Frmph. Maybe it's slightly ominous to start a post with an odd sounding pseudo-word. But it has always been my style to start my posts in a regularly-odd fashion. [And i DO know that i shouldn't start sentences with 'But...'. I learnt that in primary two.] So let me cut the crap and get into the main topic.

Apparently everyone at work thinks im happy 24/7. I'm ambivalent as to whether i should be extremely happy, or utterly depressed. Its mixed feelings, really.

The kitchen chef calls me 'kai-xin'. And i get the impression that the rest of the kitchen staff, [though mostly male with the exception of 1/2 of our dessert duo] have the impression that the name is very apt.

The kitchen uncle, who's in charge of carrying the dishes, asked me once.
How come you're always smiling?

Then today, one of the hotel managers, this rather young and handsome but only in the beng-ish way guy[hui chiang can't stand him because beng-ish guys are totally not her type. But i figure the fact that he has a head of dyed blondish-brown hair and has some missing teeth when he smiles is a rather large contributing factor that can explain her disdain towards him. aha. but that's another story altogether. =D], Jason, came up to me, smirked, and then asked me,

How come you're always so happy?


...
...
...
*exasperated sigh*
Honestly, i don't know. And i'm probably not. Not happy 24/7 anyway. Nobody can be, honestly. Maybe im just irritatingly sunny by nature. Maybe i just have this extra zest and optimism oozing in superabundance out from my body. Maybe i just have these grand ideals and suave thinkings. Of how we should help each other at work, of how 'thank you's are so important, of how we should never forget to credit each other, of how teamwork is key to speed and efficience.

and maybe i just don't give up so easily.
because i believe in people.

i remember this conversation i had with this guy. And i was telling him how i believe/believed/am going to believe in people. And he was scoffing at me, ridiculing me because to him, it was absurd to believe in such a fallible and mercurial being. Obviously he had/has/is going to still have some issues with trust between himself and other human beings.

Anyway i'm really not that happy all the time. I guess i just make it a habit [this is right, right? but it feels like i made a lousy attempt to spell hobbit. heh, watched too much LOTR] not to be very upset in front of other people because it can be really revealing and embarrassing [yay, i spelt it right] at the same time. Its like your emotions are revealed, naked, right in front for all and saunder to see. Its the same as sleeping without a blanket covering my body. I feel extremely vulnerable and naked. urgh.

in conclusion
1. im naturally irritatingly annoying cheerful and b*****[just typing that censored word killed some part of me. it shortened my lifespan, i swear]
2. when im NOT happy, i tend to keep to myself
3. therefore, people do not realise that, WAH, WENLIN CAN BE NOT-HAPPY LEI!

period. [by the way, did you know 'period' is a another name for 'fullstop'? so im
kind of repeating myself when i type 'period.' hhaha. its like '..'. lol.


i shall end before i get more irrelevant and so irrelevant that people will have to petition to change my blog name to 'irrelevance, the only thought process your's truly has', and go around advertising me as
'Wenlin, the Irrelevant'
embodiement of irrelevance at its finest. In full glory and grace. The epitome of irrelevance.

by the way.
im happy today. *smiles*