OKANE HOSHI.


i really really want more money.
extremely sickened by the thought of all the expenses that come attached as burdens when you abandon your life as an innocent, gentle, kind, naive, grew-up-in-a-greenhouse-flower, and embrace life as a living adult.
my relentless pursuit to become a full-fledged adult began the moment i became aware of my identity as a child. which is, rather long ago.

and it has always been my dream, to grow up, to leave this house, to have my own room, to sleep and do what i want, when i want to, to be able to drink blatantly, to be respected in every manner that an adult should, to have those looks of acknowledgement when you give your opinions or comments. and yes, i know i should have used ';' instead of ',' for every ',' in the above sentence, but i refuse to.

an what has money got to do with it?
i always naively believed that the significance of money would never become an issue, not in terms of my value system anyway, because for me, money is just, simly put, a means to an end. but as you grow older, when the realisation dawns upon you, you realise the 45cents student fare that you ve been taking for granted for n years [ where n = numbers of years since you starting taking public transport as a child/adolescent. not infinity, to my chagrin] wont last forever

not for, forever. =( and that, is sad.
then you realise you cant possibly always wait for sales or skimp and be cheapskate and only buy jeans betlow ten dollars, and tops below five dollars [even though they ARE, still, a common sight in toa payoh today]. and the nebulous hope that you would always be able to save at least 90 % of your pocket money [or earnings, in the case you start to work] starts to fade away.

and you realise with a dread, as your idealism, dwindling away along with your hope and naivety [if theres such a word] that you are, becoming a full-fledged adult.



im feeling pathetic because at this moment in time, i am a pasisonate idealist, undergoing the changing phase, rather reluctantly, if i should say, into the brimming realist. i used to believe hospitals should provide medical care so as to benefit the greater masses, not as to earn profits and cut losses. i used to believe money is just a kind of exchange between people that doesnt matter or isnt as important as the social and emotional exchange between people. i used to believe if i ever became an educator, it would be because of my love of the subject, and passion and drive to teach my students. i used to believe that whatever it seems like in this world, cant be real, because there has to be more. because if this is it, then that would be really sad.

anyway, bottom line is, im teaching tuition. anyone interested? leave a tag and your contact please
im rather proficient in el and cl, and good at math [my grades say so, at least.]

hope the okane comes soon, because its running out.