it's 2.27 am but i'm reluctant to go to sleep.


don't really know why.

i guess lately there've been too many things going on in my life.
subtle changes, drastic shifts... changes of all kinds and sorts. overdue realisations, sudden insights,...

and a couple of people have talked to me recently and told me things that have been replaying in my head for the past few days. don't really know what to do with these changes, because i'm pretty happy with the status quo as i am, now, but...
i know, if i don't change, or make a decision, how can i advance?

i just wish i could ask someone what to do. ask someone what someone meant when he or she said what he or she said. this is all so confusing.
and it doesnt help that i'm the type to read into things.

actually it's not like i'm faced with having to make an immediate decision, but i dont like all these distractions ahead of me. it's confusing, it's infuriating. i hate it when i get so easily diverted. this isn't what i wanted. but now that things are this way... i really don't know. i guess it doesn't help making decisions now about things that might not even be certain, but i have the feeling that if i dont give thought to them i'll be caught totally off guard if and when they come.

i wish i had/have a secret friend i can talk to in the night, like at 3am, when im thinking about these things. like when everyone is sound asleep, when the music is playing softly in my speakers, when im sitting with my fingers gently tapping against the keyboard. wouldn't it be nice?

oh well.



so what now?