it's hard to pretend it doesnt matter cause it does.



and it's a lot worse when more people know about it.
it's all about not wanting to let people know, because the more people know, the more they make noise about it, the more they expect.

and when you don't get it in the end.
it's even more horrible.


what am i even doing?
why am i kidding myself?

i don't think i can do this, not here, not with them.



i really hate it not to be taken seriously.