once again i am blogging about mundane and insignificant things. as such..


the goldfish in my house is dying.. again
like for the nth time... no no its just that they all look the same so it seems like its just one and it keeps dying and coming back... seriously i can tell the difference... like peas from one pod... or whatever... *shrug*


but it gets kind of sad... cos it reminds me of the one i saved last time...


hey its not im cold blooded okay. i tried. i seriously tried. once dad got 5 back. so i tried to name all of them. after the 5 of us... the 2 big ones were dad and mom and the small ones the 3 of us... but it was just plain bizarre cos dad and sis are the tallest ones and mom should be the smallest one since shes the shortest but oh never mind


anyway i did NOT succeed in remembering which fish is who and end up, they died one by one...
AGAIN.
quite saddening.
but its hard to have feelings for sth that costs 2 dollars, agreed? and for sth that cant talk to you. no not so bad, it cant understand you. no, worse, you cant understand it. basically its you, the fish tank, and it. oh. and theres the fish food...


i dont think i ll ever rear fish. it would be too much for me to bear


this fish is dying.
its supposed to be gold in colour cos its a goldfish but its reddish anyway. so i ll call it redfish?
anyway. its supposed to be red, but its red with its intestines and what have you black in colour... like someone with chicken pox only its not small red dots but huge black patches all over his/her body...


reminds me of a story i read last time called the glass boy. he was this weird fella with glass patches over his body instead of skin. awesome.


anyway, back to the fish. im not sure... but from the way it swam around in the bucket, it seemed to want to tell me something.
but

WHAT?

i couldnt tell...


what....? i want to die, kill me now? what? im hungry, feed me now?what? im struggling, but i want to live? what? im looking pathetic, would you please stay with me?

i think i died trying to read what it was trying to say... literally of course...
my mom reckons it ll live... she says we should just administer euthanasia to the poor sod and let it be freed of the torture of having black infested patches over its body


but what if it doesnt want to die? what if it wants to live? just struggle on a few more days, just for the small chance that it might make it past this and be normal again? and become red again?


i think i must be mad. im glad dad doesnt think like me. after all, all he had to do was spend another 8 dollars and get 4 new fishes and put this poor sod in the bucket all alone to let it zhi sheng zhi mie


all alone....


sigh.