Its been quite a weird surreal experience these few days of my life. Like not quite like what I imagined it would be, but in some ways, totally unexpected. Am I making sense to you? that doesn’t matter. :P bleah. *sigh*
Its like im feeling weird cos im panicking like mad sometimes then like super happy suddenly sometimes then suddenly brood sometimes like never before. Actually I have felt like that before, but this is different. So much more severe. Or maybe im juar becoming a woman. *sigh*

I always like to think that I am a person. Not man, not woman, not boy not girl. I am but a normal person. :) I am ashs gf, the girls [sops] big jie jie who is nice to bully, friend of many etc. sometimes I am girlish sometimes I am guyish. I guess I tend to be guyish in front of girls I tend to want to protect them and not let them get hurt, girls being vulnerable and stuff. In front of guys I have no need to be guyish but I dun think im girlish either. Frmph.

Qiu han said, to a guy, a girl acting guyish and being like frank and straightforward and bro bro is very cute. =_= are you serious? Sigh. I hope I dun look fake. Im just, finding myself. Im not even very sure what im really like. All I know is that I ve changed a lot and am still changing. *sigh* did you know sighing is a form of stress relief? Haha. :)

While everyone is at the vj concert I can blog and do my chem. Tut in peace. No no I like talking to pple online, esp. erm haha I shall not say anything :P but its nice to be alone for a little while to ponder and reflect and find myself.

I realized that tools of technology are used very differently by guys and girls. To guys, they probably only ever msg if there exists the need to. On the other hand, those girls in my class who are attached only ever seem to be msging all the time. Can expect they would exceed the 900 free sms per month. T_T but im not so sure im much better than them =_=

But its not their fault. By nature, this is the way things have been. Women lack the sense of security and they look for it in a man. Previously it was a stable home and a breadwinner for the family. Nowadays, things have changed, but the need for assurance and security remains. Or so I assert. Hah. Sounds like a gp essay. How fun if I could write on this kind of thing. :P haha.

Spent the day walking around like a zombie. Shall not sleep too late or else will fall back into the vicious cycle of insomnia. *sigh* then poor sida fell sick and asked me to help him with the costumes and stuff. I was annoyed that he shuld chuck me everything last min [im being frank here] but the letter he wrote was so- *sigh* so I was soft hearted and I calmed down pushed away my anger and msged him and told him ok, and get well soon.

Not bad. :) and I felt good about that. Im sure If I were sick I would need someone like that to help. :) its nice to know theres someone there. And fel was so nice she helped out so much. And of course bingxi, who ponned gp to talk with me in the choir stall and we talked a lot about some heavy stuff, some insignificant stuff and some other stuff. Then ben came :) and he joined in for a bit before he left for Chinese.

And Thomas dare say he cleans up the stall. So dirty, I couldnt stand it I ignored my chem. Tut and got up and started sweeping the floor emptying the bin etc. ha ha. And bingxi was horrified to see me cleaning when he came back from pe. But I was delighted with the fruits of my labour.

If only I had the choir stall key I swear id revamp it like I wanted to when I ran for secretary last year. Haha sorry if I offended hua cheng by saying the stall was dirty. Lol

Den I went to meet Diana.
on the bus trip to j8 a really good looking guy got on. like handsome. sigh. but how come i can say it without feeling any normal feelings of excitement or whatever like normal girls do? maybe because all i can think about is...
anyway, he was really good looking. so why didnt i feel... erm... haha.
maybe once your heart has settled on sth, nothing else can change it or move it...hmmmm
then i met diana outside cofffee bean

Then we walked around and did lame stuff and I ate and I ate and I ate like mad. Haha like I havent eaten for a month or sth. So bored. Lol. Den we went to 7-11 and I wanted to try out this hot chocolate thing so I took the plastic cup and pressed the button but I pressed too long the thing nearly overflowed lolx so we couldnt cap it properly and it spilled all over the place lol it was so hilarious and so diu lian and so pai seh I couldn t stop laughing

Diana is a nice junior :)


Yawn. Nothing else leh. I think my life is quite shallow. Get happy easily get sad easily.
The other day when two people were playing push of war with me [one person wanted me to go out wif the other and vice versa =_= you know who u are] I stoned online and wasted away the morning. Then I took bus to a secret place [:P cant say yet] and stoned. Its a really nice place. Super big. Has nice soft toys and nice beds and nice food. Ops said too much. Then I stoned a bit trying to beat the working pple to getting a seat at the BK there but I lost. So I sat on a bench near the lift and read sophies world. Brain draining. But it was as if a lock in my brain had been opened and I kept having new revelations and new ideas flowing and new questions appearing. I was dressed so sloppily I felt so comfortable.

I know lah, I was supposed to go out to take pictures, but no special feelings lei. Nothing evoked a special feeling in me so I thought I was going to go home empty handed-
Then as I walked home from the bus stop I loked up and saw the elderly couple who stayed downstairs also walking home. I felt some weird feeling and I realized my nose was watering and I realized I felt touched.

It was the way he held her hand and guided her very slowly, waiting for her to catch up with him, never forgetting her or leaving her behind. Even though she walked so slowly, even though she was so old, even though she was no longer his young and pretty wife.
He still loved her.

*sigh*

Its the small things in life that makes living worthwhile, dont you agree? :)