familar place, familar smell, familar lights, familar floor, familar feel,
but a different perspective.

when they brought out the wooden table with cross bracings, and some girl started crawling onto it, denise commented that the table is really sturdy, and i replied,
with all due respect,

'of course, the sets is zai one.'

from the different side of the stage,
the same old different allegiences,
but why does it feel like i've changed sides and betrayed who i really am?

and the ':)' or '=D'.

it's been ages since i last did it,
but i keep wondering if i dropped the smile in between?
rui sheng told me to smile more and that i was only smiling when i turned to face him and he saw me, but i don't know if that was really what i did
because all i felt was that i was smiling like an idiot,
but i think that's no where close to what's enough.[or what i can vaguely remember of his strict requirements of us when we were still young, if that's the standard]

somehow i feel like a hypocrite.


all this thing about 'fighting for the limelight' and asking us to bask in it and it being our 'only chance so you might as well do it'

maybe it's because i've done it before so i actually know what it feels like to slog behind the shadows and have nobody know anything much about it till the last 5? seconds when it's roll call and they call your name and you run out in a neat line together, or wave from atop the scaffoldings feeling glamourous only to not realise you're being blocked by flags and banners

coming back to the feeling of dancing in the light,

the feeling is so much sweeter.
even if it's really just nothing.


turns out i'm a sucker just like everyone else.

how disappointing.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
piece of meat just told me yesterday that i should turn carnivorous sometime.

i'm already too tired to decipher what it means cause of the mixed signals,

so i think i'll just start skipping lunch from now.



saves deciding what to eat at least.


and oh,
i have my phone back.

finally.
my computer is still screwed but i will reformat it this week.

at least there's music to fill in the blackholes in my life again.
welcome back,
and thank you.