trying to keep me involved, I can feel totally sad and depressed and left out…

It usually happens after the period when im super happy and mad and xiao
Then I suddenly go silent and when ppl ask if im ok I say Im sleepy but usually im not im just saddened by some small thing that means a lot to me but is pretty much insignificant to others…
Its quite good I personally think, cos it gets me back to earth after the mad fun and I sit down and think and reflect
But sometimes it just takes over me and I end up helpless and totally sad and depressed..
Horrible process


And about being friendly
How do u know when to say hi and wave?
Cos its really sad and embarrassing when u wave and pple dun see and they dun wave back...>.<
And how can u tell the difference between a cock eyed person and a tao person?...like stupid junkai…lolx>.< and ck, who on at least 3 occasions I saw him today and waved but he didn’t wave back..>.< never have this problem wif girls I realized…

about meeting up to expectations…
like todays victory was a maginal one, cos of the blunders we made in cheerleading..but the pple really spent lotsa time and effort on it so its okay
must say it’s the years 2s and yr 1female trackers who are winning all the medals lolx…its like they are zai lolx…lead by dunno how many points
its like we win this year they ll expect us to repeat the victory next year rite?...
its like so stress when u are compared wif ur senior batch esp if they are zai…like in cedar the prev batch was so good…lucky we were better than them…>.<

I kinda dislike being compared to other pple
Cos its like the two are similar but not the same..u cant expect pple to be the same rite? Cannot ceteris paribus all the time…not applicable wat
And about being compared I dun like, I am me, and you are you…y compare?...just like if last year we get silver doesn’t mean we must at least get a silver this year right?...i mean we always try our best lahz but we should not compete against our peers and seniors records but rather try to stretch our limits right?

and besides this…
want to scold m o e
its like the keep stressing the process is more important not the result, but hu the heck really cares abt the process?...to parents and students nowadays its really the results and marks that matter wat…>.<

manz boy can I crapp
anyway its like life is full of paradoxes

just like this

the statement after this one is true
the statement before this one is false

confusing and mad and infinite and endless possibilities…
and overlapping vortexes and mind warps…
its totally mad…in this world I d like to be just black cos usually theres no difference between white and black , its all just grey…

im digressing…
anyway was talking to beng hee and serene and de xnad teddy yesterday @ bus stop…and we were on the topic of cl teachers… teddy was moaning abt getting cai xiao na and I was like, cai xiao nai is so pretty! Like her eyes are so big and pretty and clear and her lashes are so long and her hair is so nice…

and they all started staring at me like im a weird alien or sth
actually no..i just have a mad attraction to beautiful things…like I said I am a perfectionist so any beautiful stuff should always be appreciated…>.< and yesh I tend to appreciate girls more than guys…but lately I found some eye candy in school…>.< lol dun tell u guys hu! Anyway its just eye candy…see see only lolx
eye candy is good…>.< lolx…
just like when I was mad over this poster of a ang mo guy wearing co0l clothes posing for the clotheswear series fcuk…it’s a really well shot poster..he looks real good…like I was just staring and my fren was like, okay if I give u the guy and the poster which one u wan? And I was like, immediately, I WAN POSTER lolx…
there are so many times when I cut out newspaper ads just cos I think the ads are well shot and look damn beautiful
and so many times I had to prevent myself from snatching off posters from the streets cos they really look good…
im mad lahz :P
anyway
haiz better go liao or else I ll never stop

~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~

yawnz...just finishd school today, waiting for pe later...got one hour to slack...
:)
just felt like smiling, so i did
read peoples blog here and there a little,
and i came back here with like 10000000000
pennies for my thoughts...>.<
lol

well after reading ck s entry abt frens , i tot a lot

its true i find him hard to understand....just like my frens do...they find me moody and scary at times...
but after a while they really know me...

usually its those people whom i dun really understand that i purposely make an effort to try to understand them...
its not so much of understanding, i realised...
cos its really hard...i dun even understand myself sometimes...im still so new to me,
im growing and changing everyday

so i guess its really more about being there for them.
for people who care about me
for people whom i care about
for people who cheer me up ( sida ash serene fan qiu han etc...so many of you..:) )
for people who i want to cheer up( yes ck, thats you...and hs too...sometimes so moody lah, u guys...>.< )

i guess i try to spend more time being there, rather than understanding, cos thats what really matters...:)

and the part about you being a bad fren, ck,
lol
u havent heard the worst

hey guys,
i make a losuy friend because

i have a bad temper
i have mood swings
i am loud and scary
i am brash and act on impulse
i am insensitive and too frank
i am blunt ( eh its the same pt as the one above i guess...>.< lol )
i am stubborn and strong willed
i am impossible to get along with
i always make a point to win arguements
i am unreasonable at times

if u knew all this, would u still fren me?...
or after reading this, come up to me and say, I DUN FREN U ANYMORE!!!
lol...
if u dun, u still want to risk ur life by frening me
then i wanna say thanks!
cos u guys mean so much to me...

even if im sad when im surrounded by people who are loud and happy
even if im a solitary rose...

i makes me smile to think u guys are there

:)


~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

lol i din cheat! :P

~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~

Had a talk with auddie and beng hee and ck today
Online of course
Den I thought about a lot of things
Again
I thought and I thought
And I think im getting mixed up
Tangled in the webs spun by myself
Stuck in the paradoxes created by myself
Fallen into the vertoxes made by myself

Mad
I must be mad
I could be >.<
Anyway after the long talks I sort of unwillingly changed and made my way to woodlands regional library
I knew I was gonna be super late
After all we arranged to meet at 1 and I only left my house at like 12 50?
And as I slowly made my way to the bus stop I realised with a dread that I had just missed the bus
And it would be another 8 minutes or so till the next one would come
I though of taking cab
But im really not a cab kinda person
Plus even if I took cab I d be worrying that I d be late the whole trip
So might as well take mrt and be super late and worry than spend like 8 bucks in a cab and worry even though you wont be very much late
Its all about opportunity cost
Anyway surprisingly I didn’t worry at all
I slowly took my time
Waited at the bus stop reading the philosophy book zhe lent me for leisure
Its pretty good
Its got me into thinking real deep
Much deeper than before anyway
And the same about psychology
I think I know what I want to do when I grow up
I will go to the arts and social sciences stream and for my first year I will major in sociology or social work and philosophy and psychology
Then I will study philosophy and psychology further
Yepp that’s what I will do
For one thing I know that psychology to me has always been a special kind of love affair
Only I know it’s a long lasting one its so interesting it d keep me interested for the rest of my life
Learning and understanding how people think and whats going on in their heads
And philosophy is much closely related to it
Ai wu ji wu
Lol
i was kind of pissed when he seniors sort of laughed at me when I said I wanna do psychology
they said sth abt teens at this age all wanted to do that but later when the get over the phase they d realise its really boring and wunt want to do it for life
I m pretty serious about it so I was pretty offended >.<
At least I know one thing for sure
I wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my life being an accountant or engineer or doctor or research scientist or architect
I want to do what I like
And I like philosophy I like psychology and I like art and design
So im pretty clear actually

Eh back to today
Was like really slowly taking my time
Anyway the stupid comps at wrl suck
Like we paid 1 just to have the stupid comp login, then log out by itself at least 5 times
Wasted our time and money
>.<
Luckily we practically mugged all the yearly reports there in the ref section and found one liners stating the adoption numbers each year
It was like damn pathetic but at least we found something
With those lousy numbers at least we can plot a graph to show the trends in adoption
Thank god we found something
Anyway it was kinda like nostalgia when I reached wrl
Cos its been ages since I went there to borrow books…>.<
After the hard search we went to mos to eat
Should have bought the unagi burger lahz the seafood burger aint as nice
Was damn sad when I sat down and suddenly realise that there was yosh just opposite in a damn ulu and inconspicuous corner
With the money spent on mos I could have had such a good meal at yosh
Yoshinoya >.<
Booo
Anyway its all stupid yz s fault neber tell me there s yosh
Or else id have picked yosh over mos any day

Lol then we went home

And here I am
Later must mugg finish the homework I should have done but haven’t
For now im burning the long vac vcds
So happy!  I ll be able to own one full set in half an hour
Yay! And I can watch it whenever I want and keep it as I like
For free! Lol
Well still have to find more pw stuff hopefully move recent stats cos the latest ones we found is only 2002 ones >.< must try to find 2003 ones
Haha lol so got excuse to go online again 


~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~

been thinking a lot about what people have said about troy...
well its a great historical tragedy, so the endings' pretty much expected ...
but still my heart wrenches at the ending...
about the story i can only say the movie din really follow the original story evry closely...but close enuf...>.<
about its characters, i have so much to say and think about...
ps i m gonna start talking abt the movie so if u havent watched it and want to watch it, u can stop here and exit outta my blog...

everyone probably likes hector...
eric bana is probably gonna shoot to even bigger fame after this...
after all he got the good role of the good man hector..
i remember he had one line, sth like, i have a code of honour, its easy to foloow, love you r country, love your woman and defend your country..sth liddat

easily anyone could emphatize with him...
i mean he s a filial son, a loyal husband, a loving father and a responsible and patriotic man..
or maybe thts how the show portrays him to be...but its like, in real life, in history, we really dun noe what he s like, we only know for sure tht he is a great defender and loyal man to troy...all the rest we are not sure...
plus he has a added advantage...a really cute baby son...aww manz...
he and his wife both have dark hair while his son has light hair...means both of them must have one dark haired allele and light haired allele to give rise to their son who has two light hair allele, each from one of his parents...okay okay forget bio, i dun even take it now...but i like this topic...

anyway his wife is a good woman, his charcter is pleasing and he has a cute son...what more can an audience ask for?...

but i d like to think tht archilles is a sad character...
the show potrays him first as a womaniser and a selfish half mortal..
but as the movie progresses on, i feel myself feeling sad and happy for him..this botter sweet feeling...
about being rash, about his bad temper, about his bruteness...and also about his gentleness which surfaces only for a small while..
all this and so much more...

i d like to think he really loved the girl, i d like to think there really was such a story...
but in real life, there was no girl..
he was a lone warrior...few friends and many foes..
sad fate...his mother tried to make him immortal by washing him in a river with special water...but she left out his heels...thus sealed his fate to be shot down by paris at his weakest point, his heels...
im glad the show potrays him as more humane and more feeling...brash and brute...yet gentle...
but in real life, we dun know for sure what he was like...we only know his story was a sad and angry one...
fightng his whole life, a born warrior...

sad sad story...

helen....well i think shes really pretty...she s another sad story...>.<
about her marriage to that lan sai king of sparta...and her seduction by paris...
shes really vulnerable...like a bird in a cage just waiting to fly out...and paris just happened to be the one who could release her and let her free...
about her loving paris, i wun know whether its true for sure...
after all it happened so long ago...and it was probably because both of the are good looking...infatuation does happen...
love?...maybe not...especially for paris...
maybe helen loved him...but he lusted after her...he had passion for her...but love?...i think it was a one sided love affair on her part..lol suddenly remember hector saying sth about worshipping the gods being a one sided love affair...>.<

paris...
i really dun like his character..
but orlando bloom succeeded...i tink, cos i came out of the cinema cursing and scowling at his character...he successfully made me dislike his chicken coward character, paris...

paris is one lousy man...
he should have died...
he was too young...too brash...too ...erm...inexperienced...
coward!
even if troy had won troy would nt have lasted long in his rule...
about his being young and naive...
that is part of his character i suppose...

so in overall after i have torn the story apart and slowly tot thru its charcters, i think its a pretty good show...go watch it...even if u dun think as much as i do...u d probably watch it cos its a blockbuster and will be remembered even after mayb 10 years?

and maybe cause you think orlando bloom is a pretty boy brad pitt has a hot bod diane kruger is a chio bu and eric bana was the hulk..

contrary to what hs said...i wasnt drooling at any of the guys in the show...
nope not brad pitt, even though i really liked his character as death in meet joe black...despite that being a pretty lousy movie...
i was more feeling sad for him...

and anyway i dun like orlando bloom..i dun even like legolas...would choose aragorn over him any day...

i always feel sad...
why issit that when watching a movie i have to be so....thinking...and not enjoy it like everyone else enjoys a blockbuster?...
why cant i tear like all the other girls do when they see hectors father beg to have his body back?...why dun i drool at brad pitt and orlando?...i am hopeless...

my mom s starting to nag again..shit...it ll never end...
have to go woodlands library for pw later...
so long, freedom
so long, slacking

now i wanna leave this place.

~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~

okay okay guys
i noe some of u have been complaining
so i am updating now at like 11 41
at nite
lol
seems like ages
havent updated
today is college day 35th anniversary
:P
performed today
and i remembered to raise my hand! at the stupid ceremony...
was feeling darn stressed...>.< lucky i didnt screw it up..

anywayz
after choir prac in the morning
we went for the movie troy
which i really didnt want to watch
cos i tot it was trashy and fos ...>.<
saved by eric bana and brad pitt and hectors wife anc cute baby son...:D
it was like one huge heap of people going to watch...and we were like wondering if there were enuf tix...
ash had to do sth for her class stall so she went later and ck waited fer her...
the rest left...
was trying to coax shaun and da party to ggo but failed quite miserably...:(
i suck
anyway im feeling sad...less and less people to talk to in choir...>.< even in class also...
everyone s got their own cliques and i m trying to merge them but its like to no avail...i still wun give up...

den we watched and stoned and i tabaoed ljs fries and we left for school in a rush
we were nearly late
we sang
and it was ok

our class stall did quite well, profits of 40 bucks...
and like we were so hyper and n2..>.<
until we reached kap...den we started stoning...til we went home...

and this is my day...

oh shit

good morning.



~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~

Ahhh waiting to eat and watch teevee!
Today is slacker day I decided
Hawhaw because I know im probably gonna mug for the common tests
>.<
I hope?
Anyway was remembering that hs said I was freaky
Cos of my voice?
And my character I guess, I dun like to be wishy washy like most girls
I also dun like bitching behind pple backs
I prefer to yell and curse and scold in front
But now Im toning down a lot
But mostly cos now im happy 80% of the time
Maybe cos of choir
:D
That’s great I think =D
I like jay zhou
Jay Zhou 1st 2nd 3rd 4th album
Of which my favourites are (1)niang2 zi3, (2)love before B.C., simple love, shanghai 1943, sorry, quiet, (3)the train takes off, secret code, half island metal box ( ha ), (4)east wind break, year3 class2, same sort of twang
Haha a bit weird my translation but jay Zhou should have no difficulty deciphering!

I like david tao
Ah yeah, love David Tao! He just rocks man! Like all his albums!
My favourites are: airport 10:30, normal friends, dislike red tower dream, the moon resprents whose heart? I like it, I love you, everyday.
Haha my weird translations,but David tao fans should have no trouble understanding also!


I like anson hu yan bin
I like Wilber pan wei bo
And so many more

I haven’t heard English songs for ages
Been vegetating
Haven’t even watched mtv for months
Used to be my most frequented channel
:P
I wan my cd playerrrrrr
Hahaha lol cannot must save money for other purposes
Yepps cd player can wait
MUST wait
Haiyoh

Wondering what cantab will be like next year
Hope we could have a musical or something liddat
Like last time in cedar the musik extravaganza
It was damn good loh
Haha train like mad and sing and dance
But it was all well worth it
Haha lo germany coming soon and so is the student liason officer thingy
Cant wait!
Hahah adrenaline rush
But before that must salvage my maths which is in a pile of shit or rather like a pile of shit
I seriously need tution
how did I make it past 10 years of education without tution, struggling on my own?
I dunno.whatever the case I will try to struggle on, tution is ex, I wanna save money
Hahaha lol I am a cheapskate!

Oh whatever.





~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~

aww manz today was one boring morning.
so shall talk about yesterdays match
nj vs vj
the match of the century!!!!
erm actually no....just was quite exciting...probably cos i feel strongly attached to whichever scho0l i belong to ...even if the pple there are super unenthu...
the leaders were trying so hard to make us cheer...there were a few half hearted yells...but mostly the sound of drums and cracked dustbins and desks and the sound of poles colliding against sticks...
and i did i mention i was sitting right behind someone who was slamming the desk?
was EARTH CRACKING...
but anyway i had lotsa fun...
cheering...>.<
and i feel like my cheering voice has been hiddden away fer sooo long...
like last time in cedar i was so loud and enthu...then come here the pple so ...erm...stone...want to cheer also very hard...feel so alone...
oh man...anywayz i saw chin yaw hitting the pole against the desk...hahahaha
and hs said he was in the same middle block as me, only i was cheering like mad but he was not...>.<

hahaha...actually i wanted to run fer council...but decided not to cos i cant think of a way to improve the image of nj or make nj pple more enthu...actually the students keep saying so much abt wanting the leaders to MAKER them enthu, but if the students really dun wanna BE enthu, theres nothin anyone else can do lehz...>.<

haiz.its all abt ur self pple, dun keep wanting others to make u do it, u have to be spontaneous...
ahh i know this sounds cock...maybe cos cheering comes naturally to me...cos i have a voice made for cheering...and this spirit and good feeling i get from hearing others cheer with me spurrs me on...its so easy, if only other stuff were as easy for me...

im starting to think im good at all the wrong stuff.the stuff dat doesnt really matter...
my art is pretty good...and my drama and singing is ok...hhahaha and im pretty good at hip hop too :D
but i suck at math....really
i know im gonna fail this test cos i din even noe how to do 1 question, not even one...shucks...
gonna be in classroom lect for sure...im even betting wif yichao , to see hu get lower marks...he sure lose one...>.<
scully later he 0, i 1....den i sure cry...cos liddat also can , i owe him one...
naw...i ll probably get 3 or sth...and hope he gets 5...den he owes me a treat...hawhaw...

haiz.really must buck up...all the stuff dat comes naturally to others...like math, im so damn weak at...Ck keep saying wat trig is easy, den im like, NO WAY!!!!

haiz

but phys tut today was ok..i understood all the stuff...better revise though...haha no hmwk due 2morrow...can slcak today
:)
and econs tut was great...mr goh managed to salvage all the damage tht the woman had done...but once again during lect i found myself lost...HELP mr goh!!!!!
haiz.

life sucks....at least i got pe later, play games...:)
hahaz...still thinking of wat to get the seniors...hmmm must be sth nice and creative also...and with a personal touch!...ahhh but so troublesome...anyway i got all the way till july to get them sth...and to save money...(dats the important part)
hahah...lol

hungry!...oh yeah pple please tag the other blog de board lahz...damn sad cos got error then all the old tags are GONE...~>.<~
aww manz...

tagggg!

hahaz.


~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~

my old blog tag board is DEAD...
ahh all the old tags are gone
pple please tag again
>.<

~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~

today was really boring...got up late....
and den was late fer the bus so i ran...
felt so stupid cos i walked all the way near the bus stop den walk back home cos i left my wallet at home...

no actually i THOUGHT i left my wallet at home...i didnt...
so it was a wild goose chase...
so i made it to school all sweaty and upset...

and dere in the lt was ck ash and sher...
and hs also...
oh yeah that reminds me that auddie din mugg yesterday...naughty gal!
hahah good luck lahz...u ll do well...the mid years always suck..i got l1r5 19 for mid year...>.<

hahahha

well now slacking at bytes...seriously
not enuf time loh ...the suicidal episode...
not enuf time to cheat while the class mate jumps out of the window....
shucks
i cant get past level4

:(

aww manz
and beng hee and hs all made it liao
looks like im not cut out to be a cheat...horhor
shit later got chem spa...mus mugg
but first lemme try again...

mothers day was slack
my parents went out and my sis went to get a cake in secret...
i was at home looking after the stuff...
hahaha watch dogggg
anyway it wasnt really a surprise but my mom was pretty pleased
hahaha but she din eat much of the blueberry cheesecake...
i ate a little...
sniff
shit
falling sick....
haiyoh not again..i very healthy last time...den come nj becom so prone to illness

haiz.

everyone is so down.
must cheer up!
including me...>.<

hai

~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~

was thinking of writing stuff...but dunno wat..read the tags...and saw ck s tag about luo han fishy...haha
reminds me dat my good fren darell ( a girl if u wan to noe, not a guy, and yesh her name is darell..)
she said once her house the luo han fish had the numbers 0000 on it..but her mom din believe it, end up its was FIRST prize...

hawhaw...

and she said the fish is darn stupid...
it has a cracked lip >.<
cos it like to swim from one end of the tank to the other and slam its face against the glass tank surface...:X

aww man a sm luo han fishy...

anyway about my obsession with 'the classroom'
its a fun cheating game at 2flashgames.com
but i can never get past level four, when u have to use the time when ur class mate is commiting suicide to run to the geek and copy the test answers...always not enuf time to run back to the seat...:'(

anyway my comp cannot even load the agme properly...must play at sko0l
:'(
aww manz...
and ck say wat he very guai neber cheat den first attempt level four...aww manz...
anyway heard ant say theres a level when theres blackout and u have to snatch seats to sit next to the geek and copy answers...aww man i wanna playyyyyyyyy

haha

:D


~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~

lately been feeling sad...
supposed to be happy i guess...
i found my hand band which i have lost 1 week ago
was hell without it...couldnt keep my fringe off my fore head and it was annoying me and i couldnt do my work properly...
den now, its back on my head.
:)

haiz was feeling sad because the goldfish in my house got an infevtion and its underside is all red and swelling and its forced to swim upside down...
and looking at how pathetic and sad and poor thing it is makes me sad...

i shouldnt care raelly, after all its not mine...its my dad and sis s ...i dun even feed or look after it and stuff...god i dun even ususally notice its existence....!
but when i saw it in such a state today, it made me feel sad and helpless....

my dad and sis are probably doing the right thing...just letting it swim upside down and remain infected and wait to die...or wait for some miracle to happen and the infection will heal by itself...

its quite understandable, after all the fish only costs 2 bucks....
why bring it to a vet to cure it and stuff...and there may not even be a cure...

but some how i am saddened...even though it costs 2 bucks, we bought it and it has a life and we have the responsibility to take care of it and it has the right to fight to live, right?

haiz.its just a 2 dollar goldfish.

i dunno whats wrong with me.


~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~

feeling real off colour today.
dunno y.
maybe after the mad fun and excitement and laughing and joking,
i feel real hollow and empty and somber inside.
:(
like i said
my life is a sine curve
lucky its intervals not very far apart
so i ll be happy again
been feeling a little sick and tired
maybe because pple are used to seeing the happy hyper smiley frenly cheerful clowning me
and there used to the stubborn independent self reliant me

but sometimes
i can be sad
cos i dun wanna be the tough one
i dun wanna be the clown
all the time
it gets tiring
im always looking out for others
i wish there would be someone to look out for me.

haiz.
anyway choir today was ok except we were inefficient and only did part A and B of exsuta ...
i was feeling real shitty for some weird reason...dunno y...get so easily annoyed.
haiz.
after choir was starving cos during the extremely short break
i only drank qing teng ( our class drink!! 04S13 rox!! )
wanted to eat vegetarian noodles but Ck ate the last plate...
and sandwiches are the worst kinda thing to eat so i didnt buy...
anyway it was weird but funny,cos our table the only year two was ck...
haha

haiz.
after choir we stoned and decided to go to town
me ash ck cy honseng and the couple
went fer chicken rice which was so ex...
four forty....oh man my wallet...
then the couple left and we went to singtel shop cos cy wanted to check out sth
then ck kept saying want drink coffee so we went to coffee bean
and stoned
and sang

and i miss tao so much...must digg ( cy : digg-na-re~ cle-me... haha )out david's album and go listen...like airport 10 30 and normal frens and everyday and i like it and dislike red tower dream and today dun go home and my anata ( haha )

like to listen to lalala...piano version...its incredibly sad and it tears my heart apart sometimes, just listening to it...and i will feel like crying...feel so silly...but the piano is so sad...the melody is supposed to be happy...at least when toshinobu kubokata sings it, its so happy and fun, but when i heard the piano version my heart starts to ache and my stomach churns...and i feel tears...

haiz.

anyway during the rehearsal today saw xiao mi and kairu and fannn and cheryl....was sort a small s13 gathering...we stoned a little at the desk
and i smiled at xiao mi

xiao mi is such a gentleman...thats why he has so many female frens i guess...
haha being 'married' to him is really fun lahz...at least for the past few months...but hes pretty forgetful though....anyway we re like such good frens now....

maybe its the magic of the 3 months...
me heng yz and hui
all the magical feeling
the fun
the spirit

is gone
any special feelings too...

haiz.

life is sad.

anyway, must go dig jay out tooo

meanwhile

lemme stay sad.


~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~

Hahaz. Slept during lecture again today. Haiz I think I had better master the skill of waking up at the right time to copy notes, will be extremely useful. =D
Hahaz. Anyway todays moring session was more people than usual, maybe cos today is Friday and some people thought there was singing. Yepps. Turned out I wasn the first, shermaine was playing the piano when I came. Den went out to get a drink and while I opened the door I almost whammed into Ck!!!! Hahaha I was like, AAAAaaRRRRrrrGGGGggHHhhhh!!!!!~~~
Ha
But he was like,................
Haha maybe haven't wake up properly yet, like Stanley, u noe some times hes in such a state when we find him at the bus stop waiting for 156...hahah >.<
Aww manz anyway the rest of people came and we started singing and stuffs.haha was real funny cos Thomas was making weird faces while trying to reach the low notes, hon seng was looking amused, and Ck was giving weird looks.
Haha.aww manz. I really dun think I could bear them leaving. ~>.<~

Lessons suck lah I was perpetually juz WAITING for the day to pass so four o clock could come and I could slack and wait for choir to start. Wanted to go bytes and paly the classroom, haben got past level four cheating yet, always unable to cheat enuf to pass while my classmate is commiting suicide-hahaha go check it out, its at 2flashgames.com, called the classroom, really fun!

Anyway sort jus got my way thru this sloppy Friday.Really must mug my econs chap five and trig, cos dunno wat the hell is happening, esp 4 econs cos the lecturer suckx ( we all agree ) and I was sleeping like, erm 80% of the time? Hahah

Haiz. On a more somber note, got sorta of scolded awake by miss lim today during choir, good cos I was like still in the holiday mood, but now I realise even giving 100 % per session is not enuf, mus really prac at home. Hahah facial expression and smiling I have no qualms wif that, im good LOH! =D

Like during choir was sort of discussing who to room wif and stuff, and I was like stoning around....
And suddenly felt sad 
Cos even though I noe so many people and have so many frens, how mnay of them are my real good frens? Even though im part of the 156 people now, and its fun and all, but cant help feeling sad at times, cos I think that seriously when I have a problem or stuff, theres no one I will approach....cos like none of them are really that close to me. Like Thomas is always wif the bimbos, and the bimbos I seriously cannot get erm...oh never mind. Stanley is so stone, and then theres serene, whom I really find nice and we have lots in common, but still shes closer to the altos ( mostly the bimbos ) lah...yepp.
Of course theres teddy, but after all he s a guy, if we get too close people will talk and stuff and teddy doesn't really get along with the seniors and stuff..

So sometimes even though im surrounded by people who are fun and laughing and joking and stuff, I feel very much alone
Like last time in cedar it was just me jayanthi and priya:D
The three musketeers!!! Like we were really close, so even though we didn't belong to the popular clique or get along well wif them, I couldnt care less!  cos I had the two of them, and thts all I need! 

All this sounds so soppy and primary three, but its wat I really feel, anyway.
Would you like to know me? would you like to be my best fren? :D
Im dun trust people easily and dun open up easily either, but once you become my fren, I ll do almost anything for you! Im fiercely loyal and faithful!!! Hahahaha I very jiang 3 yi4 qi4 one!!!  this one is really 100 tru and all my frens agree...
But I have a bad temper and lack patience at times...
And I have the appetite of three hungry men...:D and im really loud and rowdy...
Despite all this, would you still want to fren me and be there for me when I need you? Cos when you need me, I ll be there, or least least I will try my best to...
Hahahaha okay this sounds silly. Like some ad in the classifieds :P
Aww manz, I should just forget it.
Its great to see hon seng and Ck being such good frens , aww manz, making me feel sad.:(
Its easier to make frens but hard to get close ones, in jc lah.
But I judge my frens by the closeness not the number...so maybe that’s why im sad.
Oh well shouldn’t ask for too much, cos I really feel damn lucky sometimes, especially after going thru so much to get here, where I am today.

But still, sometimes, I ll think of qiu han. Even though we weren't in the same cca but we d been best frens for 4 years, and I believe, foever.  maybe one is enough. Haha but me, being human, cant help but be greedy and wish for more. After all its always good to have frens 

Also really glad I got to know some seniors better, the sops seniors, sher, hon seng, Ck, chin yaw, angela, etc.which is what I never did in secondary school. Haha maybe cause I ve changed my mindset and the way I treat people, and its really going my way!man, this rocks! Choir rocks!
Hahhahaha okkie im too hyper liao


After choir we sorta stoned around and then we decided to walk out, and someone suggested going to kap to eat. I was really borke lah so I didn't really want to go, but like almost everyone was going, so I could feel the peer pressure persuading me to go, haha
Ck was so aa cos the other j 2s dilly dallied and he had to walk out with the j 1s and wait for them. In a bid to save money, I didn't go to kap. Aww manz really wanted to go but mom cooked liao and I broke...more like broken!

Haha still thinking of how to raise enough money to treat the years twos and what to buy for the seniors...aww manz I dun wanna just buy sth from outside, I wan to make sth too...hmm still thinking! Hahahaa and im not not eating Ck !!!! I LOVE to eat manz ( thus my dinosaur size...remember xiao mi say he wanna be dinosaur when he grow up...im getting very close to his dream liao...:P) its just that I m saving money, and im cheapskate, cannot MEHZ !!! hahahaha. >.<

And I dun like people to offer to treat me for no good reason. Man, even if it was my birthday, I probably wouldn't let you treat me! Unless you really owe me one. I think I complain too much the guys cannot stand it then offer to treat me! >.<
Haha hey guys, save your treats for your girl frens next time, k? buddies no need treat one...
I remember once went out wif mich heng yz and hui hui, then was complaining that I was broke ( as usual) and ask y heng dun wan treat us ( me mich hui hui ), and he was like, TREAT U FOR WAT! And he sorta said sth about only treating his gf in future and only being esp nice to her and no one else...
I was sorta touched by wat he said, after all his crapp lah...
Manz, hui hui, wat are u waiting for? Grabb him!!! Before he catches the eye of some girl in rj, den its hard to say what will happen , after all u two never really made any promises or really were together...

Haiz.
Looking at Cheryl in a state of bliss is seriously scaring me. Im feeling really happy for her cos this is wat my gut predicted, but my gut says sth else too, which I hope junkai will prove me wrong....>.< PLEASE, god, please, whatever happens please dun let Cheryl get hurt...I hope they can stay together and be happy for as long as forever, cos I know even though Cheryl looks independent and tough but shes really romantic and soft and sweet inside...~>.<~ I ve heard of too many cases of break up, but I hope this wont be one...cheryl is till very much a girl inside...so naïve and sweet and innocent and romantic...haiz. Worried fer her. JUN KAI!!! If u re reading this, u better be good to her or else, I ll go BASH YOU UP wif my smiley coconut!!!!!

Besides all these happenings, I ve learnt not to judge a person by his outer appearance.
Yepps, im a good example, cold on the outside, hot on the inside. And im NOT TAO loh!! I m so frenly...curse the person hu said im tao!!!or tao looking...really must smile more..anyway I realised I look real nice when I smile, so I will smile more often 

Lemme see, well in the beginning I tot Thomas is fos, full of shit, but turns out hes really philosophical and thinking at times...and initially I tot hueeey ( reika! In case u dunno y, her surname is hue...so cute rite!!! Aww manz... ) was really tao, but turns out she s a really responsible and fun gal to be with!!! And wat else, erm I tot the bases seniors are tao, but when I waved to them, they smiled and waved back! Aww manz...and I thought ck was one scary guy, but turns out hes really just misunderstood...hahaha I also tot shuan was tao, but now if u ask me, SHAUN? TAO? NO WAY!!!! More of like super LAME!!!! Hahahahas

All this and so much more...
Haiz im really learning so much everyday! 
Anyway choir again tomolo, but its never boring, cos you guys are there! 
Plus breakfast at ya kuns tomolo, wat more can I ask for? :D



~jus+ LisTen 2 Mik@ AnD lEt's cHilLou+~