i thought that crying discreetly on the bus, huddled in a corner, head leaning against the glass panel was something reserved for protagonists in idol drama serials or main characters in novels, but somehow it just happened, and some things can't be controlled.

i wasn't sobbing or wailing or anything,

i just put my head against the glass window, it was cold, there was no one else on the bus, yet, and then thinking about the things that happened recently,

it just happened.

and then now when i look back at it, on replay in my mind,

it's like as if that person is/was someone else i dont know;

i am ashamed, that i am/was so weak, so vulnerable,

that i must have looked horrible,

that anyone could have seen it

[but luckily no one i hope]

and

that it's beyond control.

i promise myself that if i go to sleep early tonight and wake up tomorrow,

everything will be okay and i will forget this bus thing ever happened.

yes,

everything will be okay.