i don't know what to do with my life-

where to go, what to do, who to be

but/and i'm freaking scared and sad and excited at the same time.

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after i shift out of this place (finally, for good!), i know it/this will be the end of it, the end of all things, and the end of me- the end of my existence in this place (because i don't think my existence is so impactful (if there is such a word) or memorable such that i leave people either lingering or cringing in my wake/leave) but i know this is inevitable, and for (my own) good.

a change of environment, a change of mindset-

some old habits die hard- some things are hard to change,

and some bad things once you learn em',

they stick to you like drugs to an addict,

and you spend the rest of your life trying to shake them off

but (maybe) i think i could be (close to) okay.

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i want to throw random clothes into a rucksack, grab my passport and go to some obscure place in the middle of this planet and shout all the things i wanted to (but couldn't/wouldn't say), cry all the tears i wanted to (but held/already cried in anyway), grieve all the mistakes i made (but couldn't make repentance/feel remorse for)-

and then maybe i'll just sit on a rock and stone for a while and not say anything for a long time.