=(

=(

suddenly 

it hit me that

I HAVE WAYYY TOO MUCH STUFFF!!!

i have FREAKING TOO MUCH FREAKING STUFF!

clothes books shoes papers notes pens clothes more books random things

what am i going to freaking do when exams are over and i have to freaking shift home

i don't have a at-my-beck-and-call boyfriend with a car to help me move the stuff and send me

i dont have a rich-to-boot sugar daddy with a INSANELY LARGE car and 8764567112 free time 

suddenly i realised

since i freaking came to nus

for every single freaking vacation

I HAVE CONTINUED TO STAY ON CAMPUS!!!!!

secretly i think i did everything because

i know i would die if i have to move back

BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

=(

=(

=(

suddenly the image hit me

the pathetic feeling of lugging everything

back home

ALONE 

just like how i lugged everything from home to hall

for the very first time when i was a newb

except that

now i have

12678654321345678 TIMES MORE STUFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH MY GOD =( =( =(

what am i supposed to do????? 

...............

i kind of miss J.

actually we never talked much when he was still here,

[besides wanting to burn eusoff hall down and how crappy hall office and JCRC were, or so he said] even though we never had a proper end-off when the conversation drifted to kendo, or to me doing rag [again], and sets, or whatever.

but it's at times like this i wish he was there, 

like even if he does treat me like a kid sometimes,

i know he would listen, and at least try to bother 

even if he really didn't give a shit about my view point,

even if he didn't really understand what i was trying to get at,

cause i know he wouldn't just brush me off like that, and insist something else.

wayne tried talking to me about it [the irony of things, we never talk in real life, much]

but in my mind i was wondering all the time whether he really understood 

what it meant to me and how i felt hurt and misunderstood

and soohf told me esther was alarmed when i was sniffing

because she said she thought that i was crying

i really couldn't bear to tell her

i think i was but i didn't dare 

cause everyone was there

so i swallowed it up

just a very small

tear.

i really, really hate being treating like a kid.

i don't think i exhibit behaviour that is child-like.

if anything, my pride can be my worst attribute,

because if we talk and i speak to you rationally, and logically,

in a nice, and reasonable manner, but you just cannot seem to understand

and go off and make your own conclusion and totally interpret me in another way,

it's really awful.

what's more,

you put me in a bad light

for all and sundry to see, to read

when in the beginning, from the start

it was you who didnt get it, couldnt get it,

picked up the fight.

it can be as small as a fly

but if i know i have done no wrong

and even if everyone thinks it's stupid

and childish and other people put me in a bad light

and it seems as if i'm the one who picked up the fight 

[when i really was not :(]

so be it.

and then apologising

that is really 

not sincere

if you don't mean it

if you don't even make effort

to try to understand me, and what i said

and where i was coming from,

then why bother?

apologising just because you think it might just be a shortcut

'sorry' and everything's over, even if you really still dont get my situation

and then we can 'ha-ha' and continue our lives as if nothing really happened

doesn't work for me.

it's not solving the problem.

what's worse is someone else commenting,

giving some casual remark implying that it's childish

and that we're wasting our youth.

i really...

and coming from you, of all

as unintentional as it sounded/was

it totally just felt like a punch in my stomach

[a slap right on my face right where i needed it to be]

that was all i needed to wake up from my daze.

sorry to bring such matters to disturb your peace then.

the world can be a little cruel sometimes.

let me accept it.

my stand remains;

i am clear,

i am rational

i am reasonable

and if i were to be misunderstood and trivialized,

let me be.

i really don't understand.

we've gone through so much together,

suffered,

sweated,

slogged,

slept [less]

ate [somewhat less]

weathered,

and now, 

just 10 minutes of your time,

to show your face, and say a simple

'happy birthday'

is it so difficult?

yeah, it's exams, and everyone's cramming,

but even the birthday girl has 9am paper the next day,

and so do a few of those who turned up to sing and wish her

and nobody's complaining.

so why, why, why, really?

so that's how much friendship is worth, really.

it makes me sad sometimes.

it's small, but i cant help but emo.

so that's what they mean when they say

'we're close, but not close'

'to love is to suffer. to avoid suffering, one must not love. but then, one suffers from not loving. therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. to be happy is to love. to be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.'

- woody allen

i'd love to see ben blumson formalise that in logical language. 

ben blumson for worst lecturer, please.

and 

today i read some where

'choose love.

everything else is inferior'

so let me choose love

and maybe everything else will

just naturally fall in its place. 

the sweet the first boy i ever liked gave me was a blackcurrant sweet.

esther put a bunch of blackcurrant sweets on the table yesterday

while i was cramming ph2110 in the lounge till morning

it's a sign.

divine intervention,

come to me.

the best part about study break is

msn-ing my BORLIAO roomie aka soohf when she's sitting right next to me

chatting about random things and eating food cooked by esther and dessert by mad

studying in the lounge with everyone and absorbing the atmosphere of studious-ness

msn-ing K-I-A-M-P-A-H the little one and katak when they're less than 3m away from me

talking excitedly at 2am about sprees with the b3 girls, getting qianlyn to wear all the stuff we can't wear

studying with nono and oke in the library writing random post-its with lame jokes and comments and sticking it all over each other's notes and textbooks

haven't been studying much but 

i'm really happy just to be around everyone

almost makes me not want to leave already.

------------------------------------------------------------

just as i relented and decided not to be an unfeeling/cold/horrible stone,

the reply came!!!!! 

the very same second i clicked 'send'

the reply came! like before i sent it/it reached the person!!!!

how can it be how can it be how can it be how can it be how can it be!!!!

when it happened at the back of my mind i thought

IT MUST BE FATE

because how can it be!!!!

like what are the chances!!!!

weird. 

..........

..........

..........

they say that women feel excited by romantic chance encounters

and times when men can read their mind without asking

but at the back of my head i just keep asking

HOW IS IT POSSIBLE?!?!

but i still don't like vegetables.

esther says you can grow to like them

but i think i'll not think about it for now.

i know im just using some cheap tactic stalling for time but now it's the most PR thing to do. 

maybe its just that i fear if i give the ultimatum things between us in future

would be awkward and everything, no matter how we try to avoid.

and everyone says 'let's continue to be friends' but inside 

we all know it's not gonna happen, like hello? how?

it's too bad, really.

but i keep thinking,

maybe i should try vegetables?

why must it only be meat?

i know of such things as

'acquired taste'

and my love of green tea is one damn good example,

but does this really apply/can it be generalisable to this situation?

i think forget it.

it's crazy really.

but,

more importantly,

i have 3 days of study break left

and 123457898765432543 things to do.

just submitted my 2000-word-40%-of-final-grade

non-examinable-level 4000-module to my adjunct prof. 

wanted a break

so i replied postcards,

to J, sihui, and ngeezy and

J doesn't write to me much, but

i guess i decided to write to him anyway

[what do i stand to lose? we don't talk much]

and my attenuator-headphones came via registered mail today.

it's probably lying somewhere on the counter in the office.

will go and collect it from liang and see if it's really good.

the ultimate device of self-alienation.

cancel out all voices, noises, sound

PURE MUSIC.

hopefully it's worth every cent.

okay okay,

study for pl3242

which is on tuesday

open book but haven't touched

makes me wonder how i got a decent grade for the position paper

and managed to smoke my way through the weekly forums

and squeezed a last-minute critique paper not long ago

oh well.

university life.

the more you like me, all the more you will remind me how truly resentful of myself i am

the more you try to stop me, all the more i will ignore and say you don't understand

the more you try to persuade me, all the more these words seem redundant

the more you stay with me, all the more i will try all ways to leave you

don't be stupid; you don't understand

you can't stop me 

but you  can   watch    me     bleed.

why not enjoy it while you can-

--------------------------------------------------

when there's no air conditioning it's freaking hot

when there's air conditioning then its freaking cold

what the freaking hell is my problem?

----------------------------------------------------

secretly i keep it a secret to myself so it will remain a secret because i know its a secret and if i tell then everyone will know and it will cease to be a secret any longer and 

you will never look at me the same way again.

i feel as if sometimes i would burst and explode

but that's really what i'm best at

keeping people's secrets.

yours, 

hers,

his, 

and mine.

it's not easy when you're right next to each other.

you can't speak freely, do what you intend to, 

you're bound by threads, invisible walls,

it's really not that easy. 

even when everything is just a few steps away.

i understand, but i don't understand, because it's nothing for me really-

what's worse for you she's miles, miles, miles, miles away.

far far away from you, in a foreign land, breathing different air, stepping on different soil

sometimes girls get insecure, whatsmore she doesn't have you by her side

sometimes girls get worked up, over the littlest of things, so insignificant,

but actually sometimes all she wants is just to know that you're there,

even if she can't really see you, smell you, hold your hand

though i cannot help you,

though i cannot step into your shoes,

the least i can do is to scribble some notes,

spam you with random post-its,

and talk a lot of nonsense,

hopefully i can distract you,

and after today, for now,

things will be okay.

cheer up, friend!

things will be okay.

1. when you like someone, you will want to go out with him/her.

2. when you like someone, you will want to buy gifts/presents to give him/her.

[even if the present is not appreciated/even if it doest not end up with its intended receipent]

i think i feel a little sad,

because when i look at him,

i see a little of myself,

of how i was.

-------------------------------------------------------------

http://cat-socrates.blogbus.com/

my photo's gonna be up and part of the exhibition there from tomorrow onwards!

it's nothing big, just a small affair, no ranking and no huge prizes or what,

it's not as if it's my solo or what; it's like an open 'send in your photos'

and that old photo i sent in is seriously overused :p

but i'm happy regardless!

just happy that to share.

h-a-p-p-y-n-e-s-s!

the best photographs i believe, 

are born out of accidents :)

and i really love the place :)

i wish i could buy everything

and stay in that shop for forever~~~

what place is called 'cat socrates'?

when i create a space of my own, in future,

i'll make it a zillion, gazillion, billion, million, trillion times cooler,

i swear. 

suddenly feel like it.

a friend, from a long time ago, whom i haven't met for ages, suddenly left a post on my wall on facebook asking me how i was.

when i clicked on his profile i got a shock.

he lost an insanely incredible amount of weight.

then it hit me how long we've not met,

and how incredible ns can be.

my mouse hovered over his profile page for seconds as i was flabbergasted, astounded, at a loss for words, stumped. whatever. no words can express the shock i felt.

later on, i tried to convince myself it was the same person.

i mean, yeah, it's the same eyes staring back at me right? those kind eyes.

it's a good thing right,

if you've changed,

become more handsome,

become more beautiful, 

become more likeable?

but are you still, 

you? 

很。

帅。

很。

白。

痴。

可是

。。。

。。。

超好笑！！！！！！

would you have the guts to eat goat shit; run across town naked; swim in a pool of faeces; throw the television in your house down from a highway; superglue your nipple to your best bud's; make an afro wig out of candyfloss and wear it and have people eat it from your head; put firecrackers in cow dung and form a circle around the dung and wait for the dung to explode and hit and smear all over your face/body/dv

anything for a dare.

帅。

超帅。

if you're interested to see what other kinds of shit/dares/crazy stuff they do,

just type 'circus action' into youtube/google and you'll get all kinds of video clips of their crazy stuff.

do we seek company because we are ultimately destine to live our lives alone?

to lean, to wander, to wilt, slowly,

day by day, second by second,

before we concede to our fate and 

disintergrate, back like how we came, 

into people's tears, 

fragments of their memories,

occasionally, part of their time,

and 

nothing.

i find no solace in your company,

because perhaps it is eternal rest i seek

in a solitude that i will never be able

for now,

to find.

---------------------------------------------------------

they're amazing.

never mind they cross-dressed for their 3rd album cover.

[on a side note it was actually quite tastefully done.]

i wish i could see them live again. 

i'll never forget the feeling. 

how long does happiness last?

as long as the ice cream on your stick

before it starts to melt and drip

how long does happiness last?

as long as your smile the second

before the polaroid comes out from the camera

how long does happiness last?

as long as the sigh of relief you heave

before you check your results on the tutor's door

how long does happiness last?

as long as your complexion remains flawless

before your pimples break out and trouble you more

how long does happiness last?

honestly,

i don't know.

i ate a donut yesterday,

and it kept me quite happy,

for about less than 20 seconds.

-------------------------------------------------

your hand is seriously too cold.

too cold for a person.

you should wear gloves, or mittens, or something!!!!!!!!!!!

:(:(:(:(

it's too cold.

nobody should feel cold inside.

-------------------------------------------------

did i just get asked out?

i'm really not sure because i didn't feel anything.

[are you supposed to feel excited/honored/happy?]

but now thinking back, and analyzing what happened,

i guess from a logical point of view [taking a 3rd person view]

it seems quite like that's exactly what happened.

...

...

...

okay so maybe i'm dense.

it's not like my fault, right?

cause amoebas have no right to be asked out.

[they propagate by themselves, didn't you know?]

-------------------------------------------------

i just bought a lot of food yesterday when i went out with esther.

i told her i ll be needing it because 甜食is a must during the 闭关修炼 recess week period.

but i wonder if i'll really be able to studying to reach that state of mind.

and of all times now the distraction comes back.

just when i thought my mind was clear.

太弱了。

原本不想承认，

可是

看来

我还是需要武装自己。

i wanted to write a lengthy post, to myself, to try to analyse the problems and learning points of my experience as the president of nus kendo club over the course of this year, but i realised it was too difficult to write anything that would really dwell into the depths of these issues and not indirectly offend people or talk about some matters that might be rather sensitive, 

so 

i will keep it to myself.

except that, 

this was the first time that i took up real leadership role that entailed having to give direction to a club and committee and though it's stupid and really no point since my time is up and i really want to handover to the young ones i still regret that there were things that could have been done better, times when i could have tried even much much much harder, to pull back things that had gone off track, people that were losing drive and direction [myself included, at some points in time], been really really more careful, and be there to care and concern for/about people/things but i was not.

because i was/am a human, 

and because i was/am imperfect.

but there are no second chances. 

and i had my go, so it's time.

nevertheless,

i am glad i took up the role.

thanks wenhao,

i will always remember your words.

now, 

to handover to the young ones.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

my polaroid came.

from across the seas,

in a nicely taped box, 

smelling vintage and free,

it came.

i love ebay.

 

i know it's damn evil,

BUT THIS IS DAMN FUNNY.

thanks for the intro ming wayne.

it totally made my day.

--------------------------------------------

'if there's a camel up a hill'

原来我没发现

可是

其实

祝福也是一种爱。

----------------------------------------------------------------------

简单的旋律，

不出众的歌声，

省到超省钱的mv，

让人觉得不怎么样的歌手，

无聊到让人讨厌的流行歌曲，

可是听了第一次，

怎么觉得，

怎么会；

这么有共鸣？

仿佛，

似乎，

好像，

是我的心，

在悸动。

----------------------------------------------------------------------

i dont know about other people, 

but sometimes i just wish food could drop from the sky, land right nicely on my study table, and quietly let me eat it. 

i don't mind paying for it.

say, i put 4 dollars on my table,

the money disappears,

and then the food appears!

why couldn't something like that happen? :(

sigh.

"there was something so wonderful about the way this girl dressed that it made a deep impression on him; indeed, one could even say it moved him. There were plenty of women around who dressed elegantly, and plenty more who dressed to impress, but this girl was different. Utterly different. She wore her clothes with such naturalness and grace that she could have been a bird that had enveloped itself in a special wind as it prepared to fly off to another world. He had never seen a woman wear her clothes with such apparent joy." 

-  from the movie, 'Tony Takitani', 

adapted from the novel of the same name by Haruki Murakami

insomnia.

Taking a nap all day long
There's nobody disturbs me
but i can't feel free
There's no hope
There's no despair
only the anger reminded into my heart
There's no chance
and there's no clue
You're gone so faraway
I`m hiding myself from you
I hate myself who can't stop loving you
I feel so stupid
because i'm still in love with you
Fall over precipitate but there's
no one can rescue me
My heart has broken two pieces
seems i can't love you anymore
It's hard for me to go on my life without you
I'm suffering from insomnia
I'm dying day and day

----------------------------------------------

if you dress too nicely,

people ask what's the occasion? or if you have a hot date.

is it a sin to want to dress well to feel better, sometimes?

if you dress too sloppily,

people ask you what's your problem; can dress better?

is it a sin to not be bothered what to wear, sometimes?

nowadays i'm finding it harder to go out under public scrutiny.

let me wear what i like, the way i like, when i like, please.

-------------------------------------------------

for the first time in my life,

i felt the kind of excitement i never thought i could/would/should ever experience.

while i stood inside the store, my eyes gleamed over the shelves and racks and countless

countless shoes, positioned slanted, full-frontal, slightly to the side; in red, in white, in black,

in slightly-weird blue, in beige, in cream, in purple, in bashful pink, shining in the light, as if they

as if they were quietly requesting me to take them home.

it's insane. 

i brought a pair home.

but it's worth the price ok.

and they were on sale.

shit,

at the rate things are going/the looks of it

really need to marry a rich man soon to fund my spending.

marry me, please?

the toy museum was.... not much of a museum.

maybe cause they didn't have the things i thought they would have? or maybe if my parents went they would appreciate the items more. cause most of the stuff was from before the 1950s... and also there was so little. space. and toys. 

more of a collector's space.

speaking of which they have tin toys for sale, at rather reasonable prices.

but i saw the exact same piece [which i bought from cat socrates at bras brasah earlier this week] at a sligthly higher price, so yay! bargain. haha. that's me; buying useless things at supposedly lower prices = happiness. 

MAAD was a blast.

i must really thank E, because honestly speaking i was intimidated by the crowd of NAFA/NYP/art school? students sitting around sketching the models. and though i thought i concealed it [was i?] rather well, E could read/see that i/my fingers were itching. so i took up a pen/later a pencil and started drawing after registering. 

and it was fun/weird being a model as well. haha. :)

the best kind of feeling is this feeling.

and though i only really got 3 dollars, cause i sold one drawing for 8 but had to pay a registration fee of 5 [all of those who sketched/drew, we shared the cost since the booth and rental space was like 80 or something.], it was just a nice feeling to be appreciated.

and even not for the 3 dollars [which is nothing really,]

the feeling of drawing,

is really,

great. 

maybe i always knew it when i was too chicken to tell my parents i wanted to go to study design/art school; maybe i always knew it that i was not brave enough so i tried to convince myself art is only for the not-faint-hearted/the extremely talented; i didn't believe myself to be good enough, to have enough resolution, enough drive;

i chickened and took the easy way/the more travelled path.

shit, why do i feel like i'm in the wrong place? :(

damn it.

you make me damn proud to be chinese.

i wish i could have seen you while you were alive.

i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it.

i don't want to eat vegetables 

why is the vegetable asking me to eat it?

you,

over there,

why bother what plate i'm preparing,

what restaurant i'm sitting in,

what cultery i'm using?

who are you to me?

you're not even my...

whatever.

who are you to boss around,

care who i go out with,

where i go out to,

what i wear,

what i do,

really,

you are nobody to me.

don't act like you know me;

because you know nothing.

i don't even _ _ _ _ you.

i don't even want to eat you.

things were fine as they were,

you sitting on your plate [if you were on a plate anyway]

and me sitting over here not doing anything just waiting.

can't you stay on your plate,

which is not mine anyway, [if you are on a plate anyway]

and let things be okay?

and i will abstain from meat for now.

the piece of steak doesn't want me to eat it.

isn't it sad enough already that the steak doesn't want me [to eat it]?

now this random vegetable, which i have no _ _ _ _ for, comes,

out of the blue, sitting on the other plate, asking me to eat it.

i dont want to eat vegetables,

and least of all,

you

i'm not even eating now.

since i can't eat what i want,

i will not eat, because that's just,

the way i am anyway. 

we should all know our place.

and you belong over 

there.

and 

i will continue to sit

here

and starve

till i get to eat meat

or dying waiting/trying to.

because that's the way i am.

let me close my eyes and imagine

maybe if i'm lucky i'll dream a dream [of you?]tonight. 

[but it's already morning-]

don't be stupid,

that's too cheesy.

-------------------------------------------

i realised i have the habit of treating people who are good to me badly.

especially if they are of the opposite sex and we are good friends, 

and i don't want him/other people to get the wrong idea, 

i will just, very naturally, maybe suddenly, tend to

turn away.

it's just really too sickening to get into a rumour with a friend,

and then have things become awkward, or give the 

wrong impression/vibes; and the endless 

teasing is just insane/senseless 

so i just, very simply,

turn away.

and worst still

i think i treat people i like [a lot]

the worst. 

i know avoiding is not considered 'coping' of any sort,

as they teach us in pl3242, and other pl modules,

but like all the other people who use it,

this kind of strategy/technique,

i remain

unchanged.

maybe because i'm not good enough [for you? for them? for myself?]

-------------------------------------------------

E and i had another random msn conversation.

and then E said something that made me slightly miffed.

as miffed as when J talks about rag, like it's something to be flushed down the toilet.

he said,

'huh, unserious photography.'

when i talked about lomography, he asked me what it was, and i sent him the link to lomo on wikipedia. 

and then i think i must have talked a lot.

about how photography, IMO, is all about feeling.

don't talk shit about ISO, aperture setting, bulb mode,

shutter speed, type of lens, the tripod, or whatever technicalities.

if photography was all about techniques like some other academia, 

i wouldn't be all over it; 

for me really the basics are enough;

the rest is up to feeling.

and then E said something that surprised me;

he told me that i could to win him over [with lomography, of course, what are you thinking?!]

and then i said,

[not exactly, cant remember what i said, but the gist was]

if you don't like something, even if,

everyone in the world tries,

to convince you to like it, 

you stand remains umoved. 

and conversely,

if you are predisposed to liking something,

even if you are discouraged by,

whatever means or people,

you will eventually come to like it.

and then E asked me if it was alike to a feeling of like[-ing someone],

which i didn't get, at first, so i replied, 'huh'

and then i understood afterward, but

i didn't say much, cause i guess,

i'm not sure.

E sure is a very funny person.

i hope MAAD and the toy museum will be good.

if not i'm sure we will talk about interesting things.

and the prospect of getting the polaroid tomorrow, 

that alone is good enough i guess; so... 

good. 

cause,

saturdays make me feel....

like they should be fulfilling.

Description - 
With the Diana Instant Back+ create all Diana+’s looks in an instant photo! Easily attach it to the back of any Diana+ camera and load with Fujifilm Instax Mini. Works with all Diana+ lenses and accessories and develops in about 90 seconds! The Diana+ is our faithful recreation of the 60s medium format classic Diana camera, renowned for the soft-focus and lo-fi images it produces. Our version introduces new features such as options to take pinhole, endless panorama, and 35mm (when used with the 35mm Back) images. The Diana Instant Back+ allows you to take instant photos using Fujifilm Instax Mini film.

shit.

i am SO buying this.

[conveniently ignoring the 168 price tag]

------------------------------------------------------------------

i found the voltron starshooter 110 camera off ebay.

http://cgi.ebay.com.sg/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT&item=310129114714

it's like lately there's been a sudden surge in the appearance of cameras that appeal to me.

shit.

i'm kind of torn cause it's a 110 camera.

i developed the 110 roll from my first ikimono trial,

and i must say, it is definitely less than satisfactory. plus,

the uncle advised me not to 'waste money playing with 110 film anymore'

BUT THIS IS SO COOL =(

anyway,

i spent all my money this week so i cannot starve and get it.

how?

wait for next week loh.

if i were a christian,

i would say,

'god, 

please make me a rich man.

i promise to buy all the cameras in the world and set up an altar to worship you,

in all their photograph-y goodness.'

GAH.

----------------------------------------------------------------

E suddenly msned me the other day about some random things,

and we had a really weird msn conversation.

random as E can be, i'm still not quite used to it. 

like the last time E suddenly smsed me,

it was about free movie tickets. 

i didn't go, had training.

but then E suggested going to MAAD this weekend.

i thought, 

why not?

Artiste : Humming Urban Stereo

Album: Purple Drop

Song: Mulder Does know

song link: 

You did love Me (x3)
So leave me
You did love me (x3)
Forsake me

How did you get there (so here I’m)
Where did you go last night (so here I’m)

Did you have to do so
Did you have to do so

what am i supposed to do

Mulder does does does know
Mulder does does does know

Mulder does does does know

Mulder does does does

Hide a secret love
Don’t know why (I need you)
Don’t know how (I want you)
Don’t know where (I love you)

You have my heart [can’t believe]
Don’t hurl me
Don’t hurl mind
Don’t hurl get
Come back to me baby

Leaving rapid my love don’t go way please my love
Parting rapid coming please go way
Remain a pain in my mind deep in my mind
I’m loving you ever you’re my love 

(repeat)

Mulder does does does know
Mulder does does does know

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

it's funny how it sounds like he's singing 'you didn't love me' when the lyrics i found says it's supposed to be 'you did love me'

maybe in the end it's all the same;

and because there's no official MV or video for this, 

here's the video of the prequel,

scully does know. [i'm not joking, it's a song name.]

included the links just in case.

i have their whole discography,

and most of the time it's the only thing ever playing in my phone anyway.

 

i don't know about you, 

but there's just something about things that come in pairs, no? 

and i also included the live version, recorded back in 2004 live in korea,

cause it's pretty good, and she sounds nice live, and jeeren looks cool on the keys.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Artiste : Humming Urban Stereo

Album: Very very nice! and short cake

Song: Scully Doesn't know

song link : http://www.sendspace.com/file/0zuvq3

(Chorus)
I did love you so I leave you
I did love you so I leave you
I did love you so I leave you
So I leave you

Repeat Chorus x1

Scully doesn`t doesn`t doesn`t know
Scully doesn`t doesn`t doesn`t know
Scully doesn`t doesn`t doesn`t know
Scully doesn`t doesn`t doesn`t know

Have a secret luv
don`t know why (I need u)
don`t know how (I want u)
don`t know where (I love u)
No
nothing of some fickled guy
don`t hold me
don`t hold mind
don`t hold gap
don`t hold get
I`m sorry bye bye babe
(bye bye bye bye
bye bye babe bye bye babe)

leaving rapid my love don`t` go way please my love
parting rapid comming please go way
remain a pain in my mind deep my mind
I`m loving you ever you are my love

Scully doesn`t doesn`t doesn`t know

have a secret love
(bye bye bye bye
bye bye babe bye bye babe)

------------------------------------------------------

so in the end scully doesn't know

even though mulder loves her.

C. A. M. E. R. A. L.O. V. E. 

More eyecandy as i turn my unfulfilled desires into a blog/review post because my wallet does not allow it. and also because i'm buying a polaroid this week. woohoo! and also in case it's my birthday [which is damn freaking far-off] and you have absolutely no idea what to get you can always refer back to this. *wide smile*

Blackbird, fly - the king reigns all.

okay, so maybe i'm tempted to get this still. but it looks like something i would treat like a white elephant. 

First it was in navy, black, and orange. Now they have it in white [ohmy freaking goodness] and yellow [it's quite nice actually. it's so eusoff i think EW should invest in one and make it like our trademark camera] and pink [pretty!]

i'm waiting for green. 

seriously.

verdict:  if i strike 4-D tomorrow, i might get it. Or if they make a green-coloured version.

Voltron starshooter 110. - smashing exciting.

Finally here is a camera that is right at the top of my list. The Voltron Starshooter 110 actually transforms in to a robot. Hidden within the shoulders is a small 110 camera that actually works.  As 110 film is pretty rare in the States, it probably won’t be an everyday shooter, but would be a great addition to the collection. love love love love love love love love love this. =( can't find it anywhere though. like maybe 2 years ago on 8storeytree? dang.

verdict:  find one for me and i will starve for a week so i can get it. really.

Vivitar Ultra wide and slim - cheapo fun

This is the poor man’s LCA, and to be honest, I would take it over an LCA anyday of the week. and did i mention it's freaking cheap? But can't seem to find any stock in SG now. hoping J can bring one back for me at 7USD or lower. In the event that tragically i cannot find this, i might consider the following [more visually appealing but more expensive alternatives:] 

verdict: J doesn't read my blog, but, J!!!!!! I HOPE YOU FIND IT!! anyway you owe me one for all the cheapo STB postcards i've been sending you!

Alternative 1:

Popeye's mint cyan camera - modest beauty

The grip, the contrasting ring around the lens.. a 22mm lens. Yes, its a Vivitar Ultra Wide and Slim. But what a great job they have done with the light blue rubber coating and clever tin! And its a limited edition of 3000 units. The tin, which they recommend that you keep and re-use was designed by Tea Tin manufactuer Shizuoka. Have a look at the Popeye site here, and if you are one of the lucky 3000 who can get their hands on one, buy two and sell one to me! if anyone knows how to get a few of these, please let me know.

verdict:  once i figure out the japanese popeye store site, i MIGHT just be able to checkout. right.

Alternative 2

white slim angel/black slim devil, Superheadz - makes you feel like getting both

Did i mention i love superheadz? ok, i love superheadz. Always wanted a Vivitar but couldn't get your hands on one? Stop wasting your time over that. A new craze of Ultra Wide & Slim camera from Superheadz is set to make its first appearance and you could be one of the first few to get it! Not only does it take wide pictures with its wide-angle lens of 22mm, it gives you a whole new photo experience by adding the tunnel-effect (black edges/ light fallout at edges) to your pictures! Whats more, standing at 98mm x 60mm and weighing at a mere 75grams, its lighter then ever. Nice exterior, nice price tag too. a few livejournal sites spreeing for this, but i'm rather doubtful of the cost price and actual profit the spree orgs are getting. i can buy 2 or 3 vivitar UWSs with one of these. sigh.

verdict:  if J can't find the vivitar, i am SO getting this. like SO getting. undecided about which though. black, or white?

Alternative 3

Rainbow V. - what, twin brother? 

Rainbow V is a 'remake' / 'redesigned' of the all popular Vivitar UWS. Everything works the same, except that the grey tone is now replaced with WHITE AND GREY! This small lightweight camera has a wide 22mm lens which provides massive depth of field, an ultra wide angle and corner vignetting (darkening).  Looks just like some spinoff version of the popeye camera. available at 8storeytree.com, so i might get it. might. But i can buy 2-3 vivitars with this....

verdict:  don't think so. unless 1000 dollars falls from the sky and i can start collecting vivitar spin-offs.

Alternative 4

Eximus Ultra wide and slim - they have it in red too?

Eximus is a 'remake' / 'redesigned' of the all popular Vivitar UWS. Everything works the same, except that the grey tone is now replaced with matt black and contrasty red. This small lightweight camera has a wide 22mm lens which provides massive depth of field, an ultra wide angle and corner vignetting. Okay, so if this works the same as the above 3, i would rate this design as the least attractive, since all 4 alternatives are around the $50 range. Might be able to get it at a sligthly lower cost from Gmarket.co.kr, but the colour is a little... stunning....too stunning.

verdict:  Undecided. if it's really a lot cheaper on gmarket, i might be tempted. shit, just checked. it's 25USD on gmarket, compared to like 58sing on khloe sprees and 8storey.  i am so tempted. 

Harinezumi digital. - oozing cuteness.

Superheadz' first step to include digital photography into its analog adventure.  Some may think it is a betrayal to its analog origin but hey, why not take the advantages of both worlds and explore more. It retains the cuteness of the original 110 film harinezumi but with a digital twist. Plus it's 4cm, sits nicely on the palm of your hand, no? 

verdict:  GET IT FOR ME LIKE NOW

 

kisekae camera - the dress-up camera

Kisekae is short for “kisekae ningyou”; a Japanese term meaning “dress-up dolls,” which is what this little toy is: a camera that you can dress up however you like. On the surface, its a point-and-shoot 35mm with a 28mm lens, but that is not really the true purpose of this camera. In fact there is nothing special at all about the camera itself, its your basic stripped down plastic 35mm. What makes this camera special is that the clear plastic cover that snaps off, and exposes the colorful ‘covers’ that you can make to change your Kisekae everyday. The focus is okay, and exposure is good, but to talk about the technical aspects of the Kisekae is to miss the point of the camera itself.

verdict:  naw, too tacky.

shironeko holga. - meow, meow :3

It comes in the best packaging ever designed- a tin with a smiling cats face on it. The nostalgic pop-top can to the white plastic, blinking lights and tin-scratchy sounds.  Pop the top and inside awaits the most precious little image catcher my eyes ever did spy. The Shironeko is a white plastic 35mm toy camera with black plastic controls and a cats face printed on the front.  It sort of looks like a girly camera. It’s white, with blinking lights and a speaker that meows at you. The front looks like a cat’s face, complete with a coy wink and a smile. The lens serves as the cat’s open eye, cute, and above that are red and green blinking lights, even cuter, and a speaker flanked by purple-pink petals that meow when you push a button, still very, very cute. Checked out Gmarket.co.kr and saw this for 30?USD. pretty reasonable considering it's at 55USD at urbanoutfitters.com. very, very tempting. i'm a collector.

verdict: YEAH, if i should say so myself. it looks like it could amuse me. 

Limited edition snow cat diana F+ - O__O

Presenting a special web-exclusive from Korea – the Diana+ SnowCat edition! All dressed in black & white, it’s a charming collaboration between Lomography and SnowCat, a renowned illustrator in Korea. The Diana+ is our faithful reproduction of the sixties classic Diana camera. Loved for its mysterious vignettes and soft-focused appeal, our version features the ability to take medium-format pinhole and panoramic shots, and when used together with the 35mm Back, can even take 35mm pictures

verdict:  have my diana nightcap already, brand new in box. sorry, this will have to wait.

fisheye 2

also looking for an upgrade.

intending to sell my fisheye traveller and upgrade to a fisheye 2 model, but haven't been fast enough to snap up the more reasonably priced second-hand ones. crap. also intending to sell my split cam, because i keep forgetting to open the shutter for the lens when taking the photos cause there's separate shutters for the viewfinder and lens itself. annoying. 

so goodbye, it was nice meeting you.