i know i should be cramming for JLPT, which is in less than 8 hours, but again, here i am, sitting in front of a machine, spilling my gut out, ripping my heart out for all and sundry.

that despite the fact that i went for friday with the juniors and ended up not studying as a result.
though the 5 hours or so after that with ah jin camping together in the study room and 'accidentally' falling asleep on the carefully-laid out cushions on the floor were pretty fruitful.



tomorrow, oh i mean later today
will be another eventful day i suppose.
JLPT in the morning, lunch with kon san in the afternoon if she's free, if not with ah jin and the gang in hall, and then packing and lugging the stuff back to home, then kendo dnd.
speaking of which 7th december seems to be some lucky or auspicious day or something.
it suddenly occured to me that mr fate is running at the st cht marathon and i should wish him good luck out of goodwill but im too lazy so i will resort to offline messaging instead.
and parry as well.

suddenly i remember about next week,
and then i check my allocated slot for deepee from the results of tech class, and i am...
i would say, i think i have mixed feelings?....
i wonder if it's a good thing, but i guess it's like what i imagined...


i don't know what to wear for the kendo dnd.
i know it should be the least of my troubles, but im quite annoyed.
that i didn't go for training this morning, oh it was yesterday morning actually, good morning to you. and im not even going for LKC yet i dare to show my face at dnd.

which i dont really want to turn up for but paid 50 odd dollars and feel obliged to and definitely my wallet is asking me to go for all its suffering sustained.


and how can a stupid sms make me feel so disturbed but touched at the same time?
that its been ages since we talked to each other or even seen each other,
that your existence is the mere steam in my coffee, which i don't drink,
that we don't even talk online cause you're busy all the time [yes coming from me]
that i dont know what i really think about things like this,
that it matters to you to want to catch up with me,

that i feel a weird feeling that it matters to you that you want to catch up with me,
that i keep thinking that everything is too late now and there's no rewind button,
that somehow maybe the feeling might be that i actually feel touched
that this touched feeling makes me feel disturbed in return
that i really dont know how else to react to you
that all i can do be be nasty and mean


urgh

it's all so confusing
and all these mixed signals.

what the hell are you trying to do?

and what the hell should i wear to kendo dnd,
and worst of all,

how the heck am i going to figure in the tenogui with the outfit?