the (true) reason why i like to take photos of people/cats is because-

i don't know how to take photos of objects/landscape.

i hate the feeling of looking through the viewfinder into an empty landscape. It's just inadequate, strange, incorrect- it's as if these places, spaces, land, sand, sea; it was made for humans to populate, for our footsteps to be left in the sand, for their paws to have scratches against the fence, for our hands to have brushed these railings, for our shoes to have been left on the shore, for their tails to have curled up against those planks, for our silhouettes to be set against the sunset.

I envy- people who can capture those spaces, those objects, those landscapes,

those moments-

(devoid of people)

because to me people are the reason i am here anyway.

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'sometimes i'd find myself thinking, if only you were here'

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broken/unfulfilled promises.

as stupid (if it does) as it sounds, i have this small guilt weighing on my heart because i promised A i'd lend him my sprocket rocket to shoot in USA but it got sold well and ready even before he flew. It's one of those small-might-not-really-matter-to-the-person-the-person-says-its-no-biggie promises that you would always remember, that you would feel like you were awful, like you were not a good enough person for.

it's only probably because i remember all these (small?) things,

but they would weigh on my heart forever-

and in my mind/memory/heart i would not have be a good enough person/lover/friend/acquaintance/employee/daughter/sister.

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i get up in the morning around 8 am, or maybe a bit earlier, if i'm not feeling lazy.

i brush my teeth, wash my face, switch on the computer to check my email and FB. i drink water in the kitchen and talk to my sister, who has either just come out of the bath or is already sitting down reading the papers and eating her cereal breakfast. Usually i cannot stomach anything so early so i just go prepare and put on makeup (if any) and change into clothes for work.

Then it's a whole day of work till 6 or maybe 7pm. Maybe i meet the rest for dinner, maybe not. Maybe i work late. If i don't i go home and before i reach home i call my mother if she wants me to help her pack dinner. Sometimes i forget it's Tuesday and she has classes and doesn't need me to pack and feel like an idiot for calling her to ask. Then i just go home and shower and dwindle around the rest of my time away.

that's a typical weekday in the life of tan wen lin.