my body does not take to liquor kindly.

i drink a little, my face gets red, i get embarrassed [by my redness], i don't feel/get drunk at all, and i feel sick/like puking already. it's like getting 'drunk to drown your sorrows' is pretty impossible for me because before i hit the 'drunk' button limit my stomach has rather automatically tied itself in a knot and spewed/attempted to spew out all the nonsense crap i sent into it via my mouth. and even if i don't puke, i still don't get drunk, i just feel sick and disgusted, and it doesn't make any troubles go away; it's only adding to my worries.

sometimes secretly i envy those people who drink like mad, spew all kinds of nonsense shit [be it puke or their troubles or secrets or sorrows] out on the dirt/at the friends/on the floor, lose consciousness and just fall blissfully asleep. [and have their friends clean up after them]

it just doesn't happen.

at least not to me.

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today i saw cek gu, finally, after a super long time, and it was a super fantastic feeling.

i was late, and kind of flushed and pai seh, with my huge bag and everything;

he saw me, gave me the standard surprised-wide-eyed look,

and then he said,

'eh! haven't seen you for damn long.

and then he gave the thumbs up wink thing he always does,

and then i was secretly pleased with myself,

like a small kid,

and then i thought to myself,

what a nice familar feeling.

i hadn't seen him with desiree together before,

but i'd always thought they were a compatible and adequate couple,

in more ways than i could explain in comprehensible english/language.

and secretly stealing a glance at them across the table,

while i was talking to jess/meiyi/jerm,

i felt this really strange warm, fuzzy feeling.

i think it was happiness.

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it's not that i'm intentionally avoiding or trying to forget;

really, that would be nonsense crap/bullshit/bollocks

but even if that were really the case/situation,

i mean, how to?

places i go there seem to be reminders of you,

and people ask me how you are

and i smile and i sigh [inwardly sometimes]

and i give some kind of vague/noncommitant answer,

and i think to myself

why can't they ask you?

does it look like my face has/i know/i have the answer?

what a funny thing.

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because i didn't want to end the post with some stupid emo thing about you,

because i read this online somewhere and i think it's awesome,

and because i personally have nothing witty to say,

here it is:

Sometimes we put up walls

not to keep people out

But to see who cares enough

to knock em down