Decisions, decisions, decisions.

admittedly i am rather pleased at myself for actually bothering to find a f&b job and putting up with it throughout the past month [keeping my parents in the dark no doubt] despite the horrible travelling distance and somewhat less-than-satisfactory pay,

and finally yesterday,

my first paycheck!

not bad for the first month, i must say.

but considering Mr. tan's birthday is just around the corner,

i have to find some fantastic-amazing-out-of-the-ordinary place where we can eat.

the other daughters seem to not have been planning anything though. i really don't know.

so i'll have to set aside some money for that. and also i think money to buy my mom something for her knee. the way she walks now sometimes it hurts me and i worry if i'll be able to take care of her/be there for her when she's older and when things deteriorate and sometimes i wonder if i should even move out [but that's another issue to worry for another time altogether and i dont even have the money to live outside so that's not a eminent concern]

i don't know, she says she's taking calcium supplements and stuff already and it's already too late, the damage in her kneecap is beyond salvage blah blah she'll just have to tolerate the pain but there must be something i can do?!?

:(:(:(:(:(

my mother my mother my mother :(

okay so some money for that.

or something to make her happy lah i dunno what.

and then with the remaining ....

either i buy multi-vitamins for myself to supplement my no-animals-diet,

[which is actually supposed to be accounted for by my sister, for my birthday present, but given how skilled she is in procrastinating and how reluctant she is to leave the house, and also how busy she is with the A levels and all, i reckon i won't get a bottle till next year]

or i save it and i learn driving,

or.....

I WANT TO BUY ALL/SOME/ONE OF THESE.

DIE =(

1. diana pinhole camera:

pros: it's on sale at uo.com it's a whopping 25USD cheaper than the original price.

cons: i have a diana nightcap brand new in box unused already.

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2. Lomofisheye2

pros: i definitely want a fisheye. it's been permanent pain since i sold off the fisheye traveller [at a good price no doubt]. fredflare.com is also havig 25% off storewide, which means i can get a brand new one at cheaper....

cons: ever since i saw and didn't manage to get a second-hand one going for $70 i have not really been ready to pay anything higher than that for a fisheye2. even with 25% storewide there is NO WAY a lomofisheye2 will be going for anything close to $70. $100 is more like it, heh.

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3. Diana-back

pros: i got the diana nightcap already, just buy this and wo-la, i get a fujifilm instant-lomo camera! awesomeness! it's available at fredflare so the 25% applies too. and if the price tag for a brand new one is too hefty i can always get it from lomotion forum; a guy was selling it mint condition, used once only, with 1 pack of 10 shots fujifilm instax at 130. good deal?

cons: will i use it? should i wait for the bunch to try to prototype polaroid film? i got a quite reasonable polaroid with very nice box already.

will polaroid film make a successful comeback [and the prices of polaroid film finally return to humanely-affordable prices? cause $2.50-$3 for a single piece of polaroid film is insane! fujifilm is like $1?]

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4. lomo ring coloursplash flash

pros: need it. for some weird reason my coloursplash flash seems to be faulty =/ i almost want to sprout hokkien vulgarities already. damn it.

and it's going on sale at uo.com for a rather reasonable price. but shipping might cost a bomb...

cons: do i really need a fancy coloursplash flash? i guess the past few months without flash i have been surviving rather well. just take pictures in the day/light loh. and so many different colours for what? the red one just looks morbid and the yellow one weird.

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okay, i also might conclude that i not buy any cameras/accessories cause i already have too many cameras for my own good, not enough money to develop the film and not enough time to play with them.

i could save the money to visit J in philly, or HC in japan.

sigh.

decisions, decisions, decisions.

damn it already.

as long as i dont use too much of it to buy clothes,

anything should be fine lah.

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you don't need to be smart for anyone, you don't need to be nice for anyone, you don't need to be pretty for anyone, you don't need to put eyeliner for anyone, you don't need to take care of yourself for anyone, you don't need to study hard for anyone, you don't need motivation for anyone, you don't need to have a dream for anyone,

you can do it all, [for] yourself.

you can do it all, [by] yourself.

this,

all this,

i know already,

but it makes things easier, [somehow]

when you're doing it [for/with], someone else.

[i], can do it all, [for] myself.

[i], can do it all, [by] myself.

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for the past 2 weeks while my sennheiser headphones was suffering from malfunction in 1 ear and i lost my really-lousy sony ericssion-comes-with-handphone-free-earphones,

it was like hell on earth everyday.

i felt like my best friend had died;

bus rides were long and horrible;

there were all kinds of weird voids and spaces that would seep into my life

and my mind would start drifting off and i would be thinking of all weird and stupid things

finally today,

my friend came back to life.