im having trouble understanding my pl3234 readings. worse still; the author happens to be my lecturer. goodness, luckily she's an approachable, bespectacled, young woman with an hong kong english accent.


anyway thats not relevant, cause im supposed to be studying for my 3 tests, writing my 2 assignments, handling my 2 porjects, or doing my n tutorials [where n is a max of 5, since i only take 5 modules, and luckily i havent had the case of doing late tutorials as of yet] instead of reading the readings since they wont be tested yet.

but oh well. i'm the kind of person who goes to the library to read graphic design and fashion illustration magazines the week and week before and the eve of exams; what do you expect?

it's the 2nd last day of the holidays, and officially i haven't done anything yet. fantastic, really.



i think i will start my ban on msn soon. it's taking too much of my time; more than it should anyway. im just bumming around, changing my msn nicknames, talking to random people about random things, being a relationship consultant... actually, to be honest, i enjoy talking to people. if i could make a living out of that, i dont see why i shouldn't. its just a pity its not a viable option for a REAL career. not in the real world, today. not now anyway.


i'd say lately studies wise i ve been kind of losing motivation, but there's been a kind of shift away from academic results-orientated goals in my life towards a more interpersonal direction... i'd say i've gained the trust of a couple of more people, made a few friends, became a holder of a few more secrets, listened to a few private problems. i like the feeling, of being entrusted with something intimate, some dear, something close to someone's heart. it makes me feel important.

at the same time i miss wife, because she's the only one who, besides my blood family, knows who i really am, even when i doubt myself; the only person who, accepts my weaknesses, my ails, my bad sides, wholesale, for no reason at all, unconditionally. i think school is stressing her out too much; too much for her own good.


i'm starting to think about not staying in eusoff next year.
i've always played with that thought, but never considered it really seriously.
but now maybe... my heart lies at home.

eusoff has given me a good number of fond memories, some [i believe] long-lasting friends, more half-baked friendships, sucky administration, and a fair share of bitter memories and tears. nevertheless, it was an experience. it IS an experience.
and it's absurd, but its been an entire year already, but i still can't get over the fact that eusoff rejected qp. and that, i believe, was the driving force behind her leaving. or perhaps, the spark factor.

maybe, if eusoff hadnt rejected her, if we had a chance to be roommates, to be there for each other, she wouldnt have had to cope with school by herself, and i wouldnt have ended up the way i am now, and that things would have been better because we would have each other and even if things were horrible we'd have each other to lean on at least.
she wouldnt have left, and i wouldnt be the way i am now, however cheerful and happy i seem.



for that,
i despise eusoff.

no matter what happens in the future. however fantastic this place may become.

i always wonder,
what would have happened if i rejected my place in eusoff,
and stayed at home instead?


maybe i'd be a happier person now.




but who knows?
maybe.

it's 12 am. don't really feel like sleeping, but not really doing anything either; talking to random people online, saying random things, that don't really matter.

i've just found my new it song, and im slowly enjoying it, but it's slowly killing me also...
it's like some hidden treasure i never knew about. and suddenly today somebody handed the map to me gently, with a smile. and he asked me if i've ever seen the treasure before; i said no, and looked at the map sceptically.



and here i am, with my hidden treasure.

i really don't take a liking to acoustic pieces, but somehow this...
my heart softened the moment the guitar started to play... her mellow voice, the quiet and calm melody... and the lyrics... nothing can describe the lyrics, except the lurch in my stomach when she sang softly, softly against my ear...


so familar, yet so foreign...







sigh.
i haven't had such a feeling in a long time.

maybe i'm really getting old.

Synchronized travel

Hypothesis: travel a synchronized path with your friends and discover if parallel lines ever meet.

Apparatus: two or more participants, a note book and a camera

Method: participants travel around their chosen locations using a 10 stage set of common directions, taking notes and photographs to record their experiences at each stage. Where directions don’t match their environs, improvise.

1. The first stage is your starting point

2. Walk in any direction for 50 to 100 paces. Then turn 180 degrees

3. Continue walking in that direction until you see something blue

4. Make a left turn and walk 50 to 70 paces

5. Walk in any direction until you see something that either is or looks like the number 7 or 11

6. Take the first left, and continue walking until you find someone where to sit

7. Choose any direction and walk for 25 to 50 paces

8. Continue walking until you see an unusual colour, shape or texture. Turn 180 degrees

9. Keep walking in that direction till you see an archway or an unusual architectural feature

10. Head for home, but continue looking for something that catches your eye

remember to take notes/a photograph everytime you reach a stage.

Anyone interested? =) sms me/ email me!

you know that kind of feeling?

i know it was supposed to be just a short meeting; just some formal things for 15 minutes;
it was supposed to be work, and some random irritating things.

i dont know what happened, but
we started talking, and talking
and then when i realised the time, it was almost one hour already.

random things,
stupid lecturer's who refuse to accept typed assignments;
trainings, and some complacent juniors;
knowing more than the lab assistant, and breezing through tutorials;
doing an all-nighter, then sleeping and skipping the lecture and tutorial the next day;
SEP, and s/u modules, and crappy science gems to fulfill NUS criteria for graduation;
hall, and it destroying people's social life (ironic, isn't it?);

i dont know, but we just kept talking.
you know? that kind of feeling, of wasting the other person's time?
and then when the person makes no motion to end the conversation, and starts the line with another open-ended question?
it's like a flood, but i couldnt stop rambling.
we took turns, rambling, laughing,

it's the warm, snuggly feeling of surprise that creeps up to you when you realise,
the other person doesnt want the conversation to end too.


it's a nice feeling,
really.



i haven't had that in a long time.
but i havent see that person in a long time.

and it's brilliant, quite.
now i think i remember what i've been missing;
the dry humour, random jibes, and assuring smile.



and maybe being treated like a kid.

now i'm happy so i can't sleep.
so i'll study.
we promised to study hard together.
what a silly thing to do.

alright,
here i go.

hello today i went with my hot babe to raffles place park and




















Koop's live showcase – their first ever in Singapore – as a seven-piece mini orchestra serenades the crowd amidst the weekend tranquility of the lawn at Raffles Place Park smack in the middle of the CBD. Their jazzy chill out numbers will definitely be accessible for mass appreciation. The Swedish act will be supported by Dean & Kaye, Moods, The Great Spy Experiment, Muon, The Analog Girl and DON.
Free the Musique is an event initiated & produced by Kinemat PLAY-Managementand supported by Love Da Music & Free Flow Productions.


koop's lineup for the event:

Hilde Louise Asbjornsen - Vocals
Mattias Stahl - Vibraphone/Marimba
Karl Frid - Trombone/Percussion
Martin Hoper - Bass
Ola Hultgren - Drums
And of course Koop them selves:
Oscar Simonsson - Piano/Accordion
Magnus Zingmark - Sampler
-----------------------------------------------------

i mean, with the exception of worry over possible wet weather being a party pooper [it drizzled lightly after koop's sound check late afternoon while i was watching] and this guy; striking resemblance to william hung, both in terms of dance and eye gaze, and incredibly digusting and irritating, leering at hot babe while the two of us were standing in the front row dancing and enjoying koop's performance

it was FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and KOOP ROCKED MY SOCKS CAN!!!!! i loved the samplers [whatever they are]; hilde's vocals were fantastic, and ola was a god on the drums!!! *screams and dances around*

and hell,

OSCAR HELD MY HAND AND INVITED ME TO THE FRONT OF THE STAGE
*gasp* i dont want to wash my hand alreadeeeeeeeeeee [nonsense of course im joking dont be stupid GAHH HAHAHAHA]

and i was <----> this close to them! right IN THE FIRST ROW EH!!!! haha crazy shit!














and anyway i think they look better if they don't cross dress.

*scratches head*



yeah.

but hell, i dont really mind.

the other local acts werent too bad either. we went there a little late, after dinner and azabu sabo, but there was this ambient/electronica group muon[link->-] , this group called MOODS, and


DJ DEAN AND KAYE. [link->-]
---------------------------
Dean is the Saturday night resident at Sound Bar at Liquid Room, where he helms the Dance&Soul night with his partner, Kaye, on sax.

and
Saxophone Wednesdays DJ Nightat Loof, Singapore 188720, SingaporeEvery Wednesday From Wednesday, August 15, 2007Time 8pm till lateLoof launches a special night with DJ Dean & Kaye on the Saxophone every wednesday.

GAH I WANT TO GO *whine*







Dj Dean. he's pretty cool, and i like his sound and mixes.
and he gives me good vibes. i like. *smirk*












and of course,

Kaye.

he's this fantastic sax player, who also happens to be botak [he's so sexy on the sax while still being botak but maybe its just me and sax players] goodness, this photo doesnt suffice as some lousy specimen of how sexy he is when he's on the sax :




my favourite botak [with the exception of natalie portman]




-----------------------------------------------------------

and this,

is how i burnt my weekend [2131 tutorial, 3233 tutorial and experiments, 3234 essay and countless, countless readings and other forgotten things not withstanding]
oh yeah, and sleeping, of course.

sometimes i dont know whether to laugh or to cry.

it is with an assuming coldness, unaffectedness, that i view the scene, as if an outsider
it is a scene out of a sad movie, with a storyline, i have gone through a thousand times,
and the script; i know it line by line, as if a mantra, i chant these lines



it's irks me, how she crumbles under pressure, how she whines and tried to evade the question, how she pressures us and depends on us to be always there with her, how she says that, in her heart, her mindset is that of a primary school student.

how she clings on to us, to them, as zaps the life out of all of us, as if a parasite, feeding off it's host, relentlessly, stubbornly, like a baby attracted to its mother's breast.

only,
its not right.

because we all grow up. but she hasnt.

it disgusts me.
and even more so,

when i realise,
how hard, how cold, how tired, how burdened, how pressurized, i have become
to be stronger, faster, more independent,
to escape being a fragment of her shadow, to not repeat her careless mistakes and folly
and how i have to grow up, so quickly,

because she refuses to.



it makes me sad,
to see my folks cry, to see the age in their eyes, their greying hair,
and their coarse, wrinkled hands,
and the temporary relief when i return to share their burden.




when will all this end?

sometimes i wonder, if one day, this will all end, and we will be freed of our burdens, both ours and hers, and things will go back to the way they were, once again.

when the sky is a contagious bright blue, and the clouds are a pure innocent white, casting a pretty picture in the back of my eye,
and people walk around me, chattering, buzzing happily like bees,

i look down at my feet,
and then i tell myself,

things will be alright.
of course; things will be alright.