i can't deny it's fate.


that if i hadn't taken so long to piece out my outfit,
that if i hadn't smsed shu to ask her how she was going,
that if she hadn't said that i could meet her and cab there together,
that if she hadn't come late by more than and hour and left me waiting,

i wouldn't have met you today.


and in the back of my head, while i was standing worriedly at the taxi stand,
tugging at the hem of my dress, shuffling my feet, wondering if my eyeliner was fading,
that from the corner of my eye i saw a familar face from a short distance ahead.

and my first reaction was to hide.
lower my head, try to cover myself with my awkward arms, look at my glads, pointed towards each other,
and then you came right up to me,
right in front of me,

and i was forced to say,

'hi.'



i think i like it that we can talk like this even though we haven't seen each other for very long.
that it makes me happy that you think i looked pretty [i was really tempted to say, did you only just realise? or it is only just today? but if you said only just today, i dont think my heart could take it], that it makes me happy that you look like you're doing well.
that im kind of okay that you won't be around next year anymore.

you'll always mean something special to me.
even if you're not the cookie i want to eat anymore.

--------------------------------------------

JLPT
easier than i thought.
i can pass with reasonable marks i think.

thanks to ah jin.
if not for your 'eh sign up la, we study together every week, once a week ok?'
i'd not have signed up and turned up. and crammed like all the grammar we could learn in japanese 3 and 4 2 nights before JLPT and camped in the reading room [which i only did for pl2132]

*laugh* you amuse me so much i dont know what to say,
that you annoy me when you say i look cute when im super stressed,
and sometimes when you look at me with all seriousness for such a long time,
i really have no idea what you are thinking.

but i think im wiser than to join you on your suicide JLPT2 next year mission.
good luck, friend.

--------------------------------------------
packing.
i need to figure out what to bring to taiwan.
will it be cold? will i get tekan by dad and mom if i bring sleeveless?



and worst of all,

goldenhalfsplitcamholgascannonpowershotikimono110fisheyetraveller
which of my 6 cameras to bring?

oh, and the colorsplash flash too.
--------------------------------------------
dnd.

havoc havoc havoc.
the juniors are plaine havoc. and surprisingly, the older people from SKC too.

outfit.
i am glad i listened to my inner voice at the back of my head telling me not to wear my punk-jeans outfit i had thought of earlier [that would be able to fit in with the tenogui better] because when i opened the door and went in after shumin i got a huge shock.

more than half the room was filled with gown-clad girls in thick make-up and prom-like styled hair. shockshockshockshock.

if i knew it was supposed to be like this, and the 'tenogui magic' theme was just a facade [somehow when the theme was announced, the image of damian sensei with a tenogui tied as an eye patch, clad in pirate costume, immediately surfaced in my head],
i'd have turned up in one of my many dresses hanging in my closet in b308 and thrown on a vest to offset the girliness [does such a word exist] and paired it with my gold gojane glads for the glam up effect. yes indeed.
instead i went for the punk-goth look.

i think i like it.

i like the eyeliner.
it gives me more attitude,
like more than i already have, oozing in abundance secretly beneath my whiny and insecure exterior.
it brings out the cool-unapproachable me.
which reminds me how hilarious it is when liew meichee always says she wants to be cool and unapproachable yet fails miserably attempting to do so.

and shu also said that eyeliner goes,
that the shape of my eyes is special and the eyeliner really goes.



i think it might stay.

okay so,
i guess overall it was okay, except today's the first time i wore the dress, and the only reason i bought it is cause it has quirky prints but i was quite annoyed cause i forgot to bring the right shoes back to match the dress and the whole time at the back of my head a small voice was yelling
'bad fashion sense! wardrobe malfunction!'

you don't know how painful it is for me to be under public scrutiny when im suffering from a wardrobe malfunction. even the wrong cuff or vest can kill. that's how insecure i am.

that being said,
since i've never really worn a prom dress before
[didnt wear one to my sec school prom, missed JC prom cause i was working]
i think i was really excited at the prospect of wearing a prom-like dress.
but that was 3 years ago, when my cousin handed me her gown from goodness-knows-which-function. it's still with me, in the house, safely stored in some obscure place by my mother,
but i no longer feel the thrill and excitement i used to experience when my fingertips brushed against the cool fabric of the gown.



i must be getting old.
even dressing up can be a pain in the arse nowadays.

anyway so all this superficial thing isn't important.
i feel like im so lucky!
nono, lihong, zehao and parry from our table all got a prize.
lihong a dry fit gi for frolicking and letting jack, blindfolded, wear gi and hakama for him,
parry, for shaking his bon bon [i know you didn't go all out pa-ri! give you face only, since we're doki,]
zehao and nono, for winning the top prizes!
it's like a damn long time since i really felt 100 per cent happy for other people and zero percent envious or jealous at all. =) its a nice feeling.

and the juniors.
oh. what. a. bunch.
i totally got infected my nixon and his helium-balloon-sucking antics.
annoying but entertaining at the same time. immensely.




training later today.
im looking forward to it,
the smell of my gi and hakama,
the grip of my kote on the shinai,
and the feeling of my ears muffled by the men.

yoroshiku, bogu.
------------------------------------------------------

tomorrow, oh, i mean today,
will be a long day ahead.

everything cramped up at night.
530-dunno when : chingay dance
630 -9 kendo [i dunno how im going to fly to nus high from hall after chingay. have to leave early i guess, but that ll mean i dance for 20 minutes?]
10-1230 aiting's dance: excited excited excited! she's a really great dancer and impressive choreo i think, and i feel honoured to be chosen [judging from the list she only chose like all the super experienced or flexible contemp dancers. :)] and i can't wait to kick ass in contemp.
only thing is im super guilty im missing half of all her practices cause of taiwan. damn.

but family above all.


and yes,
KENDO CAMP.
and yes,
YKTYKTYKT.

everymorning when i wake up at the back of my head i think YKT is coming and im worried like shit.

haha.



i think i ll catch a wink before i get up early, clean b308, head out for a run maybe?
and then arrange stuff, pack my bogu, and mentally prepare myself for the day.


this holiday is gonna be hell exciting, yeah.