for the past semester i have been surviving/sleeping by using my cheap ikea throw as a blanket [i am rather well-accustomed to it already, i even bring it to wrap around myself to keep warm in the lounge] and my square cushion as a pillow. no words could describe the initial feeling of anguish and self-pity/sadness i held in my heart as i awkwardly did not know where to place my arms as i lay on the bed, my head on the small cushion, awaiting the night to fall and lethargy and sleepiness to overwhelm me.

somehow, there is nothing comparable to the bolster.

a peculiar, long, narrow object, made like a pillow;

only better.

to me, really,

it feels like another person.

as perverted/weird/screwed/funny as this sounds,

there is irreplaceable comfort i find hugging a bolster. MY bolster, to be exact.

a companion for the nights you can't fall asleep, the problems you can't seem to solve, the loneliness that doesn't go away, the need for contact and comfort;

this inanimate object can provide/serve multiple immense and incredible functions/purposes.

i am definitely a bolster advocate.

but anyway,

first it was a temporary measure.

yes, until the weekend, i can bring my wonderful bolster back to hall and we can be reunited in dreamland once again. but somehow the days grew longer, the weeks more dreary, and i forgot/got tired/became lazy/found it too troublesome and it never came/i never brought it back. once, even, shopping at clementi for groceries, i found myself secretly eyeing nicely-packed new clean bolsters.

i have never been able to sleep well/sustain life properly without one, it seems. for the past 21 years of my life. however, suddenly this semester, for a whole semester [in fact, almost], i have lived/sustained without it.

rather well/sufficiently/satisfactorily i must say, in fact.

without it, i thought i would die, but who knows, i'm still alive.

maybe my need for contact comfort has decreased,

or maybe i have gotten used to sleeping in a pathetic manner,

but somehow i realised,

somethings,

i don't really need them anymore.