today is sunday again. somehow, on sunday, i always manage to find something to be happy about.
i just realised that the two display pics that i ve been using on a rotational basis are by both marguerite sauvage and mike wall respectively. of course grunge attitude must have been by mike wall.
What was i thinking!?

sidetracking a little. my mom and i were discussing about the value of technology in our lifes, especially when it comes to relationships and communication. the conclusion was sth like, technology breaks the distance barrier and makes things a lot more accessible, quick and easy, yet, it itself poses a problem since it itself froms a 'invisible wall' preventing us from having honest true genuinine relationships with people.

relationships online are a tacky thing, since with the power of technology, we feel protected, yet we feel threatened by the plausible danger the whole 'illusionary effect' poses. i once read in a book, a CHINESE BOOK, in fact [heh heh, chinese rocks] that with the presence of things such as online chat rooms or messengers, such as MSN, 3 types of people form.

the first type of person will become the type of person he aspires to be but is not in real life. a very apt example would be a boring mugger pretending to be a handsome, suave smoothtalking cassanova. an extreme stereotype, but nevertheless, true.

the second type of person will become the type of person he cannot be in real life, or become someone that is totally unlike what he actually is. an example would be a 40 year old man posing as a 18 year old schoolgirl on the internet. common cases everywhere.

lastly, the last type of person will be himself. but since, personally, i believe, each persons personality has many aspects, thus, this type of person, whilst online, will show his usually not so dominant characteristics. actually there are many sides to each person, just that due to certain societial boundries, norms, obligations, responsibilities, we may not be able to be our True self under most circumstances. with the presence of the internet, these burdens and obligations and responsibilities are removed, since there are no rules.

i realised i just belong to the last group. quite uninteresting. haha. yeah.

anyway, mom and i were also talking about the value of blogs. I was telling her, how blogs are a good way to get to know a persons thoughts and feelings and pent-up emotions. And how writing one /typing one has a theraputic effect. really really helps me think better. Mom likens it to the good ol method of writing the diary, in the old times. but the twist is that your diary is now open for everyone to see. yeah, there are locked blogs or certain password protected entries, but when your diary is on the internet under public scrutiny, the effect is not quite the same.

i also argued that blogging gives an avenue for people to express views and for readers who agree or disagree to make comments, and suggestions. in this case its rather like a small forum or argumentative essay. it is even more beneficial for those who have fear of public speaking. Mom seems rather pensive about this. She brings out a very important point. That whilst having arguments online, people who dont dare to express their views in real life may benefit, but in actual fact the whole 'online' issue is adding to their fear of public speaking. She says in the past, it was usually just discussions at coffeeshops, where interested people would just form a table and other people who wanted to listen would crowd around. Indeed, online forums and group discussions are a product of technology and our e- generation.

the most weak argument i had was that blogging helps build relationships and widens your social circle. But once i said it, i knew the point had a loophole in it. In fact, the entire point about building relationships online is a rather questionable thing. Personally i believe, not matter how long you have known a person, talked to him, shared your views and feelings with him, as long as your have not actually 'been' together with him, or frequently 'met' him, you cannot consider that you actually truly know him.

the problem with human beings is that we are guarded not just by instincts by rather by our thoughts, feelings and emotions. We can conceal, we can cheat, we can lie. It is hard to read peoples thoughts and emotions in real life, worst still, online. There is no way to see the persons expression, no way to read his body language, no way to infer what those cold letters sent over via email or messenger truly mean. You even wonder, whether the person is sticking out his tongue and making a cheeky face at you when he sends you a ;p smiley.

when i say i understand, do i really understand? or is it i think that i understand what you are trying to tell me?

my mother likens icq and irc chat to penpals. you know them, you correspond with them, but you never get to meet with them. even if you do, its likely that your relationship with them ends there and then. because usually the chemistry and never ending topics all seem to die out the moment you actually meet the person. in chinese, the taiwanese call it jian4 guang1 si3. 见光死。

explains why i am reluctant to meet any of the people i have gotten to know via various online methods, no matter how close i am to them, or how nice they may seem, or how much chemistry i may have with them online.

Personally a small minor point i would want to make is that, personally, i find the local blogging community large, but too exclusive. yeah, many people are bloggers, but just unknowns. there are a few famous brand names, a few selected elite, and they try reasonably hard to widen the elite circle by letting more blogs gain recognition, but the work is not enough. its the same problem in classes in high schools. there always seems to be a popular clique with some prestigious but oh so exclusive membership and its so highly coveted but rarely ever do people manage to make the transition over.

then i told my mom that i read xiaxues blog and mr browns blog. in fact i read some famous bloggers blogs rather frequently, examples being blinkymummy and mr miyagi and aggagoga. but the most puzzling thing to me was the appeal of xiaxues blog. yeah, entertaining and all, but it lacked the appeal that mr browns blog posed for me. so i voted mr brown, but he still got second anyway. what does xiaxue have that makes her queen? till now i am unsure.

after all this, i am uncertain as to what conclusion i have obtained, because after mom and i finished talking about this, we just continued reading the papers and eating breakfast. no conclusions reached. i love discussions like this. anyway, my personal conclusion would probably be to continue to use the internet, but use it wisely. chat, blog, read wisely and selectively. it can be both a benefit and a threat.

nuff said. im off to lunch. or linner. or dunch. whatever.