19 is the age when you start to realize you re a girl. And not just that, you re a girl becoming a woman. About to, anyway. Then you realize you are starting to act like one, even if you naturally arent. And it comes naturally, which is really confusing, because originally it doesnt. You either feel obliged to or are forced to become.
19 is the age you waste a lot of time deciding what clothes to wear before going out, even if its only to the library, because you know its important to make an impression and also to do justice to your reasonably good looks, but feel compelled to just wear a t shirt and jeans because the whole idea of dressing up is too much of a hassle itself.
19 is the age when you are standing outside the elevator waiting for the lift and humming a song to yourself, playing with the hem of your skirt, when this guy walks up almost right next to you, nearly shocking the daylights out of you. You regain composure but as you step into the lift realization dawns upon you that this tall, well-built, lanky, rather good-looking secondary 3 or 4 boy is the pesky primary school boy you used to treat with some sense of mild dislike when you were in your secondary school years. And you feel the clouded surprise in his downcast eyes that you have morphed into a rather pleasant-looking, maybe even pretty young woman.
And you feel ridiculous because at that very instant, there is mutual attraction even though no word is spoken, but the whole idea of it is absurd anyway.
then you remember how you jokingly told your co-workers that you are an old cow that only likes to eat young, new, chewy grass.
Then you think to yourself,
ohmygod.
Because hes four years younger than you anyway.
Then you start to feel really old.
What a laugh.
Tuesday, 25 April 2006
Monday, 24 April 2006
OKANE HOSHI.
i really really want more money.
extremely sickened by the thought of all the expenses that come attached as burdens when you abandon your life as an innocent, gentle, kind, naive, grew-up-in-a-greenhouse-flower, and embrace life as a living adult.
my relentless pursuit to become a full-fledged adult began the moment i became aware of my identity as a child. which is, rather long ago.
and it has always been my dream, to grow up, to leave this house, to have my own room, to sleep and do what i want, when i want to, to be able to drink blatantly, to be respected in every manner that an adult should, to have those looks of acknowledgement when you give your opinions or comments. and yes, i know i should have used ';' instead of ',' for every ',' in the above sentence, but i refuse to.
an what has money got to do with it?
i always naively believed that the significance of money would never become an issue, not in terms of my value system anyway, because for me, money is just, simly put, a means to an end. but as you grow older, when the realisation dawns upon you, you realise the 45cents student fare that you ve been taking for granted for n years [ where n = numbers of years since you starting taking public transport as a child/adolescent. not infinity, to my chagrin] wont last forever
not for, forever. =( and that, is sad.
then you realise you cant possibly always wait for sales or skimp and be cheapskate and only buy jeans betlow ten dollars, and tops below five dollars [even though they ARE, still, a common sight in toa payoh today]. and the nebulous hope that you would always be able to save at least 90 % of your pocket money [or earnings, in the case you start to work] starts to fade away.
and you realise with a dread, as your idealism, dwindling away along with your hope and naivety [if theres such a word] that you are, becoming a full-fledged adult.
im feeling pathetic because at this moment in time, i am a pasisonate idealist, undergoing the changing phase, rather reluctantly, if i should say, into the brimming realist. i used to believe hospitals should provide medical care so as to benefit the greater masses, not as to earn profits and cut losses. i used to believe money is just a kind of exchange between people that doesnt matter or isnt as important as the social and emotional exchange between people. i used to believe if i ever became an educator, it would be because of my love of the subject, and passion and drive to teach my students. i used to believe that whatever it seems like in this world, cant be real, because there has to be more. because if this is it, then that would be really sad.
anyway, bottom line is, im teaching tuition. anyone interested? leave a tag and your contact please
im rather proficient in el and cl, and good at math [my grades say so, at least.]
hope the okane comes soon, because its running out.
i really really want more money.
extremely sickened by the thought of all the expenses that come attached as burdens when you abandon your life as an innocent, gentle, kind, naive, grew-up-in-a-greenhouse-flower, and embrace life as a living adult.
my relentless pursuit to become a full-fledged adult began the moment i became aware of my identity as a child. which is, rather long ago.
and it has always been my dream, to grow up, to leave this house, to have my own room, to sleep and do what i want, when i want to, to be able to drink blatantly, to be respected in every manner that an adult should, to have those looks of acknowledgement when you give your opinions or comments. and yes, i know i should have used ';' instead of ',' for every ',' in the above sentence, but i refuse to.
an what has money got to do with it?
i always naively believed that the significance of money would never become an issue, not in terms of my value system anyway, because for me, money is just, simly put, a means to an end. but as you grow older, when the realisation dawns upon you, you realise the 45cents student fare that you ve been taking for granted for n years [ where n = numbers of years since you starting taking public transport as a child/adolescent. not infinity, to my chagrin] wont last forever
not for, forever. =( and that, is sad.
then you realise you cant possibly always wait for sales or skimp and be cheapskate and only buy jeans betlow ten dollars, and tops below five dollars [even though they ARE, still, a common sight in toa payoh today]. and the nebulous hope that you would always be able to save at least 90 % of your pocket money [or earnings, in the case you start to work] starts to fade away.
and you realise with a dread, as your idealism, dwindling away along with your hope and naivety [if theres such a word] that you are, becoming a full-fledged adult.
im feeling pathetic because at this moment in time, i am a pasisonate idealist, undergoing the changing phase, rather reluctantly, if i should say, into the brimming realist. i used to believe hospitals should provide medical care so as to benefit the greater masses, not as to earn profits and cut losses. i used to believe money is just a kind of exchange between people that doesnt matter or isnt as important as the social and emotional exchange between people. i used to believe if i ever became an educator, it would be because of my love of the subject, and passion and drive to teach my students. i used to believe that whatever it seems like in this world, cant be real, because there has to be more. because if this is it, then that would be really sad.
anyway, bottom line is, im teaching tuition. anyone interested? leave a tag and your contact please
im rather proficient in el and cl, and good at math [my grades say so, at least.]
hope the okane comes soon, because its running out.
Thursday, 20 April 2006
recently i just finished watching gokusen 1 and gokusen 2. so im madly trying to find the special episodes that are sold separately from the series box sets that seem to never-be-able-to-be-found. sigh.
its like this, i always get all fussed up over a tv show. its like for me the show has ended but it becomes my life for a while. and this show has brought japanese culture covetedness back into my normally mundane, insignificant and boring life.
its like, i ve always had this fascination with japanese culture, language and people. attracted to, deeply, yet compelled strongly, to dislike, to repel, to revolt, to be against. precisely because japanese people originated from china, that they have chinese roots, and because much of their language stems from chinese as well, i am even more so attracted to it.
as you know, according to history, qin shi huang emperor was searching for the [*warning : literal translation coming up*] long-life-not-old [chang sheng bu lao] medicine so he could enjoy eternal life blah blah and continue his reign and monopolize and be the sole ruler, blah blah.
so he looked for 7 pure and chaste men, and 7 pure and chaste women. he gave them the mission of finding the eternal-youth-pill [which obviously doesnt exist, not even now, DUH. sometimes i wonder how come a man with the intelligence and foresight of unifying/simplifying chinese language [there were only a lot of dialects at that time, no common language] could come up with the ridiculous and outrageous idea of such kinds of medicine ever possibly existing. duh. baka. -_-]
the poor 14 people [maybe i remembered wrongly the number, not sure] of course agreed grudgingly, on the surface lah. then quickly they fled for their lives cos any bakka person with just a wee bit of common sense would know this kind of thing doesnt existing. legend has it they fled to a small island to the east of china, which is japan, and married with the locals[staying the rural areas, with no proper language];integrated. of course, they brought along with them chinese language and culture, which is why the japanese language consists largely of chinese unsimplified characters with japanese pronounciations. and also why the kimono and yukata vaguely resembles some older chinese costumes worn by females and males living in the palace in the older eras.
since i like chinese language and culture, its understandable that i like japanese language and culture as well. but theres always that barrier that stands between me and it, preventing me from totally embracing it. Because after all, Japanese have done horrendous things to chinese. even though im neither a victim, nor directly affected much in any way, theres still feelings of discomfort and well as mild distaste. and the fact that up yill now most japanese still resist/ignore/deny the facts/history of what their forefathers have commited is the worst part. Their textbooks either gloss over the details or just leave it out entirely. worse still are those that change the text to their advantage, in order to glorify Japan.
and what i really dislike about japanese is their general idolism of american/european culture as opposed to their distaste of/chagrin at/looking down on asian/chinese culture and people. Theres not much to idolise about what. whats the big deal about caucasians? and why look down on asians, chinese in particular? your roots are chinese; oh the irony. The fact that after the bombing of pearl harbour, japanese were equally mistreated by the americans, yet japanese idolize them is ... really quite sad. pathetic even.
maybe my chagrin really stems from the fact that for a long time, chinese have been looked down upon. not just that, for a long time, we ve not had that kind of confidence and pride, nor received much recognition for the contributions we have made to society. its only much lately, after china opened up, that the caucasians are starting to wake up and realise the prowess of chinese. our unleashed potential. the importance of the chinese language. its really impressive/embarrassing to see some caucasians speaking the chinese language better than i can. amazing, really.
anyway, back to my fascination with japan. i guess its ironic that what sets japan apart from other asian countries is its openness and avant-garde appeal. not the typical conservative asian society. but the parody lies in the fact that japan is only like that because it was heavily influenced by western culture. i mean, what kind of asian country gives out condoms in junior high school to promote safe sex? And you probably cant imagine students in typical asian countries rebellious enough to play traunt and beat up teachers all the time. its kind of hilarious, if you look at it this way. so liberal, so open.
and that relates to gokusen. haha. what kind of asian society has teachers who have a mafia background, beating up all the baddies who find trouble with their students? it may be fiction, but its not that hard to imagine it happening in japan. in singapore, it just seems totally implausible.
its like personally, as wenlin, i am hopelessly infatuated with japanese manga, anime, music [toshi, ken hirai, mika, tokyo jihen T_T] beautiful japanese boys [who demoralise me and lower my already dangerously low morale because they make me feel embarrassed to be a girl] and cool/funny japanese actresses [ yukie =D]. But as a chinese, i feel obliged to dislike them. they stole our language! RAWR. hahah =) well. im not sure how to reach a balance point.
argh. i dont know what im babbling about. then again i always digress too much. haha.
ok. i ll stop here, cos im considering whether i should learn the japanese language properly. my dad is highly proficient in it but i doubt he has spare time from teaching chinese to teach me japanese. i ll probably only get laughed at anyway. haha. well. im damn lazy to memorize katagana, hiragana, kanji, blah blah. its not that hard but... im not sure. =)
years have passed, but history has remained. and the marks of the scar are still there.
im a chinese singaporean. thats kind of complicated.
there, your regular dose of wenlin-style-incoherence. *smirk*
its like this, i always get all fussed up over a tv show. its like for me the show has ended but it becomes my life for a while. and this show has brought japanese culture covetedness back into my normally mundane, insignificant and boring life.
its like, i ve always had this fascination with japanese culture, language and people. attracted to, deeply, yet compelled strongly, to dislike, to repel, to revolt, to be against. precisely because japanese people originated from china, that they have chinese roots, and because much of their language stems from chinese as well, i am even more so attracted to it.
as you know, according to history, qin shi huang emperor was searching for the [*warning : literal translation coming up*] long-life-not-old [chang sheng bu lao] medicine so he could enjoy eternal life blah blah and continue his reign and monopolize and be the sole ruler, blah blah.
so he looked for 7 pure and chaste men, and 7 pure and chaste women. he gave them the mission of finding the eternal-youth-pill [which obviously doesnt exist, not even now, DUH. sometimes i wonder how come a man with the intelligence and foresight of unifying/simplifying chinese language [there were only a lot of dialects at that time, no common language] could come up with the ridiculous and outrageous idea of such kinds of medicine ever possibly existing. duh. baka. -_-]
the poor 14 people [maybe i remembered wrongly the number, not sure] of course agreed grudgingly, on the surface lah. then quickly they fled for their lives cos any bakka person with just a wee bit of common sense would know this kind of thing doesnt existing. legend has it they fled to a small island to the east of china, which is japan, and married with the locals[staying the rural areas, with no proper language];integrated. of course, they brought along with them chinese language and culture, which is why the japanese language consists largely of chinese unsimplified characters with japanese pronounciations. and also why the kimono and yukata vaguely resembles some older chinese costumes worn by females and males living in the palace in the older eras.
since i like chinese language and culture, its understandable that i like japanese language and culture as well. but theres always that barrier that stands between me and it, preventing me from totally embracing it. Because after all, Japanese have done horrendous things to chinese. even though im neither a victim, nor directly affected much in any way, theres still feelings of discomfort and well as mild distaste. and the fact that up yill now most japanese still resist/ignore/deny the facts/history of what their forefathers have commited is the worst part. Their textbooks either gloss over the details or just leave it out entirely. worse still are those that change the text to their advantage, in order to glorify Japan.
and what i really dislike about japanese is their general idolism of american/european culture as opposed to their distaste of/chagrin at/looking down on asian/chinese culture and people. Theres not much to idolise about what. whats the big deal about caucasians? and why look down on asians, chinese in particular? your roots are chinese; oh the irony. The fact that after the bombing of pearl harbour, japanese were equally mistreated by the americans, yet japanese idolize them is ... really quite sad. pathetic even.
maybe my chagrin really stems from the fact that for a long time, chinese have been looked down upon. not just that, for a long time, we ve not had that kind of confidence and pride, nor received much recognition for the contributions we have made to society. its only much lately, after china opened up, that the caucasians are starting to wake up and realise the prowess of chinese. our unleashed potential. the importance of the chinese language. its really impressive/embarrassing to see some caucasians speaking the chinese language better than i can. amazing, really.
anyway, back to my fascination with japan. i guess its ironic that what sets japan apart from other asian countries is its openness and avant-garde appeal. not the typical conservative asian society. but the parody lies in the fact that japan is only like that because it was heavily influenced by western culture. i mean, what kind of asian country gives out condoms in junior high school to promote safe sex? And you probably cant imagine students in typical asian countries rebellious enough to play traunt and beat up teachers all the time. its kind of hilarious, if you look at it this way. so liberal, so open.
and that relates to gokusen. haha. what kind of asian society has teachers who have a mafia background, beating up all the baddies who find trouble with their students? it may be fiction, but its not that hard to imagine it happening in japan. in singapore, it just seems totally implausible.
its like personally, as wenlin, i am hopelessly infatuated with japanese manga, anime, music [toshi, ken hirai, mika, tokyo jihen T_T] beautiful japanese boys [who demoralise me and lower my already dangerously low morale because they make me feel embarrassed to be a girl] and cool/funny japanese actresses [ yukie =D]. But as a chinese, i feel obliged to dislike them. they stole our language! RAWR. hahah =) well. im not sure how to reach a balance point.
argh. i dont know what im babbling about. then again i always digress too much. haha.
ok. i ll stop here, cos im considering whether i should learn the japanese language properly. my dad is highly proficient in it but i doubt he has spare time from teaching chinese to teach me japanese. i ll probably only get laughed at anyway. haha. well. im damn lazy to memorize katagana, hiragana, kanji, blah blah. its not that hard but... im not sure. =)
years have passed, but history has remained. and the marks of the scar are still there.
im a chinese singaporean. thats kind of complicated.
there, your regular dose of wenlin-style-incoherence. *smirk*
Saturday, 15 April 2006
[Self.]
------------------------
Regretted a few times, buried and hid the devilish demon
But it feels more like im destroying myself.
A few times fragile, only to conceal my refusal to be weak
This is me.
Then again, its not as if I desire eternity
Actually, i am, unable to stay loyal to one feeling.
Silence settles
sinks in;
Soundless destruction.
Its me who rejected your awaken eyes
Its me who beckoned the delusion beneath your eyes
Just let me forcefully smash the gently whispered promises
Embrace this instant
Its me who weaved the truth using fabricated lies
And its me who used the shattered to guess this world
Just let me respond to your unrestrained fervour
A spurious moment
Its me
Regretted a few times, buried and hid the devilish demon
But it feels more like im destroying my inner self
Silence settles, sinks in; soundless destruction.
Escape.
Its me who rejected your awaken eyes
Its me who beckoned the delusion beneath your eyes
Just let me forcefully smash the gently whispered promises
Embrace this instant
Its me who weaved the truth using fabricated lies
And its me who used the shattered to guess this world
Just let me respond to your unrestrained fervour once again
Our performance
Its me who weaved the truth using fabricated lies
Even if I use the shattered to attest this world
Once more; let me savour the pleasure of making a mistake
Sweet instant
Its you who brought me through this pure moment
There are no regrets.
-------------------------
who says you know me?
how can you say you know me?
what do you think... how can you...how could you?!
afterall, its just for show. how many of you know what goes on behind that door? how many of you have seen tears in my eyes before? How many of you have had me crying, pleading you for help?
if i smile, its only because i know if i dont, i might start crying.
dont say you know me, and dont think i live the life of a flower in the greenhouse.
its not as if i would bother to tell you. its not as if you would really understand. not as if you would comprehend, not as if you would empathize.
its not as if i trust you anyway.
if reading this post made you worried, dont be. you re probably not the person im directing this at anyway. you wouldnt read this, would you?
the way to untie a knot is first to verbalise the problem. step one, check.
what next?
a really odd translation done by yours truly on the spur of the moment. the lyrics are really beautiful and apt, i figure. at least for me, at this moment in time. its almost exactly how i feel.its her voice that moves me.
you know what, yeah, i wish too, that i can be what i seem. happy and smiling all the time.
------------------------
Regretted a few times, buried and hid the devilish demon
But it feels more like im destroying myself.
A few times fragile, only to conceal my refusal to be weak
This is me.
Then again, its not as if I desire eternity
Actually, i am, unable to stay loyal to one feeling.
Silence settles
sinks in;
Soundless destruction.
Its me who rejected your awaken eyes
Its me who beckoned the delusion beneath your eyes
Just let me forcefully smash the gently whispered promises
Embrace this instant
Its me who weaved the truth using fabricated lies
And its me who used the shattered to guess this world
Just let me respond to your unrestrained fervour
A spurious moment
Its me
Regretted a few times, buried and hid the devilish demon
But it feels more like im destroying my inner self
Silence settles, sinks in; soundless destruction.
Escape.
Its me who rejected your awaken eyes
Its me who beckoned the delusion beneath your eyes
Just let me forcefully smash the gently whispered promises
Embrace this instant
Its me who weaved the truth using fabricated lies
And its me who used the shattered to guess this world
Just let me respond to your unrestrained fervour once again
Our performance
Its me who weaved the truth using fabricated lies
Even if I use the shattered to attest this world
Once more; let me savour the pleasure of making a mistake
Sweet instant
Its you who brought me through this pure moment
There are no regrets.
-------------------------
who says you know me?
how can you say you know me?
what do you think... how can you...how could you?!
afterall, its just for show. how many of you know what goes on behind that door? how many of you have seen tears in my eyes before? How many of you have had me crying, pleading you for help?
if i smile, its only because i know if i dont, i might start crying.
dont say you know me, and dont think i live the life of a flower in the greenhouse.
its not as if i would bother to tell you. its not as if you would really understand. not as if you would comprehend, not as if you would empathize.
its not as if i trust you anyway.
if reading this post made you worried, dont be. you re probably not the person im directing this at anyway. you wouldnt read this, would you?
the way to untie a knot is first to verbalise the problem. step one, check.
what next?
a really odd translation done by yours truly on the spur of the moment. the lyrics are really beautiful and apt, i figure. at least for me, at this moment in time. its almost exactly how i feel.its her voice that moves me.
you know what, yeah, i wish too, that i can be what i seem. happy and smiling all the time.
Tuesday, 11 April 2006
since im feeling rather introspective and actually rather profound and wise today, and considering the fact that my mind was a blank when the interviewer asked me what i do intellectually, i shall think and write about some things bothering me lately.
ok, so my current situation. im good, i think, physically, mentally, spiritually, figuratively, literally, whatever. ok is and apt word because its the kind of word singaporeans use when they feel obliged to give an answer but dont know how else to describe the situation./ along with the likes of 'not bad' and 'nice'.
i forget. its usually, 'er, nice' or 'urm, quite nice lah'.
along those lines.
im reaching a bottleneck both at the hospital and at dragon city. i guess all the best stuff i can squeeze from the marrow there has been squeezed. and whatever benefits i can potentially reap and whatever things i can learnt have been reaped and learnt, respectively. so i feel like moving on.
sometimes it feels like im a modern normad. i dont like to stay stagnant in one place, i like to move around and progress.
im starting to wonder if psychology is really for me. but whatever the case, i ll study that and become an art therapist and earn some money first. then if im really not cut out for helping mental patients, i can always switch careers and become a graphic designer or fashion artist or whatever./ get married, have children. doesnt matter.
one step at a time.
back to now.
just came back from a run. ran to qiu hans house to have a talk with her at the senior citizens corner near her house. shes this neat freak with a clean fetish. considering the fact that i gave her no prior notice and only informed her when i reached her house, downstairs, i decided i better not trouble her and just talk downstairs where it was more convenient.
ps. her mom is the ultimate. shes the type who has to clean the house n times or more if there are visitors coming. you know what n means. *smirk*
sometimes i feel like a guy. really. honestly i can hear the shock in their voices even if its subtle and well concealed when i tell people what i do for qiu han. i guess it was my past life. maybe i was her husband and owed her something. but i must admit im bad tempered and take her for granted sometimes. but she has told me the things i do for her makes her wonder if her future husband will be able to compare to me.
haha. ok, not just to talk, i ran for the sake of it. pure adrenaline. fun, joy and laughter. for that throbbing feeling and the feel good rush of blood and hormones in your body. cant help it, im an authentic adrenaline junkie./
i always think, why cant i be a guy. then i d go after her, and things would be much simpler.
however, to my chagrin, [yes its becoming my favourite word] i am horribly and irrevocably straight.
you know what i mean. come on. haha. ok, maybe im a bi, but guys are rather attractive.
i must admit, like a regular girl, i get those pangs of lonelines in the middle of some really odd time and just want to get attached to someone very badly, doesnt matter who, as long as the person is super nice to me.
but theres not much a point in getting attached for the sake of it. its the person that matters.
though there MAY come a time i get married so i can have children. i like kids too much. heh/
as usual i have digressed. but thats wenlin, in a nutshell.
ps my sister says her annoying science teacher loves to use 'in a nutshell' .
extensively. excessively.
in a plethora. overabundance.
you know n where n nearing infinity. thats damn funny cos almost every other sentence she says has that phrase in it. hahaha. hilarious.
ok. your regular dose of wenlin, done
till next time, for more flim flam, which means nonsense.
wenlin, signing off.
ok, so my current situation. im good, i think, physically, mentally, spiritually, figuratively, literally, whatever. ok is and apt word because its the kind of word singaporeans use when they feel obliged to give an answer but dont know how else to describe the situation./ along with the likes of 'not bad' and 'nice'.
i forget. its usually, 'er, nice' or 'urm, quite nice lah'.
along those lines.
im reaching a bottleneck both at the hospital and at dragon city. i guess all the best stuff i can squeeze from the marrow there has been squeezed. and whatever benefits i can potentially reap and whatever things i can learnt have been reaped and learnt, respectively. so i feel like moving on.
sometimes it feels like im a modern normad. i dont like to stay stagnant in one place, i like to move around and progress.
im starting to wonder if psychology is really for me. but whatever the case, i ll study that and become an art therapist and earn some money first. then if im really not cut out for helping mental patients, i can always switch careers and become a graphic designer or fashion artist or whatever./ get married, have children. doesnt matter.
one step at a time.
back to now.
just came back from a run. ran to qiu hans house to have a talk with her at the senior citizens corner near her house. shes this neat freak with a clean fetish. considering the fact that i gave her no prior notice and only informed her when i reached her house, downstairs, i decided i better not trouble her and just talk downstairs where it was more convenient.
ps. her mom is the ultimate. shes the type who has to clean the house n times or more if there are visitors coming. you know what n means. *smirk*
sometimes i feel like a guy. really. honestly i can hear the shock in their voices even if its subtle and well concealed when i tell people what i do for qiu han. i guess it was my past life. maybe i was her husband and owed her something. but i must admit im bad tempered and take her for granted sometimes. but she has told me the things i do for her makes her wonder if her future husband will be able to compare to me.
haha. ok, not just to talk, i ran for the sake of it. pure adrenaline. fun, joy and laughter. for that throbbing feeling and the feel good rush of blood and hormones in your body. cant help it, im an authentic adrenaline junkie./
i always think, why cant i be a guy. then i d go after her, and things would be much simpler.
however, to my chagrin, [yes its becoming my favourite word] i am horribly and irrevocably straight.
you know what i mean. come on. haha. ok, maybe im a bi, but guys are rather attractive.
i must admit, like a regular girl, i get those pangs of lonelines in the middle of some really odd time and just want to get attached to someone very badly, doesnt matter who, as long as the person is super nice to me.
but theres not much a point in getting attached for the sake of it. its the person that matters.
though there MAY come a time i get married so i can have children. i like kids too much. heh/
as usual i have digressed. but thats wenlin, in a nutshell.
ps my sister says her annoying science teacher loves to use 'in a nutshell' .
extensively. excessively.
in a plethora. overabundance.
you know n where n nearing infinity. thats damn funny cos almost every other sentence she says has that phrase in it. hahaha. hilarious.
ok. your regular dose of wenlin, done
till next time, for more flim flam, which means nonsense.
wenlin, signing off.
Sunday, 2 April 2006
i realised i have this love affair with uniforms.
its the whole save-the-hassle-of-bothering-to-open-up-the-cupboard-and-deciding-n-times-where-n-near-infinity-what-clothes-to-where-since-i-have-nowhere-close-to-infinity-number-of-clothes.
now, i love incoherent sentences like that.
*smirk*.
believe it or not, i love it when a guy smirks. its a huge turn on cos its so sexy. especially if the guy already looks good without the grin. it exudes confidence and masculinity. totally totally turn on. but some guys smirking look weirder than what i sound like when i giggle.
ok, digressed again.
ps, i guess smirks arenmt for just any tom, dick or harry [nope, not literally.]
but meanwhile, i love the way i look when i smirk. heh heh. *smirk*
back to uniforms.
first it was the nyps uniform. it was the bloody REASON i went to nyps in the first place/
ok, dont laugh at me, but honest. maybe to my chagrin, but its true!
this is what went on
dad: which school do you want to go?
me [not paying attention, doodling]: dunno. *smile*
dad: how about nanyang?
me[looks up, confused] : ?
dad : they have a really nice white uniform...
me[big eyes like saucers. no, not flying saucers, but milk saucers, ok?]: OKAY =D
thats how i got into singapore's most [supposedly anyway] prestigious and cut-throat primary school.
then there was cedar/
i must admit. the blue uniform with the grey skirt and cool tie was a really big change for me. no more sleeveless top and pleated white skirt./
but i loved the tie lah, dammit. haha.
it became a huge plus for me, especially during the first three months in jc, because it seemed like all the girls in my class wanted to exchange school uniforms with me. haha. =P and the guys all had the impression that [most] girls from my school were babes [of which i am anomalous, AGAIN. haha. sigh].
la dee dum.
cedar girls school definitely gave me a holistic and enriching education.
then i exchanged the lovely blue oversized uniform for a better-fitting grey coloured one, complete with irritating silver buttons and rings. the whole hype about nj uniform was about the material. i think for years on, students have been trying to carry out reforms to the school; inevitably the school uniform was one of them.
studentA: WHY IS IT SO BLOODY HOT?
student B:, YEA, why cant they make it in 100% COTTON?
....
school and authorities [in a annoyed voice]: it would be too expensive. AND DONT SAY YOU RE TRYING TO CHANGE THE UNIFORM! IT IS A HALLMARK OF OUR LEGACY AND LONG HISTORY! WE ARE SINGAPORE'S FIRST JUNIOR COLLEGE!
students: .....*sigh*
i like it. but, it doesnt help that the general public have the impression that we re stoners simply because we tend to blend into the walls and pavement. bleah. Then again, maybe we stone by nature. i think its a nj thing./
we should try changing uniforms, then testing if we stone as much or sth.
ps, theres this interesting legend regarding the uniform of my school and THE-SCHOOL-NEXT-DOOR. you-know-which-school. yes, all the-hua-chong-rejects who come to nj all want to go there. oh, i said the name already,. haha. =) well.
so hc has their mud coloured uniform. its supposed to be fire-proof, but i doubt its been tested yet.
and our pavement coloured uniform is supposed to be water-proof.
legend has it that the guys used to pour tao huay zhui [soya bean drink] into their breast pockets and drink out of their shirt pockets using straws.
uber cool.
i have yet to test though. haha.
and if you stand in the shower wearing nj uniform, it ll take 7 secs or more for the water to penetrate.
when its raining, you can actually flick the water off the surface and the spot where the water used to be will stick remain dry.
amazing.
ok, so now i dont have to wear that disgusting scratchy hot uniform anymore. but i miss it a lot.
i have to wear a red coloured qi pao now. *looks away*
sigh.
at least i dont have to trouble over what to wear at work, since its already decided for me, right?
i think maybe the reason why i like uniforms is because i lack the confidence that is required in an individual. uniforms give you a sense of common identity. they remove the need of the individual since they place the importance of the organisation first.
ok, believe it or not, i suffer from inferiority complex.
almost all the time.
i have to keep assuring myself of my own beauty, my own intelligence, my worth.
any confidence i have, is definitely earned, not in-born.
ok, so i guess i ve come to terms with myself.
soon i ll have to give up that flaming coloured uniform for clothes that i have to decide to wear.
i keep wanting to go back.
to wear that blue coloured uniform again.
but i know, its place is in the shelf.
what i need, is to look forward.
who will you be in the next 24 hours?
i need to find myself.
its the whole save-the-hassle-of-bothering-to-open-up-the-cupboard-and-deciding-n-times-where-n-near-infinity-what-clothes-to-where-since-i-have-nowhere-close-to-infinity-number-of-clothes.
now, i love incoherent sentences like that.
*smirk*.
believe it or not, i love it when a guy smirks. its a huge turn on cos its so sexy. especially if the guy already looks good without the grin. it exudes confidence and masculinity. totally totally turn on. but some guys smirking look weirder than what i sound like when i giggle.
ok, digressed again.
ps, i guess smirks arenmt for just any tom, dick or harry [nope, not literally.]
but meanwhile, i love the way i look when i smirk. heh heh. *smirk*
back to uniforms.
first it was the nyps uniform. it was the bloody REASON i went to nyps in the first place/
ok, dont laugh at me, but honest. maybe to my chagrin, but its true!
this is what went on
dad: which school do you want to go?
me [not paying attention, doodling]: dunno. *smile*
dad: how about nanyang?
me[looks up, confused] : ?
dad : they have a really nice white uniform...
me[big eyes like saucers. no, not flying saucers, but milk saucers, ok?]: OKAY =D
thats how i got into singapore's most [supposedly anyway] prestigious and cut-throat primary school.
then there was cedar/
i must admit. the blue uniform with the grey skirt and cool tie was a really big change for me. no more sleeveless top and pleated white skirt./
but i loved the tie lah, dammit. haha.
it became a huge plus for me, especially during the first three months in jc, because it seemed like all the girls in my class wanted to exchange school uniforms with me. haha. =P and the guys all had the impression that [most] girls from my school were babes [of which i am anomalous, AGAIN. haha. sigh].
la dee dum.
cedar girls school definitely gave me a holistic and enriching education.
then i exchanged the lovely blue oversized uniform for a better-fitting grey coloured one, complete with irritating silver buttons and rings. the whole hype about nj uniform was about the material. i think for years on, students have been trying to carry out reforms to the school; inevitably the school uniform was one of them.
studentA: WHY IS IT SO BLOODY HOT?
student B:, YEA, why cant they make it in 100% COTTON?
....
school and authorities [in a annoyed voice]: it would be too expensive. AND DONT SAY YOU RE TRYING TO CHANGE THE UNIFORM! IT IS A HALLMARK OF OUR LEGACY AND LONG HISTORY! WE ARE SINGAPORE'S FIRST JUNIOR COLLEGE!
students: .....*sigh*
i like it. but, it doesnt help that the general public have the impression that we re stoners simply because we tend to blend into the walls and pavement. bleah. Then again, maybe we stone by nature. i think its a nj thing./
we should try changing uniforms, then testing if we stone as much or sth.
ps, theres this interesting legend regarding the uniform of my school and THE-SCHOOL-NEXT-DOOR. you-know-which-school. yes, all the-hua-chong-rejects who come to nj all want to go there. oh, i said the name already,. haha. =) well.
so hc has their mud coloured uniform. its supposed to be fire-proof, but i doubt its been tested yet.
and our pavement coloured uniform is supposed to be water-proof.
legend has it that the guys used to pour tao huay zhui [soya bean drink] into their breast pockets and drink out of their shirt pockets using straws.
uber cool.
i have yet to test though. haha.
and if you stand in the shower wearing nj uniform, it ll take 7 secs or more for the water to penetrate.
when its raining, you can actually flick the water off the surface and the spot where the water used to be will stick remain dry.
amazing.
ok, so now i dont have to wear that disgusting scratchy hot uniform anymore. but i miss it a lot.
i have to wear a red coloured qi pao now. *looks away*
sigh.
at least i dont have to trouble over what to wear at work, since its already decided for me, right?
i think maybe the reason why i like uniforms is because i lack the confidence that is required in an individual. uniforms give you a sense of common identity. they remove the need of the individual since they place the importance of the organisation first.
ok, believe it or not, i suffer from inferiority complex.
almost all the time.
i have to keep assuring myself of my own beauty, my own intelligence, my worth.
any confidence i have, is definitely earned, not in-born.
ok, so i guess i ve come to terms with myself.
soon i ll have to give up that flaming coloured uniform for clothes that i have to decide to wear.
i keep wanting to go back.
to wear that blue coloured uniform again.
but i know, its place is in the shelf.
what i need, is to look forward.
who will you be in the next 24 hours?
i need to find myself.
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