[to]

love someone deeply
love someone selflessly
love someone rationally
love someone but not too much
love someone and be loved back
love someone and not hate myself
love someone and not lose myself
love someone without being a bore
love someone without being a burden
love someone without feeling jealousy
love someone without feeling heartbreak
love someone only and nobody else [at all]
love someone without feeling disappointment
love someone without being engulfed in it all
love someone without thinking of someone too much



maybe with practice,

maybe,

someday,

it could become true.

--------------------------------------------

avoid confrontation,
enjoy it while it lasts.


sometimes i wish i had more guts but surely maybe it would kill me.
--------------------------------------------
had a super nice long [emo-ish] chat with nono about a lot of things and we ended up listening to sunday morning, which, IMO, is about the best maroon 5 song ever.
almost ended up telling him a lot of things but i guess i told him enough,
and there's always time for another chat another day, so why not.

i love it how listening to sunday morning always gives me goosebumps and makes me feel happy/sad/touched/heartbreak/contentment all at the same time. incredible.

and also it makes me smile.

it's funny how sometimes we talk about the randomnest of things but i'm really glad that we're both still left standing/training of our batch despite whatever came our way that might have distracted/discouraged us from continuing training at the dojo.
the juniors are always saying stuff about the two of us but the thing is i don't think they understand; for me i always knew it was an unspoken agreement between the two of us because we suffered and survived/choose to carry through all this horrible training/whatever happened together [under shermaine's previous batches and leadership], and also hung through with reluctantly becoming the president and captain respectively, no matter what.

and also though it might have been a long time since then [and maybe he doesn't know but] i've always felt bad/sad/regret that i didn't in my best ability be there for him when he needed someone, especially during that period in his life.




but in life,

it's here and now that matters, right?

what's lost can't be regained,
and what you can do is just try to make up for lost time
so, just 'go with the flow' [as he says it]

and what will come will come [if it does just settle it]
and what won't come doesn't [so there's nothing to it]



and oh,
it's sunday morning already.

sigh.