school sucks. but i made it past double gp.
sigh.

im itching to draw. sigh. why didnt i take miss jos advice and take art early back in sec 3? sigh..
crap crap. at least i can doodle in my free time :D which is almost none...

i have to study... i have to study... 97 days to As... >_< ARGH ARGH ARGH
the colour pencils are calling my name >_<
i think i ll draw sth first

revision? that can wait


someone teach me how to make my own blog template

im thinking that im starting to get addicted to this crap wholivesnearyou thing. and going online daily to read peoples blogs, which is totally unecessary since i, tan wenlin, daughter of great H.O.D of chinese tan mui siong [does that sound like aragorn son of arathorn? i guess not T_T] am supposed to be playing the role [supposed to be] of a humble and ever-so-conscientious and oh-so-obedient jc A level student


i think the real revelation hasnt dawned upon me yet. crap.


till the moment i receive a letter from the ministry of education den will i wake up from my slacko reverie and maybe start my gear going


the letter should read as follows



dear tan wen lin,


we, the oh-so-sincere members of the education system of the republic of singapore are pleased to inform you that you have made it past the two years of hell in our jc system. we applaud your extreme bravery and immense foolishness that you should brave challenges such as pw = pleasewait, CTs = comethisshit as well as your PROMOs. we are even more elated to inform you that you have signed yourself up for the upcoming 2005 cambridge A levels = agonising levels
we wish you good luck on your first try and we sincerely hope that you will do well.


the pple at moe


p.s. incase you spent too much time mugging and ended up losing your mind, or your head, or both, we are more than welcome to remind you that it is


104 days away to your first agoninisng paper. have fun agonising!


T_T im sure.
spent a large amount of time idling away today.
i decided to give up on that science fiction book. its just not my thing. T_T
went to mr miyagis blog and mr browns blog. two funny fellas. not the weird-funny but ha-ha-funny. wait, they re kind of weird in a ha-ha way also. crap. doesnt matter. funny is ambiguous.


teo sui ho was evidently picking on me during gp yesterday. and she oh so brings out the worst in me
you bring out the worst in me like anyone can do
thats why iam next to you
right. *frmph*


spent a considerable amount of time in the afternoon editing and looking for nice pics for my new blog temp, which is not going to happen because i am not happy with any of the blog temps on the net now and am too lazy and untech sarvy to make my own. yep.
but i only just added words to them lah. quite crap.


argh i need a break.

i dun understand why some guys are so hardup to get attached. Some guys add you to msn, just because you look pretty on the picture in your profile in some forum. Then they try to chat you up and when they realize you aren’t interested in getting attached to them they immediately turn around and xiam


weirdo.


I mean, I guess I should feel happy that im pretty, I guess. But if a guy liked me because he liked the way I looked in a photo, I d probably find him shallow. Which is quite true. Why do I feel slapped on the face instead of complimented? I wonder


I tried, for the first time in my life, my entire 18 years [almost] of life, to read a science fiction novel.
*crowd cheers on cue*
And boy. I fell asleep after 4 chapters. But I guess its supposed to be good. It looks really good. I mean, I dun judge people by their looks but I sure judge books by their covers and this was a good one.


I dun understand how people can find the patience and perseverance to endure and enjoy [?] the kind of sciency techny futuristic kind of thing they have …
I think I died at the part where they started introducing all the jargon.


The only terms I understood were quantum and some other mundane and insignificant details. And only because I actually read my bloody quantum physics notes. Thanks to mr yong. The famous WHY YOU NEVER DO YOUR TUTORIAL lol


:) I want a voice recorder. I ll scrim and save if I have to. I ll get it. By august I hope.
lets see if i can finish that book. then i can read that funny book by tom holt! *cheers*
yay.

btw. i just picked up a new word. corpulent
corpulent aka excessively obese.
i hope i ll never reach that dino-stage
:) my sis says im just plump. yuck. round would be a nicer word


nowadays its weird
i feel very sad inside i miss you a lot :) do you know? i guess not
haha. i know. but i wun tell you :P haha.
happy but sad you know? oh well. better get back to that econs.. what was it? dutch disease...

i seriously think im going mad.

for the whole of the afternoon today i was restless, senseless and irritable. and it wasnt even because someone annoyed me. god knows why. i felt like sh*t. just feel sick and tired of studying, of being a good student, an obedient daughter, reliable friend, whatever whatever

i am sick i am sick i feel sick i feel like shit

crap. and it doesnt help if u re restless and keep banging your head against the mattress. or the wall for that matter. crap.

i feel sick.
i swear one day when i cant take it anymore i ll just leave this crazy place
till then,
damn.

im supposed to be studying since i did so badly for CT2 but who cares i dont feel like anyway. frmph. its raining and i feel kind of sad. looking at old pictures, reading blogs of people whom i were once close to but have now drifted further and further apart... its almost as if the wenlin inside the pictures were someone else and i dont know her at all.. or those people standing next to her... sigh


its a kind of weird feeling. like you never realise it but the realisation suddenly dawns upon you on fine day when you re bored at home and surfing the next that you regret not doing so many things because you lost so much just because of so little... but things cant go back already...


at least some part of memories stay... :) im not going to rant about how good and how nice some people are to me.. blah blah. haha you know who i will mention :) but its a nice feeling to know shes always there


feel like digging up a whole and just hiding in it then covering up myself with soil sometimes in class... its a rather sad feeling and sometimes i feel a dread going to school, which is, rather sad actually... the nature of the whole thing. lessons are fine, but i think im getting tired of interacting with people, especially if you re not particularly close to anyone and you have to keep thinking of things to say so you wont feel weird or out of place. its not about fitting in, its about surviving. not like being alone is bad. but company is good


if i were left alone on an island i think i would die


if i were left alone on an island with a guy i really disliked i would probably fall in love with him


this whole island hypothesis... bah. i ll never know till it really happens. but thats what im guessing anyway. friends are the best things in life, after family. yep. but not much point if you dont have many close friends anyway.. sigh i kind of miss qiu han, and huichiang, and qiu ping, and weiling, and darell... its tiring. jc life is bitter. really bitter... not even bittersweet... and im feeling worn-out already


how long can i put on a smile and try? its tiring... i think i ll be my antisocial self again...
she loved me for the way i was, my antisocial self. so if you re my friend, you should too. right? but i guess you re not.

once again i am blogging about mundane and insignificant things. as such..


the goldfish in my house is dying.. again
like for the nth time... no no its just that they all look the same so it seems like its just one and it keeps dying and coming back... seriously i can tell the difference... like peas from one pod... or whatever... *shrug*


but it gets kind of sad... cos it reminds me of the one i saved last time...


hey its not im cold blooded okay. i tried. i seriously tried. once dad got 5 back. so i tried to name all of them. after the 5 of us... the 2 big ones were dad and mom and the small ones the 3 of us... but it was just plain bizarre cos dad and sis are the tallest ones and mom should be the smallest one since shes the shortest but oh never mind


anyway i did NOT succeed in remembering which fish is who and end up, they died one by one...
AGAIN.
quite saddening.
but its hard to have feelings for sth that costs 2 dollars, agreed? and for sth that cant talk to you. no not so bad, it cant understand you. no, worse, you cant understand it. basically its you, the fish tank, and it. oh. and theres the fish food...


i dont think i ll ever rear fish. it would be too much for me to bear


this fish is dying.
its supposed to be gold in colour cos its a goldfish but its reddish anyway. so i ll call it redfish?
anyway. its supposed to be red, but its red with its intestines and what have you black in colour... like someone with chicken pox only its not small red dots but huge black patches all over his/her body...


reminds me of a story i read last time called the glass boy. he was this weird fella with glass patches over his body instead of skin. awesome.


anyway, back to the fish. im not sure... but from the way it swam around in the bucket, it seemed to want to tell me something.
but

WHAT?

i couldnt tell...


what....? i want to die, kill me now? what? im hungry, feed me now?what? im struggling, but i want to live? what? im looking pathetic, would you please stay with me?

i think i died trying to read what it was trying to say... literally of course...
my mom reckons it ll live... she says we should just administer euthanasia to the poor sod and let it be freed of the torture of having black infested patches over its body


but what if it doesnt want to die? what if it wants to live? just struggle on a few more days, just for the small chance that it might make it past this and be normal again? and become red again?


i think i must be mad. im glad dad doesnt think like me. after all, all he had to do was spend another 8 dollars and get 4 new fishes and put this poor sod in the bucket all alone to let it zhi sheng zhi mie


all alone....


sigh.

i decided. he must be tall.

like rain. haha. inside 'full house'!

yeah. :) doesnt matter if he has double eyelids or single ones [rain has single eyelids! XD]
song hae gyo is so cute... sigh

XD i love full house....



han ji un.... saramhaeyo....
*screams*


that was me screaming. haha. song hae gyo wouldnt scream. hahaha. frmph. actually she does, a lot in fact, in the show, but shes so cute lah... T_T love her... and rain is so cute also... lol


la la la.