okay,

it's like lately i realised something.
knowing about the existence of something, and being able to comprehend it/understand it/empathize with it, the people involved, and being able to accept it, go along with it/excecute it are like 234567899876545689876512345678987654 different matters totally.

yeah, you can say like, duh, i told you so.
or, dud. i can't believe tan wenlin you're like so stupid.


it's just like somethings we know all along,
it's only we don't realise, don't see the significance of it at all until,
WHAM!
one day reality hits us in the face.
or hits me.


it's like i know every single bit of it.
i know why, i know it shouldn't happen, but it's still happening.
i know the syptoms, i see the signs, i know the consequences,
but when you've plunged head first into it, it's like OCD.
you're so strongly willed by this obsession, this crazy thought that just controls you, consumes you, eats you whole,
you're just weakly compelled to do whatever your brain tells you,
and in a fit of weakness you usually do it anyway.


it's kind of sick i know.
but that's how it happens.


okay, i need to get a grip.


oh yeah,
and go for classes.
like actually go.

instead of going for imaginary ones in my head,
like when i oversleep and miss breakfast as a result.
damn.