this post is for a boy who loves an orange coloured sky. i used to feel like this, sometime ago.
he will always be someone special to me. and im sure he ll find someone right for him. :)
i ve done too much guessing this life.
enough. :)
cheer's voice is very nice. its in chinese, in case you cant guess. its my lousy translation since people dont read it if my blog is in chinese.
hope it doesnt deviate too much from the original.


Too smart. [cheer chen]

Always thought that I d be very hard to read
After understanding me you realize its nothing at all
Im always blowing hot and cold to hide my emotions
Just afraid that you ll know my feelings for you

You guessed right
Thinking too much will leave things with no result
After you saw through me
I feel even more vulnerable
Start to regret that I tried too hard to be smart
Just worried that im giving my heart to bury

Im guessing your heart
Just want to make sure again
This far far distance apart
is all because im too smart
need to guess your heart
need to make sure again
my messed up thoughts
are all because I try too hard to get close to you

You guessed right
Thinking too much will leave things with no result
After you saw through me
Theres no place left for me to hide
Start to regret that I tried too hard to be smart
Just worried that im giving my heart to bury

Im guessing your heart
Just want to make sure again
This far far distance apart
is all because im too smart
need to guess your heart
need to make sure again
my messed up thoughts
are all because I try too hard to get close to you

You guessed right
Thinking too much will leave things with no result
After you saw through me
I feel even more vulnerable
Start to regret that I tried too hard to be smart
Just worried that im giving my heart to bury

Just worried that im giving my heart to bury
Start to regret that I tried too hard to be smart
Just worried that im giving my heart to bury

this is me

i just realised


to mom and dad
im the rebellious, relentless, unyielding, mature, radical girl who used to be a the c***st, [no, im not saying it!] chubbiest most adorable baby. im that little girl who loved to sing ktv in front of all the adults, im the kid who loved frilly ribboned dresses, im the girl who did all sorts of poses because i was so photogenic
im the girl who grew up having a brief love affair with contemporary art, chinese dance, calligraphy, singing
the girl who harboured a lifelong love for the chinese language
im the girl who carried the burden of being the only possible succesor to dads wealth of chinese literature, culture, knowledge and language
im the girl who yearned to be the son dad never had
the girl who drank with dad
the girl who always liked to talk to mom
im that girl with wings waiting to fly

to big sis
im that cranky, always niao her, always cheer her up, always encourage her, always pour her cold water, always annoy her middle sis. im the cute little baby she decided will have the second name lin
thus,
wen'lin'

to wz
im her lifelong shifu and tormentor. she is mylifelong disciple and nemesis.
we annoy, we entertain, we lame, we irritate, we poke, we play, we comfort.
life would be so boring without each other.

to qiu han
im the friend she can speak to and feel most at ease with
her best friend, whom she describes as ' that cool looking girl' to her other friends
the girl who is obviously a girl but can seem so much like a guy
the girl who told her that should she be a guy she would take care of her forever
the girl who promised her that even when we re old our friendship would never die

to hui chiang and qiu ping
im the cranky 1/4 of SOUP! :)
im the one with a horrid temper, the one with the lamest jokes, the one with the weirdest ideas
im the girl with the freaky desire for sweet stuff
im the one who seems to hold her liquor as well as a guy

to darell and weiling
im the lame, guy like, cool, yet girlish 1/3 of the 3 of us.
forever we will be
the cat, the pig and the dog!

to fellowship of the sing
im that rolly, polly. jolly samwise the neighbourhood gardener
who annoyed people, who pestered people, who emailed them to remind them to drink lots of h20 and take care of themselves.
im the candidate whos speech was so boring that i beat the hot favorite to become the secretary 2004/5
because i am reliable and responble

im the one who said

2004/5 choir comm
we were elected for a reason
because we are good


to my dearest gf, ash, and sing bearer, frodo
im the trustyworthy, reliable samwise. im the, 'better than a real bf!' bf.
because you always make me feel worried about you! because you always put others before yourself
because you always make me want to protect you
because i want to be strong

to s13, now and before. and to be.
im the girl carrying the cool oversized guys billabong bag [frmph, sexist!the tag says its a mens bag. T_T]
im the girl who always liked to act like a guy, im the girl who never laughed at the jokes all the girls laughed at
im the girl whom the guys always liked to treat like a guy
quote anthony : 'war lou, its like, BE A MAN LOH, wenlin' *guai lan OMG panda face*
haha
im the girl who felt like an outcast, who felt outof place
but always felt right
right right there. because nowhere else seemed more right.

because we are astatine.

we even have our own element in the periodic table!

to yi gang, im the pesky always-like-to-niao-him-more-man-than-him chem remedial partner
to jia yong, im the irritating girl who always talk to him on 157, go NTUC to buy meiji coffee milk :)
to joyce, im the girl who always very on about 157 gang, the girl who always asked about her pet hamsters,
the girl who liked xiao hei [hammy hahah, not ah long la.]

to pw group, kim, ming juan, youzhi and aaron
im that girl named elmo tan wen lin [stupid youzhi, you re not much better, NEMO]
im the girl who kept saying we wouldnt be getting back our files since they d be under the ref section for MODEL PW FILES
im the girl who suggested taking pw group neoprints [which we still havent, haha]

to ulu mac crew v day crew, hui hui, ah heng, bready and youzhirella, michelley
im that 1/6 of you
we had some brilliant times together.
im the girl who suggested giving youzhirella a mango for vday
and a watermelon for heng

to fanny
im the one
your friend
was
im the girl who annoyed you because im like you mother
just like you were the girl who made me cry in public for the first time in my life
i was the girl
you couldnt really understand
i was the girl
you took for a spare tyre

im the girl
you had a friendship with
thanks for those memories. it was great knowing you.

to the royal family, royal pet, princess, knighty and pet tamer
im the funny, lame, downtoearth, green jester
always juggling balls, listening to royal pet complain and gossip. laughing at knighty and sharing some girly stuff with pet tamer and pink princess.

to nj choir
im the chao enthu, odd sop with the damn manly voice but always sing the highest part
im the girl who shocked all the guys by going down lower in the scale than the lowest alto
im the sop with a high high head voice, who loves singing the melody
im the pseudo bass [i wish!] with the more manly than man chest voice
im the choir member with a sucky mid range cos i couldnt change properly between my head and chest voice

to nyps chinese dance, to huang lao shi
i was the girl who seemed so reluctant to dance elegant chinese dance moves and prefered to learn the entire indian dance move steps from my best friend lin xin instead
ah, racial harmony day. :)
im the girl who had the spirit of beat and the soul of rhythm instilled in me
1 2 34, 2 234, 3 234,....

huang lao shi. im that girl who always couldnt stretch properly
im the yellow 1/7 of the 7 colourful fairies.
complete with disgusting plastic pseudo vine rope thingys with plastic flowers.
ah. kallang theatre.
ah, beijing.

to cedar choir, to jayanthi and priya
i was the girl pai seh to go up higher on the scales, who underestimated my vocal range
im the girl who miss tham asked to sing higher and higher and when i stopped, shook her head and smiled at
im the girl who was sop one but didnt even know what a soprano or alto was
im the girl who thought she was alto one
i was the damn pai seh, nearly cried out when had to stay back for sectionals sec one sop 1
im the proud, confident, hardworking, chao bia sec 2 who sang as if i meant the world
i was 1/2 of the powerhouse sops [jayanthi!]
i was 1/3 of the 3 musketeers.

to bingxi
im the one always asking him weird questions
i was the girl who told him he looks better with specs
i was the girl who told him i like his eyes and his smile
i was the girl who said he is brilliant
im the girl he didnt quite know how to describe

to ben
im the girl who always liked to annoy him and talk to him online
im the girl who always complained that he looked very tao and never said hello
im the girl who always tried very hard to understand him, to give in to him
im the girl who always had the lamest things to say, leaving him '............'
im the girl who stuck out her tongue at him in a cheeky way
i am a special friend.

to ck
i was that junior who wrote a letter to apologise to him for being tao.
i was that junior who liked to talk to him, whom owned the blog which he crowned, 'the best blog' he ever read
im the girl he always couldnt and cant understand

to hs
im the girl who always likes to rub his rambutan head
i was the girl who always had sth to say, something to make fun of him
i was the girl who started calling him 'rambutan' [and shortly after, everyone followed suit!]
im the girl he liked to ask gossip from, but never had any gossip to share
im the girl he and lionel stayed up the last night in germany to sit at the hotel lobby stairways to talk about relationships with
[lionel has the evidence! we took a pic outside the hotel, past 3 am i think, we got locked out, heh heh]

to kenji
im sunflower, im jap girl, im wenlin
im the girl who thought he was jap
im the girl who told him that i drink more green tea than a real jap
im the girl who refused to say c***
im the girl he called 'cool' and 'dudette'
im the girl who spammed his tag board, who poked him to update
im the girl whom he anyways managed to cheer up
he always made me smile

to those from wholivesnearyou
im the girl who always started those weird thought provoking threads
'is monogamy the best system?'
im the girl who always answered with weird thoughts and weird statements supported
im the girl who seemed to always have sometime witty and weird to say
im the nj girl who always seemed to manage to link any post to econs


all this
did i miss anything out?
im sure i did. but i have a bad memory. forgive me.

all this.
and more


but what am i to myself?

i am

the girl who cant accept the fact that i am c*** and tries hard [maybe too hard] sometimes to be cool
im the girl who told herself not to trust or depend on anyone else
im the girl who built a tough shell to protect myself
im the girl who always likes to act tough
im the girl who likes to go to NTUC to see whats on offer
im the girl who knows that werthers original is cheaper 10 cents if you buy it in NTUC than at cold storage
im the girl who hates shopping
im the girl who is a cheapskate but spent 60 on a bag [yes, THAT bag.]
im the girl who reads wikipedia in her free time
im the girl who likes long hair but cuts it short
im the girl who walked home barefoot twice, smiling, because it was fun
im the girl who feels like she can conquer the world [with a song]
im the girl who feels insecure if she goes out empty handed
im the girl who loves big bags
im the girl who is guy but not guy enough. girl but doesnt want to.
im the girl who feels vulnerable, without a song [my beloved mp3]
im the girl who likes to make mistakes and leave regrets because its beautiful
im the girl who has a green obsession
im the girl who has a fetish for everything and anything anyone beautiful
im the girl who taps her feet and bobs her head when she listens to a brilliant song
im the girl who is fascinated with love, music, food, life, thoughts, dance
im the girl who is afraid to be alone
im the girl who is a natural romantic but a circumstancial realist
im the girl who believes that love lasts forever

i guess thats me.

shiet. barefoot again.my shoes gave in again.


im starting to like the feeling of the raw pavement on my foot.


if you want my love
never too much
that is why my love


im stuck in her world

i particularly dislike it when people use the ';p' sign when talking online
because you re mostly probably not doing it in real life?!?!

when i use '>_<' im really doing it loh. haha and '=p' as well. really stick out my tongue
and esp. '=D' i open my mouth really wide and smile huge while for '= C' i really do the face also
i ll bet 50 bucks you re not winking and sticking out your tongue when you do ';p'


its too hard to coordinate both anyway
psychomotor testing

aiye. another irrelevant post.
well.

i picked him up on my way to work today.
he was lying on the side of the pavement, smiling.
he made me smile.



i named him

happiness

because when i look at him
i always smile.

monday michiru and m-flo are brilliant.

shiet, i cant sleep.


http://www.haoting.com/htmusic/105537ht.htm

all the things were said and done
our words misled
its not much to say about
sometimes i cry

if you want my love
that is why my heart
do you feel my love
do you my feel my heart
yet you re supposed to be

shes brilliant.

i just realised m-flo's BEAT SPACE NINE was released this year on my birthday! besides toshi's CLUB HAPPINESS

thats enough to make me happy
toshi and m-flo lei.

rock my world.




on another note, i realised im totally not cut out for shopping.
went out with qiu han to help her buy xmas gifts. shiet, i have so many cards to draw dammit. heh.
i realised im like a guy. serious!
i helped her carry handbag and stuff [after she grudgingly obliged]
and walked around looking very disinterested
and rather bored. haha. thats a guy, isnt it?

the all time high occured when i stepped into hmv
i didnt want to leave the cd player playing the m-flo album, heh.
kept playing that song
A.D.D.P

kenji says its so disco. hahaha. yeah. i felt so paiseh listening to it at hmv cos i was like nodding [discreetly of course] and tapping my right foot [habit! since i joined dance in p3, huang lao shi has successfully driven the spirit of rhythm and soul of tempo in my mind and body]
how come people can listen to songs and not be moved by the infectious beat and dancing melody!

im getting all those jibes!!!!
its like if i were alone i ll start dancing those hip hop/freestyle moves already
damn. all this restrain. obligations, societal expectations.

driving me nuts!!!!!


i need to dance. dance man.
because im an audiophile.
let the music fill your soul, and the rhythm overtake your mind.

i realised there have been a lot of things i wanted to do since young but have been bound by societal expectations, beliefs, obligations and more...

i always wanted to stroke stray cats. the fur looks so soft, and the cat looks so pitiful.
but what did my mom say? not to touch stray cats because i might contact rabies.
i dont like rabies.

i still have not touched a stray cat before.
this is why i am a realist. because i put practicality before almost anything else.

but i am also a romantic.

i always wanted to dance in the rain. heavy, pouring rain.
i have yet to do that, but i ve ran in it before. and walked very slowly as well.
it was, wonderful. i felt like, as i walked out of the downpour, the raindrops cleansed my soul.

i always wanted to walk barefoot.
today my beautiful beautiful green coloured slipper shoe broke. actually i should have known.
at that time, i only had another pair of shoes with me, and wearing it hurt my toes so much that
i took the two pairs of shoes off, slipped them into my shoebag
and walked barefoot to the busstop.
on the bus
across the bridge
all the way home.

the concrete floor was sandy and dusty like i anticipated
and the road was rough and bumpy
but the grass was cool and relieving
my feet were blessed.

i ve always wanted to walk home late at night from junction 8, along the bending road following the route of bus 410
but i ve always had an invisible curfew
cinderella version 1.1 clock strikes at 11
but today i walked back at close to 12.
the sky was dark
but the clouds looked like they were mourning the loss of something
something i couldnt tell.
my footsteps were heavy, my stride light.
toshi's soulful voice croons in my ear
his melody is light and gay
but his lyrics are .... somewhat more.

how can happiness and loneliness....
for just a while,
i thought that, it didnt matter if things lasted as long as i wasnt lonely and as long as i was happy
even if it was just for that while.

i guess im still a romantic.


conflicting ideals and wishes coexist in the same body, the same soul.
sometimes i wish i could leave this place to somewhere
somewhere where i could be alone
but then i remember
and then

qiu han, you re right. im afraid to be alone.

[my office, part 2]
the fire escape stairs.

because i ve been sitting around letting my butt and brain idle so much, i figured i better do some exercise by taking the stairs rather than wait for the uber slow, uber old lift. and so i take the stairs everytime. the front office is at 5 th storey while i work at the 8th. ok right?

anyway it was so pai seh today.

i was walking down to 7th floor from the the 8th floor and humming a song [jay zhou i think.] when i saw bear smoking outside the 7th storey.

dunno which one more pai seh, him being caught my me smoking, or me being caught by him singing songs. so embarassing la.

so it went like this..

me : !! [looks shocked and embarassed to be caught singing, and slightly miffed that bear smokes]

Bear: ! [looks slightly shocked and surprised, and embarrassed to be caught smoking]

Bear: oh, so you were the one singing just now, i heard when i was walking up the stairs

me : !! where got, dont have loh !!!?!? [actually have, i always sing anyway heh heh]

Bear : got loh, i heard just now [smiles]

.....
.....
of course all of this was in chinese. hahha. :)
actually im not sure why i was shocked that he smokes. almost everyone in this place does. glenn the tech guy whos quite nice, penny from 7th storey who seems to be on good terms with A woman but is only doing it to maintain her rice bowl,[everytime i say her name i feel like singing 'in pennylane there is a barber taking photographs~' oh man, choir. haha] A woman, etc.
its the stress, i figure. only our level is special, people can smoke in the office cos boss alan and richard are here.

the rest of the smoking staff are reduced to smoking near the bin outside their respective levels.
its quite unfair actually.

but i dislike smokers.


on a more funny thought [funny-weird, not funny-haha. wait, its funny-haha as well]
have you seen a bear smoke before?
no?
I HAVE!

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH
damn.

[my office, part 1]


im working on the 8th floor with that A woman, boss richard, boss alan, helen and that new guy ken. A woman is mad, think shes damn pretty, smokes more than my two bosses combined, and is utterly disorganised.

Ken is blur. seriously. hes old enough to be my young uncle, but hes just a newbie. -_-

boss alan is hard to understand. sometimes he gets dog chained by amanda [their relationship is nebulous] but then again today he scolded her for being super disorganised [of course, he should]

boss richard is nice. but he smokes. but a lot less than alan or A woman.

helen is nice. but when she starts complaining about how A woman mistreats her, i get really really really annoyed. but shes nice. but she likes to repeat herself n times where n is number near infinity. BUT SHES NICE DAMMIT

haha. so funny. theres this tall nice looking guy from the 7th floor doing graphics.
his name is
bear koh.
BEAR KOH.

*pause for a while while i laugh*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA

hes tall, but hes not in any way bear-resembling. not at all. and hes real nice. :)

A woman just gave him a lot of nonsense to do. i went down to photocopy stuff so we laughed a bit about it. he looks not much older than me. well.

then theres the tech fella called glenn. hes quite nice but i havent talked to him. dont know. anyway A woman is always doing that flirt/trash/strangle/i-am-so-pretty-dont-you-think-you-re-lucky-im-molesting-you gimmick. urgh.

the other it guy, bernand, i think, seems to be quite close to her. i dont like him, cos he stares at me. URGH.


la dee dum.

yay, i should feel insulted but why am i so happy.
I FEEL SO THROW FACE HAHA. but so free. so freeee..
sigh :)

sigh [happy sigh! XD]
YAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAY
YAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYYAY
YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA
YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA

actually i think i was just waiting for it
even if i said it first, it would be the same

i think i know what i want already.


i want myself. :)



on other matters, during work today i decided to do actively do something to mend my broken friendships
hope i get replies

the other day while standing around in the shopping centre trying to look interested they played stupid sounding christmas carols. i couldnt help but start singing along [discreetly, of course] and criticise their bad choice of singers.

ah, the fond memories.

my dearest, cutest, more adorable, most giving, most selfless gf. :) maybe its time to ask her out. shes not been checking her email, tsk tsk.
i miss the memories of the draining but rather silly and interesting choir practices. i miss the people. particularly i miss ben, i miss bingxi, i miss gf [of course], i miss sneey and dear prisc. i miss screw, i miss mich, i miss rx, i miss zirui. heck, i even miss the stupid kissing action ck does when he motions for us to sing i saw mommy kissing santa claus. how silly.

and i miss bremen. i miss having shaun and stupid hon seng as my neighbours, constantly pestering me to borrow my water cooker [stupid rambutans pathetic small one broke on its way here. even if it didnt, i doubt it would be of much use], having sneey as my roommate, sharing laughs; hugging gf in the light rain on a cold day; exchanging scarfs with shermaine, talking to ling cong and lionel. especially the last night we were in germany in that so called posh hotel [bredbeck rules so much more, we can yell across the corridor like nobodys business]
i miss seeing the bewilderment on peoples faces when i wore my nj skirt to sleep. hahaha.

lionel has a picture as evidence of our rebellion against mr angs rule not to leave the hotel after the wee hours. :P lionel asked me and hs to stand outside the hotel and do some silly welcome pose while he took the picture. before that we talked a lot and stand around the hotel steps and corridor.

its quite sad actually.


- on second thought i cut this out. whats here is for me to know, not for anyone to find out-

sometimes in life, its the small things that make the whole experience worthwhile. its the small things that make you forget the frustration and anger and disappointment when things dont turn out as expected, or when the teachers seem to not want to give in, or when the school admin system sucks.

but some people leave and more people come. you pick up the pieces and learn to move on.

wenlin, wake up. its all over.

uncle ben and jerry visited my house today. mmm, choc chip cookie dough! shiet, coughing now.
i used to wonder why people would not mind paying 18 bucks for a pint of ice cream
at least im only paying 18 for TWO pints, not one. heh.

yum yum.

at the rate im finishing the noodle in the office i ll be getting chinese restaurant sydrome very soon.
kwoks disease.

mens alleged stereotypical preferences for women

common belief 1.
Men like big breasted women.

Actually, this is biologically supported since breast size is usually a measure of fertility. Not exactly the size, but rather, since the olden ages, in many civilizations, cultures and beliefs, both mythical and real, large breasts have always been a symbol of fertility. Take freya the goddess of fertility for the Norse gods. Her breasts are sizeable assets. And anyway it can be logically deduced that a woman with larger breasts is likely to be more fertile since larger breast size usually = more breast milk = more milk for baby. Actually after all this im only finding reasons to substantiate such preferences men have for women. Whether they really do have such preferences has yet to be tested. And whether the first place a man rests his eyes on when speaking to a woman is her assets is a point for much argument.
Im not a guy, HOW WOULD I KNOW????


Common belief 2.
Men like women with big butts.

This preference is also not unfounded. Since the primitive ages, wider hips have been linked with high levels of fetility. Since the human instinct is to have sex [to reproduce, not for pleasure purposes! Nature made it pleasurable to encourage man to do so, but it is not the primary reason.] to have offspring with their genes to continue the generation, of course it is likely that men prefer women with larger hips and buttocks. And rather reliable sources [aunties. Yes, they are highly reliable despite the occasional hoo ha] link larger buttocks with smoother and easier childbirth. Im not sure, correct me if im wrong, but I think its either a hainanese or Cantonese tradition for the mother-in-law to whack the butt of her daughter-in-law to see if it is large and urm, taut enough. Because large and urm, tensile butts are supposed to signify that the woman can carry many children. So if the mother-in-law gives her stamp of approval, it’s a bonus I suppose. Going back to the central heart of the issue, again I have given reasons to support mens likes, but whether they really do like. Personally I UTTERLY DISLIKE LARGE BUTTS THEY ARE SO REVOLTING. No, it is not because I am jealous of big butted women I have a rather large one myself. But personally I dislike large butts, personal preference so I cannot understand why men like them. Urgh.
Someone say something. I need stats to prove myself. Men DO like big butts.

Common belief 3.
Men like women with a gentle disposition [aka large doe eyes, long soft hair, gentle demeanor.]

This is total NONSENSE! Im pushing away this stereotype because it is so overrated and so behind times already. Actually the new stereotype im proposing is guys want the perfect girlfriend who can act cute a little, act lian a little, be bitchy sometimes, but be gentle caring and submissive to him and only him. This is more like it. But this girlfriend is unlikely to exist in real life. Anyway, some hunks [such as cleo bachelor of this year, some mix blooded hottie [personally I don’t find him attractive but my view is unimportant] says he likes the bronzed sporty looking babe type. Thats what he says anyway. And with the rising popularity of movies like my sassy gal, guys are starting to like girls who prove to be a good fight. Or slap. In any case. [okay, the actress in that movie has long soft hair for the guy to toy with and is rather doe eyed but in this case this is not important]. The good old submissive gentle doe eyed bride stereotype should be shoved to one dusty corner, left to rot.

Common belief 4.
[women think] men like skinny women.

Actually I believed so myself until a rather significant amount of guys I know told me that they prefer curvy, slightly plump women to the skinny type. I was flabbergasted. Of course, this is a rather good thing, because I think with all the slimming ads and all the media influences seeping into womens minds brainwashing them, we need men to tell us that they like us plump, and not have to slim down via unhealthy methods or dangerous ones. So this stereotype doesnt even exist in the first place. Actually I suppose its a lifelong obsession women have with the medias perception of beauty. Im still waiting for it to be fashionable to be plump and full again like the ancient times in India and china. The best example is yang gui fei. When she will make a comeback, im not quite sure.

Common belief 5.
Men like women shorter and smaller sized.

The main idea is that men like smaller sized women so that they fulfill their hero desire when they get to protect their girlfriend. It makes them feel big and boosts their ego. Im not sure if this is true. However I think its interesting to obersve that very tall guys seem to have significantly shorted other halves, whilst moderately tall and sized guys have moderately sized girlfriends. Cant prove this without statistics. And this requires a larger sample size.

Common belief 6.
Men like women who are stupider than them. [or are likely to not like women who are smarter than them]

This can be linked with point 5. the whole idea of men having stupider girlfriends is so that he can show off his knowledge and brute strength [brains and brawn] and his not-so-clever girlfriend can fawn over him and go,
WAAAAA, so macho, so man, or WAAAAAA, you re so knowledgable

T_T this is too extreme. Of course im just playing around. In actual fact I believe this is true to a small extent. Because women who are smarter or more capable pose a challenge to men. It deflates their ego. So depending on what type of man you are, unless you re the type who thrives on challenges and will rise to the occasion, you d prefer a less smart girlfriend. My guess is that the furthest a man will go would be a girlfriend that is of the same caliber or same capability as him. Because even after you step out into society, differences in capability, especially should it be that the woman is more capable than the man [is the breadwinner of family etc], it will be frowned upon because this does not conform to societys norms. Society simply cannot take it take for some cases women may be stronger than men. Heck, even some women cannot accept it and speak ill of such cases. So you can blame it on societys influence that forces the man to choose so.




After all this, im tired. If I think of more points, I ll continue sometime soon.
Any views or suggestions, want to rebute, agree, tag me or email. I d be happy to listen.
if im longwinded, sorry. ranting today.

today is sunday again. somehow, on sunday, i always manage to find something to be happy about.
i just realised that the two display pics that i ve been using on a rotational basis are by both marguerite sauvage and mike wall respectively. of course grunge attitude must have been by mike wall.
What was i thinking!?

sidetracking a little. my mom and i were discussing about the value of technology in our lifes, especially when it comes to relationships and communication. the conclusion was sth like, technology breaks the distance barrier and makes things a lot more accessible, quick and easy, yet, it itself poses a problem since it itself froms a 'invisible wall' preventing us from having honest true genuinine relationships with people.

relationships online are a tacky thing, since with the power of technology, we feel protected, yet we feel threatened by the plausible danger the whole 'illusionary effect' poses. i once read in a book, a CHINESE BOOK, in fact [heh heh, chinese rocks] that with the presence of things such as online chat rooms or messengers, such as MSN, 3 types of people form.

the first type of person will become the type of person he aspires to be but is not in real life. a very apt example would be a boring mugger pretending to be a handsome, suave smoothtalking cassanova. an extreme stereotype, but nevertheless, true.

the second type of person will become the type of person he cannot be in real life, or become someone that is totally unlike what he actually is. an example would be a 40 year old man posing as a 18 year old schoolgirl on the internet. common cases everywhere.

lastly, the last type of person will be himself. but since, personally, i believe, each persons personality has many aspects, thus, this type of person, whilst online, will show his usually not so dominant characteristics. actually there are many sides to each person, just that due to certain societial boundries, norms, obligations, responsibilities, we may not be able to be our True self under most circumstances. with the presence of the internet, these burdens and obligations and responsibilities are removed, since there are no rules.

i realised i just belong to the last group. quite uninteresting. haha. yeah.

anyway, mom and i were also talking about the value of blogs. I was telling her, how blogs are a good way to get to know a persons thoughts and feelings and pent-up emotions. And how writing one /typing one has a theraputic effect. really really helps me think better. Mom likens it to the good ol method of writing the diary, in the old times. but the twist is that your diary is now open for everyone to see. yeah, there are locked blogs or certain password protected entries, but when your diary is on the internet under public scrutiny, the effect is not quite the same.

i also argued that blogging gives an avenue for people to express views and for readers who agree or disagree to make comments, and suggestions. in this case its rather like a small forum or argumentative essay. it is even more beneficial for those who have fear of public speaking. Mom seems rather pensive about this. She brings out a very important point. That whilst having arguments online, people who dont dare to express their views in real life may benefit, but in actual fact the whole 'online' issue is adding to their fear of public speaking. She says in the past, it was usually just discussions at coffeeshops, where interested people would just form a table and other people who wanted to listen would crowd around. Indeed, online forums and group discussions are a product of technology and our e- generation.

the most weak argument i had was that blogging helps build relationships and widens your social circle. But once i said it, i knew the point had a loophole in it. In fact, the entire point about building relationships online is a rather questionable thing. Personally i believe, not matter how long you have known a person, talked to him, shared your views and feelings with him, as long as your have not actually 'been' together with him, or frequently 'met' him, you cannot consider that you actually truly know him.

the problem with human beings is that we are guarded not just by instincts by rather by our thoughts, feelings and emotions. We can conceal, we can cheat, we can lie. It is hard to read peoples thoughts and emotions in real life, worst still, online. There is no way to see the persons expression, no way to read his body language, no way to infer what those cold letters sent over via email or messenger truly mean. You even wonder, whether the person is sticking out his tongue and making a cheeky face at you when he sends you a ;p smiley.

when i say i understand, do i really understand? or is it i think that i understand what you are trying to tell me?

my mother likens icq and irc chat to penpals. you know them, you correspond with them, but you never get to meet with them. even if you do, its likely that your relationship with them ends there and then. because usually the chemistry and never ending topics all seem to die out the moment you actually meet the person. in chinese, the taiwanese call it jian4 guang1 si3. 见光死。

explains why i am reluctant to meet any of the people i have gotten to know via various online methods, no matter how close i am to them, or how nice they may seem, or how much chemistry i may have with them online.

Personally a small minor point i would want to make is that, personally, i find the local blogging community large, but too exclusive. yeah, many people are bloggers, but just unknowns. there are a few famous brand names, a few selected elite, and they try reasonably hard to widen the elite circle by letting more blogs gain recognition, but the work is not enough. its the same problem in classes in high schools. there always seems to be a popular clique with some prestigious but oh so exclusive membership and its so highly coveted but rarely ever do people manage to make the transition over.

then i told my mom that i read xiaxues blog and mr browns blog. in fact i read some famous bloggers blogs rather frequently, examples being blinkymummy and mr miyagi and aggagoga. but the most puzzling thing to me was the appeal of xiaxues blog. yeah, entertaining and all, but it lacked the appeal that mr browns blog posed for me. so i voted mr brown, but he still got second anyway. what does xiaxue have that makes her queen? till now i am unsure.

after all this, i am uncertain as to what conclusion i have obtained, because after mom and i finished talking about this, we just continued reading the papers and eating breakfast. no conclusions reached. i love discussions like this. anyway, my personal conclusion would probably be to continue to use the internet, but use it wisely. chat, blog, read wisely and selectively. it can be both a benefit and a threat.

nuff said. im off to lunch. or linner. or dunch. whatever.

this is bloody interesting. my brain is predominantly male. hahha, i obtained the average score that males have. on a scale -100 to 100, where -100 is ultra feminine, im 50.

lol.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sex

but i can read peoples expressions well, visualize things well, etc, first task i outperformed. hahah. 19/20, surpassing even the average male, but did ultra badly for the memory task, underperform the average female...

for the thinking test : i am....

Interpersonal thinkers:
Like to think about other people, and try to understand them
Recognise differences between individuals and appreciate that different people have different perspectives
Make an effort to cultivate effective relationships with family, friends and colleagues

very apt ah. hahaha.

Gluttony You are 72% nice and 25% bad...hmmm...interesting

Your deadly sin is gluttony. You like food (well don't we all??) and you can't resist that chocolate cookie sitting on the counter...it looks so good...surely one wont hurt. After five you realize you've gone a bit far. Its better to like your food than to obsess over being skinny...as long as you stop before obesity, everything is ok!!

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: %20alt="free%20online%20dating"%20src="32-Type Dating Test

i wish i had 48 hours a day. then i would be able to do everything i want to do.

continue my relatively slack but well paying but many negative externalities job at batamview
start my job at fish and co. and work it up to a reasonable level of pay [it looks like good woking environment]
work at tcc [their staff welfare is good, i heard from qiu ping]
start my work attachment at the hospital

i cant believe it. after slamming my head against countless cold doors finally one opened and left a creek for me to take a peek inside
shit. but now im working at both batamview and fish and co,.
BUT I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT THE WORK ATTACHMENT
but i have to meet the head of dept and get past that round first

...

...
how?
possibly i could quit batamview soon,
pick up fish and co and hold it along with the attachment.

thats the best i suppose.

sigh.
pay at fish and co, starting pay is quite miserable. and work attachments they only give you an allowance. [wait, will they even give me an allowance? come on... cannot like that]
there goes my $$$$$$


well, life is short
$$$$$$ can wait.

today is sunday. god rested on sunday because he was tired after making everything.

today should be a good day. going out with 3 of them later.
happy times are ephemeral.

sometimes happiness just doesnt last
but its these small bursts of joy that keep you going



because of the template, which is extremely beautiful but reader unfriendly
i will be only bloggin short posts here.
i have a new blog again.
not telling where.

A woman isnt around today. im smoke and trouble free.
apparently it seems i ve become the darling of the office.
i ve become helens best friend and that A womans xiao mei.
they think im very guai. heh. well i obediently do as im told and am rather happy when there are things to do [its so boring to slack all the time ... urgh.]


but guai?


that A woman told HR that she wants me to stay, she disallows christina from releasing me
she has
'THINGS FOR ME TO DO'
gulp.
if she raises the pay. maybe i ll consider.


bored so i did this.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

no wonder i think im not fit to love.
yet.

im so inspired by her i shall write a poem about it while i am wasting away time [and my youth]


oh
her dark rimmed eyes
and yellow tar stained teeth


her oh-so-thick-as-a-cake-that-its-quite-horrifying-makeup
her act cute way of delegating things
and hybrid of eccentric dressing


didnt you know
she likes to shove the blame
cos whenever something goes wrong
its never her mistake


shit la. my brain just turned into glue. cant think of anything already
i ll stop here.

ARGHHH!!!!!!!
MY NOSE, MY NOSEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


damn her and her bloody cigaretttes
and her yucky-yellow-tar-smudged-teeth.


sigh

i hate boss alan. hes married already but helen just told me that that A woman is his girlfriend


sigh. office politics and extra marital affairs.
helen says all her ex colleagues couldnt stand working with amanda so they all left
now shes leaving too


i dont think i ll stay long either.
hope i get that raffles hospital job

i just realised with an invisible 'thud' sound in my head that today is prom
i wonder if i ll regret not going for it. on second thought, no. i think i wont.

but even if i do, i wont regret regretting not going for it.
understand?
its really like of sick in the head or what but sometimes i like to do things such that i regret them
its more beautiful this way.


wonder if i ll have time to call that javanese massage centre to check out the 5 day course
a bit on the steep side, the price, but its a cool skill.
and if i go for it i can add it to my pathetic looking cv. i hope.


job lobangs, anyone?