19 is the age when you start to realize you re a girl. And not just that, you re a girl becoming a woman. About to, anyway. Then you realize you are starting to act like one, even if you naturally arent. And it comes naturally, which is really confusing, because originally it doesnt. You either feel obliged to or are forced to become.

19 is the age you waste a lot of time deciding what clothes to wear before going out, even if its only to the library, because you know its important to make an impression and also to do justice to your reasonably good looks, but feel compelled to just wear a t shirt and jeans because the whole idea of dressing up is too much of a hassle itself.

19 is the age when you are standing outside the elevator waiting for the lift and humming a song to yourself, playing with the hem of your skirt, when this guy walks up almost right next to you, nearly shocking the daylights out of you. You regain composure but as you step into the lift realization dawns upon you that this tall, well-built, lanky, rather good-looking secondary 3 or 4 boy is the pesky primary school boy you used to treat with some sense of mild dislike when you were in your secondary school years. And you feel the clouded surprise in his downcast eyes that you have morphed into a rather pleasant-looking, maybe even pretty young woman.

And you feel ridiculous because at that very instant, there is mutual attraction even though no word is spoken, but the whole idea of it is absurd anyway.

then you remember how you jokingly told your co-workers that you are an old cow that only likes to eat young, new, chewy grass.
Then you think to yourself,

ohmygod.

Because hes four years younger than you anyway.
Then you start to feel really old.



What a laugh.