sometimes i really feel torn between having good eq/pr and just focusing on my priorities right now, because as much as i feel the excitement and all the energy from DP i cannot help but worry about my projects/assignments/tests[on the day after DP]

because as much as i'd love to stay behind after dance, just sit and bum around and wait and interact and make friends while the others talk or cut stuff or do things, i really cannot afford this time because the opportunity cost is so high; imagine just an extra half an hour to do my laundry, to read even 1/4 of a chapter, or to get ahead in my project.

i mean, i'd love to be able to just focus totally on DP and heck everything for this time being, but i am no longer some bright chirpy freshmen/sophomore in hall/NUS with a fantastic and rather long student life ahead of me. my status as a year 4 student comes so much more above and before all of this [what is this? a hall production. as much as i try to explain the significance and meaning of it to me to my parents my dad cannot seem to understand/empathize.

sometimes i'm just inept at some things, and sometimes i really don't have the time, and sometimes i'm just too tired to bother.

i don't know but i really feel sorry/conflicted/guilty/tired.

as much as i'd love to use this time to make more new friends, as cynical as it seems, how long will this friendship last? the only lasting friend i made from DP last year was miss thambie, and it's really only cause she's this fantastic lovely bimbo hiphop face and we totally clicked/hit it off and i love her to bits. hall is full of cliques and exclusive small circles, and as much as i dance, i am not a dancer; i don't do sports, neither do my fellow ex-rag/sets friends dance either.

you have your small little exclusive circle, you have your best friends to sit with, you have somebody to go to the toilet with [which i cannot comprehend sometime because whats wrong with going to the toilet alone? but if people ask me i never reject out of good eq and politeness] and to eat your lunch/dinner and chitchat and do whatever

it's really tiring to try to break into these circles-

and surprise surprise,

someone [i can't remember who] said

'don't alienate yourself leh!' when i replied that i'm vegetarian.

i'm starting to feel the line already.

okay i really felt about this issue that's why i blogged and plus im waiting for my hair to dry so probably got to continue studying now or else i will get my ass kicked on the wednesday after DP