i have like n things to be done before 8am, which is quite impossible, but here i am still blogging anyway, since somehow miraculously i feel like i should be able to do it.
1. finish the script - 0% started. but i have an idea already.
2. type out the absence report letter thing - 0% started, but should be able to do later after lecture in 10 minutes.
3. read pl3236 case study - starting now
4. compile everyone else's slides for pl3236 - should be easy, can do from 10-1245 when im back from laj2201, that is, if im not sleeping
5. memorise the standard dialogue for tc8 tomorrow - im banking on my incredible STM. will start reading through a few times after i finish #3, but that's the priority now, not this.
6. my presentation slides for pl3236. - 0% started, crap, i think no sleep for me.
i'm not tired but my eyes are red already.
crap.
------------------------------------------------
ate supper with mr soon to be rag head and lau hong and some freshies.
the freshies are so fresh i almost feel infected with their freshness, not that it's a bad thing really though.
lau hong was talking to me and he said he applied for some work internship thing in japan but it seems quite difficult to get through. but he says he's adamant about going to japan, like NOW, like this year. haha. i wonder why. it's sucky to work in japan i think. especially considering if like you're 1. a foreigner [unless a high earning expat, not a measely student] 2. a female.
it's like double discrimination.
so i figured save it for a holiday.
which mr you yuan kind of mentioned...
i guess it would be nice.
like we could walk around the random and hopelessly confusing small alleys trying to find obscure backpacker hostels and wind up having to ask friendly though not so approachable obasans who peer at us suspiciously when we try to converse in their native language but immediately start looking helpful when we blurt out in english in a fit of desperation.
and we could take like overnight buses and eat like expired bentos from the konbi-ni- aka convenience store to save money on accomodation and food and then blow it full out on a royal style suite stay with like hot spring and the full course dinner like on the last night.
we could stay in capsule hotels [which i heard, though novel, is somewhat overrated and unreasonably expensive] or i could start like browsing forums on the lonelyplanet international to find kind souls to provide us lodging for absolutely no good reason/no benefit in return. amazingly some people do that, but it's not the benefit part that surprises me, it's the being able to trust and let a complete stranger stay in your house and bring him/her around the place.
we could scale fujisan together, buy cheapo yukatas to wear during the summer matsuris; we could queue to line up for the game to scoop kingyo, eat candied apples [yum :)], take a whopping n nunber of photos during the hanami, walk through the streets of kyoto aimlessly, clap our hands and wish for our parent's eternal health and well-being and an unattainable cap score of 5.0, we [or i, for that matter] could buy those kitschy traditional souvenirs at the temple that are supposed to bless you with either wealth, health, good luck [general], good grades or a lucky love life.
we could sit down at the roadside stall and eat ramen like how salariman aka salarymen do it after work, with a couple of casual beers and maybe an occasional osake. maybe we could hit it off with the stall owner and the ojisan would actually give us an extra plate of gyoza or even charsiew or whatever side dish he's selling along with whatever ramen we're eating.
we could hang around in ueno park digging for second hand treasures, or dwell in shibuya, aimlessly strolling the streets, marvelling at the younger japanese decked out in their very best; we could act like otakus in akihabara, patronize maid cafes and experience the feeling of being called 'master' [though i dont think our saifu could suffer the monetary blow], peer through glass panels at n number of electronic products, wondering why we didn't have more money so we could buy the latest japanese phone or laptop back.
i can imagine that.
Thursday, 30 October 2008
i uploaded a lot of pictures today. i'm quite annoyed with facebook because i can't seem to get the java thing and i have to keep using the simple uploader which is taking me donkey years but the pictures make me happy, so it's worth the trouble.
and guess what, i can't sleep.
for reasons i wish didn't exist but that's too bad.
i thought about things, and i realised relationships between people are tacky things.
it's like the cookie i really wanted to eat but belonged/belongs to someone else.
if the cookie doesn't want to be owned by someone else and wants to be eaten by me, there would be absolutely no problem in that case except that i would be some kind of horrible thief to the owner, who rightfully owns it.
not that i will ever risk letting the cookie know of course.
or the cookie that i wanted to eat but no longer want to but suddenly the cookie is kind of asking for me to eat it now.
it's about reciprocal relationships.
friendships are built on trust, promises, and understanding.
i apologise if i misunderstood you, broke whatever unspoken promise, let you feel angry, upset, whatever. but sometimes i wish you'd understood where i came from, because things' aren't just all about how you feel, where you're coming from, and the things you want to do.
it's really too bad you think that way, because it's not that i haven't tried.
when you try to say hello to an unfriendly looking person for the first time,
if the person ignores you, maybe you'll try saying hello again for the second time.
but if you keep trying and it fails,
i give up.
i don't know what you do, but i give up.
i'm not so man yan.
the most incredible thing to me about her is that she told me she inroduced herself to anyone/said hello to everyone in hall around her. regardless of whether she knew them or not.
her unwavering spirit, relentlessness, strong resolve...and of course her combo hits...
but that's not the point.
that the two years we toiled together is not worth you understanding me,
that maybe when i felt i knew you would understand me, you didnt,
that when you felt i understood you, i didn't
it's all too bad really,
because i really tried.
and guess what, i can't sleep.
for reasons i wish didn't exist but that's too bad.
i thought about things, and i realised relationships between people are tacky things.
it's like the cookie i really wanted to eat but belonged/belongs to someone else.
if the cookie doesn't want to be owned by someone else and wants to be eaten by me, there would be absolutely no problem in that case except that i would be some kind of horrible thief to the owner, who rightfully owns it.
not that i will ever risk letting the cookie know of course.
or the cookie that i wanted to eat but no longer want to but suddenly the cookie is kind of asking for me to eat it now.
it's about reciprocal relationships.
friendships are built on trust, promises, and understanding.
i apologise if i misunderstood you, broke whatever unspoken promise, let you feel angry, upset, whatever. but sometimes i wish you'd understood where i came from, because things' aren't just all about how you feel, where you're coming from, and the things you want to do.
it's really too bad you think that way, because it's not that i haven't tried.
when you try to say hello to an unfriendly looking person for the first time,
if the person ignores you, maybe you'll try saying hello again for the second time.
but if you keep trying and it fails,
i give up.
i don't know what you do, but i give up.
i'm not so man yan.
the most incredible thing to me about her is that she told me she inroduced herself to anyone/said hello to everyone in hall around her. regardless of whether she knew them or not.
her unwavering spirit, relentlessness, strong resolve...and of course her combo hits...
but that's not the point.
that the two years we toiled together is not worth you understanding me,
that maybe when i felt i knew you would understand me, you didnt,
that when you felt i understood you, i didn't
it's all too bad really,
because i really tried.
Wednesday, 29 October 2008
when i woke up i looked like crap today.
the kind of cute guy who has a girlfriend already from my japanese tutorial kept looking at me while he sat across me today, so i kept fidgeting and wondering if if my face looked like crap because i definitely felt like crap squirming inside.
how tragic.
now i get it.
why scarlett johannson said lipstick always made her look better when she was sick.
why girl even wear a black liquid like substance called eyeliner around their eyes.
how foundation can barely cover up the signs of staying up the night before.
xianyong said something that really hit me during supper, and i really have nothing much to retort or argue back because it left me absolutely speechless.
girls wear makeup because they're not confident of how they naturally look.
.
.
.
now i understand why sometimes girls must put makeup before they leave the house.
because they don't want the whole world to know they looked like crap when they woke up.
------------------------------
i thought it wouldn't matter, since we never talked much since we started knowing each other anyway, but it did, it does. that we can pass each other by like we never met, never knew; without so much as a small side glance, no nod of acknowledgement, no daily sarcastic remarks, no endless teasing till no end [that's like a stupid way of phrasing it but who cares, i feel like crap.]
zero. zilch. nil. none. nothing.
i guess that's too bad.
that i made my choice,
and now it's time to pay the consequences.
it's just not a nice feeling, like nobody likes getting slapped on the face.
it's like you're an apple and the orange just called you sour.
or you finished your homework and your friend copied it but your teacher said you cheated.
or something like that.
ah, whatever.
------------------------------------
i'm quite excited cause my split cam came, but i'm in no absolute mood to try and play around with it so i figure the earliest i ll get it going is probably after exams. the whole idea of multiple exposure pictures is so-o appealing to me.
but the sole highlight of the day must have been the arrival of the bubblewrap that covered the split cam. it's like bigger than normal, and makes a humongigantous 'POP!' sound when you start popping the bubbles. incredibly addictive.
so-o love.
it came at the exact right moment when i was going to start on one of my rituals again.
it didn't stop me, much, but it did help me lay off the stress a little.
you know,
sometimes i don't think i could handle living around and being with people.
i just don't know how to handle them.
----------------------------------------------------
a guy handed me tissue during supper yesterday.
it was a minute, discreet, unimportant, perhaps unoticeable gesture,
but i was really struck.
it was like nothing.
we were talking and laughing and the prata and curry came so we passed it down the table and because i wasnt paying attention i was laughing at someone's jokes i accidentally tilted the curry dish slightly sidewards and it spilled just a little onto my fingers, and me being my disorganised messy and disorientated lazy self i deliberately did not bring any tissue or handkerchief or whatsoever [i find them absolutely uneccessary and too girly for my image] and the action was so small and i didn't do anything to make a big fuss and acted like nothing happened so i'm sure no one must have noticed but
he passed me the tissue.
no extra words, no request required, no second look whatsoever,
just the tissue.
i don't know what to say,
except that,
i was really impressed.
and,
oh,
tissue can be quite useful.
the kind of cute guy who has a girlfriend already from my japanese tutorial kept looking at me while he sat across me today, so i kept fidgeting and wondering if if my face looked like crap because i definitely felt like crap squirming inside.
how tragic.
now i get it.
why scarlett johannson said lipstick always made her look better when she was sick.
why girl even wear a black liquid like substance called eyeliner around their eyes.
how foundation can barely cover up the signs of staying up the night before.
xianyong said something that really hit me during supper, and i really have nothing much to retort or argue back because it left me absolutely speechless.
girls wear makeup because they're not confident of how they naturally look.
.
.
.
now i understand why sometimes girls must put makeup before they leave the house.
because they don't want the whole world to know they looked like crap when they woke up.
------------------------------
i thought it wouldn't matter, since we never talked much since we started knowing each other anyway, but it did, it does. that we can pass each other by like we never met, never knew; without so much as a small side glance, no nod of acknowledgement, no daily sarcastic remarks, no endless teasing till no end [that's like a stupid way of phrasing it but who cares, i feel like crap.]
zero. zilch. nil. none. nothing.
i guess that's too bad.
that i made my choice,
and now it's time to pay the consequences.
it's just not a nice feeling, like nobody likes getting slapped on the face.
it's like you're an apple and the orange just called you sour.
or you finished your homework and your friend copied it but your teacher said you cheated.
or something like that.
ah, whatever.
------------------------------------
i'm quite excited cause my split cam came, but i'm in no absolute mood to try and play around with it so i figure the earliest i ll get it going is probably after exams. the whole idea of multiple exposure pictures is so-o appealing to me.
but the sole highlight of the day must have been the arrival of the bubblewrap that covered the split cam. it's like bigger than normal, and makes a humongigantous 'POP!' sound when you start popping the bubbles. incredibly addictive.
so-o love.
it came at the exact right moment when i was going to start on one of my rituals again.
it didn't stop me, much, but it did help me lay off the stress a little.
you know,
sometimes i don't think i could handle living around and being with people.
i just don't know how to handle them.
----------------------------------------------------
a guy handed me tissue during supper yesterday.
it was a minute, discreet, unimportant, perhaps unoticeable gesture,
but i was really struck.
it was like nothing.
we were talking and laughing and the prata and curry came so we passed it down the table and because i wasnt paying attention i was laughing at someone's jokes i accidentally tilted the curry dish slightly sidewards and it spilled just a little onto my fingers, and me being my disorganised messy and disorientated lazy self i deliberately did not bring any tissue or handkerchief or whatsoever [i find them absolutely uneccessary and too girly for my image] and the action was so small and i didn't do anything to make a big fuss and acted like nothing happened so i'm sure no one must have noticed but
he passed me the tissue.
no extra words, no request required, no second look whatsoever,
just the tissue.
i don't know what to say,
except that,
i was really impressed.
and,
oh,
tissue can be quite useful.
Tuesday, 28 October 2008
Monday, 27 October 2008
and every single thing he said was true.
about my forgetting the pure enjoyment, the whole original feeling of training for myself, my being overwhelming, wanting to micromanage everything, not wanting to disappoint people, my inability at drawing where the line between responsibility and personal training.
and i haven't had that in quite a while.
someone being worried about me, telling me to study, and not to slack/be so busy so much.
thanks for being a friend.
about my forgetting the pure enjoyment, the whole original feeling of training for myself, my being overwhelming, wanting to micromanage everything, not wanting to disappoint people, my inability at drawing where the line between responsibility and personal training.
and i haven't had that in quite a while.
someone being worried about me, telling me to study, and not to slack/be so busy so much.
thanks for being a friend.
okay,
it's like lately i realised something.
knowing about the existence of something, and being able to comprehend it/understand it/empathize with it, the people involved, and being able to accept it, go along with it/excecute it are like 234567899876545689876512345678987654 different matters totally.
yeah, you can say like, duh, i told you so.
or, dud. i can't believe tan wenlin you're like so stupid.
it's just like somethings we know all along,
it's only we don't realise, don't see the significance of it at all until,
WHAM!
one day reality hits us in the face.
or hits me.
it's like i know every single bit of it.
i know why, i know it shouldn't happen, but it's still happening.
i know the syptoms, i see the signs, i know the consequences,
but when you've plunged head first into it, it's like OCD.
you're so strongly willed by this obsession, this crazy thought that just controls you, consumes you, eats you whole,
you're just weakly compelled to do whatever your brain tells you,
and in a fit of weakness you usually do it anyway.
it's kind of sick i know.
but that's how it happens.
okay, i need to get a grip.
oh yeah,
and go for classes.
like actually go.
instead of going for imaginary ones in my head,
like when i oversleep and miss breakfast as a result.
damn.
it's like lately i realised something.
knowing about the existence of something, and being able to comprehend it/understand it/empathize with it, the people involved, and being able to accept it, go along with it/excecute it are like 234567899876545689876512345678987654 different matters totally.
yeah, you can say like, duh, i told you so.
or, dud. i can't believe tan wenlin you're like so stupid.
it's just like somethings we know all along,
it's only we don't realise, don't see the significance of it at all until,
WHAM!
one day reality hits us in the face.
or hits me.
it's like i know every single bit of it.
i know why, i know it shouldn't happen, but it's still happening.
i know the syptoms, i see the signs, i know the consequences,
but when you've plunged head first into it, it's like OCD.
you're so strongly willed by this obsession, this crazy thought that just controls you, consumes you, eats you whole,
you're just weakly compelled to do whatever your brain tells you,
and in a fit of weakness you usually do it anyway.
it's kind of sick i know.
but that's how it happens.
okay, i need to get a grip.
oh yeah,
and go for classes.
like actually go.
instead of going for imaginary ones in my head,
like when i oversleep and miss breakfast as a result.
damn.
Sunday, 26 October 2008
© ITN 2008
A pet dog in Australia has risked its life to protect four kittens trapped in a house fire, according to firefighters.
When the fire broke out inside the house, the family of four plus their other dog managed to escape.A 37-year-old woman, her 18-year-old son, two daughters aged five and 11 and their pet dog Barney all got out of the house in the western suburb of Seddon.
Left inside was Leo and four kittens. While everyone else had rushed out of the burning house, Leo refused to leave the tiny kittens trapped inside.
When firefighters arrived they found Leo inside a bedroom, guarding the kittens in a cardboard box.
---------------sometimes,
it's these small things that keep you warm inside.
Friday, 24 October 2008
i was <--> close to him, and i really wanted to pull his shirt to ask him if i could see his nose, but i'm kind of glad i didn't.
he was in every aspect imperfect, except for his nose. [and maybe his height.]
oh, and he can't dance at all too.
but that's okay.
-----------------------------------------------
bashes.
it's what makes eusoff hall so 'happening' to all who aren't immersed in it.
all the smooching, the booze, the dancing, the hot dancers, the grinding and groveling, the casual flirting,
and i don't know why, but everytime i come back from a bash,
despite everything,
i only find renewed revelation, and repeated disappointment.
at the girls who get drunk and throw themselves at the guys,
the guys who take advantage of the girls who get drunk and throw themselves at them,
those who pretend to get drunk and take advantage of people,
those who really get drunk and do all kinds of things and embarrass themselves and trouble their friends and puke all over the place and get high,
it's kind of sad to me, really.
it all boils down to this.
do we really need to reach that stage to have fun?
he was in every aspect imperfect, except for his nose. [and maybe his height.]
oh, and he can't dance at all too.
but that's okay.
-----------------------------------------------
bashes.
it's what makes eusoff hall so 'happening' to all who aren't immersed in it.
all the smooching, the booze, the dancing, the hot dancers, the grinding and groveling, the casual flirting,
and i don't know why, but everytime i come back from a bash,
despite everything,
i only find renewed revelation, and repeated disappointment.
at the girls who get drunk and throw themselves at the guys,
the guys who take advantage of the girls who get drunk and throw themselves at them,
those who pretend to get drunk and take advantage of people,
those who really get drunk and do all kinds of things and embarrass themselves and trouble their friends and puke all over the place and get high,
it's kind of sad to me, really.
it all boils down to this.
do we really need to reach that stage to have fun?
Wednesday, 22 October 2008
Monday, 20 October 2008
Sunday, 19 October 2008
since mr lau hong talked to me about this, after i had my fill eating hari raya goodies and mee rubus at mr gui's house prepared lovingly by his mother-in-law and his dearly beloved wife, aka mrs shariza bte shari GUI, and since im in a rather good mood [not sure why anyway],
let me talk about this.
i'm a little annoyed at the condescending way soohf replied when i told her that loh joon kit has a blog. about rag. maybe it's cause she was busy with citations or stuff for her EW, but sometimes the way she's overly jaded about things, whether it's rag, or it's dp sets, pisses me off a little. it's not like she's been doing them for ages and not been appreciated or something. i don't know why she has to sound like she wants to flush them down the toilet, or that she is 100000000% sure she will NEVER EVER WANT TO DO IT AGAIN.
cause i, for one thing,
can't,
i can't say,
'i will NEVER EVER DO RAG AGAIN.'
i can't give that promise, or break that promise, for that matter.
like it's all beyond her, she's experienced it all, suffered and toiled, and whatever blah blah.
but maybe i do secretly admire her,
for the way she's so cold, so sure, so definite about her 'NO'.
i don't know.
she's a lovely person to me, and a tolerating, caring roommate,
but i think when it comes to rag,
it's like i dont think we could ever agree much.
it's seldom people will understand.
and even amongst those who have done it before,
the consensus and the feeling differs.
maybe i'm judgemental and all,
but it pisses me off big time when people say all kinds of things after rag like,
'we got to win it back' and like 'i will definitely join rag again' and then now give replies saying they're not so sure whether they want to join rag again.
okay, then why make promises you cannot fulfill?
liars.
does rag mean that little to you?
just something on the spur of the moment?
that you complain and whine about when you're in the midst of it and experiencing failure and having to redo again, and when you're <--> close to success you decide on the feeling of highness and on the spur of the moment you come up with some huge promise to commit your 3 months of heart and time again, only to disappoint those who are REALLY going to commit to it when you suddenly decide there are other better things to do?
if you can't promise you'll do it,
then don't.
don't break people's hearts. cause it's not that simple.
you're giving people false hope.
and if you can't promise you won't do it,
don't promise it either.
cause in the end, they might move your heart.
maybe it really is time to continue walking ahead.
i should stop looking back and caring about the things that have passed.
i have done what i promised, and also paid for the promises i've broken.
and that's that.
but i don't think you'll ever understand,
because for me,
rag is never a simple yes or no.
it's never like that.
it's never a 'worth it or not'
it's never a benefit or liability,
never a pro or con,
never a good or bad,
there's always something about it, something about the people,
that i can't leave behind.
even if i ever say, 'i really need a break' or 'it's time i stopped doing rag',
there's always a small voice at the back of my head,
repeating a possibility,
reminding me of it's presence,
replaying,
rehearsing,
again,
and again,
and again.
it's disappointing really.
at least roomie is responsible for her words and actions.
yes is yes, no is no. for that, i applaud her.
and on how people treat rag,
it's like the last time i talked to J, we had a mini quarrel again and it was kind of due to rag.
and i told him how i disliked the way he talked about it like he wanted to flush it down the toilet, and he even replied to say he knew.
that really pissed me off, like big time.
but i guess we won't be talking much, not like we are now anyway, since he's not in hall anymore.
come to think of it, even when he was, we never made an effort to meetup much to talk like last time in year one, so things changed a lot since then.
it's just seldom people understand, about rag.
don't you think that's true?
or maybe i don't even deserve/i'm not even fit to sprout such words,
such words coming from a 'dancer' like me, a traiter, an outlier, a betrayer...
i guess....
it's complicated.
today, i saw a smile, that i had not seen in quite sometime, and it kind of warmed me a little.
but i'm sure, that's just a coincidence.
when you break promises,
you pay,
and you suffer the consequences.
things will never be the same,
and i assure you they will never go back the way they were.
but it makes me a little sad that next year during may -august i ll be working my ass off for some sick company, earning a miserly little just so i can go on a small little holiday to spend it all away, and not be doing rag. just a little. but i deserve a holiday, or so i tell myself.
i'm really looking forward to it, my birthday next year.
free of all responsibilities, all duties, all obligations.
i will be a free woman [freedom, and womanhood too!]
okay so i'm straying from the main point again.
my point is,
mr loh joonkit openly posted his plans, as well as his dream team, in a rather miserable attempt to garner support and efforts for his cause, aka, rag 2009/2010.
he openly declared his dream team.
i for that matter, will not comment directly on his actions, but rather,
here is MY dream team.
a team that i would want to work with, slave with, die with, do it all over again,
rag head: -
vice head: yap hui ying
administrator: YEOH YEEYEE
chief engineer: -
chief designer: yew hungseng
chief designer: lau hongjin
wardrobe: shazzy [FOREVER]
mass production: esther
i left rag head blank, because mr gui talked to us about it [albeit his head was facing forward when he was walking and we were behind him and to me it seemed he was expressionless with the exception of the part where he mentioned that vijay liew is damn fat] and brought up the possibility of vijay doing rag head again.
why not, i thought.
it was a very attractive thought to me.
vijay has this incredible force, amazing ability to motivate people, to move people to want to do things for him. he's quite a remarkable person, really.
but to me,
though i never ever said,
i always wished it could be you.
i mean, it could be your year.
it should have been. you're not as black, not as famous, not a dragonboater, not a cool chindian, not tall [yes you're fun-sized] and all, but to me, i wished it could be you, that, after 2 years of experiencing all this, fun, pain, shit, laughter, it would be you, and everyone would know of your name, know of your float, your shoe, our shoe, our pride and glory.
but it was not.
and i know it will not happen again.
it's like things can't be turned back.
mistakes cannot be corrected in time.
it's like when you decided to choose answer b instead of c,
at that time, fate was already cast.
and i don't think you would do it again?
maybe you're jaded.
by all the people leaving your side.
slowly, quietly,
turning, and walking in the opposite direction.
i guess we all get tired.
and it is time for somebody new.
though i always wish it could be you.
so when lau hong jin said loh joon kit wanted you to be chief engineer,
i kind of laughed, sadly,
in my heart,
a little.
what a foolish, selfish, naive, young, promising rag head.
foolish, nevertheless.
what would it mean to him?
if next year, they won, and he was the rag head, not you.
even if it wasn't him, if it was vijay, but not you.
would he understand? what it means?
do you understand?
would it happen?
i wonder.
let me talk about this.
i'm a little annoyed at the condescending way soohf replied when i told her that loh joon kit has a blog. about rag. maybe it's cause she was busy with citations or stuff for her EW, but sometimes the way she's overly jaded about things, whether it's rag, or it's dp sets, pisses me off a little. it's not like she's been doing them for ages and not been appreciated or something. i don't know why she has to sound like she wants to flush them down the toilet, or that she is 100000000% sure she will NEVER EVER WANT TO DO IT AGAIN.
cause i, for one thing,
can't,
i can't say,
'i will NEVER EVER DO RAG AGAIN.'
i can't give that promise, or break that promise, for that matter.
like it's all beyond her, she's experienced it all, suffered and toiled, and whatever blah blah.
but maybe i do secretly admire her,
for the way she's so cold, so sure, so definite about her 'NO'.
i don't know.
she's a lovely person to me, and a tolerating, caring roommate,
but i think when it comes to rag,
it's like i dont think we could ever agree much.
it's seldom people will understand.
and even amongst those who have done it before,
the consensus and the feeling differs.
maybe i'm judgemental and all,
but it pisses me off big time when people say all kinds of things after rag like,
'we got to win it back' and like 'i will definitely join rag again' and then now give replies saying they're not so sure whether they want to join rag again.
okay, then why make promises you cannot fulfill?
liars.
does rag mean that little to you?
just something on the spur of the moment?
that you complain and whine about when you're in the midst of it and experiencing failure and having to redo again, and when you're <--> close to success you decide on the feeling of highness and on the spur of the moment you come up with some huge promise to commit your 3 months of heart and time again, only to disappoint those who are REALLY going to commit to it when you suddenly decide there are other better things to do?
if you can't promise you'll do it,
then don't.
don't break people's hearts. cause it's not that simple.
you're giving people false hope.
and if you can't promise you won't do it,
don't promise it either.
cause in the end, they might move your heart.
maybe it really is time to continue walking ahead.
i should stop looking back and caring about the things that have passed.
i have done what i promised, and also paid for the promises i've broken.
and that's that.
but i don't think you'll ever understand,
because for me,
rag is never a simple yes or no.
it's never like that.
it's never a 'worth it or not'
it's never a benefit or liability,
never a pro or con,
never a good or bad,
there's always something about it, something about the people,
that i can't leave behind.
even if i ever say, 'i really need a break' or 'it's time i stopped doing rag',
there's always a small voice at the back of my head,
repeating a possibility,
reminding me of it's presence,
replaying,
rehearsing,
again,
and again,
and again.
it's disappointing really.
at least roomie is responsible for her words and actions.
yes is yes, no is no. for that, i applaud her.
and on how people treat rag,
it's like the last time i talked to J, we had a mini quarrel again and it was kind of due to rag.
and i told him how i disliked the way he talked about it like he wanted to flush it down the toilet, and he even replied to say he knew.
that really pissed me off, like big time.
but i guess we won't be talking much, not like we are now anyway, since he's not in hall anymore.
come to think of it, even when he was, we never made an effort to meetup much to talk like last time in year one, so things changed a lot since then.
it's just seldom people understand, about rag.
don't you think that's true?
or maybe i don't even deserve/i'm not even fit to sprout such words,
such words coming from a 'dancer' like me, a traiter, an outlier, a betrayer...
i guess....
it's complicated.
today, i saw a smile, that i had not seen in quite sometime, and it kind of warmed me a little.
but i'm sure, that's just a coincidence.
when you break promises,
you pay,
and you suffer the consequences.
things will never be the same,
and i assure you they will never go back the way they were.
but it makes me a little sad that next year during may -august i ll be working my ass off for some sick company, earning a miserly little just so i can go on a small little holiday to spend it all away, and not be doing rag. just a little. but i deserve a holiday, or so i tell myself.
i'm really looking forward to it, my birthday next year.
free of all responsibilities, all duties, all obligations.
i will be a free woman [freedom, and womanhood too!]
okay so i'm straying from the main point again.
my point is,
mr loh joonkit openly posted his plans, as well as his dream team, in a rather miserable attempt to garner support and efforts for his cause, aka, rag 2009/2010.
he openly declared his dream team.
i for that matter, will not comment directly on his actions, but rather,
here is MY dream team.
a team that i would want to work with, slave with, die with, do it all over again,
rag head: -
vice head: yap hui ying
administrator: YEOH YEEYEE
chief engineer: -
chief designer: yew hungseng
chief designer: lau hongjin
wardrobe: shazzy [FOREVER]
mass production: esther
i left rag head blank, because mr gui talked to us about it [albeit his head was facing forward when he was walking and we were behind him and to me it seemed he was expressionless with the exception of the part where he mentioned that vijay liew is damn fat] and brought up the possibility of vijay doing rag head again.
why not, i thought.
it was a very attractive thought to me.
vijay has this incredible force, amazing ability to motivate people, to move people to want to do things for him. he's quite a remarkable person, really.
but to me,
though i never ever said,
i always wished it could be you.
i mean, it could be your year.
it should have been. you're not as black, not as famous, not a dragonboater, not a cool chindian, not tall [yes you're fun-sized] and all, but to me, i wished it could be you, that, after 2 years of experiencing all this, fun, pain, shit, laughter, it would be you, and everyone would know of your name, know of your float, your shoe, our shoe, our pride and glory.
but it was not.
and i know it will not happen again.
it's like things can't be turned back.
mistakes cannot be corrected in time.
it's like when you decided to choose answer b instead of c,
at that time, fate was already cast.
and i don't think you would do it again?
maybe you're jaded.
by all the people leaving your side.
slowly, quietly,
turning, and walking in the opposite direction.
i guess we all get tired.
and it is time for somebody new.
though i always wish it could be you.
so when lau hong jin said loh joon kit wanted you to be chief engineer,
i kind of laughed, sadly,
in my heart,
a little.
what a foolish, selfish, naive, young, promising rag head.
foolish, nevertheless.
what would it mean to him?
if next year, they won, and he was the rag head, not you.
even if it wasn't him, if it was vijay, but not you.
would he understand? what it means?
do you understand?
would it happen?
i wonder.
today's theme is korean electronic pop.
don't get turned off so easily, it's really quite nice, so bear with me and you'll be rewarded duely, i promise.
clazziquai - sweety
one of their lesser favourites with me. cute mv regardless though.
there's lee junki inside. funny i didn't notice this before, since i've had this song since 2006?
yuenmei senpai should like this. heh.
HUS has a cute album repetoire and hit songs with names that are pretty quirky.
there's 'scully doesnt know' and then, [as if in reply] 'mulder does know', 'hawaiian couple'...
one of their rare acoustic-style songs,
humming urban stereo -insomnia
Lyrics:
Taking a nap all day long
There's nobody disturbs me
but i can't feel free
There's no hope
There's no despair
only the anger reminded into my heart
There's no chance
and there's no clue
You're gone so faraway
I`m hiding myself from you
I hate myself who can't stop loving you
I feel so stupid
because i'm still in love with you
Fall over precipitate but there's
no one can rescue me
My heart has broken two pieces
seems i can't love you anymore
It's hard for me to go on my life without you
I'm suffering from insomnia
I'm dying day and day
kind of weird mv, can't quite figure out what they're trying to to, or what they're getting at, but it's cute in a quirky way, though i find the guy quite amusing.
humming urban stereo [HUS] - hawaiian couple
HUS again. cute mv, and absolutely adorable song.
they're the reason i kind of gave up on jpop/japanese songs since 2006 actually.
plus they're really pretty good live, which i wouldnt have thought so, not before seeing this anyway. and that amusing/disgusting/weird/self-absorbed guy from the 'baby love' mv is actually Lee jeeren, the guy who helms HUS. HUS is like his pastime/side interest on top of his DJ job/helping to develop other bands like fortune cookie and clazziquai. The female vocals in HUS are kind of like invited vocals. he does all the lyrics writing and music stuff and blah.
you can compare the live one with the recorded one, which is here--->
and of course, if scully doesn't know,
MULDER DOES KNOW! here--->
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQYllBbzQew
there's some embedding problem cause the person very unkindly disallowed it -____-"
anyway so actually 'mulder does know' is actually in reply to scully doesnt know, cause it's in HUS's second album, purple drop, while SDK was actually from Very very nice! and short cake, their first album
IMO, it sounds better than it's predecessor :D
relationship - love and marriage OST
okay this one isn't really electripop, but nevermind that, HUS produced this.
The song is called 'relationship (연애)' and singers are 'Maybe' and 'Hawool (하울)'.
okay, so no MV to speak of, but recently i just caught on this drama and i kind of really like it! the guy isn't even cute by my standards, and the girl has this totally fizzy hair that makes her small face look smaller, and eyebrows like the crescent of the moon and an incredibly scarily skinny frame, but i love the show and more importantly, this is my it song now!!!!
by the way she wears dr marten's boots inside the show, which makes her cool, to me at least. can't wait to get mine :)
Humming Urban Stereo - Sophie Marceau [for movie 'グ-グ-だって猫である']
this mv makes me reallyreallyreally really like times n want to watch it!
i love it when she turns around to open the fridge to avoid him kissing her.
and when he turns around and there's like paw prints or dirt on his shirt and she kind of wants to laugh but doesn't really laugh out loud.
it's incredibly cute!
the song is so incredibly nice, the storyline looks captivating, plus ueno juri is inside!!!!
and also when they do the cheerleading thing at the end, ueno juri leading them :)
--------------------------
i think,
i'd like to do that too.
have a cat and take pictures of it and play with it and laze around with it all day long when i'm alone.
it would be nice.
don't get turned off so easily, it's really quite nice, so bear with me and you'll be rewarded duely, i promise.
clazziquai - sweety
one of their lesser favourites with me. cute mv regardless though.
there's lee junki inside. funny i didn't notice this before, since i've had this song since 2006?
yuenmei senpai should like this. heh.
HUS has a cute album repetoire and hit songs with names that are pretty quirky.
there's 'scully doesnt know' and then, [as if in reply] 'mulder does know', 'hawaiian couple'...
one of their rare acoustic-style songs,
humming urban stereo -insomnia
Lyrics:
Taking a nap all day long
There's nobody disturbs me
but i can't feel free
There's no hope
There's no despair
only the anger reminded into my heart
There's no chance
and there's no clue
You're gone so faraway
I`m hiding myself from you
I hate myself who can't stop loving you
I feel so stupid
because i'm still in love with you
Fall over precipitate but there's
no one can rescue me
My heart has broken two pieces
seems i can't love you anymore
It's hard for me to go on my life without you
I'm suffering from insomnia
I'm dying day and day
kind of weird mv, can't quite figure out what they're trying to to, or what they're getting at, but it's cute in a quirky way, though i find the guy quite amusing.
humming urban stereo [HUS] - hawaiian couple
HUS again. cute mv, and absolutely adorable song.
they're the reason i kind of gave up on jpop/japanese songs since 2006 actually.
plus they're really pretty good live, which i wouldnt have thought so, not before seeing this anyway. and that amusing/disgusting/weird/self-absorbed guy from the 'baby love' mv is actually Lee jeeren, the guy who helms HUS. HUS is like his pastime/side interest on top of his DJ job/helping to develop other bands like fortune cookie and clazziquai. The female vocals in HUS are kind of like invited vocals. he does all the lyrics writing and music stuff and blah.
you can compare the live one with the recorded one, which is here--->
and of course, if scully doesn't know,
MULDER DOES KNOW! here--->
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQYllBbzQew
there's some embedding problem cause the person very unkindly disallowed it -____-"
anyway so actually 'mulder does know' is actually in reply to scully doesnt know, cause it's in HUS's second album, purple drop, while SDK was actually from Very very nice! and short cake, their first album
IMO, it sounds better than it's predecessor :D
relationship - love and marriage OST
okay this one isn't really electripop, but nevermind that, HUS produced this.
The song is called 'relationship (연애)' and singers are 'Maybe' and 'Hawool (하울)'.
okay, so no MV to speak of, but recently i just caught on this drama and i kind of really like it! the guy isn't even cute by my standards, and the girl has this totally fizzy hair that makes her small face look smaller, and eyebrows like the crescent of the moon and an incredibly scarily skinny frame, but i love the show and more importantly, this is my it song now!!!!
by the way she wears dr marten's boots inside the show, which makes her cool, to me at least. can't wait to get mine :)
Humming Urban Stereo - Sophie Marceau [for movie 'グ-グ-だって猫である']
this mv makes me reallyreallyreally really like times n want to watch it!
i love it when she turns around to open the fridge to avoid him kissing her.
and when he turns around and there's like paw prints or dirt on his shirt and she kind of wants to laugh but doesn't really laugh out loud.
it's incredibly cute!
the song is so incredibly nice, the storyline looks captivating, plus ueno juri is inside!!!!
and also when they do the cheerleading thing at the end, ueno juri leading them :)
--------------------------
i think,
i'd like to do that too.
have a cat and take pictures of it and play with it and laze around with it all day long when i'm alone.
it would be nice.
Friday, 17 October 2008
immaculately trimmed eyebrows.
there's just something so conflicting about it that appeals to me /revolts me at the same time.
it's like, 'urgh that's so vain and such a pussy, especially if it's a guy', but at the same time, its like
'wow, so that's like really well maintained/ impressive personal hygiene'.
speaking of which,
i am incredibly fascinated with how japanese boys can simply pull of the immaculately trimmed arched-thin-fashionable-sometimes-colour-bleached-to-the-same-shade-as-their-dyed-hair-eyebrows. it's really quite impressive. it just falls into place, along with their hand-carry bags [usually donned by Prepubescent/cute teenage girls] which they sling on their shoulders oh-so-casually, and their seemingly-effortlessly-stylish-clayed/moving-rubbered/goodnessknowswhattheyuseontheirhairtomakeitstandlikethatandstilllooknaturalandgood - spiked/fringed hair.
nice eyebrows, the real natural and unpretenious, unforced-looking ones are a rare gem.
i guess in this time and age,
it's still rather impossible to get a singaporean guy who bothers to take care of his brows,
much less his nostril hair.
speaking of nostrils.
it's incredibly disgusting[somewhat] when you're talking about a serious matter to a person and when he's replying to you [because he's breathing or what] his nostril flares and like the hair comes out, like quite a bit, and then stays like that in quite an unsightly manner.
urgh.
speaking of noses.
i think recently my tolerance/bandwidth/spectrum of acceptable noses has somewhat expanded quite a generous bit to include a respectable range. originally it was the typical nice straight somewhat high bridged nose, a little sharp and caucasian looking.
now, somehow, for reasons beyond me, roundish noses, hookish noses, noses of atypical shapes are actually somewhat seeming to be less dreadful to me.
perhaps i'm getting desperate.
i am still adamant, however,
about that perfect nose.
there's just something so conflicting about it that appeals to me /revolts me at the same time.
it's like, 'urgh that's so vain and such a pussy, especially if it's a guy', but at the same time, its like
'wow, so that's like really well maintained/ impressive personal hygiene'.
speaking of which,
i am incredibly fascinated with how japanese boys can simply pull of the immaculately trimmed arched-thin-fashionable-sometimes-colour-bleached-to-the-same-shade-as-their-dyed-hair-eyebrows. it's really quite impressive. it just falls into place, along with their hand-carry bags [usually donned by Prepubescent/cute teenage girls] which they sling on their shoulders oh-so-casually, and their seemingly-effortlessly-stylish-clayed/moving-rubbered/goodnessknowswhattheyuseontheirhairtomakeitstandlikethatandstilllooknaturalandgood - spiked/fringed hair.
nice eyebrows, the real natural and unpretenious, unforced-looking ones are a rare gem.
i guess in this time and age,
it's still rather impossible to get a singaporean guy who bothers to take care of his brows,
much less his nostril hair.
speaking of nostrils.
it's incredibly disgusting[somewhat] when you're talking about a serious matter to a person and when he's replying to you [because he's breathing or what] his nostril flares and like the hair comes out, like quite a bit, and then stays like that in quite an unsightly manner.
urgh.
speaking of noses.
i think recently my tolerance/bandwidth/spectrum of acceptable noses has somewhat expanded quite a generous bit to include a respectable range. originally it was the typical nice straight somewhat high bridged nose, a little sharp and caucasian looking.
now, somehow, for reasons beyond me, roundish noses, hookish noses, noses of atypical shapes are actually somewhat seeming to be less dreadful to me.
perhaps i'm getting desperate.
i am still adamant, however,
about that perfect nose.
my goldenhalf came.
i'm incredibly extremely immensely insanely enormously extricably unbelievably excited and besotted with it.
it's the prettiest thing ever :)
and this if for mr tan, who grudgingly blew the candle on the cake today,[though he probably and hopefully doesn't read this]
happy 53.
it's a good number, don't you think? :)
now you're as old as mum already. good for you.
i'm incredibly extremely immensely insanely enormously extricably unbelievably excited and besotted with it.
it's the prettiest thing ever :)
and this if for mr tan, who grudgingly blew the candle on the cake today,[though he probably and hopefully doesn't read this]
happy 53.
it's a good number, don't you think? :)
now you're as old as mum already. good for you.
Wednesday, 15 October 2008
the story is cliched, the acting is absurd [at times], the relationship between the characters is predictable, the plot is crummy, the male lead isn't that cute, the female lead, who isn't even pretty, has frizzy hair i can't stand that makes her stick-thin body seem even thinner, the way the male and female lead forgive and make up with each other is overly corny,
but i can't help it.
it's really, really cute.
i love the way they are together.
and it's true, i think.
single is best, but everyone wants to fall in love.
that's what we were made for, in the first place, right?
but i can't help it.
it's really, really cute.
i love the way they are together.
and it's true, i think.
single is best, but everyone wants to fall in love.
that's what we were made for, in the first place, right?
Monday, 13 October 2008
layer 1: on the outside
name: wenlin
birthdate: 24th aug
current status: waiting for xy items from sprees to come, intending to do readings for last week + tomorrow
eye colour: brown
hair colour: dark brown
righty or lefty: right handed
layer 2: on the inside
my fears: weakness, being alone
my weaknesses: like to be strong,
my perfect pizza: meat lovers, plus extra bacon, extra pepperoni
layer3:yesterday today tomorrow
my thoughts on first waking up: urgh, am i waking up for hall breakfast? forget it man.
my bedtime: 3am, on average nowadays
my most missed memory: curryfish head cooked lovingly by my mother, the 6 of us sitting around the dining table
layer4-my pick:
pepsi or coke: i pass, thanks
single or group dates: single is always better. besides, is it still considered a date in a group?
adidas or nike: nike for comfort, adidas for the brand
tea or nestea: can i have green tea?
chocolate or vanilla- chocolate man, anytime
cappucino or coffee- that's a hard one. yuan yang :)
layer5-do you
smoke: no duh
curse: hell yes [haha]
take a shower: DUH DUH i bathe n times a day in hall, blame the weather
have a crush: duh, there are nice looking noses everywhere
think you've been in love: sadly, yes
go to school: er, not, much? *guilt*
believe in yourself: sometimes, though less than i should.
think you are a health freak: no way!!!
layer6-in the past
drank alcohol: yah.
gone to the mall: of course, duh
been on stage: dance, choir, choir, sets [it counts we have to set up the stuff okay] dance+choir npw
eaten sushi: loves :)
dyed your hair: nope, virgin hair.
layer7-have you ever
played a stripping game? somewhat. though i didnt strip. haha.
layer8-age you are hoping
to be married: yes, but not now!!! okay, maybe secretly sometimes, when im stressed.
layer9-in a guy
best eye colour: green!!!!!!, okay have to be realistic :( black or dark brown
best hair colour: black
[additional one:
best feature: NICE NOSE :DDDDDD
layer10: what were you doing
a minute ago: reading 8storeytree and a random lj spree organiser's lj
an hour ago: celebrating LOH's birthday and eating cake and horlicks icecream and enjoying so man yan and yeoh yeeeee's company and marveling at how cosmopolitan people are nowadays, german guy with vietnamese girlfriend, singaporean girl with japanese boyfriend, etc.
4.5hours ago: trying to figure out ibank, placing orders on uo.com, placing orders on 8storeytree.com, being excited about going to taiwan in december
a month ago: hmmm? maybe trying to figure out admin stuff for kendo? and deciding if i should do chingay or chingay dance.
a year ago: like a good student. at least better than now. lol.
layer11:finish the sentences
i love: food, photography, rag, dance, kendo, friends, family, domokun
i feel: tired? i dont know. i feel warm. like hot man. urgh.
i hate: having no money, feeling stressed, being forced to do things i dislike, being weak.
i hide: lots of things i wouldn't tell you, and you shouldn't know.
i miss: being me. when i was younger, less dress-smart, less busy, more carefree, more confident
i need: to get my readings done.
Sunday, 12 October 2008
i'm happy because
1. i spent all weekend taking BW, colourcontrast and sepia shots using my G5, which miraculously recovered
2. i got film for the ikimono110, and took some shots with it
3. i ate meatballs and salmon and daim cake at ikea
4. it was good weather today and i slept fri morning till before the sportsclub rectification meeting, followed by training, then choir, then supper, then rushing pl2132 stimuli, then breakfast, then comm meeting, then lunch, then random email replying online, not getting a single wink until i accidentally fell asleep for 10 min
5. i didn't manage to spend 90 on the goldenhalf [its 12o now]
of which 5 is the best, because,
URBANOUTFITTERS.COM IS HAVING 25% OFF!!! yay !
which means i save 25% off these [which, both, including shipping, still add up to less than 90]:
boy, i can't wait.
1. i spent all weekend taking BW, colourcontrast and sepia shots using my G5, which miraculously recovered
2. i got film for the ikimono110, and took some shots with it
3. i ate meatballs and salmon and daim cake at ikea
4. it was good weather today and i slept fri morning till before the sportsclub rectification meeting, followed by training, then choir, then supper, then rushing pl2132 stimuli, then breakfast, then comm meeting, then lunch, then random email replying online, not getting a single wink until i accidentally fell asleep for 10 min
5. i didn't manage to spend 90 on the goldenhalf [its 12o now]
of which 5 is the best, because,
URBANOUTFITTERS.COM IS HAVING 25% OFF!!! yay !
which means i save 25% off these [which, both, including shipping, still add up to less than 90]:
boy, i can't wait.
Saturday, 11 October 2008
it's days like these that make me want to be a shirt hanging on the clothesline.
i was smile contentedly to myself, bask quietly in the sun's warm rays, my sleeves flapping, sometimes, in the occasional wind, as if to embrace myself, to wrap around myself, to protect myself. but what is there to shield from? the warm gentle sun? he bears no harm for he is merely an old kind soul, yearning for love.
it's hot, itchy, irritating,
but nice.
oh, so, nice :)
i realise i haven't had any real blog posts lately, about my life or me for that matter, except the occasional ramblings and whining about the things i want to buy, my current shopping obsessions ecetera. and i just realised my powershot g5 kind of fixed itself while i shut it in the camera bag and put it in the 'cold palace' for a year or so. i so miss the solid feeling of gripping it.
toy cameras are cute, but nothing beats the feeling of having a solid g5 in your hands.
solid, firm, strong, sturdy, dependable, impressive, manly, whatever.
it's like the best thing ever.
minus the hassle of a camera stand, tripod, extra lenses and flash. i so do not like the extra maintenance. not worth the effort.
so it's quietly sitting next to me, quite pleased with itself i believe [i'm so glad you're back :) i missed you!] charging to ready itself for another outdoor adventure with careless me :P
i think i ll just get the film for the split cam, ikimono 110 and polaroid and play around till i'm bored. i could always wait for the next uo spree, which is godknowswhen, but that's okay, since my g5 is next to me, yay.
i'm so glad the week is over, cause the past two weeks have been hell, and i can't believe it's all finally behind me and i can finally enjoy the weekend and a short rest, and finally try to catch up with all the readings and assignments.
i didnt sleep at all yesterday, so my eyelids are a tad heavy now, but im feeling unlethargic, maybe because i slept almost all of yesterday away, minus the sportsclub retification and AGM, and then training and then choir, and then rushing pl2132 stimuli and then our own comm meeting and then lunch, and then now.
which is, not too bad i guess?
i guess if you eat too much at one go you feel a loss of appetite afterwards. like bleah feeling even when you see like delectable food. just like how im not that sleepy with my bed behind me even.
i have to write 3 letters to kitt senpai [which i kind of replied but i think should write a better reply], to gf [who is cycling in sweden :)] and to wei, [who is having fun cooking in UCSB.]
i think i'll snail mail the latter. im wondering if i should add something extra but i dont have an idea yet and i kind of overspent so im watching my budget. if only i could minus my food budget, that would be wonderful.
i'm feeling a little tired now but i think i'm happy.
being busy and all. sometimes it seriously kills me, and for like instances, i stop and ponder to myself and ask why i take all this up and if the duties and responsibilities are killing the passion, and then i tell myself, that shouldn't be the way, and so i carry on.
sometimes,
like ex-taicho used to say,
'too bad, that's life.'
and the best ever reply,
'sometimes, strong is not what you are,
but what you become.'
i was smile contentedly to myself, bask quietly in the sun's warm rays, my sleeves flapping, sometimes, in the occasional wind, as if to embrace myself, to wrap around myself, to protect myself. but what is there to shield from? the warm gentle sun? he bears no harm for he is merely an old kind soul, yearning for love.
it's hot, itchy, irritating,
but nice.
oh, so, nice :)
i realise i haven't had any real blog posts lately, about my life or me for that matter, except the occasional ramblings and whining about the things i want to buy, my current shopping obsessions ecetera. and i just realised my powershot g5 kind of fixed itself while i shut it in the camera bag and put it in the 'cold palace' for a year or so. i so miss the solid feeling of gripping it.
toy cameras are cute, but nothing beats the feeling of having a solid g5 in your hands.
solid, firm, strong, sturdy, dependable, impressive, manly, whatever.
it's like the best thing ever.
minus the hassle of a camera stand, tripod, extra lenses and flash. i so do not like the extra maintenance. not worth the effort.
so it's quietly sitting next to me, quite pleased with itself i believe [i'm so glad you're back :) i missed you!] charging to ready itself for another outdoor adventure with careless me :P
i think i ll just get the film for the split cam, ikimono 110 and polaroid and play around till i'm bored. i could always wait for the next uo spree, which is godknowswhen, but that's okay, since my g5 is next to me, yay.
i'm so glad the week is over, cause the past two weeks have been hell, and i can't believe it's all finally behind me and i can finally enjoy the weekend and a short rest, and finally try to catch up with all the readings and assignments.
i didnt sleep at all yesterday, so my eyelids are a tad heavy now, but im feeling unlethargic, maybe because i slept almost all of yesterday away, minus the sportsclub retification and AGM, and then training and then choir, and then rushing pl2132 stimuli and then our own comm meeting and then lunch, and then now.
which is, not too bad i guess?
i guess if you eat too much at one go you feel a loss of appetite afterwards. like bleah feeling even when you see like delectable food. just like how im not that sleepy with my bed behind me even.
i have to write 3 letters to kitt senpai [which i kind of replied but i think should write a better reply], to gf [who is cycling in sweden :)] and to wei, [who is having fun cooking in UCSB.]
i think i'll snail mail the latter. im wondering if i should add something extra but i dont have an idea yet and i kind of overspent so im watching my budget. if only i could minus my food budget, that would be wonderful.
i'm feeling a little tired now but i think i'm happy.
being busy and all. sometimes it seriously kills me, and for like instances, i stop and ponder to myself and ask why i take all this up and if the duties and responsibilities are killing the passion, and then i tell myself, that shouldn't be the way, and so i carry on.
sometimes,
like ex-taicho used to say,
'too bad, that's life.'
and the best ever reply,
'sometimes, strong is not what you are,
but what you become.'
i want to cry, because the goldenhalf limited edition chelsea version, which was on special offer at 90 sing at 8storeytree which i was saving money for, to purchase next week,
SUDDENLY RESUMED TO IT'S NORMAL PRICE AT 120.
*jaw drops*
do you hear it?
the sound of my heart breaking?.....
oh. my. god.
means that even if i should intend to still get the golden half,
better get it from the asylum, since it's retailing for 110 there :(
still a good 20 more ex than when it was on offer at 8storeytree.
OH WHY WHY WHY am i not a rich spoilt brat that has ibank and an unlimited supply of money, or an extremely rich daddy, or a trust fund, or a habbit to spend and get want i want immediately
WHY
i knew it i had a nagging feeling in me yesterday, just wanted to click 'confirm' and proceed to make payment on the site but looking at the barely enough notes in my wallet my finger wavered and i clicked another tab to distract myself.
URGH.
now some random ugly looking holga [with inbuilt flash though] is on sale.
i'm so disgusted.
:((((((((
now i'm tempted to get the fisheye traveller, from urbanoutfitters.com.
cause the spree had some problem so some lame 2 x wallets + 1 x necklace i brought went OOS cause there were payment issues.
so i went ahead and got a lomo coloursplash flash instead. quite exciting :) works out to be 20-30 dollars cheaper via uo.com
isn't this pretty?
sigh.
maybe you could give good advice.
1. buy the goldenhalf at 110 at the asylum
2. buy the fisheye traveller at 42USD from uo.com
3. do not buy neither
4. save and buy both
5. ah, heck it.
Thursday, 9 October 2008
today i was tempted by the cookie again.
i know there's a tag already, and it's quite big.
it's nice to have the cookie there. it's nice and round, and looks very chewy and smells nice.
yes, it smells very nice. and it feels very warm too.
everyone knows there's a tag already, and it's quite big.
i promise myself i will not ever think about eating it.
because it doesn't belong to me.
somehow,
it makes me a little sad.
i know there's a tag already, and it's quite big.
it's nice to have the cookie there. it's nice and round, and looks very chewy and smells nice.
yes, it smells very nice. and it feels very warm too.
everyone knows there's a tag already, and it's quite big.
i promise myself i will not ever think about eating it.
because it doesn't belong to me.
somehow,
it makes me a little sad.
Wednesday, 8 October 2008
i know i'm supposed to be doing the other bit of my pl2132 project that's just been updated but i just couldn't resist. here's a post to my current obsession.
-----------------------------------
photography has always been a love/hate/hassle/hobby of mine, but my state of carelessness just does not put me into enough confidence that i should purchase an SLR. besides, i hate cleaning lenses, setting up tripods, carrying camera bags, blah blah.
and then,
i found these.
like,
oh. my. god. [no offense to christians who do not like people saying that because obviously god is like a public good that is meant to be shared and not like an eraser or sheet piece of undergarment that belongs to you and you only. okay maybe not the eraser. i always borrow.]
from the world renowned superheadz,
the famed,
'blackbird, fly'.
received raved reviews in it's first week of release in it's home country, japan. like a holga, only cooler, cause it's TLR, twins lens reflex. it takes 35mm films, which is pretty cool, but i'm not quite convinced by the hefty price tag.
$198
function: ####
price : $$$$$
coolness : *****
the 35mm squishy jelly camera.
comes in a variety of cheerful colours, cute, comes with keychain attachment!
quite price friendly, the outlook is definitely appealing, plus you can top up 6 bucks for flash, functions not that fantastic though.
$39 [with flash] $33 [without flash]
function: ###
price : $$
coolness : ***
robot 3 lens cam.
nothing fantastic, but the idea of having 3 images in one picture is quite appealing to me, im not sure why.
a simple no brainer, but at the same time the manual-ness of this could be an off side instead of a plus.
$20-30
function: ##
price : $
coolness : ***
the limited edition golden half!
like 1000 pieces worldwide only!
saw this at the asylum today priced at 110 and was immensely tempted to rush back and confirm the purchase at 90 special price online. shoots twice as much as 35mm cam, has hotshoe [plus], cool outlook [plus], limited ed [plus] package includes film [plus]
$90
function: ####
price : $$$
coolness : *****
from urbanoutfitters.com
rollei black and white cam.
if you can't offord the real thing, why not get a disposable? brand, plus. film included, already loaded, plus. black and white film, plus. the big minus is that it's a disposable, and my brain just won't work with my heart saying yes to paying 22USD [excluding shipping] for a 24-disposable.
but it's still cool to me.
$40~
function: ###
price : $$
coolness : ****
another uo product,
lomography white fisheye camera.
the best part is the 170 degrees fisheye part.plus plus! undoubtedly it will make all my boring photographs look a tad better. uses 35mm, built in flash, plush, cool exterior, plus.
not cheap though.
$60-70
function: ###
price : $$$
coolness : ****
it's the oktomat.
*smile* somehow the name rolls off my tongue in a bizarre but nice way. 8 picture multi frame shots. nice. standard 35mm. cute exterior, plus.
not sure if im that into motion rolls though.
$60-70
function: ##
price : $$$
coolness : ***
lastly, the split cam.
love the idea of multiple exposures in 1 picture. yeah holgas can do that, but i don't dig holgas. 35mm. fatal flaw = no flash :(
$198
function: ####
price : $$$$$
coolness : *****
-----------------------------------------------------
conclusion is, it's hard for me to decide which to get, so i decided i'll slowly collect them all, HOHOHO!!!!
better than buying things like wallets, or clothes or shoes or bangles right?
*wide smile*
p.s. i think i ll get the golden half first, omg it looks so pretty in the packaging and i'm really curious how it works and how the pictures will turn out man! i could not eat for a week [figuratively i guess. it's quite hard literally, with all the peer pressure around. not eat for a meal and people say you're dieting. not all fat people diet okay. -____-"]
anyway, sidetracking,
today i accidentally hit my left pinkie against a rather hard cupboard and broke the nail. and it bled, duh. and then esther was like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause the blood was quite bloody. then on our way back she asked me if it was this toe the last time we had to go ER. i said no, i think, it's the other one.
and then she said,
oh, that's okay, you're being fair then.
the end.
-----------------------------------
photography has always been a love/hate/hassle/hobby of mine, but my state of carelessness just does not put me into enough confidence that i should purchase an SLR. besides, i hate cleaning lenses, setting up tripods, carrying camera bags, blah blah.
and then,
i found these.
like,
oh. my. god. [no offense to christians who do not like people saying that because obviously god is like a public good that is meant to be shared and not like an eraser or sheet piece of undergarment that belongs to you and you only. okay maybe not the eraser. i always borrow.]
from the world renowned superheadz,
the famed,
'blackbird, fly'.
received raved reviews in it's first week of release in it's home country, japan. like a holga, only cooler, cause it's TLR, twins lens reflex. it takes 35mm films, which is pretty cool, but i'm not quite convinced by the hefty price tag.
$198
function: ####
price : $$$$$
coolness : *****
the 35mm squishy jelly camera.
comes in a variety of cheerful colours, cute, comes with keychain attachment!
quite price friendly, the outlook is definitely appealing, plus you can top up 6 bucks for flash, functions not that fantastic though.
$39 [with flash] $33 [without flash]
function: ###
price : $$
coolness : ***
robot 3 lens cam.nothing fantastic, but the idea of having 3 images in one picture is quite appealing to me, im not sure why.
a simple no brainer, but at the same time the manual-ness of this could be an off side instead of a plus.
$20-30
function: ##
price : $
coolness : ***
the limited edition golden half!
like 1000 pieces worldwide only!
saw this at the asylum today priced at 110 and was immensely tempted to rush back and confirm the purchase at 90 special price online. shoots twice as much as 35mm cam, has hotshoe [plus], cool outlook [plus], limited ed [plus] package includes film [plus]
$90
function: ####
price : $$$
coolness : *****
from urbanoutfitters.com
rollei black and white cam.
if you can't offord the real thing, why not get a disposable? brand, plus. film included, already loaded, plus. black and white film, plus. the big minus is that it's a disposable, and my brain just won't work with my heart saying yes to paying 22USD [excluding shipping] for a 24-disposable.
but it's still cool to me.
$40~
function: ###
price : $$
coolness : ****
another uo product,
lomography white fisheye camera.
the best part is the 170 degrees fisheye part.plus plus! undoubtedly it will make all my boring photographs look a tad better. uses 35mm, built in flash, plush, cool exterior, plus.
not cheap though.
$60-70
function: ###
price : $$$
coolness : ****
it's the oktomat.
*smile* somehow the name rolls off my tongue in a bizarre but nice way. 8 picture multi frame shots. nice. standard 35mm. cute exterior, plus.
not sure if im that into motion rolls though.
$60-70
function: ##
price : $$$
coolness : ***
lastly, the split cam.
love the idea of multiple exposures in 1 picture. yeah holgas can do that, but i don't dig holgas. 35mm. fatal flaw = no flash :(
$198
function: ####
price : $$$$$
coolness : *****
-----------------------------------------------------
conclusion is, it's hard for me to decide which to get, so i decided i'll slowly collect them all, HOHOHO!!!!
better than buying things like wallets, or clothes or shoes or bangles right?
*wide smile*
p.s. i think i ll get the golden half first, omg it looks so pretty in the packaging and i'm really curious how it works and how the pictures will turn out man! i could not eat for a week [figuratively i guess. it's quite hard literally, with all the peer pressure around. not eat for a meal and people say you're dieting. not all fat people diet okay. -____-"]
anyway, sidetracking,
today i accidentally hit my left pinkie against a rather hard cupboard and broke the nail. and it bled, duh. and then esther was like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause the blood was quite bloody. then on our way back she asked me if it was this toe the last time we had to go ER. i said no, i think, it's the other one.
and then she said,
oh, that's okay, you're being fair then.
the end.
Monday, 6 October 2008
okay, i know im supposed to be studying [which i somewhat did] but i had to blog about these man.from fredflare.com and urbanoutfitters.com
the famous ikimono 110 camera.
they it at the asylum and i figured i should get myself on some time soon [since i wanted one for ages] and i have to do some LAJ2201 project on my favourite place in singapore [which i chose the asylum despite having only been there once, and in quite a hurry] so i figured going there sometime this week to buy this will give me a chance to have a good look at the store's new products, fred perry sale and also time for me to think of more impressive-sounding and apt words to describe it in my LAJ2201 assignment? frmph.
juno cheeseburger phone.
if i had an apartment and needed a phone, i'd definitely get this.
this one reminds me of the thumping one, only this one's more decent; he's doing situps. wow, maybe that'll give me inspiration to lose weight.
okay, you have to reason with me.
for no reason other than i really want to get this [there's absolutely no reason why i should but i really do] and also since there's 10% off uo.com,
i really want to get this.
did i mention it's usd 15?
haha.
i ll never forget my thumbdrive again.
it's nothing special, but damn cute.
i should totally get this for my sister.
im sure it would be a fantastic o level present, minus the fact we do not have a bathtub.
i really like this, gee, i dunno why.
Sunday, 5 October 2008
Saturday, 4 October 2008
he's the best thing that happened to me this week.
by the way, i didn't know that he's the one who wrote/sang the ‘对呀对呀对呀对呀’song.
but now that i do,
*smirk*
i'm really quite glad.
--------------------
其实，我不断思考，不断摸索，到底谁才是我真正想要的人，什么才是我真正想要的东西，想做的事，想要的生活，想要的自由。
很多事情，很多人；思绪很乱，感觉很困惑。坦白说，有时脑海真的浮起放弃，想逃脱的念头。
有时很难过，我没说。。
很痛苦，很寂寞，没人懂。
很多话，太脆弱，不敢说。
再辛苦，自尊心作祟，没人懂。
最后还是鼓起剩余的小小勇气，有继续摸索，继续寻找。反复思考，不断地尝试着；像个傻瓜也好，像个小孩也好，我并不在意。
宇宙，很大。
时间，不多。
对的人，还没遇到。
答案，也还没找到。
但是，
懒洋洋的星期天，
静静的坐着，
自己出去走走，
听着音乐也好，发呆，
什么都不作也好，
这样平静的生活，让我感到满足。
我想，
也许，这也就足够。
03. 100種生活
作詞:鍾成虎 作曲:盧廣仲
整個世界 停止 不轉動 很寂寞
走在海邊 數著 螢火蟲 好困惑
想要的生活怎麼有一百種
不想掉進這深深 漩渦
整個海洋 擺動 柔軟地 舉起我
孤獨給我 自由 猶豫得 好感動
想要的生活怎麼有一百種
該怎麼走 誰來告訴我 wow
每當我背對星空抱著地球
發現自己其實脆弱 不敢說
當我背對星空 孤獨摸索
愛情漸漸萎縮 我猜不透
無邊的宇宙 哪裡有我要的生活
整個海洋 擺動 柔軟地 舉起我
孤獨給我 自由 猶豫得 好感動
想要的生活怎麼有一百種
該怎麼走 誰來告訴我 wow
每當我背對星空抱著地球
發現自己其實脆弱 不敢說
當我背對星空孤獨摸索
愛情漸漸萎縮 我猜不透
無邊的宇宙 哪裡有我(想)要的生活
每當我背對星空抱著地球
發現自己其實脆弱 不敢說
當我背對星空孤獨摸索
愛情漸漸萎縮 我猜不透
無邊的宇宙 哪裡有我要的生活
原來一百分之一要在很久很久以後才會懂
Wednesday, 1 October 2008
the epitome of a nice nose.
he's really boring to look at initially, and nothing out of the ordinary, but...
i don't know why, everytime he smiled my heart melted a little.
dimples are usually not my thing, but he looks absolutely adorable when he smiles, and he has a pretty nice jawline and cheekbones, reasonable-looking eyebrows and a nose to die for, i figured.
oh well.
*sigh*
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