have camp in less than 2 hours but i'm not in bed.
before you start nagging, i slept more than 15 hours of sleep yesterday, due to something called the influenza virus, and, more miraculously, a recent discovery i made, panadol cold relief.

so i can't really help it that i shuffled in bed for 1 hour ++ and still cant really sleep. not that i'm excited or anything, but i keep dreaming/semi-thinking about kendo/jigsaw-blade/circular saw blades. weird.

this being the 500th post, i guess it's a hallmark in my blogging history, so i have to blog about something special. and since it's 530am in the morning, and there's no one to talk emo stuff with me, [i love to brood at this time], i'll have to think of contemplative stuff to write here.

don't know, haven't physically felt like i've done much lately.
but during supper today with the dpsetters, while talking to ming wayne,
a weird feeling stirred inside of me. it started from the middle, i think. it was right in the middle of me, then it spread out slowly, this warmth.
and i was laughing. i was laughing, i was smiling, and i was happy.

just for a while,
it felt like mr m. was by my side. like it was me making fun of him being a lit student; as if lau hong was talking passionately about the state of politics and corruption in malaysia; as if weiqi was clutching my arm, half-staring and smiling at my lameness; as if hadrian was there giving this hippo face, saying, 'far far cannot see one'.

only this time it was different.
it was hanchen mimicking my 'not funny wo', matt describing how wonderful his maggie soup 'sizzled in his throat', how wayne and esther laughed when i described hanchen's exasperation at my VERY VERY GAO nutella spread on bread. it was deja vu all over again.
and then realisation dawned upon me that when the time comes to make a decision next year, it will be a difficult one, again.


it's always been such a difficult decision. this love-hate relationship i have with hall. no matter how many times i complain to others about how cliquish, how cheapskate, how horrible this place is, there are memories like these that i will keep close to my heart, and replay multiple times in my lifetime silently.

all this is making it so difficult.
it will be very difficult when the time comes to say goodbye.


i hate this, really.

i'm starting to like this place, and some of it's people, at least, all over again.