i love it how whenever i talk to Q, it's like all my problems dissolve anyway.

we never really reach any conclusion, but she's always so receptive, so reasonable, so understanding, and it's also good to know that someone as good-natured as she is is thinking the same thoughts/opinions as i, because it would mean that i am not being unreasonable, illogical or mean?

she would know, to tell me, when i am too cold, to blunt, to mean, or that the things i've done are legitimate, are reasonable, are logical. It's like she's the voice of impartial reason.

things like that.

And also things like how we've known each other for n years (where n is more than a decade) and still we're finding out new things about each other, i'm telling her stuff that i never told her before, those private, intimate, even painful things, and it's the same for her.

it's like sometimes i really think she knows me better than myself,

and if i were ever to lose her, i would lose my grounding, my sense of balance, my sense of being,

myself, entirely.

i sometimes think it was fate (yes, given how little i believe in fate, and all of these superstitious things) that i did badly for PSLE so that i could not get into the secondary school of my first choice just so that i could get the chance to meet her.

god, sometimes who knows what i'm thinking?

Q, obviously.

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sometimes, you think people are unreasonable, but you don't tell them.

then, some trigger occurs, like for example they say things like 'if you don't tell people their weaknesses they would not be able to change or improve' and thus you decide to tell them.

then when you tell them,

they say they are not unreasonable at all,

and it starts off reasonably well, and you start to think that perhaps you were the one being unreasonable. But then, they start to bring in the smallest and nittygrittiest of details and you get the feeling that they are unreasonable after all.

(or one could argue it is confirmation bias on my part but actually it was more cognitive dissonance right at the beginning when they start to clarify things - Perhaps i was wrong? to quick to judge, to early to make conclusions, that i was rash. It was only when things started getting really mean and dirty, that the smallest of details had to be brought out that the thought 'i was correct after all' had started to arise)

of course, with no concrete details,

talking about all this in the general sense,

it can feel all quite abstract and vague,

but/so what is the conclusion?

i had always thought it would be better to be frank and to thrash things out in the open, but-

Maybe some thoughts are better left in your brain?

that's why my mother always said there is only 1 mouth but 2 ears,

because you should always talk less and listen more.

sigh.