for some reason the sight of him makes me deliriously happy.

aside from schoolwork, responsibilities, hall commitment choices, kendo things to do, a lot has been running through my mind. things that shouldn't be there, things that ought to be, things that don't make sense, things that i know are wrong, things that i can't help.

and despite how much i try to stop it, it seems like my thoughts have a life of their own.

they can run freely, make me do irresponsible things, things that, i know, deep down inside, are wrong, are bad, are guilty; should never be done.

and yet...


i guess i'm not really thinking nowadays.
don't really want to know the consequences, the weight of everything.
it's like, i'm really confused...


let's say you have two cookies in one hand.
you used to really like one cookie a lot. like you didn't know how much but it seems like it was quite a lot. but then you didn't get to eat the cookie. because of some reasons.
and then you waited really long for it but you just didn't get to eat it.
and now you're looking at the other cookie, which you never really appreciated before.
and then now you think that it looks really yummy, and it smells oh so really really really nice [yes it really smells very nice] and it looks very chewy and you so really want to eat it.
but then you're sad because you realise the cookie has a tag and it doesn't belong to you.

and so you know you shouldn't eat it.
but in your mind, your thoughts say, just take a nibble, it's fine, nobody will know
but you know.
you will know.
you do know.
and then you are sad.

then now suddenly it seems like you get to eat the first cookie.
but then now you're not so sure anymore...
whether you want to eat the first cookie....
because things have changed...


i haven't eaten cookies in a long time.



that aside,
hana yori dango on wednesday! maybe. but it all depends...
it's deepee full comm supper, but im not sure if i really want to go...
plus screw is meeting the choir gang on wed at holland v before she flies back to the home of good beer and shortbread.
and maybe wall-eee on thursdaaaaaaaeeeeeeeyyyy.

i don't know why but i feel like a sucker for movies now.
i miss eating popcorn and falling asleep in the cinema.
and the smell of....

you know.


yeah, i want to watch a movie.