what he said was, you got into both chingay dance and deepee dance, but cause you're a chingay member before that, there was deconfliction. you can do dance if you want to, just consider and let me know.




it's like i could use 9873234589876323456743245898323489434896567 words to explain the kind of dissonance i'm going through but in the end ultimately i have to make a decision and yet i dont want anyone to be not happy, and people to view me that way.

i'm not a sucker for limelight.
if i were, i'd have done it ages ago, once i came to eusoff, right?

rag, sets, these things,
things that seem small, senseless, mundane, uncared about, whatever,
things that people think are a waste of time
things that people speak of with a condescending tone like they want to flush it down the toilet,
things that are difficult, are tough, are hard, are....

they must matter to me.
you guys, you, must matter to me.
my friends, my comrades, my partners in crime, in tough times, in times of victory, in memories, in moments of tears.

i hope that i can be there, with you, through rag, through sets, through everything,
because only you, and you understand what it means, what it's like, why it is.
what other people say don't matter.

of course, these things mean so much more to me, more to me than wearing nice costumes, receiving flowers, being in the limelight...

but to make a choice.
i know i would regret.
if i did not make the decision i have made, now.



and so i've decided.

i feel like i've betrayed someone, disappointed some people, a part of myself included.

i'm not sure if its a good decision, or a bad one,
how people will think of me, how my friends will feel about it,
but,

i've made my mind, regardless.
i'm sorry, and thank you.