yesterday when i was sitting on the bus, a boy came and sat next to me.


i wasn't doing anything.
the bus stopped at the stop and i just happened to look up.
and he got on the bus, tapped his card and looked directly at me.
i think i was shocked for a moment because that's never really happened before.

i quickly looked away, minding my own business.
then, to my shock [which i did not make apparent, hopefully], he came and sat right next to me,
even though the bus was full of empty seats.
he sank into the seat, folded his arms, then slept.

i wasn't wearing anything nice.
maybe i was but i was wearing my sweater and it was covering the whole of whatever i was wearing and my bag, which looked like a random object bulging underneath it.
i didn't put any make up on my face, not even eyeliner, and i can't remember if i even washed my face before i went out.
i really am not the kind of person who looks like the kind of person you'd want to sit next to on a bus full of empty seats.

but he sat next to me.

strangely,
i didn't/don't remember how his nose looks like. [because i slept only 1 hour the day before?]
he didn't try to do anything funny,
or to take up a big space.
he just slept next to me.

but it was a nice feeling.

he was neither handsome, nor very tall, not very special-looking.
he had a very funny-looking punkish haircut, i think.
but his fingers were to short and stubby.
shorter than mine!

so i think maybe i forgot what his nose looked like.


i think wife is right,
i may really be a superficial hypocrite.

just like everyone else [really?]
but what do you do when you see somebody who sits next to you on the bus for the first time!



you look at his nose, or fingers, or something.

something, anyway.

but, like in life,
like whatever happy small moments that pass you by,
whatever regrets that you have that you smudge away with your thumb,

i got up at my stop and got off the bus without anything more than a look back.

---------------------------------------------------------
'dear ah, you're only doing one dance is it?'

erm, no, i'm doing ai ting's dance and yijun julia's.

'oh.'

was it me, or did i see disappointment/conceit/jealousy in her eyes?
i'm really not being oversensitive but it seems like i'm really good at picking up vibes from people, especially those kind of censored/uncensored negative feelings that you try [rather unsuccessfully? sometimes] to hide

and then when we finished doing yijun and julia's dance for the first run,
and we came back to the stage, all panting and smiley from the dance,

i think i saw it in her eyes again.



i should switch it off.
whatever mechanism it is.
it's kind of cool and powerful,

but what good can it do me now, anyway?

i don't think my heart could take this.