today was supposed to be ANOVA day but i haven't even covered till chapter 5 of pl2132 yet.
quite luckily i studied regression and the other stuff about validity and reliability the day before, or else i'd really be done for, for sure.

went to watch the juniors train.
it's really inspiring/stifling [at the same time yes], their fervour for kendo.
coming back to train on a saturday! it's the first time in kendo history.
i mean, jiawei and i have had our mini practices here and there,
and i on and off somewhat trained for my own satisfaction,

but a self-organised juniors mini training;
really quite impressive.

not being mean or sarcastic,
but i just want to know, want to watch how long it will last.
and how people of these promising individuals will be left standing when i step down from presidency, or even when i step out of this university.


on another note,
i was supposed to watch them and just prevent any dangerous things from happening.
my priority should be pl2132, not taking down notes of wenhao's training, not watching for the juniors and pointing out mistakes, yes it sounds selfish but at this point of time i know this should be my priority.

and yet when wenhao said,
'eh, you're not training ah,'
and i said 'yes, im not, im studying'
and he said 'ah, you make me disappointed.'

and then i felt

..................................................................................................................................
..................................................................................................................................

and then at the end of training,
he turned to me and said,
'ah, looks like you ended up training after all.'


and yes i did,
less than 15 minutes into the training i picked up his bokken and started practicising cuts.

why why why why why why why
this 2-3 hours i could have read through chapter 5 and 6 and also figured out 2 way ANOVA!
urgh!

it scares me sometimes.
like how much his comments or words affect me.

and it's true, i almost felt like i was been seen through,
because once my hand gripped the bokken it was like it heaved a sigh of relief and welcoming [if a hand could do that] and immediately i was 100% into it.



so much for ANOVA day.

well,
luckily there's tonight [which is quite a long night ahead, considering typically i sleep an average of 5 hours a day and usually only after 5am these days.] though tee hong did forward me the link for an article that urged people to sleep without guilty and to sleep well and like 8 hours a day, and wenhao did say something about people not sleeping enough eating more.

and when he said that,
a small voice in my brain was like,
'shit! that sounds like me!'

but there's less than 2 days left, so heck it, i can start my morning-loving early-bird lifestyle change when it's the december holidays and there's kendo, choir and dance to do.

today hopefully i can clear what i hope to clear by 4am, grab some mac breakfast, then revise the tutorial sheets.
and


everyday is ANOVA DAY!

okay i should study now,
bye!

i've been thinking a lot.


about where to go, what to do.
as i look back, as if accidentally, just casually,

realisation suddenly hits me like on the face,
worse than waking up looking like shit,
worse than oversleeping and missing exams,
worse than being rejected by someone i like,
worse than not being able to eat my breakfast,

it suddenly hit me that in less than 2 years time i will be leaving this hall, this school, this campus.

what should i do?
where should i go?
what do i want to do?
where do i want to go?

now it vaguely reminded me of the time my father looked worriedly at me,
and my bleak and somewhat-murky-looking future.

monash has a pretty good post-graduate programme i heard.
murdoch as well.
but it never occured to me that i'd be leaving this place.
that i might need to learn driving because i might be working/living/studying in a place than doesn't have public buses of an average frequency of 15 minutes, mrts that arrive in less than 5 minutes, taxis all over the place, and reasonable walking distances between city areas.


i think i should go overseas.
i dont think i ll be able to qualify for the masters programme here.
and i feel like i should;

like it's time to leave my comfort zone,
leave these people; leave this place; leave these memories,
take the big step, take the risk,

and live in a new place.



looks like i should start saving from now.
and oh,
i should probably start thinking about learning how to drive.

sigh.

the modules for next sem look very promising indeed.










i almost feel like wanting to take 8 modules.

i don't like to hear ambiguous things.


because i end up guessing too hard most of the time;
trying to read, trying to stipulate,
while trying to conceal,

and i hate the feeling of realisation
that it's all false hope.

i prefer making the extreme choice of resorting to absolutist reasoning,
because,

it either is,
or it isn't.

ちょっと残念ですが、



子供になる。

子供は可愛くて、元気な、けど、
そんなに成りたくない。。。
やっぱり、子供よりエールーフに成りたいよ。

でも、しかたがないし。

それで、楽しみで、舞いましょう。

it's amazing,

the amount of knowledge, the number of lecture notes, the hours of webcasts, and the pages of readings that i've managed to cram i was supposed to cover during the course of the semester, but to my ill judgement and lazy bone, did not, that i managed to cover within this very week.





not all,
but good enough.

good enough to make me feel like this is the week i've been the most hardworking in this entire semester.


yesterday allan alex sim asked me what i want to do after the exam ends.


i think,

that i probably just want to,
train very hard,
go many places,
wear nice clothes,
go out very often,
take many photos,
be with lots of people,


and sleep a hell lot.
--------------------------------

after all this time,




i still find,

on quiet nights,
in between vacant lonely spaces,
when i have nothing to occupy my time

i still miss

the way your eyes shine brightly when you're in an argument;
the way your eyes twinkle when you make a chuckle;
the way your brows furrow in frustration;
the way your smile fills the moment;

your warm smile when you speak of an orange coloured sky;
your excitement when you talk about something novel;
your confidence with your new piece of work;

your arrogance, self-absorbedness, self-assurance;
your satisfied smirk; your mean glare;

that despite all this;
that because of this;


nobody else could make me feel this way.

'There will be a final Exam which will cover all topics from the course during the week of Nov 22- Dec 6.'




so the topics covered will be those covered during week nov 22- dec 6?
that's exam week,

HAHAHAHAAHA.

the misleading things that lecturers come up with.
sometimes you wonder if their PHDS have caused the Permanent Head Damage.

it's suprisingly amusing the way guys gossip about girls and discuss their desirable qualities.
more girly and bitchy than some girls, and a lot more than i imagined.





you should listen,
'she's okay, i like short ones, but she's not xxx enough la, blah blah...'
...............

er, okay.

this coming from a grown man. or boy if you consider that physical maturity and age not = mental maturity. whatever it is, it's really quite disappointing.
i'm glad i don't know him,
that though he's from eusoff, he's just some unknown freshie to me,
but hearing him talk, reminded me of someone else;

it reminded me of the time he first spoke,
whatever wonderful image i had of him, and his impeccable face, build, overall wholesome appealing packages sans the horrible nose [which might have been and is definitely crucial] fell crashing to my feet.

to think eeee described him as giving off a 'prince-like' aura/feeling.
i'd like to see her expression when she hears him talk.


whatever it is,

i didn't know guys discuss girls/gossip about girls and their relationships during their free time.
and the way they do it,
damn.

damn amusing.

the plastic prince.

how can one be

so cold,
so alone,
so faraway,
so engulfed,
so devoid of emotion.

how can anyone

melt the ice,
bridge the gap,
break the barrier,
close the distance,
make the difference,





because i really don't feel it.

any kind.

malaysian guys.


it sounds stereotypical [okay, im really not that into stereotypes and typecasting and schemas and like scripts and like catergorising or branding people since im pretty much an antistereotype [which might be a stereotype in itself] but you get my point anyway] but it's something i've briefly discussed with my roomie and a couple of hall friends, who all happen to be malaysian females and they all have to somewhat agree with what i had to say.

that they tend to be immature, childish [behaviour wise], have higher-pitched voices, soft-spoken, somewhat more erm, feminine compared to their singaporean counterparts.
it doesnt have to be all but most of them have at least one of the above characteristics.
really! especially for the higher pitched voices and softspoken. i am not joking. but the number of cases i have encountered i believe that my observations are true.

they are gentler, more approachable and more friendly, but they tend to exude this 'nua' aura about them. i don't know why. yeoheee says its perhaps due to the fact that as compared to their male singaporean counterparts they have not experienced the training that changes you from a boy to a man aka, NS, and also a lot of them are pretty young.


okay this is kind of skewed since you can't say all swans are white if you only see white swans because maybe they only have black swans in england and this is some cog psych concept, a term for a kind of flawed reasoning which is basically 'if i only see A = B , then all A = B' but i cant remember the name for it.

okay i got annoyed and actually stood up and took my pl3233 text from the far shelf above to flip open to check, and it says here there are a few related concepts.

The availability heuristic is a phenomenon (which can result in a cognitive bias) in which people base their prediction of the frequency of an event or the proportion within a population based on how easily an example can be brought to mind.
Simply stated, where an anecdote ("I know a Chinese guy who...") is used to "prove" an entire proposition or to support a bias.

yes, honestly speaking when i think of malaysian guys in general, i can only imagine in my mind many many examples of malaysian guys exhibiting behaviour that fits one of the above i mentioned.
it is definitely 'i know a..' but more like 'i know many many who...'
i guess it was more like i encountered more of these guys, and their behaviour and way of talking left an impression on me, such that i unconsciously seeked out examples in future to confirm the stereotype/type i had in my mind, confirming the bias.



well.

do you agree?

i know this should be the least of my worries,




in the past year,
many things have changed.
i became jaded,
i took up more things,
i neglected my studies,
i had problems with people,
i also spent a lot of money buying a lot of cameras, clothes, food and goodness knows what else.
more money than the amount i've spent in my entire childhood.
more clothes than i've bought in one entire year during my adolescence.
more cameras than i would have ever expected my dad to ever want to purchase from cnet.com.


i need a job.
seriously.

less time = more time spent on meaningful things.
maybe it wouldn't mean that to you, or that it doesn't make sense,
but it does. to me.
if there's less time left, i'd spend it doing things that really mattered,
and with people who really mattered.

i'm going to start searching, NOW.

and also studying.



it's never too late,
and always, never lose hope.

in some ways,

i'm hopeless, aren't i?

*smirk*

im eating some tuna pancake leftover from my mother's kindergarten celebration [pressumably. having nice leftover food and non-leftover food and presents from children's overhyped kindergarten birthday parties and holiday celebrations has always been a fringe benefit i have enjoyed since a child, courtesy of my kindergarten-teacher-mother. you get all sorts of weird assortment of things; food, lots of food, like nuggets, chicken wings, bee hoon, like homemade cookies, hongkong flown mooncakes, omiyage from japan, some weird silk pouchs, MANY MANY photoframes, a range of flowers, brownies from the maid, hand printed cards, blah blah.] and it tastes kind of nice.

what holiday is it anyway?
or maybe it's some rich spoilt kid's birthday and his loving parents decided to throw him a kindergarten birthday surprise, massive cake, birthday chorus, multiple decorations and balloons and wishes from all staff and principal included.

come to think of it,
the last time i remember a birthday party,
i was like 5.
i wore a frilly skirt, had hair that was bowl shaped [meaning you flip over a bowl, put on my head, trim my hair, and tada! you get the hairstyle.] and like teenage mutant ninja turtles.
my cake had the picture of a ninja turtle on it. i think it was the red colour one.
it's ironic, that the older you get [for me, maybe not for you], the more jaded you become, and the less you expect and receive from birthdays.

what does it mean anyway?
that your existence and presence in this world and the inconvenience and pain and annoyance you have caused to people around you has just increased.
congratulations.



i hate tuna.
like, i never eat it.
like if im at delifrance and i have to order topping to go with the croissant and there's only some weird corn filling [yes i dont like corn either, goodness knows why. and goodness knows even why more nono likes it. like likes-it-will-order-corn-sushi-like. incredible. unbelievable.] i would still not order the tuna filling.
like if there are 5 dishes on the table and there's tuna, i would eat everything, but tuna.
like if there were no more canned mackerel, or even if there were only like chili flavoured mackerel [it really doesnt go] i would still not buy canned tuna.

this tastes nice.
honestly speaking.
even though i just took it out from the fridge.
even though its tuna.
even though its tuna AND pancake.

i love pancake.
but tuna and pancake?

i wasn remembering my reaction when i just reached home and opened the fridge and saw the suspicious looking container and opened the container and saw this.
like, EWWW. TUNA WITH PANCAKE? weirdo bizzaro.





okay,
maybe im really hungry.

or i'm weirdo bizzaro.

A N G _ _

_ U N


if you had to fill in the blanks,

what would you write?

Release Date: November 3, 2008
Language: Korean
Genre: Electronica
Artist: Mixed Group

Humming Urban Stereo returns with a new mini album, Xxxx. The Korean electro-pop fusion band led by writer-composer- producer Lee Jeereen has prepared a fresh new seven-track release featuring their diverse but easy-listening electronica sound. Xxxx starts off with the principal duet Sophie Marceau with Yozoh and Humming Girl on vocals. Besides Humming Urban Stereo's familiar bossa nova, acid jazz, house and lounge music sounds, listeners can also look forward to more music guest stars including Sugar Flow on Electronic Girl, Uta on No No No, and Shina-E on the titular Xxxx.

Tracklist:
01. La barrosa 14 Horas
02. fetish~ Piel (feat. Dahila)
03. No No No (feat. Uta)
04. xxxx (feat. Shina-E)
05. Electronic Girl(feat. Sugar Flow)
06. Sophie Marceau (feat. Yozoh, Humming Girl)
07. Ayurbeda Swimming


Download » Full Mini-Album @ MediaFire
----------------------------------------------------


like, finally, yeah man.

im feeling kind of jaded [duh, again! what did you expect, it's my blog. this isn't the first day you know me]





okay, so i got a decent grade for the presentation for the module whose experiment i kind of screwed up cause i didnt objectively choose words for the experiemental measure and kind of pissed off my group mates in process. which kind of pacifies the situation/people.

then my phone died yesterday when i accidentally [once again] dropped it on the floor, that, only AFTER i dropped my ikimono110 as well, after i showed it to my very-interested-looking japanese language class mates and not-that-interested-looking senseis and did a show and tell recommentation of the asylum. and the kind of cute guy kind of talked to me after class to ask about the camera and i was kind of shocked and didnt know how to reply without trying to conceal the pimple on the left side of my cheek near my near nose, but i replied anyway. it was a simple question.

so i had to get the phone fixed.
sitting at the reception counter waiting for the lady to get the paperwork done, i amused myself reading the boards/displays at the counter i was located. boy, was i amused. looking at the list of things that the warranty does NOT warrant/safeguard you from, i really wonder what the hell can you go to them and they can replace you for for free. duh. luckily i did NOT say i dropped the phone n times where n ------------> a large integer. of course my accidents/required replacement was not unfounded/unreasonable. jiayi said she got hers for 2 weeks and the keypad cracked. for your information she is a straight A student, meticulous, dean's lister, and judging from her daily behaviour from my encounters with her in the lab, she does not drop her phone often.

so it's not like my fault. really.
well.

so i walked to the bus stop, and i stood there and wondered what it would be like to be uncontactable until monday.
and then 188 came and i saw 105 on the bus board and i decided not to board 188.

bad decision.

it's like one of those scenes in the movies that you call 'zuan lie dian' or turning point.
like duh, it's approachapproach, approachavoidance, avoidance avoidance, whatever.
whatever the pl3236 textbook calls it. i had to make a damn decision.
just taking a bus can make so much of a difference.

cause i went home, tried to talk to my dad about the phone, then my sis pissed him off somehow with her 'chek' attitude [you know, it's that sound you make when you're impatient or feeling annoyed with someone but wont/cant/dont dare to say it out aloud, only for her she doesnt say but her eyes do that upward thing] and then he got pissed and wouldnt listen to neither of us and my mom was pissed with me for reasons unknown to me, and then while waiting for dinner i lied on the bed waiting and fell asleep and when i woke up it was BLOODY HELL 3AM.
and then somehow i got up, checked my mails, was supposed to study but fell asleep again and i cant remember my mom or dad woke me up to tell me it was 7 already and then i left in a hurry and my mom was pissed [again i dont know why, she doesnt seem to like to talk to me these days] and asked me why i didnt take my allowance [and i really didn't want to but i didnt want to make her more pissed so i just said i dont need it but i took it anyway and said thanks and left]
and it was very cold on the bus.

yes it was.
so i came back to hall like empty-handed. still no phone.
sometimes i think i go back home for the wrong reasons, without knowing even.
this is definitely one of the times.





now sadly i am contactable again, because i remembered [to my chagrin] that the lady kept saying she would 'leave a message' if the phone could be collected earlier [and how can i even get the message if my only phone is undergoing servicing. sweet.] luckily chin qianlyn has/had an extra and she lent me, which is now sitting on the table quietly next to me.

sigh.

too bad, that's life.

i'm like incredibly excited, zapped, sad, frustrated,confused and annoyed at the same time.

excited cause my coloursplash flash, supre anchor print tunic and lomo fisheye traveller came,
zapped cause i'm seriously too deep into this emo-sleep-too-much-skip-class-emo thing,
sad cause i can't seem to do anything properly nowadays and goodness knows why,
frustrated cause i was a bad group mate and kind of screwed the pl2132 project,
confused because i know generally i am responsible and reliable,
annoyed because i've obviously shown that i'm not.

oh did i mention?


and i'm spending too much money.
like WAY too much money.

like my mother-should-handle-my-wallet-posbatmcard-ibankdevice-and-my-account spending too much money.

and sometimes i feel like there are so many things in life and i can't control them and how they work out and it's like when i do this it seems sad to me but at the same time it's the only thing i can control.
and like i have this insatiable hunger; like no matter how many things i buy, how much i sleep, how much food i eat, the rest is not getting to me, the clothes/things/cameras are not making me happy, the food seems tasteless and meaningless to me.




on the other hand,
i keep thinking if i should sell the lomography fisheye traveller. it's pretty and all but the idea of getting a holga/diana F+ is like really seducing me. i can hear the whisper from the back of my ear teasing me. like, 'oh, fredflare has 25% off storewide for this week, BUY ME, BUY ME!'

let's try to work this out rationally so i can decide which camera to part with and which to buy.

camera: goldenhalf
pros: can take twice as many photos as a normal lomo cam.
compatible with coloursplash flash check.
also, i give 5/5 for coolness/pretty factor.
cons: can't do vignetting,
can't do multiple exposures, blah.

camera: splitcam
pros: multiple exposures check,
split format top/down check
cons: not compatible with external flash,
kind of cumbersome to use, i keep forgetting to open the lens shutter, crap.
and using it kind of makes me feel like a primary school student. unglam, check.

camera: lomo fisheye traveller
pros: fisheye effect check
compatible with coloursplash flash check
like 4.5/5 for cool exterior. a totally must have on a trip.
cons: can't do vignetting,
can't do multiple exposures.

camera: diana f+
pros: vignetting check
multiple exposures check
compatibility with colorsplash flash check
wonderful pinhole ability check
wide angle panorama ability check
and it's a diana. that alone is cool man.
cons: big pain in the arse, 120 format film. the adaptor for 35mm costs a solid 50USD, more expensive than my lomo traveller even =_______=

camera: holga basic
pros: vignetting check
multiple exposures check
compatibility with coloursplash flash check.
and it's a holga! how cool is that.
can do all kinds of weird things, e.g panorama adaptor, fisheye adaptor, 135mm adaptor, polaroid adaptor [*gulp*], ecetera.
cons: hmmm, i can't think of any, how bad is that. oh.
uses 120 format film, CRAP. biggest pain in the arse. of course i could purchase and adaptor but that would cost extra money which im not sure is a worthwhile investment.


okay, looks like i came to a conclusion already.

i think i'll lie low and hunt for a holga second-hand.

i dont know why, despite all the hype, i simply seem to not have any patience/affinity/attraction to/empathy for the series of so-called 'pure love' japanese movies.

with the exception of 'be with you', which i found extremely moving and which i actually teared at [so i guess you can call it a tear-jerker since it really jerked my tears and my heart melted everytime takeuchi yuko smiled;] the other movies/drama series either seem

1. too fake, unrealistic
2. lead actress trying too hard to act pitiful
3. lead actress trying too hard to speak in an effortless-natural-cute-high-pitched-voice
4. draggy
5. mopey/soap-opera-ish.

it's like korea drama but you change the actors/actresses and put it in a japanese setting, which i totally cannot accept because it just doesn't gel well with the actors/culture/feeling. it's almost like they ran out of interesting love stories so they're like pirating from their korean counterparts. pft.

take for example, koizora.
okay, cute lead, check, pretty female lead, check, crumpy phone story that turned hit, check, result = box office hit.

tell me why i felt kind of disappointed when i watched the movie? that i felt it wasn't real, was too ideal, too childish, too dreamy? or maybe i'm too cynical, realistic, jaded? who would get pregnant and then just happily accept that she would get married at 18 with a guy she barely knew for a year? who would ask his girlfriend of barely a year pregnant with his child to marry him without a doubt and to keep the baby? it just seems so unreal to me. the most i could get out of it was the part he dyed his hair to meet her parents to ask for their approval and the worried look on their faces. that, is what i call a piece of life.

okay, never mind , we move on.

there's taiyou no uta, which has yamada san and sawajiri inside. i totally dislike sawajiri cause of her prima donna-ness, and the fact that J kind of adores her but doesnt openly admit irks me a little. the plot is like damn old-drop-teeth, if you get what i mean. haven't watched it but i dont think i have the patience to.



next up, everyone's favourite BUT MINE,
ichi litre no namida.

i really, really, really, really, really, really, do not get it. like really. i watched the eiga version, and my dad is incredibly exasperated at why i seem to lack affect/any kind of obvious crying/emotion/touched-ness after having watched the movie. no, it's not that im not touched. it was just like watching a documentary, for the eiga version.
for the drama, i don't know but i feel like it's worse. like they glamour-fy the whole original real story, adding romance elements, cute family members, cute and loyal, doting boyfriend and a pretty lead, but these are all the things that probably didn't exist and didn't happen in real life [from what i could see of excerps of the real girl and her family in the last 30 seconds of the credits rolling in the eiga version.

it's what kind of annoys me so much.
it's like the eiga takes the real moving element out from real life. i dont know but i feel jaded.

then there's sekai no chuushin de ai wo sakebu.
i like that in japanese its actually called 'socrates in love' but the whole leukemia-tragic-love-story thing is really old.
the only draw is masami though.
i guess her sole appearance as the lead would suffice.


sigh.













at the end of everything,

i'm wondering if there's anything that can really move me.
something realistic, something poignant, something that will amuse me, something touching but not that hard to believe.




meanwhile, till then i guess i ll have to watch stuff like 'otakus in love'.

i know what boundaries not to cross, what waters not to test,







but i'm still having difficulty saying no to the cookie.
crap.

they say a picture is worth 1000 words,
so let them speak for themselves.

photo of the day:




















nono chan's idea.

for this reason, he will always be someone special.
--------------------------------------------
la dee dum.

feeling chirpy.
supper with random gang = ahlan + stuck + raghead09/10 + soSAD
like super uber random. and i realised everyone has really diverse drink tastes. when the drinks came, i was like thinking, 'who ordered a yeohyeeyee? no one else drinks teh haliah lah.'
it's choysengtuck. tsk. plus he's rebutal was, 'it's the only nice drink here loh. it's the only drink i order.' impressive. you know, they say you are what you eat, so if that works, basing my hypothesis on this, i should think that yyy and stuck have a chance at a go together.

after all,
not everyone can drink teh haliah.
pffft.
like, urghhhh.

and not everyone can drink kopi-o loh.
the last time i remember seeing it was like when i was like, er, in secondary 2? when like uncle ordered kopi-o and i was like, yuck i can't believe someone drinks that.
well well well. guess who? mr ahlan allex sim yew yen aka mr cleo eligible bachelor no.9 aka mr runner mr biker mr cyclist mr super-damn-bor liao. kopi-o.
and he had the nerve to say my neslo peng was 'quite sweet.'

well, i guess it is quite sweet, lah.
but no one has ever said that before, like as a comment in reply to like wanting to ask/try what i ordered. no one else orders neslo peng anyway. maybe because it's an absurdly expensive drink for something that isn't that marginally nice. but i like.

and i got laughed for saying 'even my kneecap can see that blah blah blah...'
okay it's funny but i just translated what i usually say in chinese to english what... funny meh.

and soSAD introduced tissue prata to me!!!!
and it's sweet :))))) like at the top part which is crunchy.
i think i ll order it everytime from now on. like egg doesnt go with sugar, and like plaster is a little iky cause i don't like the yolky yolk that much like yeoheeee so i ll get that instead.

:)))))

firus said he wanted to go to the biennale but wasn't sure when he'd be free so i guess too bad, i'm going with miss ha tomorrow, opps, i mean today. i'm quite excited cause it's in less than 12 hours and i like have like my new powershot with me, my ikimono 110, my goldenhalf and also my split cam. haha bringing 4 cameras out is no joke! but i'm quite a bit excited yah. and my coloursplash flash and fisheye lomo came! WOOHOO! collecting it next week hopefully, this week still quite bz.

and it's been quite a while since i talked to miss ha so i'm quite missing her and all.


brings back the fond memories of gek2002 and the whole noopness and slack/weirdness of taking philo mods and i quite miss it but there wasn't logic this sem and nothing caught my eye so im not taking any ph mods this sem, sadly. feel like im suffering from philosophy module withdrawal sympthoms, despite the times i sit in philo class and start dozing off or spacing out or trying my best to look attentive and question why the hell i chose the module in the first place, philo has a special place for me.

i hope they have logic next sem, or else i think i ll really die of boredom. haha.

i miss all the random classes with tart, miss ha and louie and also with the weird guy from philo class. and daryl and our prof and also the small seminar/class room next to the philo general office and the shelves full of old philo books with peeling old scruffy covers.

and the impossible-to-conclude discussions and random things we talked about.
and also miss ha and her cubism explanations/questions.
sigh. :))))



a blast from the past....
and deepee sets.
gosh.

i miss the times ah jin and i were sticking the photocopy-enlarged design of the garuda/naga, rushing back from training to throw my bogu behind the foyer room door with the fire extinguishers, grabbing the borsh electric screwdriver, diving under the table and screwing the plywood/2 by 1 from under the table. missing the hadrian-hippo stretched-upper-lip, hunched-slouch-standard face/pose; mr m. squatting at the longkang taking a smoke after sawing a hell lot of stuff; gui ming wayne calling me red shorts; our vicehead giving his goodboy look; hui ro's infectious giggles; wei qi's surprised looks at my random remarks; firus' kachiaoing and also joining ah jin and me to do the screwing of the garuda and naga from under the table....




















it's not related, but i was having dinner with oke and nono and i was playing with my split cam, and i took goodness knows how many photos, but i have no idea how they will turn out, so i'm quite excited. maybe like 5 nonos in 1 photo. or like nono eyes with oke chin. haha. sounds exciting.

and training on monday was good. not intensive and stepped up like wenhao said we should be, but for me, i felt it was good, considering i was lasting on 1 hrs of sleep the day itself and 0 hrs the day before...


and the kendo juniors are super crazy facebook enthu.




















like i have like 30 like i have like 30 comments-email updates on some photo or video that they upload routinely of themselves/us/us together taken during supper after training. insane.
but their fervent-ness/excitement/bubbly-ness is incredibly infectious. i almost feel young and freshmen-like already, minus the screams and excessive cam whoring of course.

it feels good to have juniors like these.




i wonder what i was like.

*scratches head*

maybe it's because i've finally done something that's significant, become somebody who's important, made a group of friends that are dependable, found a sense of belonging;




it's 2 years overdue,

but my orientation is finally due.

2 years and i didn't find myself fitting in nicely anywhere, making friends i could talk to on emo nights, having a group to eat hall meals with, or having enough confidence to join committees that seemed extremely exclusive to me then.

2 years, but finally,
i'm enjoying hall breakfast.

feeling thankful that there's are friends who will call me at seven regardless every morning,
ta pau breakfast for me if i just won't get out of bed,
talk cock to me and complain about sucky hall breakfast,
moan and groan about the day ahead.

the noodles are oily,
the milo is hopeless,
the fried rice is tasteless,
the bee hoon is gilah pedas,
the milk is supposed to be rationed,
and the cornflakes aren't even frosted,




but there's a reason for me to wakeup for breakfast everyday.

want to go to the biennale.

watching her, sitting in front of me, sniffing quietly, wiping the tears away from her face quickly; eyes red and swollen, face full of hesitation, compromise, trouble and emotion,



i felt helpless,
i felt guilty,
i felt sad,

i felt like it was me,
i saw,

sitting in that chair,
crying to myself,

if there's anything i'd like to do




i wish i could hold her and make everything alright.

------------------------------------------------------------

choices.
promises.
broken.
fulfilled.


been here done that,

but some lessons,
i never seem to learn.

陈绮贞 小尘埃

我说过没什么，
其实根本不算什么
你只不过是我想不透的
抓摸不到的什么

还有多少回忆
藏着多少秘密
在你心里 我也许只是你轻快的游戏
我也许只是你欣赏的风景

别对我小心翼翼 别让我看清你
别劝我回心转意
离开你你的我不论过多久

还是会寂寞

是我自作聪明

固执，热情，依赖，偶尔犹豫不决
其实那也就是我
其实是我脆弱不敢说
其实是我害怕被你看透



只是怕亲手将我的真心葬送