I don't know how to put this more eloquently or in a more subtle way to you (in person), while still sounding like a rational, reasonable and understanding girlfriend (which is what I hope I can become)

there are just some women/girls, whom can spend an a night with your boyfriend in the same room, and (yet) let you still feel no sense/streak of worry at all;
whereas there are some women/girls whose slight glance at your boyfriend could become your pool of worry for an entire week.

it's stupid, it's ridiculous, it's embarrassing, 
it's illogical, it's silly, it's unreasonable even,


but to put it bluntly,

the first time we met, just seeing her made me feel worried.
perhaps to you she probably meant nothing-
worth no more than a second glance,
just another friend's girlfriend,
some new person,

but to me,
It made me feel uneasy.

It took me an incredible amount of reasoning with myself, trying to be objective, to be friendly and to show positivity towards her- I don't know if you can understand that?
Perhaps it's because how we met, it's because how everyone so easily accepted her, unlike how everyone of us (some way or another) made conscious effort to break into the group to gain the acceptance of everyone else- it made me feel she had things too easy.
It's because my guts just didn't like her at first sight. The way she quietly observed everyone; it made me feel as if I were prey, waiting to be eaten. I won't deny it- because I'm human and some way or another, we are all subjective and biased in ways, though I try my best to be objective and reasonable most of the time...

Hearing you say you respect her,
it kind of broke my heart-
I know you meant it in an objective way, and to be honest,
I do too, (I respect) the way she's always able to suck it in,
the way she's so patient, to the point of being submissive even.
The way she is, it's so perfect, it's something that's great, that amazing,
but at the same time painfully reminding me of what I particularly lacking in.

I just wanted to say sorry-
if it shocked you; I didn't want you to worry.
It wasn't just you, or your words that hurt me,
The reality of it all, and your words, just kind of woke me,

and it made me feel disappointed in myself, and lack of objectivity.


but hey,

(maybe)
what's wrong with being biased/subjective?
it's what makes us all human,

who's to say whether you should accept, befriend, and love everyone you meet?
surely you can't help if your guts truly despise someone?
as long as you're remaining cordial and friendly,
I suppose that's civil and good enough.

Most of the time, I'm always bouncing to and fro,
between seeing people's weaknesses and saving grace(s),
between trying not to dislike someone to to see people in a good light.

It's difficult, but it's the effort to see what's good in people, that matters, right?
At least that's what I've always believed.

I'm sorry I couldn't live up to be the patient, understanding girlfriend I hoped I could be-
someone like her. 

I know you'd scold me for thinking this, but,
some times I'd use to think foolish and stupid thoughts, like, why didn't you fall in love with someone else?
Someone else, patient, understanding, caring, someone, perhaps, like her, or her, or her?
Just someone else, not me....

but I suppose, as with all people in the world (I believe),
(maybe) I have a saving grace, though unclear to me, but perhaps may be clear to you?
perhaps it is the reason why I can sense the adoration in your gaze,
the reason why I feel your warmth when we embrace?

It's hard to tell you these things in person. 
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'I believe, every person, no matter how big or small, how tall or short, how old or young, how pretty or ugly, has his or her saving grace. Sometimes it gets forgotten, or becomes temporarily hidden, but it's existence is eternal and it's persistence true- It's what makes me me, and you, you.'