i knew i'd get some form of retribution when i had sneakily used some free time in the office to use my office outlook email to email my dad and mom and to ensure them that i hadn't been abducted by Moroccan robbers or locals disgruntled with my lack of knowledge of their native language-

i nearly cried when i saw his reply.

For a few days there was no reply, and i thought maybe the sending failed, cause i'd tried to send an email to soohf as well, and deleted it from my sent items, and thereafter, my deleted items box, to ensure that if some snooping colleague wanted to check up on me, my inbox was clean without a trace of it ever happening before.

but then it came. one morning when i was feeling a bit groggy and a bit disgruntled, as i entered the creaky-floored office, sat down on the office chair, switched on the comp and clicked on my inbox, there it was. His reply.

not crying really took all i could-

all i could muster.

it's a bit of a silly/stupid trick but i always pretend to yawn when i want to cry because it minimizes the amount of shame and embarrassment, because i always tear when i yawn, so it makes it seem like no big deal- but of course true friends see through that and i guess maybe some unconcerned strangers too.

but so, anyway, i yawned.

and i quickly forwarded it to my gmail and then deleted it forever from my office inbox.

strange thing really-

of all things to miss i'd never really thought i'd miss my parents so much-

not that they aren't important to me, i guess it just never occurred to me that i might actually be lacking in their absence. And also what my father wrote- it made me rethink again so i ever consider leaving singapore for a long period of time (or even for good, for that matter).

I think the loneliness would crush him (and maybe perhaps me, secretly as well, despite all the yelling and disagreements and occasional unhappiness).

more food for thought.