words cannot convey the complexity of emotions within me.
hopefully pictures will suffice/









garuda, naga













stage right, with firus!

where's hui ro?
behind the lenses of course =)













our stuff =D


















cranky us, with sopphia in tow!

us again, with shuyi

us, with some seniors =)

i kick ass, LUH. haha














jacky posing, and
well job, good done, asm!












look whos trying to be a show girl... lol














show girls and firus aka dolly the sheep















stage right again.















US AGAIN LOL













US YET AGAIN LOL say SETTTXXXX
what was it ah? sex? set? sexxs?
its SETS LA, boh doh!













naga head, firus the dino, garuda head.
no words can express my gratitude and respect for this crazy man.












yours truly and hui ro!















four thousand gold of sets!








so maybe things are over/
the naga and garuda has been torn down, thankfully, but rather mercilessly with the help of the dancers. and the spare useful wood and nuts and bolts and screws have been salvaged.
and i am left standing in the middle of the empty ruins

how i long


all i am left with, are a couple of bruises, scars, burns, tears, blood,
but more importantly
a couple of cranky friends and wonderful memories


thanks guys, for making it happen.
dp sets 2006-2007.
we were, because we re SETS LOH. *big smile*

somehow i ve been experiencing a change of emotions. maybe its the feeling of settling down after mild feelings of like dissolve with time. its like i ve kind of gotten used to my habits, or rather the way i function, so i can kind of a work with life.

before you get to know a person, acute feelings of fondness overwhelm you. you feel happy to see the person smile, to say hello, to have a meaningless conversation. but nothing much can sustain these fragile and mercurial things, because they are fickle, just as human nature.
i dont suppose i ll ever be able to like anyone truthfully...


maybe its a self-protecting mechanism, but
im pretty much happy being the way i am.



im so bored. i ve been surfing the net trying to find fierce angel, hed kandi and MOS annuals to no avail. my lousy comp that hangs on notepad *pats computer* sigh. well...
the thought of buying makes tears roll down my fat chubby cheeks [which are considerably less chubbier, considering the stress and fatigue from sets] and how it ll burn a hole in my pocket...

it doesnt help that the adults seem to be getting less and less, well, generous when it comes to something we call red packet. i managed a measely 2 digit sum this year. gosh. *fake whine*
ok, forget that, whining is totally not my style. *smirk*






la dee dum. what to do now?....
im so bored....*slumps on table* i wish i had a more interesting life... i want to go to st james, kandi bar and the clinic but im pretty much broke and the guys have to be 1 year older, haha...sigh... i dont want to go out in fear of overspending on food, i dont want to stay at home and collect dust... gosh...
i think im reverting back to my little-enthusiastic-bubbly-jc-girl way of writing. gross.

i know i could always draw; i need to build my portfolio
but i havent got the motivation or inspiration... sigh, someone, show me the divine light!
-___________-

pardon me, im not in the right state of mind
i need someone to amuse me, to occupy me, to entertain me!
you know, my pesky sec 4 sister and i have a motto
'we annoy. we entertain. we irritate. life would be so boring without each other.'

its so boring when she isnt around. DEAD BORING!


if im really bored i could go shopping for girly clothes and be a cam whore and do all sorts of cutesy poses and act feminine and dress up nicely, because i can turn a few heads if i want to. but i suppose that would be so mundane


im so bored even mundane msn conversations sustain me.
its like those meaningless conversations that dont mean anything, dont summount to anything, dont lead to anything, and totally waste time. i know some friendships are forged based on it, but i doubt the authenticity and perseverance of these friendships...


i need to find a new 'it' song!
im so desperate im recycling old songs =( it sucks cause i ve already reached the max marginal utility but im still putting it on repeat... means im getting really really bored, insipid, mundane, whatever...



you know, im thinking, if i lose weight on purpose, i could wear nicer clothes [only because i think only beautiful people can wear nice clothes]. i ve always wanted to dress j-rock style but i think skinny girls look better in j rock. but its such a chore to diet. and mr m. has just given me the big no-no to diet. -____-

wenlin: if they *points to other girls who are slim already* can diet, why cant i???!>
mr m.: because, *pause, smile slowly forming on face* you are, *pinches wenlin's cheeks* soooo cuuuuuuuteeeeeeee!!!!!!


wenlin: ..............

im not sure eh. i ve had people tell me id look really good if i lost weight, but im not sure if im motivated or compelled enough to do so...
rather if people didnt ask me to, maybe id want to, for my own satisfaction....


i suppose i ll be big and strong, so i can protect other girls for now.
dont really feel the need to be protected.

a guy with bad grammar is a huge turn-off.

at least i think so, personally.
or maybe its my pet peeve; cause i ve suffered for 10 years under the singaporean education system, trying to grasp the basics of the absurdly irregular english grammatical system, slowly learning it, getting conditioned, applying the rules and assumptions i made after generalising, making errors on the irregular exclusions, then learning the corrections for the anomalies

its really, really, really unimpressive when someone says to you,
eh, i think you forget me.


what?
-_____-
it doesnt help that i have a natural tendency to check for grammatical mistakes in every single piece of literary work my eyes rest on...

it doesnt matter even if he says things like you're gorgeous
bad grammar turns me off man, damn.

you can readily point out my punctuation or spelling mistakes;[oh have i ranted on about how i hate that tricky little apostrophe....]
realise i have them littered here and there in my language; its the two weaknesses i admit, with some helplessness, i have some little pride about [since i know i know nothing, why not admit i am ignorant and learn from others instead of assuming. learn a little from socrates and you will improve.]

and i readily admit my spelling errors.
during a conversation, even what i said became an msn quote [obviously some copycat trying to do a rather unoriginal replica of my stroke of wit luh. *amused*]
'she said, i always knew i was bad at spelling'

i love being challenged at my own game.
*smirk*
i havent had that feeling in a long time...



when was it then?
when i felt it was something different?

i cant remember, but i think it was because...
*thinks*

well, maybe this food for thought is for me to know, and you to find out...

anyway im kind of amused, glad, pissed, upset, depressed [yes, all at the same time] that im awake at this ungodly hour [though usually i wake up at 7 to collect breakfast then go back to zzz, i'd gladly give up my 2 dollars worth of hall breakfast for more beauty sleep]
to put it subtly, im experiencing a myriad of emotions

myriad. its one of those little irritating words that dont have regular letter-to-sound correspondences but never seem to leave your visual lexicon but at the same time never seem to leave an impression in your semantic system unless you check the dictionary n times and ask people what it means n times... annoying.

at the same time, its the feeling of acquiring a fancy new word [that i probably will use less than 50 times throughout my whole life] that makes me feel intellectual and knowledgeable. *smirk*


random thoughts at 7 15 am...

actually hes quite a nice person;
i wonder why we always quarrel.
i ll try to pick less on you next time, haha



my muscles are aching from last night's sudden exertions [we havent been climbing scaffolds, cutting, sawing, screwing and attaching stuff like this for quite a considerable amount of time... my body is yelling fatigue but at the same time my mind seems to be thriving at the sudden arrival of this burst of activity...

apparently i made a bet with mr. m; im supposed to go up to some attractive guy and ask him for a date today.
*raises one eyebrow*
but i suppose i've lost already; guys dont seem to have any effect on me eh...
maybe they dont have enough appeal; maybe its just my erm, inclinations...well..
anyway, looking at how things are going, i've lost the bet already...

i wonder what difference will today make.
*sigh*

probably not a lot.
i ll be 10 dollars poorer. heh. *smirk*

flaming lambo, courtesy of mr marcus.

damn, how hot and bothered.





butter factory was small,
but damn, was it good.

ask me ask me ask me ask me
kandi bar kandi bar kandi bar the clinic the clinic the clinic zouk zouk zouk =3

red bean waffles make me deliriously happy.

damn.

i never believed it when people say material measures are a good estimation of a person's status, but im starting to believe in it now.

whatever material belongings i own are starting to or have already fallen apart. it strikes some kind of parallel with my current life. maybe its because im too careless; i never cherish or take care of my things properly; likewise, i never seem to be able to say what i actually mean.

on another random note,
my threshold for good-natured joshing and jokes has decreased rapidly since i met you.
i wonder if...

sigh.

insecurities overwhelm me.
i long to return to the innocence and beauty of ignorance,
ah, the sweet bliss.

i was just starting to get used to walking around freely, only some textbooks in hand.
its just a small move, but it bears so much significance to me; but nevermind that, i'm still clutching onto the books for dear life... i dont think i can face the world alone; i feel exposed, naked, weak, useless, imperfect...

im missing that feeling of security, of having my huge bag on top of my lap; draping over my shoulder, hugging me and comforting me...

and my wallet has holes. i ve never had a wallet in such a bad state before. but this has some sentimental value i suppose; but the reason why i havent been going to get a new one is only because i ve been too busy to do so, and even if i have time to do so, im just too fussy to like a new one enough to buy it... but this does have some really good memories... it kind of warms my heart when i look at it and think back...thanks youzhirella =)

even my hair feels like an accessory. had i not a 'pau-like' face, i would have snipped of these locks so much as a second thought...
it feels heavy, but sometimes i appreciate its existence; it protects me; it covers my face when im feel scared, when im feeling vulnerable...
despite the countless compliments i ve received since my last decision to not-cut my hair, i still feel...
maybe its the hair thats making me emo. all this emoshit...

whoever thought material goods could reflect its owner's state of mind.


sad times; i forget to cry; there are no tears, because the tears are crying
happy times; i forget to smile; because i am caught in the beautiful moment of time...
and most of the time
im just tired and want a break from this world.

i want to chicken out,
give up all my hopes and dreams, aspirations and ambitions,
thrust away my commitments, obligations, expectations and responsibilities,
i just want to lie under the sun, and gaze quietly at the sea, and admire its beauty and tranquility.


marcus told me, you shouldnt envy what you dont have;
i said, but i cant help it



sometimes i just feel like being antisocial and emo-ing and just recoiling into my hermit shell.
im afraid to offend, yet i do not craft these clearly;
words, oh-so-fragile and mercurial things,
are but feeable things of the moment...

it is these thoughts that lie with me, as i brood silently.

singapore won 3-2 yay!

in fact, come to think of it, it was just almost this time 2 years ago that i was fawning over raddy and his singapore team...
steady[goh tat chuan] , speedy [itimi dickson], hardy [ol' subramani] and eye candy [baihakki khaizan]

how time flies. *sigh*
------------------------------------
i ve been feeling like weekends have been rather useless because i just lie on my bed and hug my bolster and feel like a lump of coalescing fat globule....
but at least i ve done something today; procrastinated for too long; kept pushing it away but luckily i got the postcard today and its just at bishan cc so i went to donate blood...

must put a reminder on my calender to donate every three months;
its always a huge sense of satisfaction but the time before the actual donation im always too lazy to step out of my house...

come to think of it, this is my 5th time already but i keep forgetting my donor card... darn.

i realised again for the nth time that im really fussy at buying clothes.
its either too expensive or too normal; i can walk on for hours but still come home empty-handed. not that junction 8 is a fantastic place to shop, but im just too fussy for my own good...

now i remember the times me and screw used to band together and try to compete with each other at being cheapskate. and how my sister says im a sucker for sales. not that sales seem to have an effect on me; i always go back empty-handed...

i know id probably make a pretty good fashion designer if i could sew, but id be one with the lowest self-esteem you could find simply cause id be making clothes for all these beautiful perfect people and i d be wearing crap cause i feel so imperfect.

when was it?...

that i started to think only beautiful people have the right to wear beautiful clothes....

feeling nostalgic. to prevent myself from brooding [which is a bad habbit i picked up from somebody; in fact prior to knowing him i seldom ever brooded or emo-ed for that matter, his influence seemed to have quite long-lasting and significant effects on me...] i sieved through some old photos.

im no longer that girl in the beautiful blue uniform who anthony always used to say
'WENLIN! be a man laaaa!' to...
the girl who used to hug yefan and gush with her about japanese singers
the girl who had a unbeatable chemistry with youzhirella
the girl who was ah heng's dance partner!
the girl who used to say, 'yo yo!' almost all the time

things are no longer the same; they never will be.... but no matter how far i go, i always like to turn around and take some time to look back, even if things cant be helped, even if things cant be reversed... i would like to imagine, to fantasize, what it be like if i had done things i regretted, if i had things i wouldnt have regretted... if those things in between, the words, the lines, your thoughts, if i had read them, if i had said them, if i had made things known, then maybe things wouldnt be where they are now...

but thats the beauty of things; regret.








with my two favourite st nicks girls...











my girls.














us together










rj crashers [youzhi has something going on with mr mcdonald, i swear]
=)

first time i played battleship in the rj mac...youzhirella taught me =D








-______- i know this was supposed to be a paparazi shot but its terribly taken, sorry hui hui, haha =)


me and youzhi, with the rest of the class at the je
west mall food court...








bready, ah heng, youzhirella













i loved her so much it hurt.












04s13 jan-march











funny how things change though you wish very hard they never did.












stupid rambutan ma honseng edmund still has my autograph books [yes, not one but two!]

and mr chye keong...zzzz.

id post some germany choir olympic photos but i realised i wasnt so high tech then; all the photos i developed and deleted already... =( heh









i know i still see her very often, but shes the best thing that has happened to me when i joined nj choir....

=) gf.







stupid thomas aloysious wong kar wai! and ben and eugene you jing shen yi tuan haha =)

trying to intimidate my gf, HEH, grrr....

wongkw: watch me flex, heh heh

ash, gf : !!!!!!!!!






sometimes i think i totally didnt understand him. i probably still dont, but well...

sometimes i think he didnt want me to, anyway.


mr khan, with his mouth agape, for comic effect.












we always seem to eat ajisen for our birthdays for some weird reason.










ulu mac gang [come to think of it, i feel like visiting that mac again. wonder if it closed down already...]












havent acted as spastic as that in quite a while.













emoshit.













spanking new eusoff jacket!















what was it like to smile like that?...
why.... how could i have brought myself to smile like that?

its like something i cant remember...











ah, i think i remember now.



it was because you were around.

this is for you,
you know who you are!



i know this is a shot in the dark [figuratively, not literally, i have my table lamp on, heh]
but

OH CHEER UP, OLD CHUM!!!
*manly slap on the back*

milo truck again!

some miraculous stroke of good luck =)
and it came when =( was just about to start creeping onto my face...

im perpetually thankful to be alive =D

its like a happiness booster when im feeling demoralised.
the small insignificant things that mean nothing get me down,
but i ll go to a corner and say very softly to myself,
wenlin, jia you, go go go!

it works without fail everytime... almost anyway.

i like to think that im the one cheering people up all the time, since im perpetually annoyingly sunny cheerful [quoting what he said, 'sunshine and grass girl'... now come to think of it, im not sure how long ago it was that we talked properly; we dont even talk much now anymore; the last time he talked to me it was a kind of exclaimed surprise cause he just found out i joined kendo... kind of a twist of fate huh. considering the first contact i had with the concept 'kendo' was because i got to know him...']

but i suddenly realised im hopelessly dependent on other people.
for their smiles, their words of encouragement, their assurance...
truly, if i were alone on an island the only way id survive would be by sustaining the thought and hope of other people coming to talk to me...

i dont know why i always end up quarrelling with.... but well sometimes its just that way;
i guess some conversations just dont follow the normal trajectories...


but maybe its not quarelling.
at least to me it doesnt feel like.
but what .... maybe the other person doesnt think like that...

quite annoying cause everytime i see shannon say hello on msn, then i want to reply, i realise he sent it while i was away and by the time i come back hes offline already -___- heh.

suddenly felt like listening to quando quando quando again today when mr godspeed asked me who was the person singing 'home'. and i remembered that wife says thats her favourite song from his second album. i dont have a personal favourite, but generally most of his songs are rather good. but nobody can beat nat king cole. *beams* its like ken hirai versus toshinobu kubokata. its like 'hitomi wo to jite' vs. 'lalala love song'

of course its la la la love song! without a second thought, without a single thread of doubt!
'unforgettable' by nat king cole is truly wonderful =3
im looking for 'the shadow of your smile' but john steven's version... cant find his version
oh my god im listening to 'i wish you love' by nat now...
haha, his voice is incredibly sexy...
suddenly im reduced to this weak, starry-eyed, hopelessly romantic silly swooning girl...

my breaking heart and i agree
you and i could never be
in my best, my very best, i set you free
i wish you shelter in the storm
a cosy fire to keep you warm
but most of all when snow flakes fall
i wish you
love


*huddles up and curls into a ball with a satisfied smile spread across face*

had a good talk with hong jin last night while we painted the stuff.
we were talking about the times when we were young, and i realised we have quite a lot in common... art and stuff.
sets feels a been depressing lately; the general feel/mood of the place...
wayne doesnt talk much anymore; hap yuin seems more cheerful than before,
joshua, a lot more stressed but happy, though rather peculiar...
hadrian, his usual hippo self, shaun his normal good-boy self...
weiqi, busy with dance class...

suddenly i feel like drawing again.
i always knew i had unsettled issues, but i made a pact with myself [after getting to know judy, she told me i should always draw something, at least one thing a day] to draw something each day, but i havent been keeping to it much... but the troubles and insecurities and unknowns just keep accumulating; they dont mean much, but they just lie there; their existence cannot be ignored....

this is a re-re post [i ve posted this twice already, HAH. talk about being lazy. im doing good to the environment; recycle ok!]



















im feeling like walking through the rain with my beautiful umbrella again