as usual, there was training today.

i'm really looking forward to next week, actually just for this week to end;
meeting wife, hot babe and kon on saturday, might have shinai maintenance before that, then training next monday, and then the seniors' award presentation on wednesday, and then training again.

i dont know, but i always see training as 'the hardest thing in the week'.
it's like some huge milestone or hurdle in the week, and after it, its always like the feeling of
'this week was wonderful and the weekend will be so great' feeling will overwhelm me.
i feel like some kid from kindergarten being given candy. *amused*

like after training, there's always this wonderful sense of satisfaction and accomplishment whether or not i managed to score an ippon [though i'd always like to =(] and stuff cause i always feel like i have so much to learn and do and such a long way to becoming strong. sigh/



i want to be strong.

and i can't quite stop myself from heaving a sigh through my men whenever wenhao says 'again!' after we tou-tai, but i'm always glad i dont give in and drop out during training. it's a really, really, really good feeling. of being able to do a kirikaeshi within 2 breaths, even if near the end i feel like im dying already.

it's kind of scary when he scrutinizes you during a practice or what, but i think maybe only i think in that way. its the feeling of not wanting to let someone down, especially when that person's opinion of you matters that much to you, and when the person has expressed certain hopes and expectations of you. it's like doubly annoying when i cant perform as well as i'd like to;

when people ask me about kendo, and why anyone would want to join such a injury-inflicting, costly, high-maintenance, difficult, physically straining, time-consuming activity,
i really dont know how to reply. i just smile, and i say, people outside of it wont understand.

last year, at this point of time, i was looking at the sole of my foot, and sometimes questioning myself, in the middle of a suburi cut, looking at the clock; when will this end? and things like rei-ho seemed so abstract, so faraway to me. i felt like i didnt really know anyone, and i didnt really know what i was doing, except that i was interested in kendo.

looking at the juniors now, and jesse teaching them, reminds me of the good ol' times, with shermaine and dax, respectively in the red bogu [both of them wear red bogu, i wonder if thats a coincidence, haha] leading us in training, and us freshies, all blur and like feeling lousy, looking at all the strong senpai, zhenfeng, zhenyuan, yongkai, ju yueon, estee etc. and wondering how long it would take us to be allowed to hit a men target.


and it's really a feeling of growing. of being attached, of making and keeping friends, of learning things that cant be learnt from elsewhere.

and for that,
i'm grateful.



anyway, something amusing during training;
when he turned around and said 'miss tan', i was so shocked i nearly dropped my shinai.

i'm still not quite used to it.