i think i almost won't be able to take this anymore.

every other day something just has to happen to remind me that, ultimately, people do judge others by their covers, like how books are judged.

i hate the feeling of constantly being disappointed with how shallow and superficial people can get. maybe i'm a little too dense for my own good, or maybe just holding on to too much false hope still, at this point of time, because after experiencing this for 1 year and a half, almost, i should already have had reality hard in my face, and my expectations bitterly and cruelly smashed and abandoned on the floor.


it's not really that i'm having a case of sour grapes; that not being in the 'in' crowd, or not being athletic, sporty, tan or hot, sexy and slim is a huge issue. though i do admit i do wish to be, sometimes, secretly. it's more like i'm just sad at why things have to end up like this.


on another issue,
i'm pretty glad i've mustered up courage to try something for next year.
if i do have enough points to stay in hall next year, that is.

it was just a casual remark, but i kind of promised angel that i would try for ihg next year, and she, in return, promised to coach me. it's not much, but it gives me a little hope that i might become what i've always liked or wanted to be.

and it's a little off the charts, but i'm thinking of joining eusoff choir next year! it would be fun to go carol again during christmas, to have sectionals with the sops, to listen to the harmony during combined. and there's miss yap, man yan, meiyi and vijay liew in choir; what other better plus factor can there be?
i just hope i haven't forgotten where my diaphragm is.

and lastly...

miss yap said she wanted to try for it next year, because it's her last year.
cheng teng talked to me about it today and asked me why i didnt try out for it. i kind of really regret just a little. so i'm kind of using miss yap as a security net and safety buffer to give me a little courage to try out: maybe i think i'll try to dance again =)




alright, with all these exciting things planned for hall,

studies aside [important of course]
my number one priority [besides being a good daughter and annoying my sister] will still be kendo.

this semester has just only begun, but i can't wait for next year to come!