was eating lunch with qianlyn when i got this sms from shannon:

'had the weirdest dream today.

dream that you gave up being vegetarian and gobble down a steak. O.o."

very funny, nono.

kept me amused for the rest of the day.

i've been having my fair share of dreams lately,

but it's mostly been about being able to have a second shot,

about having the chance to reverse my mistakes/choices/decisions

and also...

well.

----------------------------------

'i don't get it man, psych. it's like, your face; you have this emo look sometimes, and it's like 'i hate the world, fuck you, i just slit my wrists the other day, fuck off', and then sometimes you're like girly and fluffy and all.'

--------------------------------

'hi.'

'er, hi?'

'i haven't formally introduced myself. my name is-'

'i know your name already, it's sherman.'

'oh. yeah, sherman. but i don't know your name.'

'... it's ok, you don't need to know.'

'no, but i need to know.'

'no, it's ok, you don't need to know.'

'no but i need to know it.'

'no, seriously, it's ok, you don't need to know.

er, i think you should be upstairs or something.'

'no, but i URGENTLY need to know it.

even if i get fired by the boss i need to know it.'

--------------------------------

it's a funny thing, really.

halfway while i was squirming/cringing/laughing my head out next to mahonseng in the cinema, watching diane kruger with her fantastic german accent and brad pitt with his really-irksome american one, i received an sms from weiling asking me if i was still alive and if i was hanging on,

because last weekend, i told i [was so sad] felt like [i was] dying.

it's a funny thing.

human beings.

it's sad how you can't be very sad forever.

yes, there are moments, you can't control

when the emptiness seeps into these spaces,

when you start thinking about things you shouldn't

when you start missing people you really shouldn't at all,

but generally,

you realise, you rationalise,

you accept fate/the truth/the reality of things.

however your pride has been thrown away, with however less worth you have left,

you continue living on, with that little bit of hope and pride, wishing/anticipating/still hoping

that tomorrow,

that next time,

it will be better,

things will be better.

it's a good thing i guess.

but it's sad not to be able to be sad for forever.

-----------------------------------------------------------

i think i shocked the guts out of mahonseng when he smsed me to ask what time and where to watch the movie and i replied,

'oh, anywhere is good. im free now,

just made a police report. can meet you anywhere.'

all i can say is that today was the first time i went to a police station and i was really kind of okay with the whole experience except that the officer really took super long to take my statement.

it was kind of funny how little knowledge he has about online shopping and sprees and the whole process and stuff, and kept apologising for his lack of it. but he was really sincere and kind of helpful about it, and what touched me most was that he took me/our case really seriously.

but that i am really disappointed with how low mankind can be

and how horrible and irresponsible some people can be,

and also even now, even today i am still thinking

countless times we've given her chances,

countless times she's promised all of us,

to refund us and/or send out the items,

but time and time again she has...

just lied.

just used it,

as a tactic, to delay,

to delay for time.

and i only finally got some bit of my money refunded from her only after spam calling her constantly like nonstop over a few days.

how can a person have no conscience no regret?????

zero remorse, NONE AT ALL!...............

sigh :(

for all the people she has cheated, for all the money she has cheated them [myself included] of?

and i'm also disappointed that many of the girls are not reporting this scammer because they're afraid if they report her they can't get their money back [since the police cant assure us that we will get our money back, even if the person gets jailed/punished or what]....

yeah, money is important,

but isn't it more important to make sure a dangerous chainliar and scammer like her is punished and put behind bars to prevent more innocent people from getting scammed?....

and it's also funny how i indirectly became the spokesperson/helpline for some of these girls when i started to mass email all the victims to source for more information about the scammer, to offer each other help and to rally to report the scammer.

'help me please! i have 1000 dollars worth of sprees with her! :('

'what should i do? she doesn't reply the emails at all!'

'can you help me threaten her pls? wtf, she isn't replying at all!!!'

............

...........

i get new girls emailing me asking for help everyday, and i can't help but feel helpless about it....

all i hope is that

there is justice in the world.

even if i don't get my money back

[money can be earned,

but not the trust that she betrayed]

it'll be good enough to see her jailed and punished for her offences.

it's sad that i have to change my perception of mankind cause of her.

i watched a movie alone today for the first time [in my life] and i kind of liked it.

i've always thought of movies as a waste of time [because you're spending way lot more than i think is reasonable for the whole cinema experience] and always classified them as a kind of low-level group-only-bonding activity that i only do if really necessary.

[thus,]

i could never understand why chye keong would always tell us about his fantastic little single-movie days [he could rewatch movies 3 times or more, sometimes alone, sometimes with friends or us] but today just for a little while, sitting in the nice soft cinema seat, my eyes glued to the wide screen, munching on the illegally-brought-in chips from my workplace,

but lately i've been watching movies quite a lot,

and i kind of got hooked onto it.

and today,

even alone,

i actually liked it.

i guess i could grow to get used to this feeling.

'Sometimes I think I was born backwards... you know, come out of my mum the wrong way. I hear words go past me backwards. The people I should love, I hate, and the people I hate...'

- effy stonem, SKINS -

----------------------------------------------------------------

reducing carbon emission, better smelling poo, not-so-bad-smelling perspiration, better digestion and defacation, protecting cute and innocent animals, being good to the environment,

yes there are countless benefits to being vegetarian,

but really the question i should ask is,

is it working?

is it working? the way i wanted it to be?...

because i thought it would be the ideal solution to all my problems, plus a whole lot of benefits to the environment and my health as a whole [the main problem aside], but really,

is it working?

and i know i cannot lie.

[at least not to myself]

it's not working.

not working at all.

despite all the benefits, despite how i even [unintentionally] managed to impress others and inspire some others to follow in my footsteps,

it's not working for me at all.

and i can't seem to control it.

it's just like a slippery slope i'm trudging down leading to nowhere.

and the irony of all things is,

that i know it.

the feeling of it.

i know it, so well.

someday i know [i hope] i will snap out of it

and then when i look back and laugh about it,

it will all be just like a fragment of a bad dream.

sometimes, somethings happen, and you can't seem to control anything, or anyone,

you knew it would happen; you guessed it would happen, and yet still....

and they happen exactly as you imagine it, exactly as how you expect it, exactly as how you anticipated it.

and then after it happens,

when you look back on yourself,

it's as if it were someone else,

it's as if a part of you could say,

'aha, see, don't say i didn't tell you so'

and then maybe for a while you question yourself,

'why couldn't i control myself? if i knew it was going to happen?'

but you can't seem to find an answer...

and then...

it just draws a blank.

nobody can be sad for long,

but for now,

i just really feel like taking a step back,

going somewhere really far away,

and realising again once more,

how small my problems are,

how insignificant i am,

and how wonderful, how big, how endless this world is,

and maybe after a while things will be okay again.

need a holiday.

i thought that crying discreetly on the bus, huddled in a corner, head leaning against the glass panel was something reserved for protagonists in idol drama serials or main characters in novels, but somehow it just happened, and some things can't be controlled.

i wasn't sobbing or wailing or anything,

i just put my head against the glass window, it was cold, there was no one else on the bus, yet, and then thinking about the things that happened recently,

it just happened.

and then now when i look back at it, on replay in my mind,

it's like as if that person is/was someone else i dont know;

i am ashamed, that i am/was so weak, so vulnerable,

that i must have looked horrible,

that anyone could have seen it

[but luckily no one i hope]

and

that it's beyond control.

i promise myself that if i go to sleep early tonight and wake up tomorrow,

everything will be okay and i will forget this bus thing ever happened.

yes,

everything will be okay.

the best way to forget something is to commit your memory to something else;

the best way to get over something is to focus on something else;

the best way to pass time is to waste it on something else;

the best way to do it

is to commit to it

and not look

back.

just need to get used to it

just need to get used to it

just need to get used to it

just need to get used to it

getting used to things

is not that difficult.

it's just that sometimes there are some things the brain cannot seem to control.

the eyes, the ears, the hands, the heart

sometimes.

------------------------------------------------------------

apples will be apples.

bought from the market,

sitting in a basket,

sliced into pieces,

made into juice,

eaten alone.

------------------------------------------------------------

i remember the table numbers,

can take customer's orders,

can make blended drinks,

can handle the cashier,

but i'm still terribly afraid of using the milk frothing machine.

oh the sound of it,

and the way i squirm,

when the customer says,

'cappucino'

or

'cafe latte'

need practice.

i can't breathe [my nose is clogged with mucus]
my throat is burning [my oesophagus is clogged with phlegm]
and

FINALLY I CAN DELETE THE 'YOU GOTTA BE' song OFF MY COMPUTER!!!!


never have to listen to it ever again!
HAHA.

but amusingly somebody said
'secretly i think you were mesmerizing'

SERIOUSLY?
i really don't know how to deal with compliments, man.

It's quite funny because i think i was half-groggy from headache and flu, lying huddled up under my cheap ikea throw in the room when soo flung herself into the room excitedly and told me that i got a postcard (from j).

and it's quite funny;
J, you don't have to be guilty about forgetting my birthday and/or not getting me a present [really, i mean it.] it's nothing big and it's not like i was really anticipating a smashing super big fantastic birthday or what [like the one held for a 1-year old last saturday at the place where i work. the rich mom booked the whole lower deck to have a birthday for her baby david. exciting.] it was quiet and contemplative, like i kind of wanted it to be. though i would have loved it more if i could have afforded to get a ticket to go somewhere random and spend my birthday alone.

just come back and we can talk more or something.
you can show me the pictures from your trips around in and out of philly,
and oh, before you come back you BETTER GET ME SOME KRISPY KREME. haha.

and i'm sorry i haven't been keeping up writing you postcards lately.
procrastination/work/schoolwork/hall stuff has gotten the better of me.


i promise i will write.
soon.
-------------------------------

like donuts that came late,

could/should there be second chances?
and if there are,


what should you do with them?
[because things have changed already]
-------------------------------

i realised the more busy i get/the more issues i have
the more i like to/tend to overload on things/issues such that i become so busy sometimes i wonder if i can even cope/breathe

i think i was thinking that if i got busy i wouldn't have the spare time to brood or to think unnecessarily about these unimportant things.


yeah, i hope it's working.

it's not that difficult

these things can be regulated!

------------------------------------

starting to slowly fit into the workplace and pace.

there are a dozen reasons i could think of to leave
[the really-dreary long journey, irritating bus fare and bus ride, lack of satisfying pay, my homework piling up, project meetings and hall stuff clogging up my limited 24 hrs a day and 7 days a week, lack of time at home amongst 987654323456784123456789 other reasons, but well]

but really slowly as i get to know the people and place better it's getting the better of me and i'm getting fonder of the place and people by the minute.
i've got a really amiable and understanding, reasonable boss, super friendly, welcoming and generally helpful co-workers [with the exception of 1 whom i probably misunderstood but she still comes across to me as hostile and kind of scary so i just try to stay alert when she's there], really cool kitchen co-workers/staff, especially the dessert/pizza chefs sam and lyn, and the bartender/cashier wan, who have been really nice and cool to me and all.

the thing is, once you get to know people,
no matter how sucky the job is,

you get sucked in [literally] and your mind starts telling you that you get other kinds of satisfaction [other than financially] that is the REAL cause behind you going there

[it's the same thing as the paradigm in which you force psychology experiment participants to do a super boring test and then give them little or no cash compared to giving them a substantial amount of money,
and the former group rating the test as more interesting and the latter rating it as damn boring [which is what is was] because they attributed their behaviour of doing the test to the good cash while the poor sods who got little or no cash had to convince themselves they really liked the test and that it was fun]

but yeah, i'm not disliking it. despite complaining that i'm tired, blah blah.
but what annoys me the most is that if it's 10-10 i can never knock off punctually at 10. ending late at 1030 or even 1045 is fine if we get renumeration but the pissing part is we don't get paid for the extra 45 mins we've worked. even though i'm always punctual for work.

maybe i should go late for work to make up for the 45 mins extra late we end. ha.

but the creme bulee and the kaya muffin and the rosted soil cheesecake and the chocolate dessert and the mushroom pizza that i got to eat and didnt need to pay for [ohmygoditsallfood]

oh well.

sigh.
i'm getting sucked in already.
-------------------------------------------------

met mah honseng at the bus stop yesterday.
it was really funny, because for a second he looked at me, then right past me, which was funny because i recognized him right away. without hesitation. because he looked exactly the same as he was/how i remembered him.

and then he was overcome with surprise as i went up to him and said hello and sat down next to him [with 1 toenail less and 2 subway cookies in my stomach]



and then there for a moment,

as i sat next to ma honseng,

i really missed the times we were in choir together,
the times we stayed back late for practice,
the times we yelled across the corridor in bremen,
the times we spent practising and singing like crazy for syf,

i really missed him, i really missed shaun, i really missed ash, i really missed yi tuan, i really missed shermaine, i really missed ck, i really missed huey, i really missed screw, i really missed thom thom, i really missed bingxi, i really missed sne-ey, i really missed standing next to ben, i really missed ben a lot.
i really missed it all.

but things pass,
people come and go,

and also,

times/time change/have changed.
and i can't go back any longer.




[we should]
keep love for/to the future.

no?

today i opened the door, rammed it into my toe, half the toenail was kind of left hanging and it was oozing blood and in my mind i thought

fuck


after 2 hours at uhwc, mostly waiting, tori accompanying me there, keeping me warm and assured with her kendo jacket and small chitchat, i am now 1 toenail less.
the nurses were really funny and very nice, and the doctor was overworked but really cool about it all and really pro at it. he got it removed real quick.

it's really kind of absurd now i come to think of it.
this kind of thing really doesn't happen to everyone, anyday.
what's the problem with me?

i really pity my feet/toes.
i bet they're thinking,

'i wish owner didn't hurt us so much'

---------------------------------------

yesterday during acappella practice i had to control myself to prevent from bursting out laughing because somebody was calling me and his contact picture was flashing on my phone [i took the picture secretly during an earlier time and set it as his contact picture in my phone the other day cause i was bored and fiddling around with my phone contents and pictures] and it is/was a super cute/funny picture.
[not showing it cause it's a secret picture, ha!]






it was a really funny moment

and a really cute picture.

---------------------------------------

i met a cat who posed for me, for a photograph.

there she sat,

as she looked, far off into the distance, thoughfully.

she said,

i've been waiting too long,

for someone to give me a home;

people like to pet me, to feed me,

give me love occasionally,

be kind to be unnecessarily,

but i have no place to go home.

and so i belong to nobody,

i belong to no one.

i do not have a heart;

i seem to have lost it along the way

maybe i left it with the little boy who loved me, but not enough;

or the little girl who played with me, then threw me away;

i do not know

because i have no heart.

and so i belong to nobody,

i belong to no one.

i am a cat.

i belong to no one,

and the world is mine to wander.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

You gotta be

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together

All I know, all I know, love will save the day

---------------------------------------------------------------------

the orange asked the apple,

'so, what fruit do you like?'

and the apple thought

'actually, i like oranges,

but if i say it we can't be in the same fruit basket anymore'

so the apple said,

'hmmm. dunno.'

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Sun rays come down as seen when they hit the ground,
Children spinning around till they fall down down down.
I wait for you: it's been two hours now,
You're still somewhere in town,
Your dinners getting cold.
I rest my case you are always this late,
And you know how much I hate waiting around 'round 'round,
Bitter heart, bitter heart tries to keep it all inside,
Bitter heart, bitter heart shadows will help you try to hide,
Bitter heart, my bitter heart is gettin' just a little fragile,
Bitter heart, bitter heart of mine.
And then you come and tell me the same reason as you did yesterday,
So tell me whats her name.
Doo doo da dum, doo doo da dum, doo doo doo doo doo doo da da dum dum, da da da da dum, da da da da dum, da da da da dum.

Bitter heart, bitter heart tries to keep it all inside
Bitter heart, bitter heart shadows will help you try to hide,
Bitter heart, my bitter heart is just getting a little fragile,

Bitter heart, bitter heart of mine, of mine, of mine, of mine, of mine, of mine.

what is this weird feeling in my gut?

[to]

love someone deeply
love someone selflessly
love someone rationally
love someone but not too much
love someone and be loved back
love someone and not hate myself
love someone and not lose myself
love someone without being a bore
love someone without being a burden
love someone without feeling jealousy
love someone without feeling heartbreak
love someone only and nobody else [at all]
love someone without feeling disappointment
love someone without being engulfed in it all
love someone without thinking of someone too much



maybe with practice,

maybe,

someday,

it could become true.

--------------------------------------------

avoid confrontation,
enjoy it while it lasts.


sometimes i wish i had more guts but surely maybe it would kill me.
--------------------------------------------
had a super nice long [emo-ish] chat with nono about a lot of things and we ended up listening to sunday morning, which, IMO, is about the best maroon 5 song ever.
almost ended up telling him a lot of things but i guess i told him enough,
and there's always time for another chat another day, so why not.

i love it how listening to sunday morning always gives me goosebumps and makes me feel happy/sad/touched/heartbreak/contentment all at the same time. incredible.

and also it makes me smile.

it's funny how sometimes we talk about the randomnest of things but i'm really glad that we're both still left standing/training of our batch despite whatever came our way that might have distracted/discouraged us from continuing training at the dojo.
the juniors are always saying stuff about the two of us but the thing is i don't think they understand; for me i always knew it was an unspoken agreement between the two of us because we suffered and survived/choose to carry through all this horrible training/whatever happened together [under shermaine's previous batches and leadership], and also hung through with reluctantly becoming the president and captain respectively, no matter what.

and also though it might have been a long time since then [and maybe he doesn't know but] i've always felt bad/sad/regret that i didn't in my best ability be there for him when he needed someone, especially during that period in his life.




but in life,

it's here and now that matters, right?

what's lost can't be regained,
and what you can do is just try to make up for lost time
so, just 'go with the flow' [as he says it]

and what will come will come [if it does just settle it]
and what won't come doesn't [so there's nothing to it]



and oh,
it's sunday morning already.

sigh.

=(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((


my earphones died on me!!!!

the cutest j-drama couple ever:
-----------------------------------------------------------------
shuji: if i make this shot, then please be my girlfriend.
it's true i dont have an income.
But...i want you to properly acknowledge me as your boyfriend.
mai: okay.
shuji: *shoots the basketball. it swerves nicely into the hoop.*
shuji: *jumps around in a frenzy*
I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!
mai: *jumps around in a frenzy*
YOU DID IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and, in the middle of the basketball court, they proceed HUG EACH OTHER LIKE IDIOTS. [how cute is that]

mai: *contentedly enveloped in shuji's hug*
*shyly*
Hey! stop that in a place like this.
you're still a freeloader.
shuji: *immediately lets go of her like a hot potato*
i'm sorry.
mai: *frustrated*
Don't let me go!! >______<
shuji: Eh? ????
mai: *abashed*
i was lying....
Unkind words like those are just my peculiar habit of hiding my embarrassment.
you need to hurry up and recognise that.
shuji: *confused*
is that right?
Then you meant...?
mai: *embarrassed*
'i love you,' like that...
when you're facing me and looking at me, i'm not good at saying i love you.
When a junior like you is around me, the boy has to be good at leading.
*looks down at her feet*
shuji: *hugs mai*
shuji:*smiling*
i love you... Mai san.
mai:*smiles contentedly*
yeah.
Me too. :)

-----------------------------------------------------------------
i was watching ep 8 of buzzer beater and though kitagawa keiko and yamashita tomohisa are helming the female and male lead respectively [considering they are like A list young actors/actresses to watch], in terms of storyline and character development i haven't really been drawn into their characters/relationship much, and it's been a little bland.
the supporting characters, on the other hand, have been giving me much to look forward to. kanjiya shiori and mizobata junpei have been doing a spectacular job of playing the role of mai and shuji respectively.

i know the storyline/dialogue is kind of cheesy and predictable but you HAVE to watch them act it out; they are so incredibly cute! >________________<
and i do agree that sometimes it's so hard to always be honest!
that's why girls/women lie [sometimes only, okay]

frustration clearly got the better of me today.

when you feel tears rolling in the corner of your eyes threatening to come out you just suck in a deep breath and thank god you're wearing your men cause nobody can see you are just fucking sick and tired and jaded and feeling weary and frustrated and disappointed and

you know there's some breaking point, and once you hit it you just cant control,

and emotions get the better of you, and everything, and you lose it. totally.

you've lost the battle.

cause kendo,

actually,

really,

essentially,

eventually,

is all about control.

bogu training. okay, biased as i was but when i looked at the attendance/lineup for bogu training i kept telling myself things will be fine but deep inside i felt like i shouldn't expect too much.

low spirit. fine, i know the weather is hot, and everyone's feeling sick and bleary and stuff, but HELLO? like suresh sensei is leading us, isn't it basic courtesy? and he's a visitor goddamnit! if peter sensei were here he'd just fuck all of us and we'd just be thrown out of the dojo and told never to come back.where the fuck did the spirit and ki-ai go? like ..................>___________<>

people dropping out of training/not coming and then coming and not coming and coming.

fine, if you're not feeling well, then don't train. if you selfishly wanna train, then hell stick and stay through it, not drop out and join in later and disrupt the tempo of the training people. really freaking selfish. and people who come occasionally for training. i dont have a spectacular attendance record myself, but at least when i come i try to be alert and find out what is happening. what really pisses me off is if you don't come, aren't alert, don't know what is happening, and waste your training partner's time. like seriously. fucking, annoying. it's like fine if your own standard sucks, at least when you're being the motodachi/practice partner for other people, FIND OUT WHAT TO DO. and do it right.

how can you improve if you're practising constantly with a motodachi that doesn't know what to do/can't do it properly?

and how difficult can it be to listen to instructions and follow or present the target then shift aside quickly?

like hello are you even awake?

if you're not, just go home and sleep and not waste other people's time man, seriously.

last of all,

hitting the target.

when juniors ask me, 'is it painful when they hit your head?'

i would really, really, really, really like to tell them, with a smile, 'oh, it doesn't, not at all'

but today people just hit the targets/cut with no tenouchi at all, and it was fucking painful!!!!!

in my mind i was like saying fuckfuckfuckfuck every time it was my turn to be the motodachi and i had to rub my head crazily like a madwoman once i took off my men.

yes, suresh sensei said that the cuts did not have enough impact, but it doesnt mean you just blunger your practice partner and use the brute force from your right arm to overkill. hello, i still want to graduate from nus. hello, like what about the things that sensei taught us? what about tenouchi? where is your control? LIKE, HELLO? i give you face only, that's why i continue opening the target for you. if i dont want to give you face i will just shift away the target or counter your attack and the shinai will just fall to the ground/posture will break cause there is zero control.

so after being the hitting dummy for around 2 hours,

frustration got the better of me, and i let it ALL OUT when i keikoed with suresh.

lost it.

totally.

i don't think i've ever been so pissed during training [for a damn long time, at least, not that i can remember] and so disappointed/jaded with the kai in general, and myself, for not being able to bring up the spirit of the kai and losing control/getting lost in the midst of everything myself.

i even lost it when wenhao said i was giving him the annoyed face [how do you expect me not to when you always annoy me/not talk to me properly like how to talk to other people? like what's your problem, do you have an issue with me? like hello? you picked on me first!] i just turned around, gave him the face and,

right in his face,

i spat : 'it's just you! you know what, IT'S JUST YOU!'

lost it. totally.

today is not a good day.

i know i said sometimes you feel like grub,

well, today i really felt like shit.

they were playing it at my workplace yesterday and it hit me again how much i really loved the sound of this song, so i went to search it up on youtube and wiki to see if they had a post on it [which is what i really like to do, cause it's so much more interesting to listen to a song/singer if you know his/her background, influences, previous discography, etc]

i really love the video.

and i instantly fell in love with the song,

again.

dressing is a really difficult thing i realised.

if you dress too nicely, people wonder if there's a problem with you

if you dress too sloppily, people wonder if there's a hygiene issue with you

of course you can say just ignore what people say and wear what dress as you like

[but how can you live in this world without other people's existence having an impact on you? yeah, unless you're not a human being/]

most of the time i'm just trying to blend into nothingness.

it's a enigma, really.

nothing much except i'm tired,

a little grumpy cause of the long traveling [bus and walking] distance, relatively [somewhat] low pay[according to esther], [inititally] seemingly-unfriendly full-time co-worker[s] and [initially] pervy/sleezy kitchen chefs,

a little happy cause i don't i have to work sundays, the pay is not really that low [according to nono], the kitchen chefs are nicer [than imagined but there's still one whose face i JUST DON'T LIKE. HA.] and also,

'wah, wenlin, impressive eh, the way you work. and it's only your second day'

from the [initially] seemingly-unfriendly mini supervisor.

no tinge/hint of sarcasm there. open and honest sincere face.

i was very, very, very flattered. and also happy/it significantly cheered me up, because before that [at least for the whole of yesterday till today before she said that i swear i thought she hated my guts; it's the way she smiles when i ask her how to do something/where to get something]

and also good feedback from other part-timers/kitchen staff formed mini-perks along the way.

experience in the f&b industry is really an advantage i guess [i think i did my best already, considering it's day 2 and i can remember generally 99.9% of all the table numbers and maybe 80% of what the food looks like?]

but not being able to make drinks/cashier/get the bill still makes me feel weirdly handicapped.

okay i'm tired.

tomorrow is a long day;

i still have 1 reading left to kill;

sigh.

what i really hope is i get a pay rise.

[okay that's a bit unrealistic :( ]

i think hoping for money to fall from the sky will be faster.

okay.

money, please fall from the sky.

coins rolling out from the drain wouldn't be too bad too.