i never believed it when people say material measures are a good estimation of a person's status, but im starting to believe in it now.

whatever material belongings i own are starting to or have already fallen apart. it strikes some kind of parallel with my current life. maybe its because im too careless; i never cherish or take care of my things properly; likewise, i never seem to be able to say what i actually mean.

on another random note,
my threshold for good-natured joshing and jokes has decreased rapidly since i met you.
i wonder if...

sigh.

insecurities overwhelm me.
i long to return to the innocence and beauty of ignorance,
ah, the sweet bliss.

i was just starting to get used to walking around freely, only some textbooks in hand.
its just a small move, but it bears so much significance to me; but nevermind that, i'm still clutching onto the books for dear life... i dont think i can face the world alone; i feel exposed, naked, weak, useless, imperfect...

im missing that feeling of security, of having my huge bag on top of my lap; draping over my shoulder, hugging me and comforting me...

and my wallet has holes. i ve never had a wallet in such a bad state before. but this has some sentimental value i suppose; but the reason why i havent been going to get a new one is only because i ve been too busy to do so, and even if i have time to do so, im just too fussy to like a new one enough to buy it... but this does have some really good memories... it kind of warms my heart when i look at it and think back...thanks youzhirella =)

even my hair feels like an accessory. had i not a 'pau-like' face, i would have snipped of these locks so much as a second thought...
it feels heavy, but sometimes i appreciate its existence; it protects me; it covers my face when im feel scared, when im feeling vulnerable...
despite the countless compliments i ve received since my last decision to not-cut my hair, i still feel...
maybe its the hair thats making me emo. all this emoshit...

whoever thought material goods could reflect its owner's state of mind.


sad times; i forget to cry; there are no tears, because the tears are crying
happy times; i forget to smile; because i am caught in the beautiful moment of time...
and most of the time
im just tired and want a break from this world.

i want to chicken out,
give up all my hopes and dreams, aspirations and ambitions,
thrust away my commitments, obligations, expectations and responsibilities,
i just want to lie under the sun, and gaze quietly at the sea, and admire its beauty and tranquility.


marcus told me, you shouldnt envy what you dont have;
i said, but i cant help it



sometimes i just feel like being antisocial and emo-ing and just recoiling into my hermit shell.
im afraid to offend, yet i do not craft these clearly;
words, oh-so-fragile and mercurial things,
are but feeable things of the moment...

it is these thoughts that lie with me, as i brood silently.