let me close my eyes and imagine

maybe if i'm lucky i'll dream a dream [of you?]tonight. 

[but it's already morning-]

don't be stupid,

that's too cheesy.

-------------------------------------------

i realised i have the habit of treating people who are good to me badly.

especially if they are of the opposite sex and we are good friends, 

and i don't want him/other people to get the wrong idea, 

i will just, very naturally, maybe suddenly, tend to

turn away.

it's just really too sickening to get into a rumour with a friend,

and then have things become awkward, or give the 

wrong impression/vibes; and the endless 

teasing is just insane/senseless 

so i just, very simply,

turn away.

and worst still

i think i treat people i like [a lot]

the worst. 

i know avoiding is not considered 'coping' of any sort,

as they teach us in pl3242, and other pl modules,

but like all the other people who use it,

this kind of strategy/technique,

i remain

unchanged.

maybe because i'm not good enough [for you? for them? for myself?]

-------------------------------------------------

E and i had another random msn conversation.

and then E said something that made me slightly miffed.

as miffed as when J talks about rag, like it's something to be flushed down the toilet.

he said,

'huh, unserious photography.'

when i talked about lomography, he asked me what it was, and i sent him the link to lomo on wikipedia. 

and then i think i must have talked a lot.

about how photography, IMO, is all about feeling.

don't talk shit about ISO, aperture setting, bulb mode,

shutter speed, type of lens, the tripod, or whatever technicalities.

if photography was all about techniques like some other academia, 

i wouldn't be all over it; 

for me really the basics are enough;

the rest is up to feeling.

and then E said something that surprised me;

he told me that i could to win him over [with lomography, of course, what are you thinking?!]

and then i said,

[not exactly, cant remember what i said, but the gist was]

if you don't like something, even if,

everyone in the world tries,

to convince you to like it, 

you stand remains umoved. 

and conversely,

if you are predisposed to liking something,

even if you are discouraged by,

whatever means or people,

you will eventually come to like it.

and then E asked me if it was alike to a feeling of like[-ing someone],

which i didn't get, at first, so i replied, 'huh'

and then i understood afterward, but

i didn't say much, cause i guess,

i'm not sure.

E sure is a very funny person.

i hope MAAD and the toy museum will be good.

if not i'm sure we will talk about interesting things.

and the prospect of getting the polaroid tomorrow, 

that alone is good enough i guess; so... 

good. 

cause,

saturdays make me feel....

like they should be fulfilling.