it's rather random,
but i just realised that pretty people really have an advantage when it comes to doing stuff like D.




cause you see, if they do the wrong move, forget a step, do a wrong turn, stick out the wrong leg, whatever, they just look cute.
and if they get it right, they just look pretty and glamourous.

these, and many other smaller, mundane things,
are things that bother me in between the small moments when i'm free in life.
realisation dawned upon me rather late.

-------------------------------------------


atas?

now that i've managed to overcome this huge mental barrier/internal struggle/self-inflicted conflict/whatever you may call it,
i'm not really thinking about the outcome, the results, the aftermath, whatever.
i mean, if i was really so bothered by the outcome, i'd be really pleased by the comments and feedback, and probably troubled and all, considering my commitments for the coming year, my responsibilities and obligations, and worried about my CAP, given the various things i signed myself up for.


it doesn't really matter what other people say about it, how i did, how it was, whatever.

because ultimately i was the one standing in my way.
not you, not him, not her, not us, not them, not the D people, not the people the D people hang out with, not anyone else.

it was always myself.

and i finally did it, broke the ice, kicked the stone away, untied the knot.




it doesn't matter where i go, what i do.
i will remember where i belong, what my calling is, who my group of friends are.

i may be somewhere else,
but i don't think i'll ever forget,
where my heart lies, ultimately, in the end.

somehow,
i dislike it when people call me the D word.
be it praise, compliment, tease, poking fun,
i just don't like it.

because to me, D people are, most certainly,
yes, atas.



and that, i certainly am not, and will never be.
but.

i get the feeling this is only the beginning.

okay,
so what now?