something happened, that is quite a simple thing,

but it may be bad or good (i don't know really?), and how i should react to it.

it's not even a bad thing (not purely anyway),

so why cannot you be happy (about the good side of things) for me?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

sometimes when i tell you something,

it's because i think you have the right to know these things.

out of simple respect for you-

that's all, really.

but sometimes all i want is some encouragement, some kind words, some reassuring smile-

why could you not be the one to give me these things?

people share their troubles/ambivalence not to have their worries reminded, the trouble repeated in their faces, to be given prep talks in reprimanding tones, to be questioned or misunderstood, or to have their troubles amplified and returned to them-

i know these already, these, i have worried about, thought carefully-

it's not out of disrespect or of inpatience or bad character but

these, i know already.

i didn't share these things with you to start a quarrel, or to pick a fight,

because if i did know that these things would happen already,

i wouldn't have bothered sharing these at all.

why could you not be the one,

to give me a hug or pat my head reassuringly,

when i needed one?

////////////////////////////////////////////////

you ask me to be honest, and if i really want this,

and you ask me to sell myself, and to tell you what it is about me,

that makes me just the person that you're looking for.

i don't know really-

because since the day you asked me,

i've been thinking about this for almost every conscious moment of my living existence-

simply because i don't know what (i want) to do with my life.

do i really want this?

i don't know,

because besides a nice holiday i don't know what i really want.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

sometimes i wonder why i am like that really.

why i refuse to choose the easy way out, when (sometimes) there is clearly one-

why i just don't that the regular path, when the other road is winding and long

just one simple example-

i have four years worth of things in my room to shift back home-

and no lack of friends with cars or their parent's cars-

why can't i just bring myself to ask one of them to help me carry and shift my stuff home?

it just doesn't happen that way.