before i joined choir i always felt that my voice/voicebox seemed to be something that came out wrongly/didn't turn out right/wasn't a part of me, because it seemed too low, too harsh, too hoarse, too deep, too thick, to feel right; it wasn't correct, for a thing like that to belong to me, a girl, despite all my/the tomboyishness and the brashness and unladylike-like behaviour; it didn't seem appropriate; like somehow they did it wrongly; put in the wrong materials, or left the procedure out too long; or gave it to the wrong person; it just didn't seem to belong to me,
it just didn't seem right.
and i was always intrigued with how i could sing in a really high voice,
and/or a really low one; and how fun duets were for me;
and/but i always felt out of place.
girls just don't have voices like these; no they don't;
not typically like this [no, not in primary school, you don't]
and though it never really troubled/disturbed me significantly,
somehow sometimes i would secretly/suddenly notice,
how in the noisy chattering classroom of high voices,
mine seemed to sink to the bottom across the way-
it just felt out of place.
and then it was a series of fortunate/unfortunate events,
giving in to peer pressure and coaxing, somehow,
i made it! passed the choir auditions.
and it was almost as if it was planned in the first place;
i started feeling at home right away.
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i'd sing you a song
but it'd sound awful
i'd write you a letter
but i threw it away
i'd put on eyeliner [for you]
but[writing notes] i used it all up
i'd give you my heart
but i lost it someday
can't sing you a song, write you a letter, put on eyeliner, or give you my heart;
but/and maybe you'd tell me-
you don't need my heart,
i look great without eyeliner,
emails are awesome too, yay!
let's listen to songs together instead-
and i'd email you everyday,
throw all my eyeliner away,
and i'd tell you my worst secret
problem is i haven't met you yet.
i haven't met you yet.
