no matter how many times you tell me to be sad,

it's hard not to.

the moment keeps replaying in my mind, like a bad casette tape, like a screwed video.



it's assuring, to wake up, and see your message on msn.
'miss tan wenlin?'

but it won't be the same without you.
rag wasn't the same.

you say, that eusoff hall has survived one year without you; that eusoff doesn't need you anymore.

but it won't be the same without you.



you say, that you'll be around, you'll help out,

but,
you know,
i know,

things won't be the same again.

and no matter how many times you tell me not to be sad,

it's hard not to.

--------------------------------------------

until now do i realise.

i've been buying clothes, eating, doing all kinds of things to cope with stress.
hall matters, kendo matters, things at home... whenever i feel stressed...

as much as i know how bad it is.



but it's come to a point where,

clothes fail to provide me any form of temporary, fleeting satisfaction, or momentary happiness.
food fails to provide me any warmth, comfort, assurance.

what more can i lean on?


i sleep.

when i wake up,
maybe things will be okay.


or so i believe.