Okay, so we haven’t exactly been together for like ages,
but still, it’s not like we’re newly together,



So why do I feel still bashful/get flushed when people ask me about you/us?

It’s to the point I feel my cheeks burning and I have to stifle a giggle.
It’s like I have some fantastic secret that now everyone knows.

Good grief,

this is so unlike me.
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不能覆行的约定/承诺。

有时，做有些事情，不是为了他人-
是纯粹因为渴望，为了梦想，为了自己，
纵使没有人作伴，还是想达成。

可是当有了想法一致，热情一样的朋友，
那是一种无形的动力，的兴奋，的安慰。
那时约定要一起完成的，那时一起说过的承诺，


‘who pangseh first who die!!!!!’

结果还没开始，就已经剩下自己-
没有埋怨，没有怪罪，没有生气，
只是无奈，有点失望，伤感。

可是，这也都算了-
现在重要的是-

到底想不想一个人做下去？
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I miss you,

I miss you,

I miss you-

but we shouldn't meet-

not till you're done with what's important anyway...

I hope my existence can be a source of help, not distraction..

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Everytime someone tells me that they were ‘disallowed’ by someone else to do something, I have to surpress this immense urge to scoff inwardly at them.

It’s not that I’m hostile or cynical, but I am a staunch holder of the belief that-

no one can disallow you from doing what you want to do, if you really want to do it.

(There are certain very few exceptions of course, most prominent of which is if you are not perceived to be of the legal age to be capable of being responsible for your own actions i.e. not an adult yet, but this is not the point, so i will not digress further)

People can try to convince you in favour of their personal preferences,
they can advise you against it, they can recommend otherwise,

but no one can disallow you.

not if you are an adult, anyway.

(not if people treat you as an adult, anyway)

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Living the high life.

admittedly while I have kind of slipped into a more generous, less thrifty kind of 'working adult' mentality, sometimes enjoy eating in a nicely decorated, slightly pricier restaurant, crave some kind of more sophisicated outlook, covet a certain pair of salvatore ferragmo flats, and eye maybe a marc jacobs bag that's sitting in the store window front,

I still don't get the concept of 'living the high life'-

my heart still aches when I take out my card/cash to pay for the meal; my mind still goes up in knots just doing the math when calculating the opportunity costs of buying the flats/bags, and i still don't feel cultured or 'high-class' enough to be living that kind of faraway 'high life'.

it's a complicated feeling.