Today, i watched the ending.

i know i'm such a/the horrible viewer. i can never seem to be able to sit through whole episodes; i just skim through and fast forward and stop to watch the parts that interest me. And somehow it really caught me by surprise; the ending. because it was nothing like i expected.

Maybe it's because in the beginning it seemed as though the protagonist was presented with two possible outcomes, A and B. so the whole time i was watching the show, however/whatever progression, in the back of my mind i was thinking the whole time, secretly,

'which will it be, A or B?'

or rather, sometimes,

'who will it be, A or B?'

but sometimes life doesn't turn out like that;

and actually it really doesn't have to be that;

why does it have to be like that?

it's not really an outcome, or ending; life's not really an outcome, or and ending.

we make mistakes, we leave regrets, we get confused, we lose our way, but

because life goes on, no one can say for sure that anything is an outcome, or ending,

not until you're dead, and even then, because of/in spite of what you've done/your existence/your influence, others change/are affected/are still living.

no one knows for sure what will happen,

no one knows for sure how things/people will change/stay,

so why,

why should it be B or A?

why did i even think that way?

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'don't be sad. loneliness makes us human.

Living is about enduring loneliness.'

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there are times when you feel at peace with yourself.

things don't seem you matter; everything seems okay, and you're really okay with yourself.

somehow it's a quiet and calm feeling. you feel comfortable with being yourself; with your flaws, your imperfections, your mistakes. even the slightly bigger ones seem okay.

somehow everything falls into place,

somehow even a little loneliness is okay,

somehow,

it was just like that for a small while today.