i told weiling today,

somedays,

you feel fantastic,

you look amazing,

you are outstanding,

everyone loves/looks at you

and you shine,

because everybody wants you.

somedays,

you feel like shit,

you look like grub,

you are unamazing,

nobody cares/loves you

and you hide,

because nobody wants you.

[today i felt like grub,

i bet i looked [like] shit,

and i just wanted to get the day over and done with.

-------------------------------------

swamped by questions of

'why are you vegetarian'

and

'since when? how come i don't know?'

and then dozens of people trying to dissuade me from continuing/skeptical of how long/why i should continue. makes me feel quite passive/detached actually. i don't really care.

well, because you either don't care/can't be bothered/we're not close/we're not that close/do i even know you/i couldn't be bothered to tell you/it doesn't matter much to you/me i didn't think it would make a difference if i said/it's no big deal anyway.

for the why question

honestly speaking i don't really give a shit about the environment except for not stepping on grass patches and consciously bringing enviro sacks/paper bags/reuseable cloth bags to contain my groceries and other stuff like recycling/reusing washing water to flush the toilet or stuff because my mother kind of ingrained it into me [she's amazing really, when it comes to the environment. oh, and all things else too.]

i don't really give a shit about anything else, much.

yes, i know we were made to be/evolved in an adaptive manner to become omnivores and there IS a biological reason why we should remain so, for our own good,

but i chose to do it for a lot of reasons, primary of which i cannot and will not tell anyone and anybody, but it [being vegetarian] seems to be working well and i am quite happy about it.

no matter what i did/have done, it has not been able to solve the problem, so far, but being vegetarian may well prove to be the solution to it, so, though its not the solution, [i think,i know] but it's a means to an ends, so just do it.

the secondary reason is [surprise surprise] not that i want to lose weight, but rather i am unhappy about my weight/power ratio for kendo. because of my physique, i feel i can be better/faster if i am vegetarian, and though i can't say for sure, i feel at least, it seems to be working/the effects are showing.

and then conveniently if i eat less meat there is less carbon production and i am helping the environment and also these poor animals and also that being vegetarian has other benefits like what mr gui ming wayne said that his sweat doesn't smell so bad, his poo doesn't smell so bad, ecetera.

nobody can change my mind once i decide it,

so why not don't try to dissuade me.

except for weiling, so far, and maybe darell,

who have been really supportive

[going to the extent of trying to find nice vegetarian food so we can eat together]

everyone else is really.....

that being aside,

i'm actually quite happy i am not at all tempted by the sight of meat.

but i do admit i AM eating less/more slowly cause i only like some vegetables....

and it's eat to live,

not live to eat, anymore.

but i know it will be/it is worth it.

i don't know if its in remission or what, but

at least the problem is solved, for now.

i did it, finally.

sigh.

----------------------------------------------

somehow the time after kendo training is always like timeout for me.

i lose track of people's conversation[s], lose interest in my food [sitting in front of me], get sick of my drink, and then start to zone out and feel really....

jaded.

the training might have been good; i might have done some nice cuts, did a reasonable keiko, performed at my usual if not better standard,

but still

the moments in between

this weird thing starts to seep inside

and then i can feel it

slowly

eating

away

at me.

just want to get away from the food,

from the people,

sit alone and do nothing.

just want to go,

away./

-------------------------------------------------

did i break your heart?

i dont know i can't tell.

but why are you avoiding me?

but are you avoiding me?

yes you are;

i know it;

i feel it;

it's not the same [anymore]

if i know the reason;

it's not like i can do anything to change it;

but i miss it;

talking to you, eating with you

because you are someone i can trust

some one i trust, stupidly,

to an insane/unreasonable extent;

even if i don't love you,

i am, incredibly fond of you;

because it's not the same without you around;

not the same, not the same.

and it makes me sad

because maybe i depended on you too much

told you too many things [did it break your heart?]

i didn't realise it.... and i thought i was thinking too much,

brushed it off, thought nothing of it,

and then

we don't talk anymore.

------------------------------

sometimes you feel that there's nothing you can do

and there's no one you can talk to.

and nobody can change it.

today somebody said i look really very very hot and i am incredibly amused by it.

more fond of you than i can imagine.

shit.

----------------------------------------

my pride is enough to feed a lion,

my bravery enough to fight a dragon;

i am a cat, i am a cat'

there are endless shiny objects,

123456789876432134567 zillion things,

9876543456789098765 zillion places i want to go,

countless things that distract me [away, away from kendo]

the path is treacherous,

our timetables are unkind,

the training can get monotonous,

and sometimes you hit a bottleneck;

when things start getting busy, when frustration sets in,

when the relentless training doesn't seem to be showing any results

i feel myself straying, away from the path, away from you, away from your teachings.

becoming distracted, by other nice things, giving excuses, just pushing for [more] time

but yet when i see you again,

when i carry this shell,

when i set foot on this dojo

when my bare feet touch the floor,

when i flush and greet you, abashed,

all you do is smile, a little

and then you say,

'long time no see. how are you?'

and then i want to greet you again,

and apologize for my inability/reluctance/excuses

want to tell you everything i feel/how jaded i felt sometimes

want to be the kind of person you wanted me to/thought i could become

in front of these excited newbies,

you speak of kokoro,

and i remember it again;

that no matter how far i stray,

there is something in you,

a strength, a kindness,

and it draws me back.

and i remember,

why i was here,

why i am here,

because,

i wanted to be strong,

just like you.

-----------------------------------------------

peter sensei was talking to us, about how busy he was and wanting to spend on time on other things but really having to do a lot of things due to his position in SKC and then i said,

'the reluctant president'

and then for some reason,

nono laughed and then, looking at my puzzled expression,

he said,

'it reminds me of you'.

yes, mr reluctant captain yourself.

well, ex lah. for the both of us.

oh well.

---------------------------------------------

if i could,

i would be like a cat,

i would roam around all day;

my heart belongs to nobody, my soul roams free

there is nothing that amazes me, nothing captivating

nothing that preoccupies my thoughts, bids me to stay

because the world is so wide, so big, so wonderful, amazing

i would pursue it, relentlessly

without a care [in the world]

i have no home, no owner,

i depend on nobody,

i depend on no one.

i belong to nobody,

i belong to no one.

and

i leave no trace,

nothing in my wake.

my pride is enough to feed a lion,

my bravery enough to fight a dragon;

i am a cat,

i am a cat.

it's the same principle as eating a sweet.

if it's too sweet, or you have too much of it,

you shouldn't keep it sucking it inside your mouth;

just spit the rest of it out or throw it away.

it's like how good things never seem to last [long]

so i like the feeling of not depending on anything, anyone

because you never know when it will suddenly not be there/taken away

because nothing ever lasts or stays for long [except really my mother, maybe]

it's like how you know drugs give you a fantastic feeling

so you just take more and more of it and then it

just suddenly swallows and becomes your life

and then you can never leave it ever

you can never leave it, ever.

because things pass and people forget,

because things happen and people leave,

so just get used to the feeling of it not being there

and one day when it's no longer there

there will be no heartbreak or missing, no sadness no leaving;

because people shouldn't depend on things or other people

just like eating too many sweets

gives you tooth decay.

-----------------------

we are, living in a lonely time and age.

I wrote this song it's not too long
cos' I've been thinking 'bout you
I wrote this song maybe I'm wrong
To be caught up about you

Well I dont know what you think 'bout me
Maybe you think nothing at all
But maybe you could just lie to me
And we could be in love you see

Oh it's a singalong song that's not too long
It's when I think about you that I hear songs
And you can singalong maybe if you want to
Cos' baby I wrote this I wrote this for you

I wrote this song it's not too long
Cos' I'm the one who loves you
I wrote this song this can't be wrong
I don't wanna smile without you

Well I just want to make you happy
but maybe you want nothing at all
and how I wish that you're meant to be
forever and a day with me


Oh it's a singalong song that's not too long
It's when I think about you that I hear songs
And you can singalong maybe if you want to
Cos' baby I wrote this I wrote this for you

In everyway you mean more to me
than you'll ever know
girl I'll do my best to show these words are true
and if you'd like to make a song
and be a perfect harmony with me
I'd find the greatest words sing
so we could write our own romance

Oh it's a singalong song that's not too long
It's when I think about you that I hear songs
And you can singalong maybe if you want to
Cos' baby I wrote this I wrote this for you

Oh it's a singalong song that's not too long
It's when I think about you that I hear songs
And you can singalong maybe if you want to
Cos' baby I wrote this I wrote this for you

Cos' baby I wrote this I wrote this for you

------------------------------------------

but we're living in a lonely time and age-

we're living in a lonely time and age.

sometimes it's lonely

so lonely it leaves us vulnerable

so vulnerable sometimes it makes us weak;

makes us so weak, so vulnerable, that we have this need

a need to hold on to something, a need to depend on somebody

somebody, anybody; sometimes it doesn't really matter who at all

just a hand, to hold, a shoulder, to rest on, a hug, to be enveloped in

sometimes it doesn't matter who is it, at all.

sometimes it's lonely

so lonely we just have a need

to listen to speak to love to hate

to remember to forget to forgive to regret

to cry to laugh to realise to feel to live to die

sometimes we're strong

so strong we need nobody

we need nobody, nothing, noone

just need a place away from everything,

a place to shove away everybody, everything

a need to throw away everthing, a need to escape somewhere

there's a fire burning, everlasting, and it would live forevermore

can't love cant remember cant feel cant forgive cant laugh cant live

can't seem to realise

that it's a lonely time and age

and we're all lonely inside

it's a lonely time and age

beneath the smiles and sunshine

secretly

we're all lonely inside

a lonely time and age

when voids [in space] can't seem to be filled

when happiness never seems to last [much longer]

when good things never seem to happen for a reason

when you can feel so alone, surrounded by countless people

but pain seeems to be the only thing reminding us

the feeling of being alive

a lonely time and age [but]

we find people to hold on to, to spend our time,

to try to forget the emptiness or the voids inside

to make up for our inadequacies,

to hope for something to make up for the pain inside

but [the] need is deep

[it's a] wide endless ocean

[but would]there be love ?

everlasting

and [would it] live?

eternally

just have to find somebody

but there's nobody

to love [me]

and it's going crazy

that there's nobody

[but] nobody could love [me]

somebody to hold [my] hand

someone who understands

just have to find somebody

but there's nobody

to love [me]

and it's driving [me] crazy

that there's nobody

[but] anybody could love [me]

somebody to hold [my] hand

someone who understands

someone to realise

but it's a lonely time and age

and we're all lonely inside

it's a lonely time and age

and

secretly,

we're all lonely inside.

i just spent 90 dollars developing 3 rolls of 120mm and 1 roll of 35mm!!!!???

it's just cross-process and scan into cd so i dont know why so expensive

BUT I NO MORE MONEY

NO MONEY NO TALK

NO MONEY NO FOOD

NO MONEY NO HUNGRY

[means cannot be hungry =(]

sigh.

it's scary how you can make me smile and maybe it might not mean anything at all

it's sad, but i feel happy-silly at the same time.

it's sad, that i feel happy-silly all the same.

so much for determination.

oh, just shoot me already.

-------------------------------------------------

i wanted to go into seclusion/hermit-ation,

sleep by 12am and wake up for breakfast at 7,

camp at the library and read my readings on time,

not be contactable/not check stupid facebook or msn,

not be distracted by other things that shouldnt be a focus,

but still i am that <---------> far from reaching my goal in life

[but i went for class today okay. even though im taking the module alone.

and even though the weather was nice and my blanket was nice and warm.]

i knew it when she said,

'wah you wear so pretty today, got presentation ah? i like!'

------------------------------------------------

some days are just better;

the sun isn't too bright,

your eyes seem to shine,

when you walk it feels light,

what you say comes out right,

and even as you pass people by,

they seem to do a double-take,

just only to have a second look at you,

and you see it, you know, in their eyes,

because somehow, someway,

you're shining today.

i love the feeling of waking up under the blanket, feeling a little bit chilly but having the nice warm blanket keep you warm and fuzzy. and then propping up myself with my arm and swinging my legs over the bed onto the floor and standing up.

sunday mornings are horrible but lovely

[because nobody likes mondays anyway]

---------------------------------------------------

and though they weren't the champions, or competitors anyway,

it seemed like they mattered the most;

because people from all over had come to see them;

the night was so dark they were shining brightly like stars

each and everyone of them, independently, but together;

it was like, it was as if the crowd didn't matter;

however passive, however distracted, however uninterested,

they were still shining, brightly, beautifully,

not for you, not for me, not for anyone else it seemed,

it really was for themselves

sweating profusely, rocking it hard out,

under the blinding lights, the excessive smoke/gas,

they were shining brightly, proudly, bravely, surely.

it was dark as night but they were shining brightly as stars

because they were stars anyway.

i love it when people shine

because it's so beautiful you just fall in love with them already

-----------------------------------------------------------

this is a good enough reason to watch up:

[i dont know why but it made me cry]

Cloud -

I'm waiting
For my moment to come
I'm waiting
For the movie to begin
I'm waiting
For a revelation
I'm waiting for someone
To count me in

Cos now
I only see my dreams
In everything I touch
Feel their cold hands on
Everything that I love
Cold like some
Magnificant skyline
Out of my reach
But always
In my eyeline now

We're tumbling down
We're spiralling
Tied up to the ground
We're spiralling

I fashioned you
From jewels and stone
I made you
In the image of myself
I gave you
Everything you wanted
So you would never know
Anything else

But everytime
I reach for you
You slip
Through my fingers
Into cold sunlight
Laughing at the things
That I had planned
The map of my world gets
Smaller as I sit here
Pulling at the loose
Threads now

We're tumbling down
We're spiralling
Tied up to the ground
We're spiralling
When we fall in love
We're just falling
In love with ourselves
We're spiralling

Did you wanna be a winner?
Did you wanna be an icon?
Did you wanna be famous?
Did you wanna be the president?
Did you wanna start a war?
Did you wanna have a family?
Did you wanna be in love?
Did you wanna be in love?

I never saw the light
I never saw the light
I waited up all night
But I never saw the light

When we fall in love
We're just falling
In love with ourselves
We're spiralling
We're tumbling down
We're spiralling
Tied up to the ground
We're spiralling

--------------------------------------------------

without me, your day would be the same;

people would still surround you all the same, love you love your name,

things would fly towards you, people would still be attracted to your existence

your world would still remain shining, your appeal would remain in all regardless

and

without you, my life with still go regardless;

readings would pile up, events/appointments would come and pass,

people would say hello [whether they mattered or not], and maybe goodbye

i would still eat, i would still sleep, i would still check my mailbox for postcards

because,

eventually,

actually,

essentially,

nobody belongs/exists to/for anyone else.

least of all, you

or even me.

i was thankful for the 3-d glasses that shielded my eyes from the screen and also blocked my eyes from the rest of the world because just 10 minutes into the movie i was tearing buckets and i was sure my eyeliner was smeared already. luckily it was nono who was sitting next to me so i didnt have to feel weird or anything; we've seen each other in the cui-ness of moments [me falling flat on my face while attempting to do souji for the first time in the dojo]

nono was sniffing so i was sure [with a small chuckle to myself] that he teared/was tearing/had teared already. haha! so i am not a wimp! or we can be WIMPS together, haha! too bad oke watched it in indonesia already if not it'd be the 3 of us in the cinema.

somehow crying at the movies always feels so wimp-ish to me. ha.

on the outside i would say that the movie was a little too touchy and lame at some moments, but secretly i know it's only because it made me more emotional than im comfortable to be, and also that it was really very simply funny at some moments that didn't need much thought and to be honest, i really liked it that way [we were laughing like idiots behind our 3d glasses]

the movie was wonderful and the soundtrack is lovely.

i think im starting to like watching movies again

[the tight budget aside]

ok, the ones with cheaper airfare have higher estimated tax prices, and the ones with higher airfares have lower estimated tax prices. i really dunno which one is the best deal?!

in the end it all adds up to around the same, which is like 1400+/-????

it's not like i have money to buy anything immediately like now,

but better start watching the prices/promotions already...

cathay

Adult Price	S$1,250.00
Est Tax	S$274.00
Total	S$1,524.00

united airways

Adult Price	S$1,199.00
Est Tax	S$348.00
Total	S$1,547.00

jet airways

Adult Price	S$900.00
Est Tax	S$678.00
Total	S$1,578.00

northwest

Adult Price	S$1,120.00
Est Tax	S$347.00
Total	S$1,467.00

qatar

Adult Price	S$895.00
Est Tax	S$436.00
Total	S$1,331.00

i really don't know how these things work, man.

[and also the air tickets to japan are UBER CHEAP!!!!=( im tempted]

soohf talked to me about not wanting to spend her savings [which is actually money give to us from our parents] to spend on travelling even before we start working and earning our own money but then i remembered having a similar conversation with J about it, and, in the end, J [somewhat] having had convinced me that we should travel while we're young [and also while we have friends overseas/connections so we can live off/stay at people's places and save on accomodation, ha!], since, as he said,

'we have the rest of our lives to work to pay back/be good to our parents'

so why not, yeah.

why not.

okay, so huan jin is snoring [rather] loudly so i can't sleep. so i will blog a little bit more while the music plays and while my eyelids get heavy and maybe i'll sleep or wait till hall breakfast at 7.

i'm not complaining; it's really my fault that i'm a light sleeper and i can't sleep if there's someone here who snores... and also i feel bad that soohf was so concerned about it she asked huan jin to sleep in EW room while i was here so i could sleep [with a peace of mind], and as a result they had less quality time [sleeping] together.

i once asked her.

'how you do manage to sleep [in his arms] with THAT kind of snoring?'

she answered, rather casually,

'oh, just fall asleep first lo.'

she is the JUST most amazing thing ever.

how many more

smiles will i see

'hello's will i hear

hours will pass us by

lectures will i oversleep[and miss]

milo pengs will i buy from fong seng

times will i take 151 from kent ridge terminal

games of cs will we play until midnight/daybreak

times will i brush my teeth and shower in the b3 toilet

episodes of teevee will we watch together in the b3 lounge

postcards/parcels will i collect from the mailbox/hall office

[vegetarian] hall dinners/breakfasts will i eat with everyone

bus rides on bus a2/a1/b will i take from central library to EH

i don't wanna think about it,

yet.

last year, last chance.

when putra called [rather excited] for the graduating seniors photo,

distracted by my [rather] sunburnt nose/face and my 4 cameras,

[i was so busy deciding which one to use to take what photo]

suddenly it hit me that it is/will really be for the very last time.

last year, last chance.

you hear the seniors say it every year,

but it doesn't ever mean anything much,

until it's time that it comes out of your mouth.

it was bittersweet,

with some kind of weird aftertaste lingering in my mouth.

but i will miss you like crazy, eusoff.

----------------------------------------------

the part when he uses the public phone is adorable.

i really hope they win.

really, really, really,

really, really, really, really,

really hope they win.

okay i got around 1 more hour before i set off but im freaking scared i ll fall asleep and oversleep and miss everything so i better bloody stay awake.

i think i kind of blew it cause i was really tired/stressed/irritated there were STILL more rocks to paint [they're corals really]. and i just kind of brushed off soohf for no reason really but i just needed to quickly get the work done and i really had no time to talk or whatever and my brain wasn't working anymore and i was freaking tired i haven't slept! i have no energy to tell char siew bao jokes or entertain people today; i didn't get enough/any sleep; i want to kill already.

the truth is i think i was really kind of pissed at the way things were;

how joon kit could simply assign the whole landscape [which is actually fucking important! and absolutely nothing was done before we came back from solo;] for hong jin to design and take charge; how lau hong jin could simply just accept [rather happily/proudly/meekly, i really dont know what] having to take liability/responsibility for doing it in such a time frame, and also worry for the raggers ['it's loh joon kit eh, you don't care for him meh? and look, don't you feel worried that they can't finish?]

worst of all,

how i could just give in when joon kit does that indirect pleading thing combined with hong jin's 'i know wenlin is zai one lah' and then suddenly i'm in charge of deciding the colours of ALL the rocks and also painting ever single one of them and those group of happy islands, which are not small, for your info.

i mean, i'm totally not angry with having to paint it.

no really, painting is something i'm [supposedly, according to n people who keep saying so, despite how i beg to differ] good at, and somewhat enjoy/prefer to do, so i really don't mind.

but helping is help.

there are limits/there is a limit

otherwise it's really spoiling them!!!!!

if im in the foyer my paint jobs will just load up super quickly [and i haven't even finished the rocks yet]. it's really not good to give them the impression that the seniors will always be there for them to fall back on, or to give some last minute back up!!!!

and i'm really not the only single freaking person who is so-called godly in terms of painting skills [ i bet 50 dollars at least 2 people in the rag team can do gradient and whatever blending shit as well if not better than me, with good sense]

okay i get it you want supposedly the best person for the job yah? but what's wrong with having the second best? is the best person always going to be there? are you always going to assume the best person is going to be there?

the mentality is really the problem here.

the same time i want to help them [as an ex-ragger myself]

the same time i hate the ideal of nuturing overreliance

there's a reason why i didn't choose to do rag this year.

because i like/want to have the freedom of being a helper;

come as and when you like, come as and when you're free;

help with whatever you're able to do, help with what you can do;

do mundane/brainless things, and not need to take responsibility/liability.

and of course, to be able to still be a part of and help rag/my rag juniors make their float.

the most fucking frustrating thing is i already said i dont want to be involved in any decision-making that will directly affect the outcome [victory or defeat]

it's not our rag anymore;

it's not our float anymore;

it's not our time anymore;

it's not our business/for us to worry anymore

whether they can fucking finish or not, whether they win or not,

whether they are nua or not, whether they have a sense of urgency or not,

of course as a friend and ex-ragger i would like them to win, and hope for the best,

and do the best in my ability as a helper to help them/do whatever i can

but,

it's not our rag anymore.

so fucking stop it!!!!

sigh.

i'm really tired.

everybody has different priorities, a different approach, and their own agenda;

everyone has their own reasons for wanting/or not wanting to do certain things, doing things in a certain way/another way, talking about people/things/time in a certain manner/other manner, helping and/or not helping, coming back and/or not coming back;

even if we could understand/relate to/understand another viewpoint/way/approach, it didn't/doesn't equate to being able to accept it being actually carried out/materialised in such a manner; and even if we believe in, strongly, in our own approach/the way we were taught/brought up/the way we used to do things, it doesn't mean we should/could ever try to impose it on others, because,

times has changed,

people have changed,

and nothing is/will be the same.

it's hard for everybody to be happy, really.

----------------------------------------------------

it's the same song but different renditions of it.

but i love both equally, really.

Now I can't get out
I'm trapped inside of it
I won't let go
Pain keeps driving it, I
I only hope and pray
That I can make you pay
Keep pushing, keep
I keep pushin' on

I did the best I could
I learned to sacrifice
I've got to make it work
This time away has done me good
It's a change from you

Keep switching me off and on and off and on and off
I've put myself back together
You've been gone too long beyond, the love is gone
You thought I could feel forever
Keep switching me off and on and off and on and off
I've put myself back together
You've been gone too long beyond, the love is gone
I've got my life back together

No, I can't turn back
I'm sick and tired of it
The love broke down
I've rewired it

I'm only human, babe
You let the feeling fade
Keep pushing
Till I've reached the higher ground

I've tried to make it right
When every door was closed
Your love is all I had
I tried to make an honest man, o-o-oh
Out of you

Wired to the sun like a laser beam
Power serge, come feel the energy
And I'm letting it shine again

Keep switching me off and on and off and on and off
I've put myself back together
You've been gone too long beyond, the love is gone
You thought I could feel forever
Keep switching me off and on and off and on and off
I've put myself back together
You've been gone too long beyond, the love is gone
I've got my life back together

every single day [for a long time now] somebody just has to remind me/say something/ask me something about you.

how lovely.

smashing, really.

pic spam and a [rather] bumper post.

------------------------------------------

the question is,

what's the problem with popular music nowadays?

i really don't like the shit that has been playing on the radio lately.

as eccentric as the uk charts may be [brits have this techno taste], sometimes i really find it [at least] better in the sense that it's more diverse and dynamic instead of the usual hip hop or pop crap like lady gaga [extreme distaste]

what's worse is the radio stations in singapore seem to be bribed into playing the same few songs [you know what im talking about] on circuit, especially the 1-4am hours when [they think] nobody is listening.

joonkit once asked me if lyrics mattered to me more or the general tune/rhythm of the song. i said the latter, but sometimes it really pisses me off when the no. 1 radio hit is some no-brainer song with no brainer lyrics [but maybe just a manageable catchy tune, which is actually monotonous, just that its catchy but its popular regardless]

i mean,

what the?....

yes i admit im quite prejudiced against things that are mainstream [music in this case]

[mainly because it's overhyped and overplayed and oversung and whatever]

however i generally try to keep an open mind when it comes to music [precisely because its music; you never know, once in a while i find myself playing some radio hit on loop on my mp3]

but more often than not i find myself thoroughly disappointed with whatever they're playing on the radio and the US top 40 charts. really, nothing worth mentioning, at all.

if lady gaga is a hit i dont get it why sophie ellis bextor or roisin murphy didnt become some equivalent of a chart diva over here because in terms of fashion and/or music they definitely do not pale in comparison. gaga is definitely not original! duh.

is it just a case of some kind of herd mentality?

because it seems like people just blindly consume whatever they're fed

without so much caring about their own opinion or tastes much at all.

[do they have any? maybe we dont even have personal preferences anymore]

maybe people don't use their brain anymore [when they listen to music]

or maybe you don't need it.

do you?

not really related, but i would love to be a part of a dance like this

or actually maybe just dancing to a moloko song would be good enough. :)

What if I drown in this sea of devotion
Just a stone left unturned
My need is deep
Wide endless oceans
Feel it furious
The fire burns on

Let there be love
Everlasting
And it will live eternally
Will we receive without ever asking?
I'm just curious

Got to find me somebody
But there's nobody
To love me
And it's driving me crazy
There's nobody to love me

Somebody tell me
How could there be nobody
To love me
And it's driving me crazy
There's nobody to love me

Somebody tell me
How could there be nobody
Nobody to love me
And this life is so empty
There's nobody to love me

Endless tears
Forever joy
To feel most every feeling
Forever more

Endless tears
Forever joy
To feel most every feeling
Forever more

Endless tears
Forever joy
To feel most every feeling
Forever more

Endless tears
Forever joy
To feel most every feeling
Forever more

And if I drown in this sea of devotion
Just a stone left unturned
My need is deep
Wide endless oceans
Feel it furious
The fire burns on

Let there be love
Everlasting
And it will live eternally
Will we receive without ever asking?
I'm just curious

Don't want to see me crying
Just want to see me flying
I need to get so high and
Want somebody to blow my mind

Don't want to see me crying
Just want to see me flying
I need to get so high and
Want don't you blow my mind
Blow my mind
Blow my mind

Got to find me somebody
But there's nobody
To love me
Anybody could love me

And it's driving me crazy
There's nobody to love me
Anybody could love me

Somebody to hold my hand
Someone who understands
Somebody to help me write
The poetry of life

Someone to love me
Someone who loves me
Ooh Baby

Enless tears
Forever joy
To feel most every feeling
Forever more

Enless tears
Forever joy
To feel most every feeling
Forever more

Enless tears
Forever joy
To feel most every feeling
Forever more

Enless tears
Forever joy
To feel most every feeling
Forever more

Got to find me somebody
But there's nobody
To love me

And it's driving me crazy
There's nobody to love me

Most every feeling
To feel most every feeling

Forever more

the day before yesterday [because it's sunday already and i really should be asleep at this time but im waiting for my hair to dry, such a wonderful excuse] i sent off one of my bestest friends in the world to the wonderful land of sushi and green tea and kotatsu and also obedient crows that wait at at crossings and watch the red man turn green to fly across the street.

fun thing is, it's not as if she hasn't left us before

[she went on exchange to hongkong for one semester]

but somehow when we sent her off this time

it felt like the goodbye was for real;

because japan is such a wonderful place, she won't wanna come back?

maybe because she told me that she might be looking for a job there;

or maybe because it's starting to hit me that it's my final orientation at EH

and that i only have 2 more freaking semesters to try to save my pathetic C.A.P.

that graduation is looming over us like the afternoon sun on road the busy road

that the future looks [somewhat] bleak; that we've really [whether we like it or not] have to/had to grow up/become grown up.

then i realised,

as she turned around at the immigration area,

and gave her final little crazy-aunty wave to us,

i will miss her like crazy.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i [will always] still remember the first day of school,

lugging this stupid heavy overpacked schoolbag,

i was tugging at my blue shirt anxiously, wondering if my grey and yellow tie was properly in place, wiping the streams of sweat from my forehead, trying desperately to look presentable,

then this bespectacled, tan, super-big-eyed girl in front of me turned around [rather] abruptly, opened her mouth [which broke into a really huge smile, showing her set of large and very neat, whale-like teeth, with no braces [yet]], stuck out her be-watched hand, and said, in a rather excited/anxious/friendly/icanttellwhatelse voice,

'hi, my name is hui chiang. what's your name?'

for a second or two i was stumped.

i must have looked like a beached fish,

but it only took me a while to stick out my hand and shake hers in return.

and we've been friends ever since.

today ‘i spent more than half the day surfing the net listening and/or downloading songs randomly and i really don't mind it at all'

song spam today.

If we’re in love
If we’re in love
If we’re in love

If we’re in love
If we’re in love
If we’re in love
We should make love

Where the sun it never sets
And where the wind forgets
I will forget you
Where the sky goes on for miles
And never ties
Of an improbable blue
When the supreme mysteries
Decide to reveal all to us
And make an endless night
Still I will come to remember

If we’re in love we should make love
If we’re in love we should make love
If we’re in love we should make love
When will we be lovers?

If we’re in love we should make love
If we’re in love we should make love
If we’re in love we could make love
When will that be?

---------------------------------------------

she's the artiste who sang the ramalama [bangbang] song, which happens to be one of the Deepee songs two years back. She's also one half of the duo that used to be moloko and who came up with the dance hit, 'bring it back'

Bring it back,
sing it back,
bring it back,
sing it back to me

When you are ready, I will surrender
Take me and do as you will
Have what you want, your way's always the best way
I have succumbed to this passive sensation
Peacefully falling away
I am the zombie your wish will command me
Laugh as I fall to my knees

Bring it back,
sing it back,
bring it back,
sing it back to me

Can I control this empty delusion?
Lost in the fire below
And you come running your eyes will be open
And when you come back, I'll be as you want me
Only so eager to please
My little song will keep you beside me
Thinking your name as I sing

Bring it back,
sing it back,
bring it back,
sing it back to me

Bring it back,
sing it back,
bring it back,
sing it back to me

Come to my sweet melody (repeat)
No, you can't help it if you feel have been tempted
By fruit hanging ripe on the tree
And I feel useless
Don't care what the truth is
You will be here come the day
Truth do you hear me?
Don't try to come near me
So tired I sleep through the lie
If you desire to lay here beside me
Come to my sweet melody

Sing it back to me (sing it)
Bring it back (sing it)
Sing it back (sing it)
Bring it back
Sing it back to me

(Sing it, sing it, sing it)
(Sing it back to me)

Bring it back
Sing it back
Bring it back
Sing it back to me

-------------------------------------------------------

her solo career seems to have taken off rather nicely though.

a more well-known hit from her.

So let me know when you're lonely babe
Let me know when you're lonely baby
Let me know when you're lonely babe
Let me know when you're lonely baby

I turn the other way
I could never turn you down
You turn me on
Don't speak out every meaning
I don't belong to you
Like you don't belong to me
So don't hold on too tightly
There forever be

So let me know when you're lonely babe
Let me know when you're lonely baby
Let me know when you're lonely babe
Let me know when you're lonely baby
Let me know when you're lonely babe
Let me know when you're lonely baby
Let me know when you're lonely babe
Let me know when you're lonely baby

Always say in this cynical thing
Hold me
No ball and chain
I risk my reputation
Just to get more
You always have the reservation
Come lay down beside
Beside me
Beside me

So let me know when you're lonely babe
Let me know when you're lonely baby
Let me know when you're lonely babe
Let me know when you're lonely baby
Let me know when you're lonely babe

-------------------------------------------

and for no reason i suddenly felt like listening to this song:

The Cardigans - Lovefool

from the RandJ OST [who doesn't adore claire danes? and leo is really handsome]

and then i remembered, from the RandJ OST as well,

i love this song to bits.

damn it! why am i so sleepy? one more hour to hall breakfast.

zzzzz.

everyone's falling sick.

qianlyn, wayne, joon kit, the raggers....

qianlyn can't even talk properly without her voice cracking

wayne can't even talk cock with us in the foyer for long without feeling woozy

and joon kit couldn't even answer me 'a long lan jiao' when i said 'xi mi lan jiao' to him in the jcrc room, to try to wake him up [it's his new favourite phrase after i explained the meaning of the hokkien term to him...]

hopefully everything will turn out okay,

especially on rag day!

-----------------------------------------

lately

i think must have been asked 65321345678987543212345 times why

there are 456789765432345678765 reasons why

but i don't think i could ever tell anyone the real reason.

hopefully it works.

so far it's been going well.

----------------------------------------

and oke is back!

it's an unspeakable feeling,

except that sometimes i really feel [i don't know why]

despite the fact that sometimes the way he eats grosses me out [which may be a good thing, haha!], and that i dont know what to do when he starts going into the 'off' mode and emo-ing and not wanting to having human contact at all , even though he always says he is unreliable and that nobody should trust him or expect anything from him, i am able to tell him things, rather frankly [i seldom, if ever, tell anyone] and trust him, very much.

and even though he's so young,

he gives unexpectably great advice [and encouragement]

and [unlike what he claims], is an unbelieveably dependable and trustworthy person.

and since nono already came back,

we'll be having fun at the dojo again. hoho.

-----------------------------------

i am super lagging, but i just found out two of my friends got together, and i'm feeling somewhat smug about it.

it's because from the beginning i always felt that the guy was interested in the girl and the girl was giving off the 'i-am-available' vibes to the guy but we were all group mates and hanging out was always about the project and some good clean fun. ha.

and then the guy got a girlfriend [from goodnessknowswhereelse] and then he graduated and then the girl graduated and then i dont know what happened he broke up with his girlfriend and then we had a group outing to eat dinner together [funky okinawan cuisine] and then

AHA.

somehow between that time and now

[when i have been enjoying my holidays and been preoccupied with hall happenings and deciding whether to change my hall meal plan and also wanting to buy more cameras]

they got together.

somehow,

even though it's damn lagging of me to JUST ONLY find out, [HA!]

i still get to smirk and say,

I KNEW IT!

I'M SO SMART, HAHA.[okay this line is not needed but i thought of this anyway]

[this adds one more to my already 123457898765432345676543212345 premonitions/forecasts about couples/thefuture/randomhappenings, that somehow makes me happy]

somehow it just makes you happy,

when things turn out like expected, don't they?

at least for me it does.

i guess people take comfort in knowing that they know what to expect.

i'm quite smart eh, i think.

i love it when i can predict couples.