i won't be writing here anymore because the number of people and who they are are becoming more than i can imagine and it scares me a little that what i thought initially would be freedom of speech is really becoming a place to expose myself to be more vulnerable than i would ever really want to allow myself.

it's ironic, isn't it?

if i said i didn't care about what other people said/thought,

it would be a lie; a blatant lie, a lie in my face, a lie that i could never agree.

as much as i want to deny it,

initially i really started writing/blogging because i wanted other people to read it.

to read my thoughts, my recollections, my recommendations, my nagging, my complaints, my troubles, my worries, my joys, my pleasures, my small excitements, 

to read me. 

in the end all i really wanted was to know that people cared; that i was loved that i was surrounded by people, by friends, by strangers, by acquaintances, that bothered to reply to my random rants, to my mundane musing, to my silly blog posts. 

it pleasured me to know that people thought i was witty, smart, careless, stupid, silly, whatever.

it was just enough knowing that people bothered and that i was somebody.

but now it's come back to bite at me.

maybe i need to write in a place where there is nobody else but me,

and where i can be truthful to myself, question my thoughts, my feelings;

where i can open up to myself, face my inner demons, go through my dark secrets.

because, this is, afterall,

not the place to do it.

goodbye.