it's the first time i feel really conflicted with the kind of response i am faced with because i am learning a third language. i've never had that problem with japanese language, since when i was learning it, it was level playing ground; that everyone pretty much started from nothing and were peers/equals. now in this situation however, it's pleasing to be complimented about learning fast and having a good grasp of things but i cannot help but feel frustrated when people expect too much? or conversely, feel hurt when people treat you like an idiot, translating things/question that you already know, just that in that situation you're thinking of a response/retort to the question, not that you don't understand what they're saying.

and as much as it is useful that my friends are helping me with this,

i really hate/love it that they are in total control of the language and i am learning from scratch-

it's the position/power differential that puts me off totally-

not that i am proud or don't want to learn from mistakes

it's just so apparent? that it gives them endless satisfaction when they test you with things and the pleasure they get from seeing that you don't know certain things.

sometimes i just don't like giving people that sense of satisfaction-

of them knowing everything and my knowing so little

it's a small thing, i know.

but it's the small things that sometimes,

hurt more than you can imagine.